Help with college straight friend

[srbb]

I met a former best friend 4 years ago in college and we became instantly inseparable. He was dating a girl at the time but spent more time with me than his girlfriend and we would go to the gym to work out every day. When drunk, he’d flirt with me and would make sexual comments but not when sober. He also said his mom believed he was gay and needed viagra with his girlfriend. We usually slept in boxers in each other’s beds when visiting each other but no funny business.

Fast forward two years and I had graduated but he had not. We kissed in a club when I visited him and continued sleeping in the same bed, making references to blowjobs and him joking about me licking cum off his stomach. He even asked me to send him dick pics when he was drunk. Then the pandemic hit and we began sending workout and modeling pics and vids to each other for 2 years, often with bulge showing clearly. However, even though he would consistently flirt and lead me on when drunk or high, when I did the same thing back sober he sometimes said it made him uncomfortable. recently he started doing role play of us being step brothers and would talk about bending me over a washing machines, but then ghosted for 2 months before reconnecting.

we got in 2 really big arguments, one over me visiting and one over me trying to hu w a gay friend of his without telling him. We saw each other a few weeks ago and he said he wanted me to blow him and to stay Dl, but then became angry with me the next night while drunk when I propositioned him quietly in a group setting. He is now saying he doesn’t want to be friends. This is taking a toll on me, since we said we were once blood brothers, and it’d be interesting to hear your input. Thanks.

 

[Jimiloa]

Tbh fuck him, whatever he's got going on is clearly an internal conflict and if you choose to to pursue ...it will likely feel like this constant emotional Rollercoaster with a lot of wasted yrs behind it . You have a choice/chance to just leave him alone, he'll likely come around again anyway. In the meantime enjoy life , meet/date/ fuck some nicer people. The boy is messy

 

[donkey_2090]

There’s a

I met a former best friend 4 years ago in college and we became instantly inseparable. He was dating a girl at the time but spent more time with me than his girlfriend and we would go to the gym to work out every day. When drunk, he’d flirt with me and would make sexual comments but not when sober. He also said his mom believed he was gay and needed viagra with his girlfriend. We usually slept in boxers in each other’s beds when visiting each other but no funny business.

Fast forward two years and I had graduated but he had not. We kissed in a club when I visited him and continued sleeping in the same bed, making references to blowjobs and him joking about me licking cum off his stomach. He even asked me to send him dick pics when he was drunk. Then the pandemic hit and we began sending workout and modeling pics and vids to each other for 2 years, often with bulge showing clearly. However, even though he would consistently flirt and lead me on when drunk or high, when I did the same thing back sober he sometimes said it made him uncomfortable. recently he started doing role play of us being step brothers and would talk about bending me over a washing machines, but then ghosted for 2 months before reconnecting.

we got in 2 really big arguments, one over me visiting and one over me trying to hu w a gay friend of his without telling him. We saw each other a few weeks ago and he said he wanted me to blow him and to stay Dl, but then became angry with me the next night while drunk when I propositioned him quietly in a group setting. He is now saying he doesn’t want to be friends. This is taking a toll on me, since we said we were once blood brothers, and it’d be interesting to hear your input. Thanks.

I know you’re based Stateside but I wonder if you can get the U.K. based streaming service ‘All 4’… Can probably do it with a VPN?

Anyway, there’s a great program on there called Cucumber. It shows a out 40 something gay man who lusts after his 40 something ‘straight’ work colleague. Long story short, late in the season he finally gets with him - and the guy is obv willing but all ends really sadly.

Its a very extreme example, but the point remains. Don’t chase someone that plays games with your emotions and doesn’t value your worth. Why should you?

Everyone has their own coming out journey but you don’t need to be this guys. It’s unfair on you and you’ll always be way more ahead emotionally than he will. There’s 7 Billion people on the planet. Find yourself someone who doesn’t play emotional games with you and values you as you are, without hesitation.

You’re better than this guy. Get out quickly before you get deeper and get really hurt. He’ll find himself eventually, and you’re meant to be - you’ll cross paths again. If not, he’ll just be part of your past… And that’s far better than the other all consuming option. I wish you the best man.

 

[jack alltraits]

I met a former best friend 4 years ago in college and we became instantly inseparable. He was dating a girl at the time but spent more time with me than his girlfriend and we would go to the gym to work out every day. When drunk, he’d flirt with me and would make sexual comments but not when sober. He also said his mom believed he was gay and needed viagra with his girlfriend. We usually slept in boxers in each other’s beds when visiting each other but no funny business.

Fast forward two years and I had graduated but he had not. We kissed in a club when I visited him and continued sleeping in the same bed, making references to blowjobs and him joking about me licking cum off his stomach. He even asked me to send him dick pics when he was drunk. Then the pandemic hit and we began sending workout and modeling pics and vids to each other for 2 years, often with bulge showing clearly. However, even though he would consistently flirt and lead me on when drunk or high, when I did the same thing back sober he sometimes said it made him uncomfortable. recently he started doing role play of us being step brothers and would talk about bending me over a washing machines, but then ghosted for 2 months before reconnecting.

we got in 2 really big arguments, one over me visiting and one over me trying to hu w a gay friend of his without telling him. We saw each other a few weeks ago and he said he wanted me to blow him and to stay Dl, but then became angry with me the next night while drunk when I propositioned him quietly in a group setting. He is now saying he doesn’t want to be friends. This is taking a toll on me, since we said we were once blood brothers, and it’d be interesting to hear your input. Thanks.

So this post actually sounded incredibly similar to a situation that happened to me.
I HAD a straight friend that I had been close with since we were kids. During high school, a lot of us would talk about joining the military. After graduation, I was the only one that joined and deployed to combat. After my 4th deployment, I was medically retired due to an IED that put me in a coma for 3 months. After being home for year and having done another two years of recuperating. I started to reconnect with some of my buddies from high school. My friend had gone on to be in the national guard but was kicked out for always failing to report. When we reconnected, we got even closer because of my combat stories. Little did I know that he was using my stories to pick up girls.

Anyway, when we started to get closer. He started to flirt with me a lot. I’m public he would grab my ass, grab me by the waist and would get his face super close to mine like he wanted to kiss. When other friends would laugh at him or call him derogatory names, he would laugh it off and say he was just fucking with me. I never took it too seriously but internally, I really did wish something would happen. He was always known as the “super attractive” friend. Well one day, after about a year or two of us hanging out nearly everyday, we decided to go out to a club. We both got super drunk and eventually went to my house to sleep. We would sleep in the same bed no big deal but this night he asked me to rub his back cause he was feeling sick from the alcohol. I did. He ended up grabbing my hand after about 10 min and pulled me in for a cuddle then pushed my hand down to his dick which was rock hard. I had imagined what it would be like but quickly realized why all the other straight guys that had seen each other naked would call him “stumpy”… not very big.. either way, I pulled my hand back and said “yo.. it’s me bro” he laughed and grabbed my hand and said “I don’t care I need it”. He pushed my hand into his pants again to his dick. I again pulled my hand back and turned around thinking damn this guys is drunker than me. I eventually fell asleep. About two hour later I woke up and felt him grinding me and grabbing my ass. I was like dude what are you doing?? He just stated that he was horny and grabbed my head and pushed it down to his dick. In the heat of the moment and me thinking some kind of the alcohol had passed enough that he knew what he was doing. We ended up hooking up. I drove him home the next day and we didn’t really mention it after that. I had zero intention on talking about it to anyone because I knew he identified as straight and had a thing about his image. But the next night, another friend asked for a ride. I go and pick him up and he immediately tells me “yo what happened with so and so” I was like what do you mean?? He said “so and so said that you raped him!!” I seriously was so shocked.. he ended telling me everything that had actually happened but said that so and so said it as if it was all ME that initiated it! I told my friend that I had picked up that it was seriously a miss understanding and that I needed to get things straightened out. We went and met up with so and so and I strongly suggested that he get his story straight and eventually ended up admitting that he had lied and said he wanted to tell people that because he thought I would be out the next day running my mouth and feared what people would think of him.

some time passed and he had not spoken or hung out really. One night, we he hit me up and wanted to hang out. I reluctantly agreed with the understanding that there would be no alcohol. We hung out for a few hour when he finally said that he wanted to hook up again (sober this time). We ended up hooking up a few times after that night. It all ended up coming to an end when he was hanging out with a few friends and again, they called him names and made fun of him for hooking up with a guy. He tried to play it all of as if I had been the one looking for it and always chasing him which was never the case. I eventually cleared stuff up with everyone but still was very pissed off with so and so. One night I got the chance to hang out with everyone that he had spread lies about me to and him. I tried to talk to him in private at first but he kept playing it off as if I wanted to get him alone so I ended up confronting him in front of everyone and eventually got the truth to come out of him by him saying that he was never the one getting fucked he just needed a hole and a bitch that was willing to give it. I laid his ass out in front of everyone. I know violence isn’t the answer but it felt soo good to knock his ass out. Which I also had warned him about.

So I guess where I was going with all of this, I read in one of your responses that you talked to him and are still friends. But I would urge you to really have a serious conversation with him. See what he wants out of y’all’s friendship/relationship and see how comfortable he would be should other people find out about y’all and such. If he’s not then I would talk to him about keeping things strictly as friends and not push things any further than they already have.

 

[vixter]

There are the type of straight/experimental guys who simply enjoy being desired. I don't know his true sexuality of course but we could call him straight until proven otherwise. It made him horny to know that you wanted him and that he could have had you. He probably often fantasized about you sucking him and him fucking you. But then decided that some things are better off left to the imagination. Reality would have never surpassed fantasy, and things might have become awkward afterwards.

If he is now saying he doesn't even want to be friends, I would recommend you to let him go completely. Forget about him, unless he would change his mind and contact you. Gays and straights can definitely have great close friendships but this doesn't sound like it was. A real friend would not have been bothered that you tried to hook up with his gay friend. He just wanted you to desire him without giving you the goodies...

 

[srbb]

The difference is you added insults to your post. That’s the definition of toxic. All good though… I’m not stooping to your level. Hope you have a very happy life full of fulfillment and blessings. I’m sure you’re an absolute joy in real life matey

 

[aeihtelag]

I met a former best friend 4 years ago in college and we became instantly inseparable. He was dating a girl at the time but spent more time with me than his girlfriend and we would go to the gym to work out every day. When drunk, he’d flirt with me and would make sexual comments but not when sober. He also said his mom believed he was gay and needed viagra with his girlfriend. We usually slept in boxers in each other’s beds when visiting each other but no funny business.

Fast forward two years and I had graduated but he had not. We kissed in a club when I visited him and continued sleeping in the same bed, making references to blowjobs and him joking about me licking cum off his stomach. He even asked me to send him dick pics when he was drunk. Then the pandemic hit and we began sending workout and modeling pics and vids to each other for 2 years, often with bulge showing clearly. However, even though he would consistently flirt and lead me on when drunk or high, when I did the same thing back sober he sometimes said it made him uncomfortable. recently he started doing role play of us being step brothers and would talk about bending me over a washing machines, but then ghosted for 2 months before reconnecting.

we got in 2 really big arguments, one over me visiting and one over me trying to hu w a gay friend of his without telling him. We saw each other a few weeks ago and he said he wanted me to blow him and to stay Dl, but then became angry with me the next night while drunk when I propositioned him quietly in a group setting. He is now saying he doesn’t want to be friends. This is taking a toll on me, since we said we were once blood brothers, and it’d be interesting to hear your input. Thanks.

Definitely closeted bi before and after that is being a closeted gay, if he finds it uncomfortable to even acknowledge his sexual urges toward another man and quite destructive to toxic behavior for him to sexually lead you on while he's on something, whether his high or drunk as an excuse to be uncomfortable when being upfront about what happened and to use it to defend his inclinations hidden within. Don't let it take a toll on you, not worth it. If he comes back for more, be frank and tell him what does our connection lead to and why should we be continue on this? Your friend must smooth out himself before you could pursue him.

Second, why is he so possessive? Esp. about him getting mad about the hook-up with his gay friend without him knowing. Were you both in a relationship or just fuck buds on the DL? Because I find that very strange when both of you're not in a relationship, then roleplaying as step-brothers sounds like a gay porn story he's into. 2 years of sending each other sexy pics would def. mean something to the both of you, but I dunno if both of you acknowledge that as a 'relationship' or something else.

Goodluck sir

 

[srbb]

Hey Tito, appreciate ur response. We chatted today and we’re still friends. Sorry you had to go through that but please take your toxicity elsewhere. Thanks.

 

[tito21]

Simple, block his number and cut off all contacts with him. Life isn’t that complicated!

People like OP are drama queen. His friend made it clear he doesn’t want to be friends anymore and yet, Op came on here asking ‘help’ with his friend?? WTF?? They’re grown men, no one is pointing a gun at his head forcing him to say or do anything. Accept it and move on. F’ken drama queen.

My best friend of 17 years, that I have know. since I was 10 made a remark about gay people marrying animal if ‘gay marriage’ was approved, i was fucking fuming, then a week later, he fucking got smirk and told me and my family that we would all go to hell because we weren’t Christians.

I fucking asked him to leave my house and blocked his ass. Cut off all contacts with him. Simple! And my life has been better because I don’t have to deal with his bullshit.

 

[srbb]

Wow… really set you off. It’s too easy on here. I take back the blessings then. You’re life sounds amazing though!!!!! plus I’m hotter than him and most. Model type ya know

 

[Infernal]

You should keep him at arm's length. He's got issues to work out and you don't need to be caught up in it while he does.

 

[RainbowStrength]

Wow… really set you off. It’s too easy on here. I take back the blessings then. You’re life sounds amazing though!!!!! plus I’m hotter than him and most. Model type ya know

Lol, it really did set him off Don't sweat the haters who are obviously projecting their own personal insecurity onto you.

It's obvious he is working through some very heavy stuff in his own life and experimenting with it with you because he trusts you.

To some, coming out is easy. For others, it can be a violent push and pull like it was for myself with a harsh cycle of denial and conflict.

In whatever case, you deserve better here. The past may contain many amazing memories, but that was with him as a platonic friend. With that changing, there's a whole plethora of red flags that you've admitted as distressing.

If you don't want him out of your life entirely, back things up to just friends again. Give him time to learn about himself better outside of you, and if you really want to give it a second chance after all of that, that's a decision that only you can make.

 

[balanceofpower874]

There’s a

I know you’re based Stateside but I wonder if you can get the U.K. based streaming service ‘All 4’… Can probably do it with a VPN?

Anyway, there’s a great program on there called Cucumber. It shows a out 40 something gay man who lusts after his 40 something ‘straight’ work colleague. Long story short, late in the season he finally gets with him - and the guy is obv willing but all ends really sadly.

Its a very extreme example, but the point remains. Don’t chase someone that plays games with your emotions and doesn’t value your worth. Why should you?

Everyone has their own coming out journey but you don’t need to be this guys. It’s unfair on you and you’ll always be way more ahead emotionally than he will. There’s 7 Billion people on the planet. Find yourself someone who doesn’t play emotional games with you and values you as you are, without hesitation.

You’re better than this guy. Get out quickly before you get deeper and get really hurt. He’ll find himself eventually, and you’re meant to be - you’ll cross paths again. If not, he’ll just be part of your past… And that’s far better than the other all consuming option. I wish you the best man.

Totally agree with your evaluation and think this guy is too possessive of Dccbb. Your "All 4" reference is appropriate in this case, and Dccbb should feel solace in releasing his friend and his desire to be with him. HIs friends internal conflict will not allow him to be happy and share that happiness with others until he is personally fulfilled/realized as a bi/curious/gay man that he is. He cannot hold your heart hostage for his selfishness and fear. YOU BE YOU, you enjoy your life, find love, and be free.

 

[donkey_2090]

Cpip

There’s a

I know you’re based Stateside but I wonder if you can get the U.K. based streaming service ‘All 4’… Can probably do it with a VPN?

Anyway, there’s a great program on there called Cucumber. It shows a out 40 something gay man who lusts after his 40 something ‘straight’ work colleague. Long story short, late in the season he finally gets with him - and the guy is obv willing but all ends really sadly.

Its a very extreme example, but the point remains. Don’t chase someone that plays games with your emotions and doesn’t value your worth. Why should you?

Everyone has their own coming out journey but you don’t need to be this guys. It’s unfair on you and you’ll always be way more ahead emotionally than he will. There’s 7 Billion people on the planet. Find yourself someone who doesn’t play emotional games with you and values you as you are, without hesitation.

You’re better than this guy. Get out quickly before you get deeper and get really hurt. He’ll find himself eventually, and you’re meant to be - you’ll cross paths again. If not, he’ll just be part of your past… And that’s far better than the other all consuming option. I wish you the best man.

Couple of videos from when it was hot and worth the wank... Watch the series for the other bits when it deffo wasn't and got real sad, real quick.

Good luck man...
View attachment 20211212_234823.mp4
View attachment 20211213_005126.mp4

 

[Aphradight]

Sounds like he has thoughts of being with another man, but is uncomfortable with those thoughts. He talks to you about them because he is comfortable with you. Hitting on him in public is the opposite of what you want to do. He is uncomfortable with his desires. He is your friend. He may be attracted to you and/or your personality. Be kind and placate him if he is important to you. If you want to sleep with him only be forward in private and the opposite in public. If you do sleep with him he may change his mind about the pubic affection, he may never be comfortable with it. When you are in private don’t be weird, just be forward.

 

[tito21]

Hey Tito, appreciate ur response. We chatted today and we’re still friends. Sorry you had to go through that but please take your toxicity elsewhere. Thanks.

I’m just giving you a sound advice. How’s that toxic? If you think that’s toxic, well I apologise and took back what I posted and wish you all the best.

I’m 110% certain that this wouldn’t be the last drama between you and your friend. I’m no psychic, just a hunch based on what you posted. At my age, I can confidently agreed with the old saying, it’s easier to move mountains than trying to change a person.

 

[tito21]

There are the type of straight/experimental guys who simply enjoy being desired. I don't know his true sexuality of course but we could call him straight until proven otherwise. It made him horny to know that you wanted him and that he could have had you. He probably often fantasized about you sucking him and him fucking you. But then decided that some things are better off left to the imagination. Reality would have never surpassed fantasy, and things might have become awkward afterwards.

If he is now saying he doesn't even want to be friends, I would recommend you to let him go completely. Forget about him, unless he would change his mind and contact you. Gays and straights can definitely have great close friendships but this doesn't sound like it was. A real friend would not have been bothered that you tried to hook up with his gay friend. He just wanted you to desire him without giving you the goodies...

People like Op only wants to hear what they wanted to hear. No amount of reasoning can change that. Most older gay men have been through and seen how all these ‘crushing on str8 men’ fantasy played out. We are getting this same kind of topic posted on here quite frequently. But in their mind, they think ‘No! You don’t understand, what me and my friend have are something special!, he likes me and desires me. I can feel it from the bottom of my heart.’

Sorry to break it to you sugar, based on what you wrote, you don’t treat people (claimed to ‘liked or loved’) like how he treated you. That is a toxic behaviour. Ironically enough, he thinks I’m the one being toxic by giving him a sound advice.

Most of us in this thread are giving him the same advice but he isn’t having none of that.

 

[srbb]

You should ask your partner what he thinks of your post… if you have one. Hate to see such a joyful person die alone.

 

[AceWilde]

I think most people in this thread have given you some good advice. But I'd also add that you should consider what you want from this friendship, and you should consider what that is if he's just straight and curious or if he's working his way to coming out, because it sounds like either could be the case. Are you going to be OK with going back to just being friends (or even more distanced) if it turns out you were just a fling to try something new? What would you want to happen if it turns out he is bi/gay? And I'd also keep in mind that when guys who have been living the straight life for a while do turn... Well the chances that he winds up in a relationship with you aren't great. Are you OK with how that might change the relationship?

And also keep in mind that he's been really rude and unkind to you recently so is it even worth figuring all of that out? We can't give you that answer, only you can. Just be careful and be safe.

 

[tito21]

The difference is you added insults to your post. That’s the definition of toxic. All good though… I’m not stooping to your level. Hope you have a very happy life full of fulfillment and blessings. I’m sure you’re an absolute joy in real life matey

Thanks sugar for all your blessings and well wishes! I don’t go to church, So I don’t get blessings from other good Christian folks like yourself often. God knows I need them blessings. Hugs!

And god knows I have sins to confess, but I just can’t help with my sinful thoughts - whenever I step foot inside a church and see a statue of Jesus hanging half naked on the cross, with his fit tight body, that piece of loin cloth barely covering his cock, and you know he got a big hairy cock, men who look like him tend to pack a big one and would eat your ass out after he cummed inside you. My mind would start to wander and fantasising sucking his big old cock and getting double-dicked by Jesus and Joseph. The fantasy is just too much for a born again Christian like myself to handle. Also, sitting on those hard wooden church bench and clutching my anal beads ain’t helping either, that’ll push me over the edge and I’ll be having an out of body experience right there in-front of all the other good Christian folks. Can you imagine the shame afterward? Lord have mercy!

Now that you brought it up, I do want to get a few things done to make my resting bitch face less bitchy so I could look joyous at the very least. Then I could finally catch me a man with poor eyesight. Sadly or fortunately? My permanent resting bitch face can cut diamond! I can cut you a pair of diamond cockrings for you and your friend, when you guys have a lavish-honeymoon in Mykonos. I’m sure that’ll be any days now.

Oh to be gorgeous again and strutting down the street in Mykonos and having rich old men staring you down and eating you up with their eyes. My once boyish full lips have now looked like a credit card sloth. Sadly, no rich men want to slide their credit cards or cock over my sloth anymore. It is what it is.

You should ask your partner what he thinks of your post… if you have one. Hate to see such a joyful person die alone.

Being at my age and looking like a beluga whale, sadly, my chance and days of finding a partner are pretty much OVAH! I have accepted that I can’t compete with all the young, fit and good looking men out there for a man. I’m at peace with that.

In the superficial gay dating world, only youth + good looks matter. So don’t waste your youth and good looks on that dead beat friend of yours. Your clock is ticking. He isn’t going to change! Ask yourself, do you want a life partner/bf/husband that behaves like what your friend did? Trying to control you and forbid you from seeing other people? Angry at you over petty things? Based on the little info that you shared with us, your friend was manipulative and abusive. Those aren’t good personality traits that you want to see in a lover.

I don’t know about you, I’d rather sit my beached whale ass in an all you can eat buffet than spend a minute with your friend. He is toxic, immature and bringing out the worse in you, making you unhappy and misery. Cut him off and block him. Move on! You have a whole life a head of you. You deserve to be happy. Let someone else deal with his bullshit. You don’t know him that well, you may think you do, but you don’t. Not even him knowing who he is. Unless you want to spend your time dealing with his drama. look at how he’s currently behaving and treating you. He isn’t going to treat you any better. Like the old saying, if someone is showing you who he is, believe them. Actions speak louder than words.
People often get caught up in a tunnel vision and seeing things through rose-tinted glasses. All the other posters on here are saying the same thing. Leave him and let him be. We have see it all and your friend isn’t an exception.

I don’t know him but I had a feeling that he would dump yo ass when you’re no longer young + good looking. Just a hunch. Also, ask yourself, would you put up with someone who’s average/ugly behaving like that? Clearly Not! You wouldn’t! Just look at the way you’re calling me out being a fucking cunt when I tried to offer a good advice. Meanwhile, your hot friend over there ran you over with his fucking car and you’re like ‘You don’t understand, he’s confused, he just needs a bit more time, i know he desires me, he’s jealous that i’m seeing other men, he won’t behave like that unless he’s really into me and want me all to himself. We’re meant to be, I can feel it.’ No! It doesn’t matter whether he’s str8, gay or bi, he isn’t going to come out for you.

He’s going to dump yo ass for another young naive piece of ass once he’s sick of playing with your emotion. And what do you have to Show for it when that happens? A head full of regrets and mourning over the lost time - that you could have spent with a real gay guy that loved and cherished you. Unless you’re happy with being a side piece that he might show his cock to you every now and then. It doesn’t matter that he’s sleeping in the same bed with you and spending more time with you than with his gf. He is fucking her and cummed inside her pussy and not yours. His action is loud and clear.
If you want to be around him, treat him as a friend and don’t hope for anything more! Because it’s causing you to play mind games and guessing his every move and that isn’t a good way to live.