Help Me With This Please

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Knight, May 12, 2005.

  1. Knight

    Knight New Member

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    Okay so...

    My girlfriend said we should 'breakup' or not see each other til I go to uni, in September. She says us seeing each other twice a month isn't enough...and she doesnt like to lie to her parents (she told them I'm 16).

    I don't know what to do so I just agreed but I'd rather see her every two weeks than not see her for sixteen weeks! Or less than every two weeks at least. Anyways now she's started goin out every night...avoiding me really and she hardly says anything when we talk. Basically she's being distant. So I sent her a text earlier saying maybe we shouldnt go out because things have changed and I was going to try and stay away.

    She sent me one back saying she doesnt want me to stay away and that she still loves me. So I just sent another back saying I was sorry and I dont know what to do, I'm confused etc and sweet dreams...

    And I really don't know what to do. I was hoping maybe she's just being like this cos she thinks she's pregnant? And once we sort it, whether she finds out she isn't pregnant or she has an abortion maybe things will get back to the way they were? But then I think things won't ever be the same because always in the back of her mind she'll be wanting something more, whether it be more time with me or just another boyfriend, better than me. I'm really confused and just wanna have some advice or comments or somethin.

    She's my first girlfriend, I wonder how can she love me and she must want to see other people or something cos she's only 16...I had enough trouble struggling with myself when I was on my own...but I dont want to lose this girl. Then again though I think it'd be best for both of us if we weren't together and found people closer to us...I'm so conflicted :(
     
  2. naughty

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    Awwwwww Sweetie!
    I am so sorry! It would be great if people said what they meant and meant what they said , now wouldnt it? But unfortunately, in real life, things dont quite turn out that way. Well, you have had your first experience with luvvvvv! Know that 99.9 % of the people that will come into our lives are not the one. So take your time get to know the person and dont allow intimacy to enter the picture until you are really sure about the situation.Even then nothing is guaranteed. I wish I could give you a big hug. It sounds like the parental voice has spoken. Right now you need to concentrate on Knight! This may give you chiuckle that I think you will enjoy or at least you can have fun with. My aunt used to have this expression that she got from one of her classmates in med school. Whenever one of them would have a breakup and thought that their heart was breaking they would say to the person, "Well, thats over. Now, pick yourseelf up , dust yourself off and make a vow to Jesus and three other white men that you will not let it happen again in the same place! " Meaning, move on. Give yourself time to get over the shock and start doing some good things for Knight and some other folks as well. I hope this helps.

    Naughty
     
  3. ItsJustMe

    ItsJustMe New Member

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    I wish I had something to say but Naughty did a great job. It hurts, this sucks, and I fully agree that this is a great time to take care of you!

    Lots of hugs coming your way.
     
  4. BobLeeSwagger

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    First of all, what's the delay on finding out if she's pregnant? Do that first.

    Second, no 16-year-old has ever known what he/she really wanted. Ever. She could have all sorts of thoughts floating through her head even in the best of times. The success rate of relationships between college guys and 16-year-old girls has gotta be about 1%. I'm not saying it's anyone's fault. I'm saying that you're at two different stages of your lives and it's not surprising that you can't share the same state of mind. Even if you were both in college, the odds of two 20-year-olds being each other's life partners is miniscule. There's just so much life left to experience. And the proximity to other post-teenage horny kids, lack of parental supervision, and alcohol just makes it very likely that it will be a transitional period as far as romance, sex, and relationships go.

    Third, every crisis in a serious relationship is going to be trying. Really caring about someone means really hurting when the relationship doesn't work. It's one of those things where there's not much others can say to make it feel better. You just have to tough it out and learn from it.
     
  5. KinkGuy

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    Knight, I understand your feelings and your pain. Even though you may think you are the only guy on the planet to have ever felt this way. It will pass. I promise. It is part of the process of "becoming a man" and as part of that process I have to ask (and really, I don't want or intend to come off as rude or insensitive) but just how could she possibly be pregnant!?!?!?!?!?!?! You didn't use protection!?!?!?!?! And if not, why not?

    Her fears about being pregnant, lying to her parents about you, you going along with the lie and deception, most likely explains her attitude towards you right now. She is probably frightened, scared and fearful and you seem most concerned about being separated and how this is affecting you. Her actions are really quite understandable.

    Your personal pain is secondary to the overall implications of a teenage pregnancy.

    Please try to understand where this is coming from and I don't mean to attack you, but to maybe focus some light on the real issue here.
     
  6. Knight

    Knight New Member

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    So I have to leave her? BTW I had my penis in her for about two minutes unprotected and didn't cum. She won't go get a pregnancy test til Saturday when she's actually in town, even though it wouldnt hurt to go after school or something. I told her I was going to stay away and then she said she doesnt want me to...so I dunno what to do...we'll see lol.
     
  7. blackwood

    blackwood New Member

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    Knight, Here I go againg, If I may???

    You are 19 gping on 25 - In that the quality of info provided by you would lead one to think you to be older, I did not check your profile and figured you to be mid twenties.

    Your g/f is 16 and apparently has not achieved the psychological mentality that you possess. She IS 16 and apparently in denial and acting very much like the ??child she is..

    In y first answer/post to you I mentioned the ??? of a pregnancy. Sounds like a possibility. Do you have avail, self test for her to use, perhaps with your help and encouragement?? If so do?

    That friskey critter between your legs along with his hanging associates, is capable of impregnating, even in a short exposure (as 2-3 minutes).

    What you do, what you can do is close to becomming a "family" affair though I don't know English Laws.


    I wish you bot the best

    b...
     
  8. Knight

    Knight New Member

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    Thanks Blackwood. Well she lives pretty far away, although I have offered to come down this wekeend she has relatives comin over from the US, and says she cant go out of the house o,O not even for a few minutes so I can talk to her.

    Anyways she says she's busy next week too, so I have 'permission' to go down the week after next. I keep telling her to go into town but she isn't. Maybe she's had or is about to have her period or something...At least when I come down I'll have enough money to buy the EC/abortion pills if I need to, she has enough for the pregnancy test but hopefully it's negative.

    I wondered why her mood changed though and someone said a pregnancy wouldnt be enough to cause such mood swings or a change in behaviour...hopefully they were right. Thanks guys, I'll talk to her again tonight.
     
  9. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    It's hard enough for adults to manage a long-distance relationship let alone young-uns in your situation.

    You're receiving signals from her that give you the old "let's see others but let's still stay friends" line. She wants the freedom to pursue sex with others while still having you on the line for sex and giggles every once in a while.

    Seriously, Knight, if you want to continue this rocky relationship (and so much of it you must do covertly) that's up to you, but if you're willing to hike up your pants and say to yourself, "Well that was fun but Uni is going to be jam-packed with beautiful women...." you'll be well on the way to healthy emotional security.

    It should be a long time before you get married so don't be too quick to drop anchor, Knight. Save that heart for the One.
     
  10. naughty

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    Sweetie!

    I think Pecker just broke it down to you! I didnt want to say it , but it does sound like the classic commitment phobe tango! The pushmepullyou song of... " I dont know if I want to be with you, but just in case I dont want you to get away..." It is time for acting lessons. Pull yourself together and stop calling. When she speaks with you, be pleasant but non commital. I know the big guy between your thighs is probably screaming right now, " are you crazy?" but you need this for your peace of mind. Even if you cant have what you want right now, you need to create your own sense of control. I have my questions even if the pregnancy thing is a legit one right now. I think much if this may just be good old fashioned shameless distancing behavior. You are a young man of quality and who ever you are with needs to realize that. More than my .02 worth.

    naughty
     
  11. Dr Rock

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    leave it alone and move on. you clearly ain't gonna get anything but frustration out of this situation. the sooner you put it behind you, the less bullshit you'll have to deal with.
     
  12. Knight

    Knight New Member

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    I know you're right but this is the thing. I tell her I'm leaving or I wont see her anymore and then she tells me no she doesnt want that. Next day she says we shouldn't see each other. And so it repeats lol. I spose I'll move on, once this pregnancy thing is sorted. I've had a few offers lol ;) from her friends too but I dont wanna do that again, plus wouldnt be kind to her seeing me with her friend. I met a hot 25 yo in town yesterday who's in my therapy/training class lol. We're the only young people in the group :p

    Anyways thanks guys, its just the push/pull thing like you said. Has me 'art spinnin like a yo-yo it does lol. Thanks everyone I'll get it sorted tonight then you'll hear no more about it lol.

    EDIT: She's also said she won't see anyone else...
     
  13. naughty

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    Sweetie,
    Believe none of what you hear and .02 of what you see... People say all sorts of things when they are trying to get out a of a situation.The point is that this is untennable for you. Let it be for a while .If she is pregnant she will call you and let you know. In the meantime, do get a life! This back forth stuff is for the birds. I am sure most of us have experienced it, so we know wherefore we speak...Also dont let the little head mess up the big one. Stop the madness. Just dont call.... Go run around the block, go hang out with your boys. Just dont be available. Even if you are dying..We have an expression here in the states "never let them see you sweat!"

    naughty
     
  14. Knight

    Knight New Member

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    Okay that's it. I just told her I was going to apply for the college in her town, and do a course there. She said no I shouldn't. I said why not, I thought she wanted to see me everyday. She came up with some crap about the tutors treatin you like crap. I said I don't care about that and that I'd pass the course for her. She got pissed off and told me to do what the fuck I want and went out. She didnt take her phone so I emailed her saying I've had enough, she's changed and I cant stand it...I'll leave it now and she can do whatever she wants.

    *goes to get a life* lol.
     
  15. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    Don't be surprised if this 'pregnancy thing' doesn't go on for a while. She seems to be getting a little too much pleasure using you like a yo-yo.

    You must make up your own mind, Knight. If you let her make it up for you, you'll still be having this problem months from now.
     
  16. Knight

    Knight New Member

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    Yeah its gonna be hard now but I'm not gonna call her...
     
  17. B_DoubleMeatWhopper

    B_DoubleMeatWhopper New Member

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    That should tell you something. She doesn't know what she wants and doesn't care how her indecision affects you. You don't need those bullshit games, Knight. You're a caring person who has a lot to offer. You don't need to waste it on an immature child who can't make up her mind and who doesn't want you to make up yours either. Starting at uni you have a lot on your plate; you don't need her baggage on top of it all.
     
  18. Knight

    Knight New Member

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    Thanks :)

    I just wonder why she's changed though...still havent called her or spoken to her though lol. I'll have to move on. She knows my number lol.
     
  19. Dr Rock

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    then you say "sorry, but tough shit. I'm not prepared to deal with all this on an ongoing daily basis. thanks for the memories and take care of yourself." ignore any further messages / phonecalls and occupy your mind with hobbies or whatever you do for fun.
     
  20. Knight

    Knight New Member

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    *Writes it down*

    Thanks :D
     
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