Help with GF

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by titsmagee9, Jul 24, 2011.

  1. titsmagee9

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    Ok here's the "problem" its not a big issue but its something I'd like some advice on.

    My girlfriend despises giving blowjobs and I really enjoy them. Something about the unselfishness of it and having all attention on me is really nice occasionally. Although honestly she isn't great at them (likely mostly due to a lack of enthusiasm due to the aforementioned dislike of the acticity) and sex feels better. Are there any tips WOMEN have on how they got over their dislike of performing oral, or how I might be able to convince her to be more open to it?

    And to get any dismissive or judgmental responses out of the way, I am not a selfish lover, most of my focus in bed is satisfying her and making her come, this is not something I push on her repeatedly, I have prolly gotten roughly 10 blowjobs from her total in 6 months of being together (mostly before we started having sex and during periods b/c she felt bad) because I respect that she really doesn't like it, I don't eat her out really at all but that's because she doesn't ask me to and is very much satisfied with my cock and fingers, although I want to start doing it some because I think she would really like it. An idea I've had is to try 69ing to open us both up to oral, but we haven't had a chance to try that out as we are apart this summer.

    Additional details, she doesn't really give my penis much affection in general, other than verbal, e.g. telling me how much she loves my cock in her, how she misses it, how she loves how big it is, etc.., if shes touching it its usually because I put her hand on it and even then its brief.

    I think part of it is a reluctance to do things that she feels makes her "slutty." She was raised in a fairly affluent community by catholic parents. I visited and stayed with her family and they definitely seemed to embody some of the stereotypical "waspy" values (I know wasp means non catholic, but I'm talking about the stereotype, not the strict definition). She definitely feels a need to be ladylike.

    Please only helpful responses, telling me that I'm stupid for wanting to be blown or that shes an ice queen and I should leave her is unproductive and a waste of your time for writing it and everyone's time who subsequently reads it.

    Thanks
     
  2. EllieP

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    Sweetie, call it quits. You're looking for someone to worship your organ, and she's not the one. And you know what? You can't make her. There is nothing you can do to make your dick so attractive that she can't leave it alone.

    Think about it! You pee out of that thing! And then something even grosser comes out! That's all she can think about. Come on, Man! Would you give a blow job?

    She's too ladylike to be a slut? Maybe she has problems with intimacy.

    Maybe in time she'll become comfortable enough, but how long do you want to wait? How many times will you sleep together and you become resentful that once again she didn't perform oral sex? And it will just get worse. You will become angry. And she will become defensive. And you will have a stand-off.

    So what did you really want to hear? Maybe you should get a friend with benefits to help you with your oral needs. You can always tell your girlfriend that you love her so much and want to be with her forever and that's why you got a fuck-buddy.
     
  3. AlteredEgo

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    You are describing a sexual incompatibility. If you need her to want to give you blowjobs, you will have to find another girlfriend. If everything else outweighs this aspect, you'll have to put up with half-assed blowies until she gives up on giving them altogether. You don't get over not liking stuff. You like it, or you don't.
     
  4. titsmagee9

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    Ok wow two terrible, close-minded responses. Both of them were exactly what I wasn't looking for.

    I don't believe that everyone who doesn't enjoy giving blowjobs initially ends up never giving them ever. I don't think she's start loving to slob on my knob, but I think that she could come to tolerate it and do it rarely with a bit of effort in order to please me. I don't think every guy starts out loving eating pussy, but their desire to please their lover and/or love for their partner allows many to overcome initial discomforts.

    Let me re-emphasize: This isn't a huge issue. It doesn't eat away at me or our relationship. I don't end each sex session with resentment that she didn't blow me. I never have. As I said before, its an occasional treat that gets me off because it focuses all the attention on me and my cock. I don't want them all the time. I love fucking her and I really love getting her to squirt all over me. We are highly sexually compatible, we have great sex with high frequency and both are very satisfied by it.

    Anyone have something to say other than basically that the relationship is fucked?
     
  5. AlteredEgo

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    Fuck off. You asked for opinions. They were given. Whose mind is closed? The people who shared their experience, or the person who has none, but insists that only the answer he wants to hear is an answer?

    I didn't say you were sexually incompatible. I said this was an incompatibility. If it's a big deal, treat it like a big deal and cut your losses. If it's not, my advice is to communicate your wishes and move on, but not to expect change. Change is extremely unlikely. What is likely? You will keep getting unenthusiastic blow-jays until you start getting no blow-jays. You don't like my answer, and I don't care that you don't. Your hopes do not change my opinion.
     
  6. titsmagee9

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    I don't see how this helps. You obviously care that I don't like it or you wouldn't have posted this. I'm not trying to get in an argument, I'm trying to get some advice. I don't know why you assume I have no experience, and I don't know what it means to only want to hear an answer that's an answer.

    I'm sorry I called your response terrible and closed minded, looking back that was inflammatory and asking for this type of thing. But your answer was exactly what I said I wasn't looking for. I'm not looking for everyone's opinion, just that of someone who believes they can help. Obviously that person would not share your view that people are inflexible and not capable of change. Sorry to rile you up. Please don't try to turn this into an argument because that's not what I want this thread to devolve into.

    I hope you enjoy the rest of your day.
     
  7. Opalite

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    What AE is trying to make you see, is that the answer you are looking to get just isn't there. There is no magic cure or answer. And with what little information you are giving us, there isn't much to say either way.

    The only thing you could try is talk with her about it. Find out why it is she dislikes it so much and try to work it out from there. There's a very good chance it won't change anything about the situation, but if there is an underlying issue this is the only way you're going to find out. Appart from that, theres only the obvious and common-known: good personal hygiene, trying flavored condoms or lotions (Hustler used to make one that was not all that bad) or food-items like chocolate bodypaint or whipped cream if taste was an issue.
     
  8. molotovmuffin

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    You should have your thread moved to "sex with a large penis" and then you'll get lots of responses on how to make her love your cock.
     
  9. titsmagee9

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    Aight, I guess there's no one on here who either themselves or had a partner that didn't really like giving oral sex at first but worked thru it. Surprising.

    I guess I was just looking for advice from someone who had been there before. I'm not trying to turn her into a mindless cock worshiper as some seem to be implying, just more affectionate to my cock and more willing to let go and relax when giving the rare blowjob.

    I know that talking to her about it is obviously the only way to go about this, I guess just a good way to frame it was what I was looking for. I have talked to her about it some and she is just reluctant and gets defensive after too long.

    I guess I'll try talking to her some more, and trying 69ing so she can associate sucking me to pleasure.
     
  10. D_Hey Sailor

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    She might not fawn over your dick because she doesn't feel that way about it. Some girls just don't dig tha peen, some think they're icky, ugly things, and not everyone is really enthused by sex, or hasn't found a partner to make them enthused about it.

    I wouldn't worry much about Catholicism or affluence being a pitfall here. Should it be... well I guess that's a point of contention between her core values, beliefs, and your desires. Which is a whoooooole 'nother issue outside the bedroom.

    You haven't mentioned talking to her about it, so that would be the most fruitful path to take. I think your best bet would be to emphasize the things you share passion for in the bedroom, and give her time to see if the other issues come around in time.

    Sorry to not be of much help.
     
  11. dolfette

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    i hate coffee.

    no matter how much i like the guy making it, no matter how pretty the mug, no matter what the incentives there are for drinking it, no matter if it magically made me sexier/smarter/richer, i'd still really hate coffee.

    you seem to be very rigid.

    you want there to be a fix, therefore there must exist a fix, an anyone denying that there must be a fix is a party pooper not worthy of your respect. i suspect you're going to face a lot of disappointments in life, doll.

    ...i'm not catholic, my family are not prudes, i do things in the bedroom that would make you're average whore gasp. i also detest giving blowjobs. i think it's wrong to assume her personal tastes must be due to some flaw, some issue. cocks... well... they don't look good, they don't taste good, but they feel good if you get them in the right hole. a man who needs his cock adored would be unsatisfied in a relationship with me.
     
  12. dolfette

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    ps. cock worship is not mindless. it's a valid part of some people's sexual make up.
     
  13. molotovmuffin

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    Personally, if I didn't like something and my partner kept "talking" to me about it...I'd get really pissed off and most likely defensive. I get the impression your idea of talking to her is trying to cagoule her into it.

    PS. You're complaining because she doesn't relish sucking your cock even though she does on occasion do so. Yet, you don't go down on her...double standards if you ask me.
     
  14. pomaz59

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    the first thing that came to my mind was, that even though you don't want to, maybe you are sending signals to her that she isn't really good at it. that of course can kill one's motivation. you could tell her that you really like how she does it and that it is a great turn on for you the way she blows you. give her positive feedback. that might be a little lie at the beginning, but it could enhance her enthusiasm for it.


    otherwise, i can give you my (man's) point of view on this:
    the first time i ate a pussy -i was 18- i thought i was supposed to feel some kind of sexual stimulation through this process and i was disappointed afterwards that it didn't happen. i wasn't disgusted or anything, but i felt nothing. i wasn't turned on, not even a little bit.

    it was a really demotivating discovery, because i saw all these guys in porn how they get (or stay) rock hard while licking a girl and i went limp every time i did it. so there was a period, where i kind of avoided oral sex, because i thought there is something wrong with me.

    it took me time till i realized that this was a really selfish behaviour from my side --> just because i don't enjoy it, why shouldn't i make my partner happy this way?

    so than i started doing it again, and i realized that the act itself still may not be a turn on for me, but i really like her joyful reactions while i'm doing it. moreover, i found that i love the look and smell of a vagina - not because it turns me on, more in an "exploratory way". you know, like when you were sitting in biology class as a kid and learned about something you've never seen before and you were struck by curiosity... so this way i found my own amusement in giving oral sex.

    maybe you could try something like this: create a real comfortable atmosphere for her (candles, completely alone in the house, ...) and do some sessions with her where you discover each others body. not with the pressure of having actual, if yes thats cool, if no thats totally ok as well. lay down and let her do anything she wants with your body (thats the important part here, this time she should do whatever she likes and not what she thinks you might like). maybe she wants to kiss you on your chest or touch your belly or simply look at your cock without touching or just snuggle --> let her do it. she should discover for herself what her own turn ons are, what she enjoys on your body. the point is to create such level of intimacy, so that she may find something she likes but never knew about it before.


    yet, i have to point it out again, that even though i found my amusement in giving oral sex, i'm still not sexually stimulated by it. so if a girl expects me to get a boner while i lick her, it just won't happen no matter what. and thats a fact me & my partner would have to accept --> so as lot of the girls said here before, don't expect a huge change from her side, she just might not be that "cocklover" type
     
  15. EllieP

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    LOL! I've been called many things, but closed-minded was never, ever one of them. If anything I'm just the opposite, but I do call a spade a spade. And, Sweetie, this is spades. She's not going to love your weenie no matter how pretty you try to make it. That's not being closed-minded, but you are certainly shutting your eyes to reality.

    If wishes were fishes she'd be slobbering all over your sausage, but my husband appears to have already found the magic lamp, and while he may have the biggest whanger on the block, I'm still not thinking it's very attractive. Guess he forgot to wish for that part.

    Don't get me wrong, I love what he can do with it, and yes, I am sort of an oral expert who can make his toes curl. But it still ain't purty.

    OK, fully open-minded now, she may one day have a eureka moment and realize that she loves to give you oral sex. And she may want to do it more than you do. But trust me, she'll never find it an object or worship. Now maybe if you covered it with gold...
     
  16. helgaleena

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    OP, your agreeing to 69 her is a helpful thing. That is, if she enjoys being eaten!

    If you are serious about staying with this girl, you must love her for the way she is, not try to make her into what she is not. She must come to love you of her own free will. She must Want to perform oral because she is in love with how you treat her in every other area of your relationship. Only then will she be motivated to acquire the skills.

    Taking care with your diet will change the taste of your semen also. Eat yogurt. It works for both sexes to improve taste. So does mint.

    And if you want her to pet you more, don't insist that she fondle only your dick. Let her fondle YOU-- all of you. Sincerity is what is required.

    I hope this helps, and is not just 'what you want to be told'.
     
  17. B_Bjen2848

    B_Bjen2848 New Member

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    i know what the OP is going through, the ppl here saying he needs to call it quits are just being rude, there is no need to end an entire relationship over a blowjob (or lack of one) if what the OP is saying is true, its obvious they are sexually compatible, there is just a minor issue which is very normal, so there is no need to jump his shit for no reason :-/

    anyway, the best thing to do is to talk it out with her, maybe she has an issue of how clean you are, if thats the case maybe you two can shower together (i love doing this with my gf, very intimate, hot & fun .. plus you get clean before you get dirty ;-) )

    and maybe you can eat her out first to show her that you care just as much about her satisfaction, i know you do, but a lot of women need the overt attention or "prove" that you really care, try and think over and beyond because that's where a lot of men lack, we think we are doing enough when we think about them but we need to give them all of our attention times 5 in order for them to be happy

    once she realizes that you'll do it for her, she will probably do it for you .. and if she doesn't than she's probably just anti-blowjobs (which kinda sucks) ... and its probably just you not making her feel comfortable enough with you, because trust me, she and all women is just as freaky as any guy out there, you just have to make her comfortable with you b/c a lot of women don't want to be judged as a slut, so once you break that wall down, you should see a big change in your sex life and you'll see her be willing to do many more things with you
     
  18. titsmagee9

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    Aight thanks for the advice guys. Some of you still seem to think that I'm trying to change her into someone that worships my cock and cant stop touching it or something, when I think I've said several times that all I'm looking for is a RARE blowjob that's done with some sort of enthusiasm/vigor/effort or whatever. Also the fact that I don't eat her out doesn't make it a double standard, because as I stated before its never something she's expressed interest in, although I have begun to experiment with it more, because I think she'd enjoy it a ton and I love watching/making her get off. Also she is a very sexual person, I've helped awaken that in her to a large degree. I've been the biggest/best she's ever had and I've made her come more/harder than she ever has. I think this whole thing is part of what I have already started in getting her to embrace her sexuality.

    Also dolfette, I'm not very a very rigid person, well....mentally I'm not a very rigid person, just looking for advice other than "give up."

    And Molotovmuffin, idk what cagoule means, googled it and its some piece of clothing....typo? But its not something I've badgered her about, just tried to tell her that its something I really enjoy and it'd be nice as an occasional treat.

    EllieP, sorry I just think you're somewhat misinterpreting my intentions. You say yourself that you don't like giving blowjobs but that you're an expert at giving them, which implies that you can get over your dislike to do something that pleases your partner, basically exactly what I'm looking for. I don't want her to love doing it, I don't want her to worship my penis, all I want is a RARE blowjob with a bit of effort/thought involved.

    But thanks all for your advice, I think my game plan is to try 69ing and to just talk to her some more about letting go of inhibitions and reservations she has about being "slutty" b/c as I've told her many times, its not slutty if its with your boyfriend.
     
  19. JIMINY69

    JIMINY69 New Member

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    Long time stalker, first time poster.

    Anyhow.

    You have to tell yor GF how you feel. My wife does not "enjoy" giving BJ's. What she does enjoy however is making me happy, same as I enjoy making her happy, so Once a month, maybe more, maybe less she gives me a BJ. She doesn't jump for joy about it but she does it, and if I try to tell her not to, don't worry, she pushes me back and says she wants to. (lying but I let her cause she wants me to let her). She only does this because she knows that I like the occasional BJ.

    If you and your woman have a healthy realthionship then you can tell her what you want and she can make it happen for you. Same if she was a veggie but coked you steak everyonce in a while or if you were a Carni but when she was over made a stictly veggie meal.

    People who love one another do things occasionally that they don't like but know the other does. It needs to go both ways of course and it need to be unselfish. If you end up pushing it and demand BJ's on a regular, no demand them at all, then it will become a bone of contention, but if you tell her it's something that you love that she can do for you, as a loving woman in a loving relationship she should be able to see past her dislike and accomadate you.
     
  20. ManlyBanisters

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    You say you think that she may be sexually repressed because of her upbringing and yet you expect her to ask for head? She's not going to ask for it if her brain has been wired to believe that asking for it makes her a bad person. Take the initiative. Just do it. Stop if she says stop, obviously - but just do it otherwise.

    I appreciate you want to help her explore her sexuality - it is possible that parental / cultural conditioning makes her feel bad for enjoying giving and/or receiving oral. I also think it is a good idea for you to be open to the possibility that she won't ever like giving oral. IF (big IF) that turns out to be the case then you have to work out whether you want the occasional BJ because she wants to make you happy (like JIMINY69's wife gives) or if you'd rather do without.

    On the whole '69' idea - it may work for you and is worth trying. However, 69ing is NOT the same as getting and giving head. 'What', you may say, 'the fuck are you talking about? Of course it is! You get and give head at the same time, idiot.' Yes - but no - it isn't the same as JUST getting or JUST giving head feels. I love sucking my man's cock - I like to give it all my attention and be totally free to move whichever way I need to to give the best bj I can. I ADORE getting head from him - I love to lie back and concentrate of every little sensation as he moves whichever way he needs to to give me the best cunnilingus possible. Neither of us can achieve any of that if we have to keep our groins in each other's faces. I like to 69 with him too, but it's not the same.

    My ex used to only like to give head when he was getting blown - that was no damn good for me as the only form of head I'd ever get - it was frustrating and I don't recall ever cumming from it.

    That's me - your girlfriend may totally get off on 69ing and give you a WAY better bj if your lips are on her pussy at the same time. I'm only telling you my feelings on the matter as one possibility.
     
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