Help! I've created a "Monster"..

[Gecko4lif]

If your going to divorce go to marriage counseling first. Showing you put effort into it goes a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG way in court. Like 6-7 figures long.

 

[rbkwp]

Can i suggest by the tone of your writing you have been spoiling her catering for her every whim, as compared to a sharing scenario and now feel its gone beyond what your comfortable with
Think you may be partially guilty for allowing her excess, while you were perhaps concentrating on your own biz
Perhaps STOP giving her what she craves,have a heart to heart talk (again no doubt) re whats the most important things to BOTH of you, and review BOTH your lives and comfort levels
TRY Hard to give your relationship a fair go, set a time limit to achieve Goals, whatever result you come up with at the end, be it a trial seperation or whatever, ensure it Happens
THAT would be the testing times, i imagine not so much whats happening as described
Personally i dont think Divorce is on your mind or indeed a desired outcome, so work at it as hard as your succesful business is, by the sounds of it she is very important to you.
Do keep in mind i feel, if you lost her its possible your business and life will suffer terribly also
WORK at your relationship with Gusto' matey
GOOD Luck
enz

 

[TheRob]

i would just like to add...don't be bitter.

it's not her fault that the person she grew into didn't fit your hopes and expectations. some guys, who share her values, would find her desires perfectly reasonable and perhaps even admirable.
i imagine she's feeling just as frustrated with you as you are with her, and by leaving her you'd give her the chance to find a man who'll love the person she is now.

who knows, maybe faced with losing you she'll reevaluate.

it's everyones right to be bitter

 

[D_Rufus_D_Dufus]

Thank you for all your input guys. Alot of you have suggested divorce and I would never consider it. I've told her in the past if she feels like that is what she needs to do it's her decision. I also told her that she can take every penny from me if she wanted too. I want to work on our relationship and make things better on the issues we are having. Most of the time (about 80% of it) we do have a great relationship. I know she loves me and I still am in love with her. I know I did take a huge roll in part of creating who she is now. I take responsibility of it. I gave her everything she ever wanted and needed. I'm not insecure, I have nothing to be insecure about. I have mostly everything that I need. The one thing that is missing is the person who I fell in love with. She's still there because I see it in the way she looks at me and smiles and holds my hand and tells me she loves me. But when we are not seeing eye to eye on thing she's back to being the "Monster"... maybe we should attempt counseling.

 

[helgaleena]

You have chosen a 'monster' for your avatar too. :tongue: I think counseling is the answer and will help both of you regain balance together. She actually doesn't just want your money; otherwise she would not be working in her own career like this. What she wants is a cheerleader. But you know you are so much more than that. Hopefully a third party will get her to remember that too.

 

[BS76]

Learn to say "no".

 

[Guy-jin]

Thank you for all your input guys. Alot of you have suggested divorce and I would never consider it. I've told her in the past if she feels like that is what she needs to do it's her decision. I also told her that she can take every penny from me if she wanted too. I want to work on our relationship and make things better on the issues we are having. Most of the time (about 80% of it) we do have a great relationship. I know she loves me and I still am in love with her. I know I did take a huge roll in part of creating who she is now. I take responsibility of it. I gave her everything she ever wanted and needed. I'm not insecure, I have nothing to be insecure about. I have mostly everything that I need. The one thing that is missing is the person who I fell in love with. She's still there because I see it in the way she looks at me and smiles and holds my hand and tells me she loves me. But when we are not seeing eye to eye on thing she's back to being the "Monster"... maybe we should attempt counseling.

You are insecure. Nobody who isn't insecure lets himself get walked all over this way.

The first step is recognizing your own insecurity. You wouldn't be here asking us about it if you weren't insecure.

Just because you're insecure doesn't mean you have to stay that way.

 

[B_Bjen2848]

Thank you for all your input guys. Alot of you have suggested divorce and I would never consider it. I've told her in the past if she feels like that is what she needs to do it's her decision. I also told her that she can take every penny from me if she wanted too. I want to work on our relationship and make things better on the issues we are having. Most of the time (about 80% of it) we do have a great relationship. I know she loves me and I still am in love with her. I know I did take a huge roll in part of creating who she is now. I take responsibility of it. I gave her everything she ever wanted and needed. I'm not insecure, I have nothing to be insecure about. I have mostly everything that I need. The one thing that is missing is the person who I fell in love with. She's still there because I see it in the way she looks at me and smiles and holds my hand and tells me she loves me. But when we are not seeing eye to eye on thing she's back to being the "Monster"... maybe we should attempt counseling.

quick question, does she smile and hold your hand and show affection when you're about to buy something for her?

do an experiment, take her out on a date and just walk to the park, don't bring your wallet and see how loving she is during those hours ... then leave the park and take her shopping and see how she reacts ... don't tell her anything about your plans, just do it

and ask her hours later if she had fun today when the activities before are not on her mind

you will then get your answer if she loves you, or that bulge in your pants (no, not his penis you perverts)

 

[str8one]

Man I know exactly where you are coming from, although my situation is slightly different its like everything else has become more imortant these days than where we were in the beginning.
FACT: Money changes people, some for the good, some for the worse!

 

[D_Rufus_D_Dufus]

quick question, does she smile and hold your hand and show affection when you're about to buy something for her?

She doesn't need me to buy her things. I choose too. She has the money to do it herself if she wanted. We can be sitting at home doing nothing and she'll come and sit next to me and put her head on my shoulder and hold my hand and doesn't even ask a thing.

I honestly don't think she's still with me because of the money. She has two very successful salons. She can afford the lifestyle she wants without me.


And once again for me being insecure. I'm not. I just need to find a different approach. A way where she can understand me and I can understand her and both of us be on the same page. If I was being a doormat and let her walk all over me then she would have done what she wanted already. I'm telling her I don't agree with her and that's why I'm putting my foot down.