HELP: relationships inner strugle

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by 220483, Dec 27, 2009.

  1. 220483

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    Hello dear lpsg.org members, I'm having sort of a dilemma in my personal/sentimental life, and would really like to read some of your opinions on this subject:

    'I'm out of a 'strage' relationship and want to move to a better one, more steady, and with less bumps than the last one [to cut a story short:my ex bf was bisexual, and between me and the ladies.. he decided to part with them and leave me all alone! :(], and start a new, better and more rational relation with a guy [COMPLETELY GAY!!!] I met!
    The thing is: I know myself and I know that I'm not the greatest in fidelity... OK, what I mean is: I need a steady relationship, but with the possibility of it being an 'open' one, where we both can have meaningless sex with other persons, and that don't be an issue... but the thing is: I haven't even started this new relationship and, knowing myself as well as I do, I know I won't be able to be 'fidel'... I believe in being intimate with someone, and sharing your life with others, but the monogamy aspect of life bothers me, cause I know I CAN'T BE!!!
    please share all of your knowledge with me, and give me your life experiences as a sort of means to an end, helping me adjust myself to what one could describe as being 'normality' [which I know it doesn't exist, but we'll strive to get there!!! :(]'


    LET THE SESSION BEGIN:
     
  2. 220483

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    I'll be absent for at least two weeks... so there's going to be a lot to read when I come back! [hopefully...]
    THANK YOU ALL in advance for any advice, opinions you'd might wanna share! :D
     
  3. Twistbarbie

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    I don't know what exactly to discuss. I don't see how an open relationship is faithful - but that's just me. People make a choice whether to be faithful or not.

    Having your cake and eating it springs to mind.
     
  4. Countryguy63

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    22, The only advice that I can give is to be up front with anyone that you start to date.While open relationship can and do work, they are not for everyone. So inevitably, this will narrow your search, probably considerably.

    The one thing that I truly believe, is to make an open relationship truly work, there must be complete honesty. I also believe that it is much better to start the relationship with mutually agreed upon monogamy. It takes a time to build that trust and bond between each other that needs to be the base of a successful realtionship. I'm sorry dude, but if you can't control yourself and direct your urges to your partner long enough to build a strong base, you are probably in for a very rocky road.

    Good Luck and enjoy your 2 weeks away :smile:
     
  5. Countryguy63

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    Good Morning Twisted (or, I guess evening in your case, right :wink: )

    I don't want to hijack 22's thread, but do want to respond and say that I personally know of several, long term, very successul open relationships. Either search for "open relationships" or start a new one and I'd be more than happy to discuss this further.
     
  6. D_Smidley Smelliepits

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    Completely agree with Country, it is possible and many guys have no problem with open relationships, but IMO honesty is essential.

    Good point with the second paragraph. For me it wouldn't work from the beginning, since I need time to build the relationship.

    Soooooo... I will just say: be honest and tell everything that crosses your mind about the open relationship to your bf.

    Good luck!:smile:
     
  7. 220483

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    Thanks for posting so quickly to my dilemma...
    I think that the truth is always best and be real and truthfully to yourself, specially from the beginning and not try to live a dual [not double] life with other people from outside your relationship...
    I may be too young to understand everything, but I know that in my heart I'll do the right choices and not lead a bumpy 'roaded' life... :p
     
  8. sexplease

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    you choose monogamy for yourself, not someone else.
    keep your communication open and honest with your friends and romantic interests and all will be fine.
     
  9. Twistbarbie

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    Hi, it is indeed evening :smile:

    I'm sure they can but to me the OP didn't sound 100% certain what they want, they want a serious relationship (which I'd like their definition of) but for it to be open and have sex with whomever they want, then say I can't be faithful (which I disagree with, we make that choice) and they believe monogomy to be boring.

    I don't know anyone who has made this work, somewhere down the road one partner got more serious and wanted things to become exclusive..tricky.

    But I think your previous post summed it up, if it's open from the start with someone who wants the same thing it could work.
     
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