Help! I've created a "Monster"..

[D_Rufus_D_Dufus]

I know this is long but I'm giving you the back story.


My wife and I have been in a relationship since I was 18 (I am now 25) and she was 21 (now 28) & we got married five years ago. I was young and just out of high school and just starting my real estate business. When we decided to buy a house we moved to a exclusive area off Newport Coast. She was working in an upscale salon and I was doing really well in the real estate market. This it where it begins...

Once my business took off she quit the salon and I helped her open her own and it quickly became very successful. Meanwhile I felt that I was maxed out in the Orange County real estate market decided to venture in to the upscale neighborhoods of Los Angeles. After about a year of driving back & forth I decided it would be best if we moved to LA & and she agreed that she would also like to open a salon in that area as well. We purchased our current home and I opened another of my offices in Beverly Hills. I then helped her get established in opening a new salon and it was doing very well. My office in LA was doing much better than the one in Orange county and many of my clients urged me to open a office in NY since they either were looking to purchase or sell. I agreed & did what I had to do to start an office in NY and when I left to NY and came back things started to change...

Now that we live in Los Angeles I think my wife feels the constant pressure to "Keep up the Joneses". When we lived back in Orange County it wasn't really like that with us. She first wanted a new car, not just any car but one that made heads turn. I bought her a white convertable. Next she wanted a bigger diamond ring. I quadrupled the size of her previous one. Then she started shopping at all the high-end designers. To me it was all materialistic so it didn't matter, but now she's talking about getting botox & breast implants & liposuction and all this other plastic surgery stuff that I don't agree with. I fell in lover with her the way she was and I don't want her to change. I feel like moving to LA I created a "monster" & I feel extremely guily that I turned her into it. I've tried to tell her how I feel and we end up arguing and fighting about it. She tells me that it's her body and she can do whatever she wants. She always says "this person's husband was all for it and this person's husband was all for that ect ect.."

Can anyone please give me maybe a different approach on how I can handle this "monster" that my wife has turned into?

 

[Gecko4lif]

Burn her at the stake. Oh wait that's for witches not bitches...

um..

Marriage counseling?

Worse comes to worse you could get a hit man for a $500 and a gram of weed if you ask the right people

 

[lineok03]

well get a divorce....50 goes to you 50 goes to her...you got on your way she goes on hers. enough said on that.
la dodgers....going to be sold ... he gets $$$ shes get $$$ then the drama is over.

or do what gecko4lif said: Marriage counseling?


as some say ... step up to the plate

 

[dolfette]

divorce.
the person she has grown to be no longer fits the person you have grown to be.
marriage guidance won't change who she is and what she aspires to be.
go for a nice, clean, quick 50/50 split. it's only money and it's worth it to set yourself free without feeling like you've ruined her life.
find yourself a sweet girl who would prefer cosy nights in with you to grandiose nights out impessing everyone else.

problem solved.

 

[B_Bjen2848]

I know this is long but I'm giving you the back story.


My wife and I have been in a relationship since I was 18 (I am now 25) and she was 21 (now 28) & we got married five years ago. I was young and just out of high school and just starting my real estate business. When we decided to buy a house we moved to a exclusive area off Newport Coast. She was working in an upscale salon and I was doing really well in the real estate market. This it where it begins...

Once my business took off she quit the salon and I helped her open her own and it quickly became very successful. Meanwhile I felt that I was maxed out in the Orange County real estate market decided to venture in to the upscale neighborhoods of Los Angeles. After about a year of driving back & forth I decided it would be best if we moved to LA & and she agreed that she would also like to open a salon in that area as well. We purchased our current home and I opened another of my offices in Beverly Hills. I then helped her get established in opening a new salon and it was doing very well. My office in LA was doing much better than the one in Orange county and many of my clients urged me to open a office in NY since they either were looking to purchase or sell. I agreed & did what I had to do to start an office in NY and when I left to NY and came back things started to change...

Now that we live in Los Angeles I think my wife feels the constant pressure to "Keep up the Joneses". When we lived back in Orange County it wasn't really like that with us. She first wanted a new car, not just any car but one that made heads turn. I bought her a white convertable. Next she wanted a bigger diamond ring. I quadrupled the size of her previous one. Then she started shopping at all the high-end designers. To me it was all materialistic so it didn't matter, but now she's talking about getting botox & breast implants & liposuction and all this other plastic surgery stuff that I don't agree with. I fell in lover with her the way she was and I don't want her to change. I feel like moving to LA I created a "monster" & I feel extremely guily that I turned her into it. I've tried to tell her how I feel and we end up arguing and fighting about it. She tells me that it's her body and she can do whatever she wants. She always says "this person's husband was all for it and this person's husband was all for that ect ect.."

Can anyone please give me maybe a different approach on how I can handle this "monster" that my wife has turned into?

divorce .. she's 28 and she is acting like this? you would think with age maturity would want to make her not go for the orange county LA skank housewife look and using all your recourses to fill an empty void in her life

divorce her while you are still young enough to get a woman worth investing your life with, you married WAY too young in the first place and she thinks she can act any type of way because you're married ... these problems are "minor" and can open itself up for something a lot bigger in the future, and when its too late (kids involved, deeper into career, older age so the "trapped" feeling and lack of confidence to think you can still date etc.)

yeah she'll get half of your shit, but now it looks like she's getting 3/4ths of it already

lesson to anyone and everyone in the world, listen to kanye west (WE WANT PRE NUPT!)

 

[dolfette]

 

[f0zzie05]

You don't need a divorce, especially if you love her. Counciling always helps some, but you are both smart n successful so any labels or p.o.v.'s the psychologist gives might become crutches n easily turned on one another. Try going the wholistic approach, non chemical non invasive. If that doesn't work (push up bras, healing touch, girtles, vacuum massage etc) the try a fun house mirror or the photo boot effects on your Mac naked. Sounds like she is acquiring body dimorphic disorder. I have it from a scar on my head n the aforementioned helped. Would I like a revision on my keloid ? Sure . Have I consulted a plastic surgeon about it yes, he advised me no. I like my scar(s) now : ) I don't want any more or to change them (I still want to revise it yet realize the addictive nature of the process). You n ur wife will be well I hope : )

 

[italian4all]

Have her stay home to cook and clean. An iron teaches much more than a ring to this kind of women!

 

[BarelyMoreThan6]

You didn't create the monster, you just gave her the opportunity to create herself in to a monster.
I agree with the majority... Quick easy clean 50/50 split. She has her own agenda and it doesn't appear to have you in it. Don't let her beat you up and keep yourself second guessing. Let her go to do what she's already shown she wants to do.

You're better off finding out now and move on to someone that cares about you with or without the posessions.

Just my opinion from previous experience, the harder you try to hang on the faster they'll slip through your fingers. Just let them go, if they want to stay they will. If not, you're better off without 'em.

 

[HiddenLacey]

You could always move. Get away from that life. She's changed, adapted to the people around her and either she's happy being this new person or she's doing it because she feels like she needs to so she can fit in. Maybe she's worried you'll be more interested in a plastic women if she's not like that. Even though you're trying to convince her that's not what you want, she may not believe it because that seems like what everyone else wants.

It really sounds like you don't care about the money and more like you care about her. Try to take her away from this, back to where people are just people and not in competition with each other. This is strictly my opinion, I think people give up on each other to easily. When you know there's nothing left of the person you love then it's time to split.

 

[jonluke6ft2]

Ditch the Bitch.....Make the switch. Move to Missouri and I will keep you satisfied all the time.

 

[dolfette]

i would just like to add...don't be bitter.

it's not her fault that the person she grew into didn't fit your hopes and expectations. some guys, who share her values, would find her desires perfectly reasonable and perhaps even admirable.
i imagine she's feeling just as frustrated with you as you are with her, and by leaving her you'd give her the chance to find a man who'll love the person she is now.

who knows, maybe faced with losing you she'll reevaluate.

 

[luka82]

Wow!

 

[B_Jordan85]

let her turn into a monster. All that plastic surgery will surely do it (looks freaky). and then she will get one of those "be careful what you wish for" moments.

If you have history with her can you just ASK her or bring up your worries to her? I think depending on her reaction to that, then you can walk away knowing there was nothing else you could do

 

[Limonka]

The first question is, do you still love her? If not, then leave her, and explain to her exactly why you are leaving her: she is no longer the woman you once fell in love with. Do not be aggressive or spiteful, be business-like and polite.

If you still love her, then I shall provide you with the details of what I think.

 

[italian4all]

I would not encourage a divorce. She just need to understand her place is at home with an apron and an iron.

 

[helgaleena]

I would not encourage a divorce. She just need to understand her place is at home with an apron and an iron.

You have to be joking. She's never been there, she's always been working at her salons.

OP and his wife are both entrepreneurial types. Her business is the beauty business and she has begun believing in what she sells and rejecting the biological foundations underpinning the facade. Neither of their professions are what I would be drawn to, but it's how they lived.

OP, you did not create her. All you did is help her succeed at her business just as she helped with yours. If you have grown apart, it happens to many, and counseling is the way forward, whether or not you decide to end the marriage. You no doubt want to play fair with each other, and a third party perspective will help with that. Unlike many couples, you can afford the best.

 

[Pitbull]

Counseling
Therapy
Divorce
Live with it
Move somewhere when she can be the biggest fish in a small pond.

You did not create this.
I suppose being somewhere where values and based on material things and physical beauty had something to do with it but it is everywhere to some degree.

Good Luck

 

[Guy-jin]

Other people have said it, but I'll add my voice to it.

Counseling first. She likely does not understand what you don't like about this "new her". She also needs to be made to understand that in a marriage, if someone changes dramatically (especially in a destructive way, such as making you spend far too much money on novelties or gaining a ton of weight, et cetera), that's not allowed.

You also have problems. I'm not going to tell you you had no part in her change. You bought her the crazy ring and car. You enabled her, and I think it's from a place of insecurity inside you that needs to be addressed. Women generally do not like being with weak, insecure men, which is what it seems you may be.

Part of the therapy may be moving out of the environment that has led her to these changes. LA is like that to people--I know, I lived there for ten years. If you value your marriage, real communication and perhaps removing yourselves from this unhealthy environment there are the things you should try doing first and foremost.

People that are recommending divorce immediately are just stunning to me. If you folks value marriage so little, do us two favors: 1) Don't get married. 2) Stop giving bad advice about marriage. You people are the reason divorce is so absurdly common these days.

 

[blaquehorse]

I would not encourage a divorce. She just need to understand her place is at home with an apron and an iron.

I love Italians! But i think she is way past being a homely wife. From what i have heard and read about LA, it brings out the worst in some folks.