****That you've attacked any post that doesn't confirm him being a villain only confirms this impression.****
That's not true. I am now trying to understand why spontaneity is supported and also seeing if those who support apply it evenly, ie complying with others as well as expecting others to comply with them.
No one here who supports spontaneity talks about how most of their friends will only call them at the moment that they want to go out and that they welcome this. That each time they get that call, they're good to go and so on. The support seems to be only one sided in that the posters here expect that flexibility from others and go on to assume that if they are turned down, surely it's not due to prior plans but simply as a strategy to augment their prestige or something, like how they advise in the Rules or something.
Yes, I do think making plans a day or two in advance is reasonable and will continue to think so. Just as there are those who don't like to be tied down by prior plans, there are those like myself who like knowing what I am doing one day to the next and one hour to the next. If I promise a friend that I will meet her at happy hour, I like the idea that I can give her a heads up that I will only be available up until such and such an hour.....instead of making an abrupt getaway due to some mysterious phone call, as an example. Prior planning also helps to keep the level of discretion high. It's not that I want everyone to know or to even assume that I might have an FB.
I am just trying to make sense of why someone needs spontaneity. Particularly when that spontaneity can risk not getting your needs met. My brother admitted that in college he had GF1 and GF2. GF1 would screw him around and not commit and then be nowhere to be found on the weekend. By the time he got around to calling GF2, she would already have plans. He realised that if he didn't want his weekends wasted he needed to get commtiments earlier in the week. And BTW, decades later he is still friends with GF2 and never mentions GF1 at all.
I have widened this discussion about spontaneity and last minute requests to other situations than FBs, dating or even social situations. For me, it's just something difficult to grasp. As another example, my grandfather when he was still living had a habit of calling family members expecting them to do things for him RIGHT NOW. None of them were emergencies and all of them could be planned. Family members got answering machines that could screen calls and they were used. I remember a while after that, my sister remarked he's learned that when he asks nicely he gets more than he's asked for.
So why does someone like only asking for something at the point that they need it (like a ride to a funeral) instead of planning it with the person who will provide it. All I can think is that my grandfather enjoyed the power it reminded him he had. It's not enough to get your needs met, because he already knew that a fmily member is going to do it. But apparently, he needed that rush you get from seeing someone stand to your attention, I guess.
Perhaps there are other needs that spontaneity fulfills. That's why I am here asking.
That's not true. I am now trying to understand why spontaneity is supported and also seeing if those who support apply it evenly, ie complying with others as well as expecting others to comply with them.
No one here who supports spontaneity talks about how most of their friends will only call them at the moment that they want to go out and that they welcome this. That each time they get that call, they're good to go and so on. The support seems to be only one sided in that the posters here expect that flexibility from others and go on to assume that if they are turned down, surely it's not due to prior plans but simply as a strategy to augment their prestige or something, like how they advise in the Rules or something.
Yes, I do think making plans a day or two in advance is reasonable and will continue to think so. Just as there are those who don't like to be tied down by prior plans, there are those like myself who like knowing what I am doing one day to the next and one hour to the next. If I promise a friend that I will meet her at happy hour, I like the idea that I can give her a heads up that I will only be available up until such and such an hour.....instead of making an abrupt getaway due to some mysterious phone call, as an example. Prior planning also helps to keep the level of discretion high. It's not that I want everyone to know or to even assume that I might have an FB.
I am just trying to make sense of why someone needs spontaneity. Particularly when that spontaneity can risk not getting your needs met. My brother admitted that in college he had GF1 and GF2. GF1 would screw him around and not commit and then be nowhere to be found on the weekend. By the time he got around to calling GF2, she would already have plans. He realised that if he didn't want his weekends wasted he needed to get commtiments earlier in the week. And BTW, decades later he is still friends with GF2 and never mentions GF1 at all.
I have widened this discussion about spontaneity and last minute requests to other situations than FBs, dating or even social situations. For me, it's just something difficult to grasp. As another example, my grandfather when he was still living had a habit of calling family members expecting them to do things for him RIGHT NOW. None of them were emergencies and all of them could be planned. Family members got answering machines that could screen calls and they were used. I remember a while after that, my sister remarked he's learned that when he asks nicely he gets more than he's asked for.
So why does someone like only asking for something at the point that they need it (like a ride to a funeral) instead of planning it with the person who will provide it. All I can think is that my grandfather enjoyed the power it reminded him he had. It's not enough to get your needs met, because he already knew that a fmily member is going to do it. But apparently, he needed that rush you get from seeing someone stand to your attention, I guess.
Perhaps there are other needs that spontaneity fulfills. That's why I am here asking.
