HELP! my gf wont have sex with me!! :(

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by ronnieboy, Jul 6, 2010.

  1. ronnieboy

    ronnieboy Member

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    alright, ill try to make this quick and not bore you.

    This past weekend has been a year my gf has been living with me. She is 24, I am 25. No kids. She wont have sex with me. Has nothing to do with my penis. At least she has not mentioned anything. She just has no sex drive. She is not on any meds, including birth control. She just doesnt care to have sex with me. Ive brought this up numerous times, let it go for a while, hoping that my bugging her about it would put her in the mood more...nope. We have sex..if I am lucky once a week. We are young, we live together, it shouldnt be an issue right? I'm so conflicted because I love her so much, but I am not happy, ONLY because I am a sexual person and I love being that close to her in every way.

    We will argue about it, she will promise over and over to change/fix the problem, and it never will be fixed. I wanted to fix this, so I took her on a 3 day vacation to a tropical destination, got a couples massage, took her out to a $200 dinner complete with roses and champaigne, and still no sex ALL WEEKEND. Not once.

    This has been a problem basically since she moved in...so we have had plenty of time to work on this and fix this, and I try everything I can! I bought her a sexy little outfit, to try to make her feel sexy..she never wears it. She bought an outfit too...she has never worn it. I have bought 3 different kinds of lubes to make it fun...didnt help. I bought her these fancy cute handcuffs, because she mentioned its a huge turn on...I got them at christmas, she has never once used them with me, infact she lost them. I bought a sexy board game thing to heat things up..she never wants to play.

    I'm at a loss....I feel it is selfish to maybe break up over this..but I know I will never be happy the way this is going.

    please please someone..anyone help..ladies, this is probably your area..so just anything...any advice PLEASE...
     
  2. D_Landrocke DeLonguepiece III

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    People have different sex drives. Simple as that. You are going to have to make a decision..her companionship, or cut the relationship loose. But I will tell you from experience, it will not get any better. maybe it will at times, but overall you will be frustrated sexually. Then at 30 and 40 years old you will start to feel a lot of anger towards her, because you will feel like you have missed out on something. That is when the affairs start.
    So the choice is yours. Doesn't look like she will change, so how important is sex to you? That is the choice only you can make
     
  3. B_New End

    B_New End New Member

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    If you are arguing about sex, your sexual relationship is dead.
    I never had to argue about it.
    Once a week really isn't that bad.

    uh... oh....
     
  4. ronnieboy

    ronnieboy Member

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    Thank you guys...Sex is a big thing..i enjoy it, i enjoy sharing it with her. I also love her, and minus the whole sex debacle...could see myself with her forever, with kids, married. but marraige i feel is going to make our sex life WORSE...i guess its just something i have to think about if its not going to change...

    but are there medicines or anything to increase her sex drive?
     
  5. SeeDickRun

    SeeDickRun New Member

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    You're not going to change her attitude. The question is do you want to change yours. Since you said you really want intimacy in a relationship, it's time to get out. You can love her all you want, but if sex is important in your life, you have to go somewhere else for it.
    And, the OP is correct. You'll eventually begin to resent her if you hang around, and then you're going to feel guilty when you begin to stray.
     
  6. Pandora77

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

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    Lack of sex drive for a woman could be a hormonal problem. I've had the same problem a while ago.
    Maybe she should go and see a doctor about it.
    But it could be a thousand other things.
    When you've brought it up, did she ever try to explain to you as to why she isn't in the mood? Is it boring for her, not satisfying, etc?


     
  7. ronnieboy

    ronnieboy Member

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    shes blamed it on alot of things...first it was this medicine she WAS on..she stopped taking it, and it still didnt work. then it was a sleeping problem..she slept more, and it still wasnt that. then it was me bringing it up too much..so i stopped for a while. that didnt work. then it was "oh women dont get sexual until theyre 30".......okay.......so i have to wait 7 years?! now its a hormonal thing. so many excuses...she made an apt with a doctor...but if thats the case are there things the doc can give her?! i have NO idea and am by no means an expert at all about it. i just dont think theres a magic pill that will make her want to have sex with me THAT much more than we do now..which is not alot...

    :( this is depressing...but thank you and i appreciate all the responses..the truth sometimes hurts.
     
  8. wldr69

    wldr69 New Member

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    My god, are you dating my girlfriend?! lol
    Mine is 30, and our average is once every 4-6 weeks, I'm about done with that kind of intervals I must confess. Most of those excuses I've heard too.

    Part that really ticks me off though, I knew her back in high school and she was a bit like the energizer bunny back then (with her boyfriends, aka not me), and now I get her... and she's bored with sex. Blah! lol
     
  9. ronnieboy

    ronnieboy Member

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    i sure hope we arnt dating the same girl lol..but yeah we've talked, and she said she used to be more sexually active with all her ex's..now im here, and thinking its me..even tho she swears its not me and shes attracted to me more than anyone ever...but that really means nothing to me if she cant show it...she says she wants to fix this, never tries, never makes an effort at all. thats like me saying ohhh i love you so much, let call you names and treat u like shit but then promise to make it better and change..then just never do it at all.
     
  10. KTF40

    Gold Member

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    I was going to tell you to wait for the female viagra to come out, but apparently it doesn't work according to this article- FDA: 'Female Viagra' falls short

    It also stated that, "Medical surveys have estimated more than 40 percent of women suffer from some form of sexual dysfunction." I guess maybe that figure can give you some comfort that there's a good chance it's not just you.
     
  11. Wish-4-8

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    It almost seems like the once a week sex is even more for you, just to shut you up. Its interesting that you bring up all these activities to try to get her in the mood, with no avail. It seems that the things you suggested are things that you think will turn her on, or what turns you on.

    Where is her motivation then? See, that is the thing. You havent gotten to the bottom of her issue. You dont really need all that stuff to have good sex. That stuff is spice, and you cant make a meal out of spices.

    This seems to be another issue of plain old sexual compatability. You too are not compatable sexually and really are not satisfing each other. You havent gotten to the real root of the problem, and she aint talking.

    Look, it only gets worse. So you will have to decide what is most important in YOUR life.

    Questions: How is your intimacy? Are you loving towards each other? How often do you kiss? Do you still hold hands? Do you spoon when in bed?
     
  12. B_Mademoiselle Rouge

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    Living together just makes sex more convenient, but it also makes for more a lot more possible relationship problems to arise, not because you aren't married but you are co-habitating.

    There is something turning her off, likely unrelated to anything going on in the bedroom. Might want to look into relationship counseling if you want this to work. I've gone through seasons of having zero sex drive due to hormones.
     
  13. B_New End

    B_New End New Member

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    or...

    do you wash the dishes and fold the laundry? (not have you ever, do you regularly)
    Have you ever cleaned the toilet or cooked a meal? Bought the groceries?
     
  14. big_tits4big_dicks

    big_tits4big_dicks New Member

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    Wow. NO holiday sex? It seems like you get what you get and she thinks you should deal :( If she is interested in a non sexual relationship, she is going to have a hard time finding a man to go for it. I don't want to sound like a drag, but I think you need someone with a higher sex drive. Even if she starts giving it up more, would it only be for you? If that is ok then great, but do you want a girlfriend that's going to crave your body sometimes? I know I need that. Maybe you need to evaluate what it is that you expect out of a long term relationship, then see if there is a chance of achieving that with this one. Hope it works out, good luck!
     
  15. ronnieboy

    ronnieboy Member

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    WISH, you make alot of sense, really. The things I bought was just things I thought she would like, trying to make her more comfortable or in the mood...the handcuffs she always mentioned. we kiss alot...if sex was good, i would marry this girl asap...honestly..i just am at my witts end with this...i just am not happy this way and it seems she is not even trying to change. we just about equally share the dishes, cleaning etc. im not perfect by any means, so if im portraying that, its not the case. i have asked her what am i doing that you dont like?! or things that dont turn you on, or what can i work on? she doesnt give me anything...

    but yeah intimacy is almost perfect..although i get so frusterated at times im not so open or lovey-dovey with her. and i cant help but feel like i go out of my way to make her happy emotionally and yet for almost a year straight she hasnt even really tried at all to try to make me happy sexually.
     
  16. ronnieboy

    ronnieboy Member

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    OH YEAH...didnt mention this..but halloween sex? nope...birthday sex? nope...thanksgiving sex? noooo....christmas sex? nope..new years sex? nope..HER birthday yes...anniversary NOPE!!


    its almost torture...i mean..not even birthday OR anniversary sex...seriously now...


     
  17. D_stryhtfg

    D_stryhtfg New Member

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    I say...be happy you have somebody.

    Wait until she sees the doc. Then, go from there. She'll perk up.
     
  18. thickpex

    thickpex Member

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    Ever consider that it could be psychological? Maybe she was raped or there was sexual abuse in her past, that she may not even be conscious of now, and she is reacting in that way? I remember the movie, "Romance" was based on that type of thing. Worth considering at least.
     
  19. big_tits4big_dicks

    big_tits4big_dicks New Member

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    Wow, she needs to see a doc and have that at least ruled out. But I think the real problem is her lack of even caring? Sounds like she says she will change when you guys are fighting, but then nothing happens? Sometimes making an effort can mean the world.
     
  20. ronnieboy

    ronnieboy Member

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    thickpex...yeah definitely that was a big concern...and i asked her many times..making her feel as comfortable as i could..she swears up and down that hasnt happened. i know her family really well..super nice..of course that doesnt really mean anything..but i dont think thats the issue thank god...


    and idk..it really seems like she doesnt care..she is a very sensative girl and the most adorable thing ever..and she'll cry..ill feel bad...and give in without getting anything solved. then when we are perfect again, she wont want to have sex..then we will fight..and it becomes a cycle...she has a doctors appointment later this month...
     
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