Help me ;)

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by Snakebyte, Oct 17, 2006.

  1. Snakebyte

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2005
    Messages:
    7,325
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    456
    Verified:
    Photo
    Well, I thought maybe I could some good advice here.

    There's a girl I know for just a lil bit over a week now. What should I say? I had a crush on her (dunno if it's the right words for the stage before love :wink: ).
    After 3 days we already were like we were friends for years. We both go to the same university and meet 30min before university actually "starts". We run around always together. Ok, that was the easy part.
    Today I brought her something.. red roses. Very romantic, isn't it? Well, she was very happy, that was pretty obvious. But still I don't know what she thinks about me. I have the feeling that she "likes" me too but don't wanna destroy a good (new) friendship which may last over years since I've experienced this once. But still, you know... I like her... more than a friend.

    Since my last relationship lasted pretty long and I am young I don't have that much experience some of you may have (hope so at least :smile: ). I hope you got some good advice for me to find out what feelings she has for me. (last g/f I knew 2 hours before we got together, so that doesn't help that much)

    greets snakebyte


    p.s.:
    machso stay out, I am the romantic kind of guy and maybe a lil bit shy.
     
  2. Doc

    Doc New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 17, 2005
    Messages:
    328
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    all over now
    Well I've had these situations for years not weeks. So believe me, if you're still in the week category, the 'he's a friend' thing shouldn't show up. She is definitely thinking about you. Especially since you clearly are hanging out with each other and it is so new. She definitely likes you, otherwise she wouldn't continue to hang out with you. Does she like you like that. Well that's the million dollar question. But the best way is to find out, is to always stick you neck out a bit, and if she finds your vulnerability sweet, she likes you, if not then she usually ignores that she saw it, in hopes of retaining the 'friendship'. Be careful, but be risky.
     
  3. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2006
    Messages:
    5,455
    Likes Received:
    14
    Your only opitunity this early on is to ask her to lunch. Since she accepted the flowers i assume she does like you but dinner would probably be to awkward and formal. Just keep asking her on informal outings (dates) until you are confident enough to ask her where you actually stand.

    Also a quick note.. even though flowers, chocloates etc are romantic dont bring them out to early as it can seem a tad needy and clingy

    Good luck
     
  4. Snakebyte

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2005
    Messages:
    7,325
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    456
    Verified:
    Photo
    well, thanks a lot

    the flowers came that easy due to a promise. We gonna go to the city tomorrow and after a sms I got I feel a lot better. She wrote that i can disturb her any time or better to say I won't disturb at any time. At least for me this seems as a good sign. I'll keep you up to date :wink:
     
  5. Gillette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,309
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    14
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Nova Scotia
    Touch her.

    Casually while you're hanging out, put your hand on her back going through a doorway or your hand on her forearm in conversation. No more than a one or two second count. If she she seems uncomfortable or shies away from your touch she may not want more than a friendship. If she leans into you or reciprocates the gesture then there is a good chance she likes you in that way too.

    Hope this helps.

    Good luck!
     
  6. rich-9.8

    rich-9.8 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2005
    Messages:
    443
    Likes Received:
    1
    I had a friendship with a girl at Uni just as you have described, where we became very close and bets friens of a couple of weeks. We were botth with other people, who lived in other towns at the time. It became obvious to both of us pretty early on that we were also attracted to each other.

    I have no regrets about either of us breaking up with our partners at the time and just going for it as a couple, because seven years later we are still together and got married last summer. If you have strong feelings for this girl, trying to deny them would be worse for your friendship I think. You could be missing out on the most special girl of your life, so go for it.


    As far as the how of things goes - I'm sure there are a lot of social event s at uni, probably a Halloween party or something coming up soon? I think if you spend lots of time with this girl with a little alcohol (not to get really drunk, but just so you relax and aren't *too* nervous), just get talking then you will find things happen pretty naturally after that. I agree that you probably know her too well as a friend now to ask her on a formal "date", but why not ask her out to a movie - I'm sure there are lots of things you would have planned to do together anyway that would be considered "datey".

    Good luck!
     
  7. Gisella

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2006
    Messages:
    4,872
    Likes Received:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    USA
    Oh romance is in the air...I do feel it! :tongue:

    I would trow the date manual out of the window and just use common sense and manners, observe and go with spontaneaty...by doing that you are more free to be just yourself and to feel her way of expressing and etc...

    Yeh..lightly touch her every opportunity... be classy, be a gent, be yourself always and not someone that you are not just to attract her attention and etc.

    And do not apologize for been a romantic by nature...to anyone...:cool: :wink:

    Kisses and please keep us updated!!!:smile:
     
  8. Snakebyte

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2005
    Messages:
    7,325
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    456
    Verified:
    Photo
    great advice by you ladies. I'm very grateful.

    rich, in some cases your advice may be good, but we both drink alcohol that much and no halloween over here ;)
     
  9. joyboytoy79

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2006
    Messages:
    8,557
    Albums:
    4
    Likes Received:
    9
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    DC-ish
    Mr. byte,

    As a gay male i have a lot of inside knowledge from the lady folk. They like romance, but they seem to like it subtle. The flowers probably weren't a bad idea, but give it a couple of weeks before you do those again. A couple of lunch dates and a cup of coffee or two are also good ideas. The trees should be changing colour there, ask her to go on a walk and look at the colours.

    The key is to spend a lot of active time together and really get to know a bit about each other. After one week it's too early to know if you want to seriously date someone (in my opinion, there are many good arguments to the contrary). I suggest you spend more time with her as a "romantic acquaintance" and in another two or three weeks ask her how she feels (if she hasn't brought the question up to you by then).

    But, yes, spend a lot of time with her. Initiate innocent body contact (like Gillette and Gisella have mentioned), and keep a lightly romantic feel to your encounters.

    Best of luck!
     
  10. D_alex8

    D_alex8 Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2005
    Messages:
    8,602
    Likes Received:
    11
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Germany
    ...bei uns im bereits seit sechzig Jahren von Amis wimmelnden Heidelberg gibt's dagegen NIX ALS Kürbislaternen und Halloweenpartys, spuk- und fledermausförmiges Gebäck (auch in den traditionellsten Bäckereien!), sowie ne Unmenge von schaurig-schön-wirken-sollenden "festlichen" Waren in fast jedem Laden. :rolleyes:

    Solange du keine Strophe vom alten Zarah Leander-Lied Du darfst mir nie mehr rote Rosen schenken zu Ohren kriegst und deine Freundschaft nur noch enthusiastisch entgegengenommen wird... dann kommt's mir so vor, als habe einer der dt. LPSGler evtl./bald/endlich mal was Romantisches in seinem Leben zu geniessen... :wink:
     
  11. Nitrofiend

    Nitrofiend New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2006
    Messages:
    924
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    She probably thinks you're a dweeb for the flowers...a little soon for that if you ask me.

    Does she have a bf? If so, does he have easy access to her? If she has a bf and he's far away or something of the like, just be normal, act smooth, and establish physical contact ASAP if you even want to be considered for anything further.

    Girls get bored of guys who don't ever drop a cue, because they need to know you're interested (unless they aren't totally dense and have figured this out about most guys well in advance).

    But watch out, it could be that she just needs a friend on campus, and some cap-wearing fratboy to fuck for the hell of it on the side. If that's the case then fuck her -- she's not worth the effort.

    DON'T BE A THIRD WHEEL OR A SHOULDER. I hate the whole "crying shoulder" thing, girls have been taking advantage of decent guys with that sappy crap for as long as time. That guy never gets it in the end, and it's sooo sad to see them remaining hopeful.

    Do not be friends for more than a month before making a move. In fact, make a move within the first couple weeks.

    Man I hate women sometimes. Nah I just hate people :cool:.
     
  12. Pirate Wench

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2006
    Messages:
    714
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Texas
    Gillette and Gisella have great advice especially regarding the light touching......

    I don't think Halloween is as big a thing there as here in the states.....or I'd suggest going thru one of the haunted houses for adults.....not the kiddie ones.

    Play it by ear......be yourself......


    Do any of the other ladies here ever pick up a men's magazine and read the advice to men re: manners and general dating + sex advice....?
    I find it interesting to read and think to myself which approaches or pieces of advice would work if tried on me......Would I respond to this ?....Would it have the intended effect ?....

    Just to see if the advice is any good......:wink:
     
  13. curiouscat9

    curiouscat9 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2005
    Messages:
    120
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Colorado
    The bad news is that I used the "I really only like you as a friend" line, when I liked the person, but had absolutely no physical attraction to them.

    The good news it that my husband and I met when we were both coming off of really bad relationships, but we liked each others' company so much that we became fast friends and "fuck buddies" if you will. We denied the "love" factor for quite a while.

    The flowers, the dinners, and all traditional "date" type of activities were nice, but bottom line -- he made me laugh and he still does. We will be married 24 years this coming May (and only one quick side fuck in all that time (him not me)). I really believe that our long relationship is because we were friends first and that we laugh alot, because whether you want to hear it or not sexual desire comes and goes. You have to have more than what is between the sheets. (Though I'll have you know that when it is hot, it is very, very hot.)

    I know that sounds boring for you more adventuresome, but our life has been anything but a snooze and new adventures crop up all of the time.
     
  14. fri2219

    fri2219 Member

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2005
    Messages:
    184
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    I echo what others have said, but would suggest that you move as quickly as youy can to avoid being placed in the friend zone. (also known as you're out of the running forever zone)

    If she's not interested, then leave her alone. There are plenty of other fish in the sea, and she's not worth your time, not to mention her wishes are best respected.
     
  15. Snakebyte

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2005
    Messages:
    7,325
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    456
    Verified:
    Photo
    thanks again. And let's say she laughs about every single joke I make even if it's a dumb one.

    fri: as for leaving her alone I disagree. She is worth it. period.

    alex: was meinst was in K'Lautern los war, hab da 2 Jahre gewohnt. Ich sage nur Rammstein ;)
     
  16. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2006
    Messages:
    5,455
    Likes Received:
    14
    I would be so sucked in if a guy asked me on a walk to look at the colours..Its so gorgeous and romantic

    Its very good advice
     
  17. Snakebyte

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2005
    Messages:
    7,325
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    456
    Verified:
    Photo
    Update for today:
    We had 3 hours between maths and physics (no details :p) and went to the city by bus. Seemed to me that I wasn't the only one trying that we both are alone. We left 3 friends at university without telling them anyway :redface:
    And 6pm when the last "lesson" was over I asked her if she wants to stay a bit with me at the cafe and so we sat outside although it was pretty cold. She obviously was shivering but still didn't want to leave.
    The cafe closed but we did stay and were the only ones around.

    think I am on the right way.
     
  18. cockamania

    cockamania New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2006
    Messages:
    142
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    norcal
    you go man

    Reminds me of when I was courting my wife.

    Yea

    I love the romantic stuff
     
  19. D_Cliebert_Chodechoker

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2005
    Messages:
    321
    Likes Received:
    2
    I agree with what gillette is saying, mainly bc ive tried it before, and her reaction seems to ring true, unless shes not confidant in her appearance, and doesnt want anyone to touche her at the moment
     
  20. Snakebyte

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2005
    Messages:
    7,325
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    456
    Verified:
    Photo
    no real news as for now but weekend is coming :wink:
     
Draft saved Draft deleted