Help Me Please

[B_lrgeggs]

Yes, sounds like something I could have written as well. Zeropoint. I only hope that it helps you to know that there are others who know exactly what you are going through. I have to get off the computer now..but just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Take care..take it easy!!
It sounds like you have a lot going for you.

 

[ChaoticBliss]

I think you have made too many categories to live up to. One is that 'your career' is to be xyz and you need to do xyz to get there. If you still have a career dream, you can achieve it roundabout, not necessarily straight out the door of university.

Another is the idea of 'get married'. That is a life partnership that may happen with a man OR a woman, or even a freaky combo of more than one person! Keep an open heart about this.

Third is accepting yourself as you are. That can sometimes be the hardest. Start with what you like and what keeps you happy, sane, and productive on your own. Then factor in what you might like from a sexual partner after that, and again, keep a charitable attitude toward yourself.

There are many communities in the world where being what we call bi is the norm for men. There was a thread here about the Pashtuns of Pakistan and Afghanistan, and another abouit South American and Central American attitudes to sex.

Very well said.

 

[vlls]

I think what will help you is to come to the conscious realization that the whole "American Dream" lifestyle that you "want" only exists in the world of ideas and is not grounded in reality. Even the people who seemingly have that lifestyle don't live peachy lives and their lives does not even come close to the idea once you start breaking it down.

If I were you I'd create my own personal dream, not one imparted by society, and try and achieve that one. Or better yet, forget about the dream and just LIVE. In our society we are so wired in achieving a dream or a goal that we often neglect the experience of NOW.

And bear in mind that you can still have a wife and a family even if you are bi, you just need to find the right sort of person to share that life with. Hope this helps, good luck!

 

[sxjTheFirst]

Thanks for writing a honest post. More than the sexuality the sense that life isn't going the way I want is something I can relate to.

The cliches abound : "be yourself" , "learn to let go" ,"you don't have to conform" all I can say is you'll get used to it.

 

[Alexanddan]

So, I'm not really sure how to explain this, so I'll start from the beginning. (It may get kinda long so thanks for reading it anyways). Okay, so I always envisioned myself as a straight male. I think I have a picture embedded into my head like so many other people in today's society. I always saw myself being married one day to a beautiful woman with children and a successful career living "The American Dream". Now back to reality.

I just finished college a few months ago, and I'm waiting tables trying to land a job. So go ahead and cross out successful career (not that there's anything wrong with being waiter/waitress, but I thought my life would take a different path). Also lately I've been realizing that I may have an affinity for the same sex as well as females. At first I merely brushed this off as a "comparison" and telling myself that everyone is little "gay" towards the same sex.

Now I see myself coming closer and closer to that fifty yard line and daresay teetering between both sides. Part of me knows that this is who I am, but part of me doesn't want to accept it. I feel as though accepting this in my life will seal a fate for me outside of that "American Dream" before.

I realize that being gay in today's society is totally different than it was in years past. I still can't get over the feeling I have that my life will never be as I wanted it to be if I accept who I am. I know that this was not a conscious choice that I made, but I feel as though I'm powerless in the situation. I wish it was a choice that I could have made.

Please don't take this as an, "I hate gay people" type of message, but rather a message that says, "I know there are gay people in the world and to each their own, but I choose a different life path for myself." I know that sounds hypocritical, because it appears as if I'm saying that, "gay people are fine, but I'm better than that." I'm not saying that at all, I'm coming from the angle "to each their own".

Now that I cleared that up, I have so many mixed feelings that I don't know how to express them other than in a list and some may contradict others, so here goes.

1. If this is to be my life, I can accept myself for who I am.

2. I really want that American Dream I talked about before, because that's always what I saw for myself.

3. I don't think women want a husband that's bi so I feel as though that's crushing my "Dream"

4. I truly do find both sexes very appealing.

5. I wish I was either fully gay or fully straight, because this being both shit is really confusing and frustrating and hard to sort out in my head.

6. I truly just want to be normal (whatever that is)

7. I'll never have children of my own if I choose the gay lifestyle. (I know there is adoption, and if I adopted a child I would love them like they were my own. I think it is the aspiration of every young person to parent their own child though.)

8. I want to be in love with another person while still loving myself, and I'm not sure that will ever be possible


I know some of these things that I wrote don't exactly make perfect sense, but I just wrote what I was feeling. I'm sure I missed some in there and I can't really put everything into words, but there it is.

So I don't really have a question to ask, but more of a suggestion box type of answer that I'm looking for. So if anyone ever felt similar to what I described please tell me how you got through it/are getting through it. Also outsiders opinions are always valuable so if you read this long post please feel free to comment freely I will take no offense to anything you write. Also this post represents my confusion quite well as it is all over the place similar to me.

Thanks

Totally get you, and fuck life sucks! When I was like 7-10 or something I used to think about having a wife, kids, being the breadwinner etc. however, at 11 turned out i was gay. I live a pretty happy lifestyle now though. I don't even want kids anymore haha. At first finding out I was gay I found it really hard to accept myself, and almost committed suicide. There was so much homophobia etc going on around me, and my parents were strict Christians, and the idea of even thinking gay thoughts daunted me, as I was always lead to believe they were wrong. I gave up a lot to live the life I live including my whole family, my youthful desires etc, so that I could personally accept myself.

I am not bi, and can understand how that would make things harder. I really do hope your life goes the way you wish, and I'm sure that there are women that would be fine with marrying a bi guy, its just a bit harder work finding them. And please, make sure you tell your partner eventually that your bi when you find 'the one', it's best that she knows exactly how you feel about her and other guys, and make it clear to her that you do not fit into the 'bi lifestyle' of being a total slut and sleeping around with whoever, wherever, whenever.