Help me figure out if my best friend is gay or not

[b440]

I’m M(23) still trying to figure out my sexuality. and my best friend is m(22) and claims to be 100% straight

This will probably be a pretty long backstory so take a seat lol.

We’re both in the military and became really good friends over deployment. We are very open and comfortable with each other and Do and talk about pretty much anything. He’s a very outspoken guy and doesn’t shy away from giving out tmi at times. I remember one of the first conversations we had together was him talking about how big of a dick he has and proceeded to show me a picture. We were always bored and frankly, horny on deployment cuz of obvious lack of women lol. And we would often talk about sex or jacking off. Often times he would bet me to get hard and walk around with a boner in public or make me jack off and cum in my hand on video and send it to him. Now I really don’t know if it was just him having fun or being extra horny but he even made me touch his dick and jack him off for a couple minutes when I lost a bet. We have taken shrooms together a couple times and both times he’s asked if I’d jerk him off because he was really horny but I said no as I was kind of uncomfortable and mostly didn’t want it to change or ruin our friendship. But over time I’ve come to realize I might have feelings a bit more than friendship for him. He recently broke up with his fiancé and is currently dating a new girl he talks about wanting to marry. There’s a lot more examples of things that make me question his sexuality but I wanted to see if anyone had any input on if you think he’s just a straight dude who likes to show off or maybe something more. Any feedback is appreciated

 

[b440]

A lot more examples of him doing or saying things that I’d consider suspect if it would help anyone get a better understanding lmk

 

[Toadst00l]

Sounds like he’s very hetero-flexable. Enjoy it while it’s available, but I’d be careful with your feelings, it doesn’t seem like he’s ready for any type of commitment.

 

[briacon429]

Sounds like he’s very hetero-flexable. Enjoy it while it’s available, but I’d be careful with your feelings, it doesn’t seem like he’s ready for any type of commitment.

Agreed.

If you guys talk about anything, you could always bring up the times he asked you to jack him off. Maybe see if he still wants it?

That said, I completely second the recommendation to be careful with your feelings. There’s always a chance he may not be into it, either because of commitment issues, or his sexuality, or he just plain might not see you that way.

 

[anthonyc98]

i mean if he gets aroused by you i can see some sort of attraction. Do you have any more videos of your interactions with him?

 

[deleted21466931]

Sounds like he’s very hetero-flexable. Enjoy it while it’s available, but I’d be careful with your feelings, it doesn’t seem like he’s ready for any type of commitment.

This again. I'm middle aged now, and compared to GenX I've noticed that GenZ guys are a lot more relaxed about sex and sexuality, on average.

I'm guessing that you hope he might be boyfriend material. It sounds like he has a lot more personal work to do before he's ready to commit to anyone.

It's always tempting to think that if only you could be together it would all work out, he'd accept who he really is, and you'd live happily ever after. I fear this may not be the case. You're both very young men, you seem to have your eye on what you want; a boyfriend, which is 100% OK; but your buddy has no idea.

He'll need time to figure himself out. In the meantime, don't do anything that could sabotage your friendship, or you might lose him altogether.

 

[b440]

Thank you for the replies and input. Apparently I did do something tho. One night a couple months when we were camping at the beach fishing like we usually do I drank far too much and blacked out. But about a week later he had told me that while we were laying there and I asked him to fuck me, (which is odd because sober me has no interest in him doing that and I am really kind of grossed out by the thought of him fucking me).

and then i apparently tried to reach into his shorts to jack him off. And after being denied both I conceded and went to sleep. I still don’t remember that night. But I feel very ashamed that I tried to do that as the last thing I wanted to do was do something that could jeopardize our friendship. And especially because I tried to reach and touch him without any consent first. Even tho I was blackout wasted that’s no excuse…


Anyhow since then our friendship has felt a bit different. Part of me feels it’s mostly from me still being ashamed of that night but he has still reached out and we have hung out like nothing was different. It hasn’t been nearly as often tho. And the other night when I came over to sleepover he was pretty adamant about not sleeping in the same bed even though we had countless times before.

I’m pretty sure he know knows I probably have some feelings for him atleast. We got in an argument and He called me gay and I had brought up the times he asked me to either jack or suck him off and he replied saying that it wasn’t serious. However I know him very well and can tell when he’s joking about that stuff or not and those times felt serious but idk…

He will be getting out of the military soon and heading back to his home state which is across the country and it makes me sad to think I will loose my best friend even if I know we’d still text each other and stuff. Seeing each other in person will become pretty much nonexistent

 

[b440]

Thank you for the replies and input. Apparently I did do something tho. One night a couple months when we were camping at the beach fishing like we usually do I drank far too much and blacked out. But about a week later he had told me that while we were laying there and I asked him to fuck me, (which is odd because sober me has no interest in him doing that and I am really kind of grossed out by the thought of him fucking me).

and then i apparently tried to reach into his shorts to jack him off. And after being denied both I conceded and went to sleep. I still don’t remember that night. But I feel very ashamed that I tried to do that as the last thing I wanted to do was do something that could jeopardize our friendship. And especially because I tried to reach and touch him without any consent first. Even tho I was blackout wasted that’s no excuse…


Anyhow since then our friendship has felt a bit different. Part of me feels it’s mostly from me still being ashamed of that night but he has still reached out and we have hung out like nothing was different. It hasn’t been nearly as often tho. And the other night when I came over to sleepover he was pretty adamant about not sleeping in the same bed even though we had countless times before.

I’m pretty sure he know knows I probably have some feelings for him atleast. We got in an argument and He called me gay and I had brought up the times he asked me to either jack or suck him off and he replied saying that it wasn’t serious. However I know him very well and can tell when he’s joking about that stuff or not and those times felt serious but idk…

He will be getting out of the military soon and heading back to his home state which is across the country and it makes me sad to think I will loose my best friend even if I know we’d still text each other and stuff. Seeing each other in person will become pretty much nonexistent

Sorry for all the paragraphs I’ve had these thoughts building up for awhile and I really just need a place to release them. If not to him then on here. Like I said at the end of the day I would want our friendship to remain over trying to Perdue any sort of romantic one if it would cost of our friendship

 

[deleted21466931]

Sorry for all the paragraphs I’ve had these thoughts building up for awhile and I really just need a place to release them. If not to him then on here. Like I said at the end of the day I would want our friendship to remain over trying to Perdue any sort of romantic one if it would cost of our friendship

Say sorry. In private. Say something has obviously changed between you and its making you unhappy. Ask him to tell you what he's unhappy about, and if he says it was the camping trip, apologise for making a terrible mistake, and tell him that you value his friendship. It's time to lay it on the line.

 

[Toadst00l]

GenZ guys are a lot more relaxed about sex and sexuality

I’m happy being born when I was. I know life before technology. But if I was in high school or college with this generation, so sexually free spirited and the availability of HIV prevention meds … I’d be fucking like a stray cat. lol

 

[deleted21466931]

I’m happy being born when I was. I know life before technology. But if I was in high school or college with this generation, so sexually free spirited and the availability of HIV prevention meds … I’d be fucking like a stray cat. lol

Yup, if I was a college man on PreP I wouldn't just be swapping blowjobs in campus restrooms and stairwells like back in the day, I'd be giving and taking bareback loads!

 

[dreamer20]

A couple months <ago> we camped at the beach..I drank too much and blacked out. About a week later he told me I asked him to fuck me..and I tried to reach into his shorts..after being denied I went to sleep. I don’t remember that night. I feel very ashamed..since then our friendship has felt different. The night I came to sleepover he was adamant about not sleeping in the same bed even though we had countless times before.

We got in an argument and He called me gay and I had brought up the times he asked me to either jack or suck him off..He will be getting out of the military soon and heading back to his home state which is across the country and it makes me sad to think I will loose my best friend even if I know we’d still text each other and stuff. Seeing each other in person will become pretty much nonexistent

I’m trying to figure out my sexuality. My best friend is straight. We’re in the military...We often talk about sex or jacking off. I even touched his dick and jacked him off when I lost a bet. A couple of times he asked if I’d jerk him off, but I said no as I was uncomfortable and didn’t want it to change or ruin our friendship...He broke up with his fiancé and is dating a new girl <he's> wanting to marry. <I> question his sexuality..Any feedback is appreciated

It was unfortunate you didn't jack off and suck your buddy when you could b440. You already touched his dick and your friendship didn't explode. Newsflash! Friends have sex. Stop obsessing over romance and labels. Find out what you enjoy sexually with a willing participant. But first, please address your drinking problem by enrolling yourself in an alcohol abuse program.

 

[deleted21466931]

It was unfortunate you didn't jack off and suck your buddy when you could b440. You already touched his dick and your friendship didn't explode. Newsflash! Friends have sex. Stop obsessing over romance and labels. Find out what you enjoy sexually with a willing participant. But first, please address your drinking problem by enrolling yourself in an alcohol abuse program.

I don't think his friend is interested, at all, and pushing it would be a disaster.

Also, 22yo lads get drunk. It's common. There's no need to rush off to do penance at rehab.

 

[b440]

It was unfortunate you didn't jack off and suck your buddy when you could b440. You already touched his dick and your friendship didn't explode. Newsflash! Friends have sex. Stop obsessing over romance and labels. Find out what you enjoy sexually with a willing participant. But first, please address your drinking problem by enrolling yourself in an alcohol abuse program.

Thanks for the advice but I rarely if ever drink lmao. Which is probably part of the reason I did end up being so intoxicated that night

 

[b440]

I don't think his friend is interested, at all, and pushing it would be a disaster.

Also, 22yo lads get drunk. It's common. There's no need to rush off to do penance at rehab.

I’m just confused because how would you explain all the homoerotic things he’s said and done before? The examples I’ve mentioned don’t even begin to cover how much or how often hell do it

 

[b440]

I’m going to try and just list all the times he’s said or done something I’d consider out of the norm for a straight man to try and give a little more sense to my confusion to the situation

-he is very open about how he likes fingering his asshole in the shower or having a girl do it during sex and has shown me fingering it in person

-one of the first times we hung out he straight up showed me a picture of his dick and asked my opinion on it

-he will constantly just casually touch or scratch his junk around me and talk about how horny he is

-he seemed very intrigued when I told him I can get an erection really fast when I whip my hips and in turn, my dick back and forth and would encourage me to do it constantly as well as mention my “power” as he calls it lol. To others

-he likes to show me pics or vids of him when he fucks girls

- he has no shame in being naked around me

-we tend to wrestle and practice Jiu Jitsu a lot and we sometimes end up squeezing each others crotches to see who will relent first

-when I lost a bet he was very adamant that I did my punishment which was jacking him off

-another Bet punishment he had me do was send him videos of me smearing my cum on the bathroom wall

-we had a 4 way with me him and my other buddy and a chick we met and he had trouble getting hard until we were sitting next to eachother jacking off to some porn

-when I lost another bet (yes we make a lot of bets and yes I’ve lost a lot lmao) I had to buy a sex toy and he had me fuck it on his bed while he watched and played video games. And as I did he would playfully slap and squeeze my ass while I was fucking it.

-Last but not least, multiple times he has seriously asked if I would jerk him off as he was really horny to which I turned down (looking back I should have done it)

I know there’s more I just don’t want this to go on forever and I’ve probably forgot a lot too but hopefully this shows y’all that he has done a lot of things that makes me think he may not be as straightforward as he claims. No other straight friend I’ve ever had as acted this way before.

 

[deleted21466931]

I’m going to try and just list all the times he’s said or done something I’d consider out of the norm for a straight man to try and give a little more sense to my confusion to the situation

-he is very open about how he likes fingering his asshole in the shower or having a girl do it during sex and has shown me fingering it in person

-one of the first times we hung out he straight up showed me a picture of his dick and asked my opinion on it

-he will constantly just casually touch or scratch his junk around me and talk about how horny he is

-he seemed very intrigued when I told him I can get an erection really fast when I whip my hips and in turn, my dick back and forth and would encourage me to do it constantly as well as mention my “power” as he calls it lol. To others

-he likes to show me pics or vids of him when he fucks girls

- he has no shame in being naked around me

-we tend to wrestle and practice Jiu Jitsu a lot and we sometimes end up squeezing each others crotches to see who will relent first

-when I lost a bet he was very adamant that I did my punishment which was jacking him off

-another Bet punishment he had me do was send him videos of me smearing my cum on the bathroom wall

-we had a 4 way with me him and my other buddy and a chick we met and he had trouble getting hard until we were sitting next to eachother jacking off to some porn

-when I lost another bet (yes we make a lot of bets and yes I’ve lost a lot lmao) I had to buy a sex toy and he had me fuck it on his bed while he watched and played video games. And as I did he would playfully slap and squeeze my ass while I was fucking it.

-Last but not least, multiple times he has seriously asked if I would jerk him off as he was really horny to which I turned down (looking back I should have done it)

I know there’s more I just don’t want this to go on forever and I’ve probably forgot a lot too but hopefully this shows y’all that he has done a lot of things that makes me think he may not be as straightforward as he claims. No other straight friend I’ve ever had as acted this way before.

Mate... I can feel how anguished you are about this man, and how his mixed signals are driving you crazy. I do feel for you. Many, many gay or bi guys have been in a situation where they've crushed hard on a dude, sometimes a dude who has given all sorts of signals. Or we think he's given signals. To be brutally honest it just sounds like he's a straight guy who knows you and trusts you enough to be completely open about sexual stuff that he might not share with anyone else.

You're in the military, they must have a counsellor or EAP, I'd suggest using them, that's what they're paid for! You are in no danger of anything untoward happening to your career, unless you confess a crime. They are there to help you, man. You're in pain. I wish I could give you a big hug, I really do. Please, please go talk to a counsellor. The first step in the hardest.

Just know there are men who have felt like this before you, and we all got through it. You will too

 

[dreamer20]

<Re> my confusion: things I’d consider out of the norm for a straight man:
he likes fingering his asshole, or having a girl do it during sex & has shown me <this>, showed me a picture of his dick & asked my opinion on it..-he will touch or scratch his junk around me, talk about how horny he is, he likes to show me pics or vids of him when he fucks girls,
he has no shame in being naked around me, <when> we wrestle or practice Jiu Jitsu we sometimes end squeezing each others crotches to see who will relent first...
when I lost a bet my punishment was jacking him off, when I lost another bet (we make lots of bets and I’ve lost a lot lmao) I had to buy a sex toy and fuck it on his bed while he watched and played video games. And he would playfully slap and squeeze my ass while I was fucking it.
Last but not least, multiple times he has asked if I would jerk him off - to which I turned down (looking back I should have done it)
He has done a lot of things that makes me think he may not be as straightforward as he claims.

^^Although DoityDad misinterpreted my prior post, you did not b440. Mr. 22 was very straightforward with you regarding his sexual likes, dislikes and shunning of the gay label. He liked, trusted and included you in his secret sex life. He gave you the greenlight to suck and jack him off. Now I've learned you could have possibly fingered him and slapped his ass too. I would have stuck a non conformist straight label on us both and let the fun times proceed. But you weren't enjoying yourself. His propositions made you feel uncomfortable. You're attached to him, but he's leaving soon. Find someone that you can enjoy sex with who isn't on the rebound and about to marry someone else.

P.S. I was serious when I stated you should curb your use of alcohol. I've seen persons as young as you cause fatal vehicle accidents - in which they themselves and/or others are killed - due to driving whilst intoxicated by alcohol.

 

[b440]

I’ve planned out a situation where I’ll be able to see how far or how much he’s willing to do in the near future so I guess we’ll see how it goes.

but again about the drinking. I really appreciate your concern but I can confidently say that alcohol hasn’t and will not be a problem for me i maybe have a drink or 2 maybe once every couple of months. And never before or after have I had so much that I blacked out like I did that night. So no need to worry about me in that regard

 

[mattlovescock]

I’m going to try and just list all the times he’s said or done something I’d consider out of the norm for a straight man to try and give a little more sense to my confusion to the situation

-he is very open about how he likes fingering his asshole in the shower or having a girl do it during sex and has shown me fingering it in person

-one of the first times we hung out he straight up showed me a picture of his dick and asked my opinion on it

-he will constantly just casually touch or scratch his junk around me and talk about how horny he is

-he seemed very intrigued when I told him I can get an erection really fast when I whip my hips and in turn, my dick back and forth and would encourage me to do it constantly as well as mention my “power” as he calls it lol. To others

-he likes to show me pics or vids of him when he fucks girls

- he has no shame in being naked around me

-we tend to wrestle and practice Jiu Jitsu a lot and we sometimes end up squeezing each others crotches to see who will relent first

-when I lost a bet he was very adamant that I did my punishment which was jacking him off

-another Bet punishment he had me do was send him videos of me smearing my cum on the bathroom wall

-we had a 4 way with me him and my other buddy and a chick we met and he had trouble getting hard until we were sitting next to eachother jacking off to some porn

-when I lost another bet (yes we make a lot of bets and yes I’ve lost a lot lmao) I had to buy a sex toy and he had me fuck it on his bed while he watched and played video games. And as I did he would playfully slap and squeeze my ass while I was fucking it.

-Last but not least, multiple times he has seriously asked if I would jerk him off as he was really horny to which I turned down (looking back I should have done it)

I know there’s more I just don’t want this to go on forever and I’ve probably forgot a lot too but hopefully this shows y’all that he has done a lot of things that makes me think he may not be as straightforward as he claims. No other straight friend I’ve ever had as acted this way before.

I laughed when you said the thought of him fucking you grossed you out. His dick looks fucking long and it would be quite something to take! I wouldn’t want to get railed by that either!

I (gay M) had a roommate in college (straight M) when I was your age who did similar things. He would strut around in his underwear with a boner or show me Speedo’s he’d just bought in a fashion model show and get rock hard while doing it. Then point his dick around at different angles to ask which could conceal his boner better. He had sex with his girlfriend with the bedroom door open, told her oops he “forgot” to close it; when she left he admitted he did it because he wanted me to hear. Etc… he died young unfortunately, so no way to know, but I wondered if he would be more open to something with a man today. I knew his previous roommate and he acted the same way with him as well as with another gay guy I knew after we were living in different cities. It was like he had to have a gay male craving him, but keep him 8 inches away, while he fucked girls.

Your situation reminds me of that. Your tatted friend clearly has no issues being naked, sharing photos and videos, talking about intimate things, playing around, etc. That closeness is awesome and something that you won’t get with that many people in life. So enjoy it. But if you get feelings, it can be really frustrating. I think there are guys who just crave attention the most of all. They are turned on by the closeness and the attention.

My question for you is what are you wanting? You’ve already been in a foursome together. It sounds like you’ve jerked together— maybe? It wasn’t clear to me if it was to completion. But you’ve gotten off together in the foursome at least. But maybe not touching each other. If you just want to have a sexual release with him, I think you should. The shot clock counting down your time together before he heads home might actually make it more likely in my experience. And I wouldn’t fret about it “changing” the relationship. I’ve jerked and not jerked with guys over the years. Honestly yes it can change things but in reality our friendships faded or changed as life took us different places more than the added sexual element. Change is the constant of life. I do look back and regret the chances I probably could have done that stuff but held back. Not when I did. I hope you don’t have that happen. It haunts!!

Last thing, if you are wanting a relationship with him, he may not be able to go there. Or even a super passionate fuck to commemorate your friendship at the end of your time together. It might not be possible for him to go there. I know people who like dick, male physique, or at least are open to getting off with guys, but don’t want to be in a relationship with a man. They prefer a woman for that. So even if you hook up one on one, there is a difference in the mindset of having a relationship or having the sex be meaningfully passionate. So I’d encourage you to think really clearly about what exactly you’re wanting.

Please keep us updated and thanks for sharing!