Help need advice/input please!!!

ricox

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Ok people I need some help/advice....

So there is this girl that I have been friends with for a while now and I started to like her. Well 2 weeks ago I decided to make my feelings known to her and after I told her she hugged me and told me "I'm not saying no, I just have to think about it". So a week goes by then we talk and she tells me that she cant tell if the feelings she has for me are leaning more towards friendship or something more, and that it would be a "risk" to date me because she doesn't want to lose me as a friend. She ultimately ends up saying that she wants to just stay friends and I tell her I am ok with that.

So a day goes by without us seeing each other, then friday I see her at an event me and my friends were at, it was a little awkward at first because we saw each other but didn't speak. So later that night my friends and I decide to go out to the bars, and as it turns out so was she. We pregamed at a friends house and the girl I liked was also there, things were still awkward but we at least spoke to each other then.

Once out at the bars I saw her again with her friends we didn't really talk much. As the night went on I had gotten drunk and she had to and we finally talked to each other. She told that she felt like a bitch and that she thought I was awesome and started to hug me. Later in the night she asked me to go to another bar with her, during this time she proceeded to tell me I was awesome and how she was sorry. Once we arrived at the other bar we had two shots and she grabbed my hand and we held hands on the way out. As we were riding home she started to rub my leg and we started to cuddle, when we made it back home we kept cuddling and she started to kiss my hand, after a while we both fell asleep on the same couch. We talked about it the next day and she told me she didn't wanna stop that night because it felt "comfortable". My friends tell me shes trying to play me, but I think she is just confused, but I don't really know. What do you guys think?

Any response would be appreciated.
 

Fenris11

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The last part sounds like she may have had a drink or two and gained some dutch courage. It may have been that her uncertainty was more amplified due to alcohol.
Your best option is to decide what you really want then approach her again and see if she has had time to think.
Just do not rush it or keep on at her about it. It will seem desperate and this is a turn off.
The best you can do is sit down with her, be honest about what you want. You don't have to make a decision there and then. You can remain friends and see if things change over time, or not. Just do not put all your hopes in thinking that it will. It may happen it may not, it is more important about living your life and seeing what happens.
Just think, would you rather have her in your life as a friend or risk ruining the relationship you have with her?

Best of luck dude :cool:
 

lottie

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If she is uncertain, then it sounds like she wanted to test the water a little and see how she felt. However from the way you described it, it sounds like you didn't do anything, as in kissed her back passionately?

Women like confidence, so when she was coming onto you, I feel you should have followed her lead. She may decide that she tried, but you were too wishy washy and didn't show how keen you were.
 

Phil Ayesho

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If she is uncertain, then it sounds like she wanted to test the water a little and see how she felt. However from the way you described it, it sounds like you didn't do anything, as in kissed her back passionately?

Women like confidence, so when she was coming onto you, I feel you should have followed her lead. She may decide that she tried, but you were too wishy washy and didn't show how keen you were.


Lottie got it right.
You waited too long to make your move... and that put you in the 'friend zone'.

Women are not attracted to men who are not bold enough, or into them enough, to take a risk.
When women meet a man, they size him up pretty quick as far as their attraction...

and then they wait to see what he does.
This is the most important part of how they select potential mates.

On the one hand, they might not like it if you are too immediately aggressive in pursuit... because, tho they want to feel that you immediately find them attractive... they also want to feel that you got to know them a little and that your attraction is for more than their appearance.

But on the other hand, if you wait too long they take that as either you not finding them attractive enough, or, more likely, that you lack the character, courage, and ambition to go for what you want... ( which is a predictor of success in life and makes you more of a catch )



In this case it sounds like you waited just a TAD too long and caught her right on the cusp of making the decision that you were not ambitious enough to be a good mate... but that, she really did like you.


Clearly afterward, she had second thoughts about her judgement... and wondered if she had made a mistake.

She took a little liquid courage and gave you another shot... a chance to show her that she inspired you with passion.



Did you show her that passion?

If you played it safe, then you had better give up on her... once a woman firmly decides that you are not enough of a go getter, or not into them enough to risk rejection, you cease to be attractive to to them on a visceral level.

However...

If you feel you did show her some passion... then pursue her...
Explain to her that you respect her and care too deeply for her to have taken advantage of her when she was drinking... ( this will make her feel safe with you... which is something women respond to ) but that you liked very much where the evening was leading and that you would like the opportunity to show her the passion she inspires in you.


show some persistence...
Because persistence is another indicator of success in life... and if she is still on the cusp after your night with her... it is persistence that will win her over to your side. Be the kind of man she wants you to be.
 

ricox

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Did you show her that passion?

If you played it safe, then you had better give up on her... once a woman firmly decides that you are not enough of a go getter, or not into them enough to risk rejection, you cease to be attractive to to them on a visceral level.

I do feel I showed her some passion that night. I didn't take advantage of it because of the physical state we were in. We talked about the night the day after and she said that what we did felt comfortable, which is why she didn't want to stop. A couple people have told me to just keep my distance and let her decide how she feels, but at this moment I really don't know what to do.

Btw thanks for all of the comments guys, i'll keep you guys posted on my progress.
 

hairynyc

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I do feel I showed her some passion that night. I didn't take advantage of it because of the physical state we were in. We talked about the night the day after and she said that what we did felt comfortable, which is why she didn't want to stop. A couple people have told me to just keep my distance and let her decide how she feels, but at this moment I really don't know what to do.

Btw thanks for all of the comments guys, i'll keep you guys posted on my progress.
You totally did the right thing by not pushing it when she (and you) had been drinking. I can't even tell you how many times female friends have complained that they can't have a few drinks and let their guard down around a guy without worrying he'll get pushy or worse. Passion and interest are important, but so is respect. If someone has been telling you that they're unsure, the last thing you want to do is make a move when they've been drinking.

You played it safe and smart. Frankly the fact that she can get into that state and still trust you is no small thing. If nothing happens between you two, please don't look back and think you "missed your chance". If someone really likes you and is worth getting involved with there is not going to be some narrow window through which you have to make a play or be forever lost in the "friend zone".

As for what to do, I tend to agree with your friends that you should back off a little so you both can decide how you feel. I don't know her so I can't say if she's playing you or really just doesn't know. Either way, you're better off not fixating and spending time trying to read signals. You don't have to be aloof or anything, but recognize that if this person ultimately doesn't want a romantic relationship with you, there are others out there who will.
 

Phil Ayesho

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I do feel I showed her some passion that night. I didn't take advantage of it because of the physical state we were in. We talked about the night the day after and she said that what we did felt comfortable, which is why she didn't want to stop. A couple people have told me to just keep my distance and let her decide how she feels, but at this moment I really don't know what to do.

Btw thanks for all of the comments guys, i'll keep you guys posted on my progress.

given this, ignore the folks saying you should keep their distance.

If this girl fires a passion in you and you want her... you need to SHOW that to her.

Every woman is a sucker for genuine devotion.

You were in the friendzone because you did not show interest fast enough or boldly enough...

She is reassessing that decision. Don't make that mistake again.
Pursue her. Ask her out, send her flowers, make something for her...

I mean, don't become a stalker, but make your intentions clear and act with confidence in your own desirability.


Press her to make a choice.

And if she then says lets be friends, express regret and walk away.
You can not really be friends with a woman you want when she doesn't want you.
You will forever be hoping for more; so at best you can be acquaintances... if she shoots you down.
Make sure she knows that...

trust me... she wants to FEEL that you are Smitten with her... that she matters to you that much.
 

BS76

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Ok people I need some help/advice....

So there is this girl that I have been friends with for a while now and I started to like her. Well 2 weeks ago I decided to make my feelings known to her and after I told her she hugged me and told me "I'm not saying no, I just have to think about it". So a week goes by then we talk and she tells me that she cant tell if the feelings she has for me are leaning more towards friendship or something more, and that it would be a "risk" to date me because she doesn't want to lose me as a friend. She ultimately ends up saying that she wants to just stay friends and I tell her I am ok with that.

So a day goes by without us seeing each other, then friday I see her at an event me and my friends were at, it was a little awkward at first because we saw each other but didn't speak. So later that night my friends and I decide to go out to the bars, and as it turns out so was she. We pregamed at a friends house and the girl I liked was also there, things were still awkward but we at least spoke to each other then.

Once out at the bars I saw her again with her friends we didn't really talk much. As the night went on I had gotten drunk and she had to and we finally talked to each other. She told that she felt like a bitch and that she thought I was awesome and started to hug me. Later in the night she asked me to go to another bar with her, during this time she proceeded to tell me I was awesome and how she was sorry. Once we arrived at the other bar we had two shots and she grabbed my hand and we held hands on the way out. As we were riding home she started to rub my leg and we started to cuddle, when we made it back home we kept cuddling and she started to kiss my hand, after a while we both fell asleep on the same couch. We talked about it the next day and she told me she didn't wanna stop that night because it felt "comfortable". My friends tell me shes trying to play me, but I think she is just confused, but I don't really know. What do you guys think?

Any response would be appreciated.


Let this be a lesson why you never EVER tell a woman you like her. If you like her, make your intentions know through your actions. If she doesn't reciprocate then you have your answer as to how she feels about you. The moment you articulate some variation of "I like you" any intrigue or mystery you had in your favor gets flushed down the toilet.

My advice to the OP is to seek out a dating coach and learn how to attract women on your own. It seems to me you're living life with a scarcity mentality.
 

helgaleena

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I think you need to have a rubber in your wallet whenever you go out, because this 'friend' could get a lot closer unexpectedly! And if that's too forward, initiate some hand stimulation to her lady areas next time you get silly together. I don't think you are moving too slowly. Take it from a former 'Miss Clueless' -- some females really do not know the road to their own genitals when they are young!

If she smells like a delicious feast to you, try to get a taste of her and see if she likes being tongued. But follow your own instincts and not our advice, when next she gives you a chance.