Help me, PLEASE!!

Discussion in 'Sex With a Large Penis' started by Imported, May 18, 2003.

  1. Imported

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    Burnt_Frog: Ok, I know I am not the biggest guy but a decent size (9" on a good day) and I didnt know where else to ask this personal question, but....I cannot get off to oral or handjobs. And me and my girl have not been having alot of sex lately for different reasons unrelated to this board. Anyways....I get sooo frustrated to little or no action and I want to know if something is wrong with me!!! My g.f. says all the time she would give me head alot if I could get off but I cant so she gets annoyed with it. Anyways, someone please help me. I feel like a weirdo when my friends are talking about how much they like getting head. I mean it feels great but I dunno, im desperate here guys and gals, hit me back quick. If you reply quick enough maybe I can try something tonight. HELP!!!
     
  2. D_Martin van Burden

    D_Martin van Burden Account Disabled

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    I think all this undue pressure you're putting on yourself at current is making your problem worse, Frog. Panicking is probably the last thing you need to do at this point.

    Okay, I'll level with you. I love to masturbate. I do it frequently, usually daily, and I wouldn't deny for a second that it feels good. It's a stress reliever, a way to kill time if I'm bored, and a good way to explore what feels good to my body. I have had partners in the past try to give me a handjob; for some, it's a success, and for others, nothing doin'. The last relationship I was in, I tried my best to explain the "right way" to jack me off, but to no avail. My dick would get disinterested.

    I don't doubt that you love your girlfriend and that you really have a strong sexual attraction for her. And I emphasize here: Just because you can't get off to her pulling your pud doesn't mean you're not attracted to her or that you don't care about her. When sexual inefficiencies are likened to how much someone really cares about another, that's heinous and unfair to the subject. If she starts saying those things (i.e. "Because I can't satisfy you in bed, it means you don't love me, does it?"), put her in check immediately.

    But back to your problem... dude, it happens. Sometimes it's just an issue of touch or technique; other times, especially what you're going through right now, it's highly aggravated by undue pressure and psychological discomfort. Don't let porn actors fool you; I'm secure in saying that a large part of the sexually active population can't cum on command.

    What to do? Why not change roles? What I mean is, take some of the getting-off emphasis and place it on her for a change. Stimulate her; let her tell you what feels good, and let her body be the object of sexual attention. And then talk to her, openly and honestly, and explain what's going on. Don't feel ashamed to admit you don't know why you can't get off. I wouldn't start blaming other things and people (i.e. I'm too busy, I'm stressed at work, I'm sick, I don't feel good... etc.), but I wouldn't panic either. Tell her that it's not fair for her to feel dissatisfied at something you're trying to understand yourself, much less can't control at this time. Tell her to be patient; tell her that you're willing to try new positions, sexual moves, experiment, and tell her that she should be as supportive as she can.

    By that time, if she's still dissatisfied and starts to threaten the stability of your relationship, it's not your fault. You did the fair thing by being honest and open. If she's closed-minded or hypersensitive or impatient, that's her vice.
     
  3. Imported

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    Burnt_Frog: Holy cow, Dee. Thank you for the very thorough reply. I gotta tell you, it made me think of a feww things in a different light, thank you very much. But, One thing I forgot to mention is that these problems havent only beeen with this one girlfriend, it has also been with every other girl I have beenw tih, including random hookups that didnt mean anything. Its pretty frustrating, I think I have only gotten off to oral twice and it took like 30 minutes each time and I have never gotten off to a handjob. which is dumb because it only takes me like 5 minutes to do it myself. Any ideas? Maybe I just enjoy sex waaaay too much, but who doesnt? ;)
     
  4. Imported

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    hungcuriousNC: I had an ex who could not get off very easily from a blow job or hand job either. One time I sucked his dick for almost 2 and a half hours and he never got off. I was getting tired and quiet frank, bored with the situation, so I began humming the Pepsi commercial song to entertain myself. LOL Now, that song gives me a whole new meaning. He got mad, but soon after shot a load... so I guess it worked. Even though he was pissed that I said I was tired .

    BA B-BA BA BA, B-BA BA BA BA.. THE JOY OF COLAAAA! :D

    Maybe your g/f should try that......... :)
     
  5. Imported

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    Curtis: I've never achieved orgasm from oral sex or a hand job (except the self-administered kind).

    It's never really bothered me. Good Lord, life is too short to worry about such trivial things. A loving sex life is about communicating and learning how to make it enjoyable for you both. Do what works for you, and quit wasting time doing things that are... um... a waste of time!

    Curtis
     
  6. B_DoubleMeatWhopper

    B_DoubleMeatWhopper New Member

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    I'm almost hesitant to suggest this to a straight dude because it really spooks some of them, but it has turned a blow job into a fait accompli for some of my straight friends. Sometimes a combination of oral stimulation and prostate stimulation can make all the difference. If you can convince your girl to give it a try, you might find that it's for you. Of course it might not be as well, but you never know unless you give it a shot. Sometimes, though, the lady is more squeamish about slipping her finger up the poop chute than the guy getting it.
     
  7. Imported

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    Javierdude22: [quote author=DoubleMeatWhopper link=board=sex;num=1053310117;start=0#5 date=05/19/03 at 00:44:19]Sometimes, though, the lady is more squeamish about slipping her finger up the poop shute than the guy getting it. [/quote]

    Dude...saying it like that is not gonna help...

    But back to topic i can assure you its not a big thing man. Lots of guys dont get off from getting head or jerk offs, like already said, its a matter of touch....and most definately a psychological factor. Maybe the few first times your gf didnt make the right moves, after which you start getting nervous cause you reflect it onto yourself. Maybe after that she got better at it, but then YOU are so nervous about it all that its no use.

    So just let her now whats on your mind, give her some pointers, and if not, just regard it as a hell of a foreplay, cause you said it does feel good.
     
  8. Imported

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    sammygirly: Dee, as a woman I just want to reach through the screens and hug you for that post. Brava and someone marry him up fast...

    I've mentioned before that I'm not very successful at deep-throating but I am hella proud of my hand-job techniques. I'm confident that I'm doing it right because...I LOVE mutual masturbation sessions and like to watch my partner do himself, so I can SEE what turns him on. My suggestion, since you have no trouble doing yourself, is to have a lil self-pleasuring party and let her see exactly what it is you like...and you can enjoy the excitement of your own lil porn show while she does herself. All in all, a yummy experiment.

    ...but...I see you mentioned earlier that you're not having sex due to other extrenuating circumstances...fix those first hun, or the sex isn't going ANYWHERE.

    ~drops Paul's 2 cents for this post and strolls out~
     
  9. D_Martin van Burden

    D_Martin van Burden Account Disabled

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    I love you too, Sammy.

    Truth is, when Frog started telling us what was going on between he and his girlfriend, I realized that I had similar sexual grief in my last relationship. It was fun, the sex, but it became tedious to be asked in a moment of passion, "Won't you cum for me, pleeeasssssse?"

    Of course I will, I figured -- (and forgive my poor wording here, but) just keep doing what you to satisfy me (i.e. kissing on my neck and ear, give a blowjob with lots of tongue action, etc.) and I'll eventually do it. It's not my fault that it takes a bit longer for me to approach orgasm, right?

    That's just the thing. I think people in relationships have this tendency to blow up the symbologies of sex. Sex is part anatomical after all, isn't it? There's no set specific time that it takes for a man to get hard and get off; and likewise, women don't have a specific set of techniques that guarantee an orgasm. We're all built different, feel different.

    Frog sounds like he has had quite a bit of grief over the sex, especially since he's shared how this has been a "recurring" issue with the women he's been with. Can I ask, have the women you've been with make these same insistences? Have they all been frustrated because they don't have "that magic touch" to get you off? Do they visible act disgruntled or begrudging toward you? Again, open communication, folks. It's not going to help anyone in Frog's situation if people keep on demanding for the spooge instead of being a little more sensitive. Nothing wrong with it -- talking things out does a hell of a lot more good.
     
  10. Imported

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    7x6andchg: Frog-

    Sammy's idea is an excellent one.

    I have had a "pleasure party" with my girlfriend and both of us discovered things we would NEVER have known otherwise. I would like to second Ms. Girly's motion to find out if your girlfriend would be receptive to such an idea...

    7x6&C

    <picks up his 2 cents>
     
  11. Imported

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    Jimbo: Frog:

    Why do you think you can bring yourself off so quickly??? You have obviously learned just the right combination of areas to touch, how much pressure to use, how slow/fast to manipulate yourself, etc. to bring yourself to a climax.  

    A common complaint on this board is that the PARTNER can't bring them off whether via genital intercourse, or manual or oral sessions.  One of the main reasons for this is a LACK OF OPEN COMMUNICATIONS.   We EXPECT our partner to be able to READ OUR BODIES in the same manner that we do and then create the right combination of stimulation that results in orgasm. However, the fact of the matter is that this can often be a hit or miss event depending on how well your partner knows your body.

    This has nothing to do with how much someone LOVES you or their range of prior experiences.  If partners that you or she has had BEFORE you got together just happen to COINCIDENTALLY react sexually to the same techniques you/her learned with them, then you have success. If either of you requires a different "style", then without proper communication, failure, frustration and anger can result.

    Sometimes the communication needed can be subtle depending on how close "in the ballpark" the sensations generated by your partner are bringing you to eventual orgasm.  When you or she does something that feels good to the other, all that is needed might be expressed just in a moan of pleasure, a phrase or a facial expression.  However, sometimes the communication level has to go further than that.

    This is where egos can get in the way and couples sometimes part because depending on how it is approached, the partner that can't satisfy the other starts to feel "inadequate" or or the partner that is not getting satisified starts to think it is because the other person is just  a "lousy lay" and continued association with them will just result in sexual  frustration over the long term.

    So what is the solution? TEACH HER!  The key is NOT to be degrading, but do it in an encouraging, supportive manner.  There are several ways to do this:

    1. You can mastubate while she watches as Sammygirly has suggested (This can be INCREDIBLY hot for the both of you, especially if you watch HER get off via masturbation while you watch).

    2. While she is performing a hand job or blow job,  tell her or PLACE her hands/mouth on the areas that are your most responsive.  You can use your hands to move hers, if needed.  Give her FEEDBACK when it feels good, if not, then DON"T respond in an indifferent or frustated manner, but rather tell her how to modify that "move" to make you feel good.

    3. Rent some porn showing/specializing in blow jobs/hand jobs. This can work, especially if you are maybe a little "shy" about suggestion 1  ;)

    After a short time, she will become a "pro" at giving you manual/oral pleasure.  However, make sure you RECIPROCATE and let her know that you want her to teach YOU about what really gets HER off.

    Most of all RELAX.  Once the tension of having to "make this happen or else" is removed from your learning sessions, then it will happen naturally.
     
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