help me please!!

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by KoolKat, Jan 17, 2007.

  1. KoolKat

    KoolKat Member

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    last night my bf lied to me point blank and i caught him out, i went round to his house at 5pm and got him out of bed, he told me he had a massive head ache and thathe was going to go back to bed, anyway an hour later i saw him getting out of a car with two other people when i was on my way to my friends house he had a backpack and a suit with him.

    I dont know what to think im going crazy i feel sick, and i cant get hold of him to talk about it, and i dont wanna loose him but im afraid of what he is hiding from me. :(

    what advice do u have for me guys. (i also recently found out that this isnt the first time he has lied to me about going out and getting drunk)

    any advice is good
    Matt
     
  2. itasau

    itasau New Member

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    Dump him!!! he is not worth it if he has to lie, you deserve better. Plus he does not respect you if he can't be honest. Sorry I know it hurts I've been there.
     
  3. smoothrnb

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    You need to (re)evaluate your relationship with him and assess if you can accept his explanations for his behavior and lies. He might have good explanations/reasons, but until you talk to him you won't know. I know it's hard to wait to talk to him, but do it. If he cares about you, he will want to talk...Let me know how you feel about what he did.

    Just know this has happened countless times to many others...

    Hope this helps to ease your mind...
     
  4. KoolKat

    KoolKat Member

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    i dont wanna loose him, but if he cant explain to me why then i cant stay with him im not gonna put up with shit. Im just trying to work out why, he has been getting nothing out of me, so i dont see why the lies, like we have been moving suoer slow cos i dont know what im doing in relationships as this is my first one and he never seems to make the first move i have to get up the guts to do it. He introduced me to his parets and his friends and i dont know why he would do that if he is gonna treat me like shit cos its gonna make him look bad in the long run
     
  5. nudeyorker

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    Find a new guy, you deserve better
     
  6. Matthew

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    Yeah, relationships not built on honesty break, sooner or later. And even if he gives you an explanation, how can you believe it or believe that he won't lie again? DTMFA!

    Although I want to stress that I think his actions are not your fault, one thing you might think about for future relationships is how to encourage an atmosphere where your partner will feel comfortable telling you even the hard stuff.
     
  7. Sklar

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    an hour later i saw him getting out of a car with two other people when i was on my way to my friends house he had a backpack and a suit with him

    Where was this at? Was it in front of his work? A bus terminal? Someone's home and it looked like a weekend bag? Time and location are important. Was this a week day or a weekend?

    How long have you been together? A week? Month? Year? Do you have an anniversary coming up?

    Who was he getting out of the car with? Did you know them?

    (i also recently found out that this isnt the first time he has lied to me about going out and getting drunk)

    So how many times can someone lie to you before you dump them? How often does he pack a bag and bring a suit to go and get drunk at?

    How old are you guys?

    i cant get hold of him to talk about it

    Can he possibly be gone for work? What does he do? How often does he "disappear?"

    Before I can give any salient advice, I need a well rounded picture, not an emotion thrown in my face.

    Facts man!

    Give me facts!
     
  8. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    Well, you didn't take pity on him and stay to nurse him so he called some other friends to took him in for TLC. :rolleyes:
     
  9. Onslow

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    I am inclined to figure you should try to talk to him first. He may turn out to be a scuzzball like I have been to far too many people, but give him a chance to say why he wasn;t being truthful with you. If you don't believe his reasons then do yourself a favor and toss him out. No matter hw much you like the guy--or love him-- its not worth the long term emotional pain which you could end up with if he is a chronic liar. He inrtoduced you to his parents and friends so it seems like he has a genuine interest in you. See what he says and go from there but dont let him play you for a fool, you're better than that.
     
  10. KoolKat

    KoolKat Member

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    Ok first off i saw him get out in from of a bus terminal, but he hadnt mentioned anything to me about going away and i think he would have on a wednesday night.

    We have been together 5 months today

    and i didnt know the people who he was with.

    I am 19 and he is 20, and i only found out about his lying that night and was going to talk to him about it but didnt want to bring it up when he wasnt well

    He is a manager at macca's and he seems to never be around, like he live 10 minutes away and i see him maybe once or twice aweek, and he hardly ever calls me.

    sorry bout the emotion, i just care about him and our relationship alot

    he pretty much asked me to leave and told me he was going back to bed cos of his headace
     
  11. Sklar

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    Sounds like it could be a few different things, to me at least.

    1) He went somewhere for work. I don't know what Macca's is but maybe work sent him somewhere. Some people would consider this under-handed (I wouldn't but some would) I'd go to his place of work and just ask them if he was sent somewhere for work. If you REALLY want to be sneaky about it ask one of his co-workers if they know where he is. Say something like he left a contact number for you and you misplaced it.

    2) Same as number 1 but ask his Mother or Father if they know where he went to.

    3) If he likes sports, maybe he went to an out of town sporting game. Don't know why he'd take the suit, though.

    4) Save yourself some heartache and just ditch him. Don't answer his phone calls, don't send him emails. Let him figure out it's over. If he has to hide ANYTHING from you, you aren't in a relationship, you're just a fuck bud.
     
  12. KoolKat

    KoolKat Member

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    macca's is mcdonalds lol,

    um i would say i was a fuck but but missing the main component to that. I was worried thst he might not be gay, but everyone in his life knows he is gay and he introduced me to his parents why would he tell everyone if he wasnt sure?

    and yeh, we live in a remote-ish area there os no sprting games on and yeh i was at his house an hour before i saw him and he should have told me if he was going somewhre instead of saying he was going back to bed

    so i think i need to end it, but im trying to talk to him first
     
  13. IntoxicatingToxin

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    I kind of agree with everyone else... he's a liar, point blank. That's not worth it. It shows that he doesn't respect you or your feelings. Get rid of him.... you say you care about him so much, but he's obviously not the person you thought he was... can you care that much about a guy who treats you like this?
     
  14. jdcnow

    jdcnow New Member

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    A female friend/co-worker of mine just went through the same dead-blasted situation over Christmas. Her boyfriend's divorce hadn't as yet been finalized. His ex-wife wanted him back, so he left her. Turns out ex-wife only wanted $$$ (child support [which he was already paying, to be fair] and alimony). So he leaves the ex to go back to the co-worker.

    I'm going to tell you what I told her: "You know I love you, but kick his a** to the curb! You deserve MUCH better!"

    That's my 2 cents.
     
  15. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Kat, I like your idea best. Talk to the man. Tell him that you want to talk about the relationship.

    He may try to brush it off but at least you will know where his head is. Don't go about saying things like " I SAW you go out last night" because he will follow it up with something defensive to protect himself.

    Perhaps he just wanted some time by himself.. I dont' think he picked the best way to ask you. Either way, TALK to him. Tell him your feelings. ASK him about his. See what he offers.

    Best of luck.
     
  16. KoolKat

    KoolKat Member

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    i like my idea too but i have to get hold of him first, he sleeps all the time well he used to tell me he would go to bed at 10 and get up at 1 and was still always tired im now thinking he was going out all the time and not telling me!

    But yeh im gonna talk to him, and sort this out im not putting up with bullshit and i told him that

    matt
     
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