Helping someone quit smoking.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Kassokilleri2ff, Jul 26, 2011.

  1. Kassokilleri2ff

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    My girlfriend wants me to help her quit smoking. She wNts to smoke less and then eventually quit all together. I have her cigarettes and I give her 1 a day. It's only been like 5 days so far but she gets more than one she has friends and bums pulls off them. If she gets upset she begs for one. I never want to give her any I hate cigarettes I obviously don't smoke.

    I don't know what to do. Should I be a dick and just deny her them beyond her 1 a day or should I give in if she begs or is having a bad day. Should I just say " no none at all period".

    It's hard I feel bad for her but I really want her to
    Quit and she really wants to quit but her will and self control is weak and that's why she mostly gives me the power to control how many she gets.

    What do you guys think? I don't smoke so I don't know how it is. But I know smokers are sympathetic and always seem to give eachother cigarettes even if they know a friend is quitting.

    I need to be tough on her but how tough?
     
  2. mephistopheles

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    If she wants your help then don't give her any. I am a smoker, and this is my advice.

    She told you she wants you to help her quit, so don't give her any. The thing is that no matter how much you help her she'll always be able to smoke, she's her own person and all but you can only do so much.

    It's really up to her will power.
    And quitting is hard.

    Don't be mean about it, it's an addiction. Something she didn't really think she was gonna get hooked on and you harping on her for it is just gonna make her want cigarettes more.

    I would suggest doing some breathing exercises or having her drink a glass of water when she wants a cigarette.

    Most people do well by replacing the stimulation a cigarette gives with another kind like food or jogging. I would suggest replacing that cigarette with a glass of water and 7 minutes of breathing(since that's how long a cig lasts, if you need that long)

    Besides, it's important to get your water; replacing a cigarette with something healthy that isn't a hassle is the best idea.

    Another thing is to focus on exercising a bit more, the focus is provides can completely draw away from cigarettes, it's best she doesn't sit in a room by herself thinking of smoking.

    It's all common sense just remember it takes about a month for the nicotine to begone from her system and the cravings may last longer. I know people who quit 20 years ago and still get cravings.

    Best of luck to her and to you, the first 2 weeks are the hardest(first two weeks after no cigarettes have been smoked)
     
  3. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    You set this up together right (you keeping the smokes and only giving her one a day)? If you did, and one a day was what she initially wanted you to give her, then stick to it. It could be that going down to one a day is too big a drop. Maybe she needs to come up with a more realistic figure (eg. 5). But whatever figure she decides upon, if the deal is that you are only to give her that many, stick to it.

    It might also be worth exploring other avenues. Champix is supposed to work brilliantly, although as has been mentioned in another thread today, it can have side effects, like any medication.
     
  4. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    I think the 7 minutes of breathing is a good suggestion. When need a smoke but can't have one for some reason (eg. long car trip with a baby in the car), inhaling air as though it was a cigarette does actually help.
     
  5. nudeyorker

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    Over the years I've tried many ways to quit smoking... I went to The Schick Clinic in LA, I went to Somke Enders, I wore the patch, I chewed the gum, I took Wellbutrin and I just kept smoking because deep down I don't think I wanted to stop.
    I have not had a cigarette for over three months and I've never felt better... This is how I did it. I bought a calender and exactly enough cigarettes for the program I am about to outline... The first week I allowed myself a pack of cigarettes a day. The second week I allowed myself a half a pack per day.(But mark the exact time of day on the calender that you are going to smoke it... and stick to it... this way you don't smoke when you want to you smoke when you have to) The third week I allowed myself 2 cigarettes a day.(One in the morning and one after dinner... but the trick was I had to leave the house and go someplace else and smoke it at least a block away) The fourth week I allowed myself one a day. (At noon... this way I got rid of my favorite morning and evening smoke)
    On the morning of the new month I stopped and had my last cigarette with a glass of champagne as a pre-celebration for the path that I was taking with my life and health. I did it this way because I wanted to slowly wean myself off of the nicotine to hopefully make the withdrawal less heinous.
    The first three days were not a lot of fun, I drank a lot of water and exercised moderately. If you can make it to a week you have reached your first milestone and you start feeling better. Then week two comes and goes with improvement. I felt really good at week three. The first six weeks I had dreams about smoking and was tempted regularly. It's these times your will power is tested and you have to decide who is going to win you or the cravings! Right now I have never felt better in my entire life. It's important to do something to help you measure your progress in a positive way. I put all the money I would have spent on cigarettes in a shoe box... I have saved over $1,200.00 so far.
    This time around it worked for me because I really wanted to quit. I guess the point that I want to make is she needs to take the power away from you and become empowered herself. You should just be there for support.
    Hope this helped... good luck to you and your girl friend.
     
    #5 nudeyorker, Jul 26, 2011
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2011
  6. Uncutsouthernboy

    Uncutsouthernboy Well-Known Member

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    I know several people who have used Chantix (not Champix) to quit smoking. Each of them say, even after 3-4 years, they don't get any cravings. Even the odor of cigarette smoke is nauseating to them. One of them had a heart attack at 42. The Dr. told him he would have to stop.

    They each say too that the side effects for them were few.
     
  7. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    A few years ago I read a journal article discussing a method similar to the one you used. I'll have to see if I can find it again.

    I always seem to make that mistake :redface:. It seems that my brain is convinced there should be a p in it.
     
  8. helgaleena

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    http://www.lpsg.org/257502-i-dont-think-i-can.html This recent thread is basically a failure story of trying Chantix :sad:

    I think the best advice is to stick to your original agreement. Don't let her talk you out of it-- that will be the nicotine speaking. Just realize that it's something that puts its feelers deep into a person's chemistry for quite some time, and getting used to the new low level will be hard. Good nutrition, especially fresh fruit and veg, will help.

    When she is comfortable with the one a day for several weeks it will be far easier for her to decide for herself that she doesn't need even the one!
     
  9. Intrigue

    Intrigue New Member

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    Have you tried electronic cigs? I've been nicotine free for over 6 months. For me, once I used the electronic nicotine delivery I was able to handle my nicotine fixes and just get over the need to smoke. I hate the smell now. I do admit sometimes I miss the act of smoking so me and the missus will setup a hookah and enjoy flavored tobacco but its no longer for the nicotine which for us was the problem. We had to want to quit. Otherwise it won't work.
     
  10. Kassokilleri2ff

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    Thanks a lot guys your posts help a lot, not only is tips but in my personal feelings about all this too. I feel better prepared to help her now and I feel that I can be stronger in helping her. She's the love of my life and I would do anything for her.
     
  11. helgaleena

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    Those look like fun! I know it is pleasant to inhale the hot vapors off a cup of coffee or tea, so it must be similar.
     
  12. mephistopheles

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    That's what's important, just make sure you keep up your end of the bargain. From the way you talk about it though I don't doubt you'll do well.
     
  13. RawDog

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    My ex wanted me to quit smoking when we first started going out. I was at a pack a day. I made a deal with her. Every time I had the craving, we'd either fuck or she could give me a blow job. It didn't have to be 'til completion, just until the craving went away.

    I literally quit that day and had the most amazing bunches and bunches O' fucking.
     
  14. D_Harry_Pitz

    D_Harry_Pitz New Member

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    I think this is a bad setup and it will cause unnessecary friction between the two of you because you will be the one denying her her cigarette. Don't make your relationship harder than it should be, try helping her another way. I can't really give advice on how to quit since i'm a smoker and never tried to quit.
     
  15. B_Lightkeeper

    B_Lightkeeper New Member

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    Anyone can quit IF they really want to.
    Do a search of a photo of a deceased smokers lung. That will make you sick and it probably killed them.
     
  16. umami_tsunami

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    If she's relying on you, then she might not have the necessary motivation to quit. Yet. She needs to want to quit so badly that you don't matter in it. I mean if she really wants to smoke, she will just go out and get a pack. I don't think you are doing her any favors by doling out one a day or whatever your agreement is. You should support her and give her encouragement, but being the keeper of the smokes for her isn't helping. Nudeyorker's plan sounds like a good step down, but it was his own control and will.

    I smoked a pack a day (some days more) for 20+ years and quit cold turkey. No gum, no patches, no meds. It sucked for 2 weeks, then got easier and easier. By 60 days you can't believe you voluntarily poisoned yourself every day like that. 15 years later, I still can't believe I did that to myself. I hope I did not do any irreversible damage.

    When people ask how I did it, I tell them it was two things: 1. I was disgusted by it and knew I wanted to quit for no other reason but for my health. 2. I was not going to smoke a cigarette NO MATTER WHAT... I said those three words to myself 10,000x in the first few weeks.

    Anyone that is not fully committed to quitting NO MATTER WHAT, will not.

    Smoking addiction is one of the hardest to break because it's easy to get, it's legal, it's still somewhat acceptable and you don't see or feel any serious immediate negative effects. Good luck to her.
     
  17. TheRob

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    it's tough but you can't quit for her, she'll get the cigs elsewhere anyway, basically you have to HELP her quit, not MAKE her quit
    and that's tough cus it's really them quitting and you are just being there for support
     
  18. Kassokilleri2ff

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    You guys are right. She keeps sneaking cigarettes and getting them from other people. She told me she wanted me to help her this way and I agreed. But it's not working and it just upsets me. I'm going to just give her her cigarettes back and let her do what she wants. Me being "in control" is just making things harder between us.

    Once again thanks for thus advice guys.
     
  19. rawrg

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    E-Cigs worked for me. I got the super strong menthol flavored ones, and eventually quit altogether.
     
  20. schekqy

    schekqy New Member

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    Cold turkey is the only way, really. It is not that bad - after 1 - 3 months the cravings diminish to being very infrequent and no thoughts or "missing" of it is too bad at all. I saw the early, hard cravings as actually motivating - something I gave to myself and have to endure and I can do it. Then, before you know it, they subside.

    One really great help, if you need it, is Alan Carr's book, "The easy way....."

    Also, if you are smoking too, don't worry about how to help her, just quit too. You are not different and the odds are it will harm you in a very big way.

    It is hard, but very, very doable. Don't give in to the mental trap that it is just so hard that you must say F it and thus keep with it.
     
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