Henny Youngman

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by B_caneadea, Jan 2, 2006.

  1. B_caneadea

    B_caneadea New Member

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    "I just returned from a pleasure trip."

    "Oh, where did you go?"

    "I took my mother-in-law to the airport."
     
  2. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    rimshot
     
  3. rawbone8

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    heh heh he said rim
     
  4. Snakebyte

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    airport? graveyard would sound much better :)
     
  5. B_caneadea

    B_caneadea New Member

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    "I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years.
    If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!"

    "My wife spent two hours at the beauty shop.
    And, that was just for the estimate!"

    "My wife tried using a mud pack on her face. She looked great!
    Then, the mud fell off!"

    "A doctor gave me 6 months to live.
    When I couldnt pay the bill, he gave me another 6 months!"

    The doctor said, "you'll live to be 80." The patient said, "I AM 80"!
    The doctor said, "see, what did I tell ya"?

    "She's been married so many times, she has rice marks on her face!"

    "My hotel is so small, the mice are hunchbacked!"

    and drrrrrum roll.........................

    "My wife is so fat,
    when she sits around the house, she sits AROUND the house!"
     
  6. KidBrown

    KidBrown New Member

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    Henny was a fucking genius I tells ya. I have some of his comedy specials on old 33 1/3 records that my father gave me. One liners for the whole show, old school humor without resorting to vulgar language to incite laughter.
     
  7. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

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    More memorable Henny youngman doctor jokes


    A man goes to a pyschiatrist. After examining him the psychiatrist says, "You're crazy!" The man says, "I want a second opinion!" "OK, you're ugly too!"

    A man goes to a doctor with a hearing problem;
    "Doc, I've got this ringing in my ears, what should I do??" The doctors replies,"Don't answer it!"
     
  8. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    Back in the 1970's I found an ad in a magazine offering 1000 Henny Youngman jokes for $1.00. I wish I still had that list for what's available on the internet falls far short of that total.
     
  9. D_alex8

    D_alex8 Member

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    A man walks into a doctor's surgery and says, "It hurts when I do this".
    The doctor says: "Maybe you have arthritis".

    "Waiter! Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!".
    "I know, sir, we have a problem with insects."
     
  10. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

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    I just now remembered a quote he made some odd yrs ago:

    "I had a nightmare last night. I dream Dolly Parton was my mother and I was a bottle baby":scared2:
     
  11. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    alex8 and jonb just can't tell a joke.
     
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