Her libido is now zero...

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by episcalo, Jun 14, 2009.

  1. episcalo

    episcalo Member

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    Hello Everyone,

    I need help! my gf and I didn't have sex for the last 3 months. She just has 0 libido, and I just don't know what to do anymore.

    We've been in an awesome relationship for the last 3 years and sex was awesome at the beginning but it gradually phased out. she's often tired, or simply doesn't want to. Otherwise we talk about marriage, our future and honestly I've never been as implicated emotionally and intellectually with someone before and I deeply, profoundly love her.

    She loves to cuddle, we love to do things together, i mean really every other aspect of the relationship is really awesome....so why no sex?!

    She can't tell me what's wrong. Pill didn't help. we switched to another one, seemed better at first but it slowly went back to the black hole of libido. She had at least one orgasm almost every time we made love, she tells me she likes it but somehow doesn't feel like going through all the act. She tells me it's not anything i do or don't, she's not attracted to anyone else, she just can't say why.

    So I'm completely lost here. I don't know how to revive this, but i need and want to. I know i won't be able to stay faithful to her if we don't have sex, no matter how awesome our relation is (call me shallow, but that's just how it is)

    So here I am. Anyone got through this problem before? have any suggestion? books to recommend?

    Eventually we'll end up at the sexologist, but it's so damn expensive :frown1:

    thank you for your inputs!
     
  2. IntoxicatingToxin

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    Maybe she's suffering from depression. Would be my guess.
     
  3. Synergistic

    Synergistic Member

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    I sincerely feel you on this issue. When the frequency of sex with my girlfriend is measured in times per year its hard not to get irritated or depressed about it, despite most every other aspect being great. I don't have any answers for you, just commiseration.
     
  4. nolbaby

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    sounds like swine flu
     
  5. Collegeboydan

    Collegeboydan New Member

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    You guys should sit down with a counselor. Something is wrong. Sex is an extremely important part of a relationship.
     
  6. bertie101

    bertie101 New Member

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    No sex is the symptom.....you need to find what the real problem is, I agree with previous post, most likely to be depression. Ask are her family well? Money issues? Stuff OK at work? Other health issues? Is there anything she wants to tell you? Stuff like that.

    A sexologist (whatever that REALLY is) is probably not the answer.

    PS. If there are any sexologists here-which I think there probably will be, if only of the amateur variety-please don't take offence.

    It reminds me of the gag......why were economists put on earth?
    To make astrologers look good!!

    PPS, If there are astrologers online, take offence if you wish x
     
  7. D_76froy

    D_76froy New Member

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    Sounds like depression or hormonal imbalance. She needs to see her doctor and get a blood test to start.
     
  8. DonJuanDeShenzhen

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    She's not attracted to you anymore.

    She will never tell you that, but she just doesn't feel it anymore, the sexual spark is gone.

    Move on ...
     
  9. MickeyLee

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    time to move on. she's got issues, you have issues, the relationship has issues. unless she is someone you can see spending the rest of you life with you need to take the steps to move on. *the rest of your life with her and without sex :there needs to be an "oh the horror" emoticon:

    life is short. suffering only makes it seem longer. be happy.

    ml
     
  10. Trouty

    Trouty New Member

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    Could be a contraceptive issue or depression like other posters have suggested - in which case some professional help could be the answer if your gf is willing to seek it (you can't do it for her). On the other hand, since you're not married and (presumably?) don't have kids together it might just be time to move on before things do get too 'complicated'
     
  11. oakwood

    oakwood New Member

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    Move on.

    She got issues. The earlier you do it, the better.
     
  12. B_Mademoiselle Rouge

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    I've gone through seasons of no sex drive. Many women i've talked to say that they could be happy going the rest of their lives without sex. Why? I think Meggy has it right when she says depression, and someone else had it right when he said hormonal imbalance.

    I could still be a very good wife in many other ways while not feeling the urge to have sex, but ultimately deep down on the inside i felt like crap for not wanting it. He never has had a strong sex drive so it happened even less because of that as well.

    I wouldn't say dump her like the others here and i wouldnt say that counseling is the way to go necessarily either. Because sometimes our body doesnt send the proper signals to want the desire. If she doesnt masturbate this is more likely a depression/hormone issue. And when she says its not you- believe her.
     
  13. dolfette

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    it's worth trying NOT taking the pill & using rubbers.
    and reducing stress.
    and looking at her happiness levels.
    and her general health.
    make sure you're eating fruit & veg & fish and not eating too much junk.
    has she suffered any kind of trauma? ...a death? some a-hole groping her? return of earlier trauma?
    is she her usual self in other ways?
    has she gained/lost weight?

    get a full body checkup & go on a bit of a health kick.
    could help and can't hurt.

    ''the bitch has issues! dump her!!!1'' very mature.
    if a woman reacted that way to you guys having erectile problems you'd spew.

    the relationship is screwed if she's not admitting there's an issue and open to fixing it. but she's doing both those things.
    mid-relationship drive loss is very upsetting for women too.

    but if it dosn't return, don't stay if you'll end up resenting her for it. that would suck for both of you.
     
  14. dolfette

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    wanking helps.
    snowball effect.
    the more she cums, the more she'll want to.
    or that's what the scientists think.
     
  15. rob_just_rob

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    1. Sorry, but you're not going to get any good answers without her seeing a doctor or 2.

    2. Assuming this is solveable, she has to want it solved. Some people are perfectly happy with little or no sex in their lives. Others may insist that is "abnormal", but it's her body and her life to decide what to do with.

    3. You may need to move on, although that is hard to do after 3 mostly good years. I've broken up with girlfriends who wanted less sex than I did and I've wanted to break up with girlfriends who wanted more sex than I did.

    4. If things were good and then the sex was phased out, as you put it, AND she won't take steps to fix it... then see point #3.
     
  16. oakwood

    oakwood New Member

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    Man, I was very sketchy and I felt bad but I meant what I said. Maybe you have looked for information but if you haven't:

    MedlinePlus Medical Encyclopedia: Inhibited sexual desire

    I expect that this is useful for you.

    I have been where you are with one ex and I read a lot about it. You can find more information online or in many books about sexuality.

    It is a complex issue, with many causes and few solutions. The best known causes are related to post-giving birth, menopause and stress and for these origins the solutions are "easy", chemicals, time or changes of life.

    However, normally the causes are psycological and she will need treatment. Long, expensive and with unreliable results. This kind of problem is very poor studied. Interesting thing is, I have read, that the problem was started to be studied in the mid 80's, because when AIDS popped up, husbands stopped screwing around (AIDS was not well-known then, how it was transmitted, and fear was high), so divorces jumped and counselors (or whatever they were called) got full rooms of couples.

    So if you love her and you want to sacrifice your life for her, go for it. Otherwise, move on.

    Very important, to solve this, she must be interested in solving it. It doesn't matter what you do if she doesn't want to solve it.
     
  17. HazelGod

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    Do you honestly want to spend the rest of your life agonizing over this?

    DTMFA
    .
     
  18. RawDog

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    I spent 9 years in an almost completely sexless marriage with a great woman who had Chronic Fatigue Syndroms/Fibromyalgia. It was a very difficult relationship that I should've ended quickly. The longer I prolonged it, the more I felt like I shouldn't abandon her, the more I felt obligated, the more I enabled her.

    In a fit of utter frustration we decided to split up and she found another guy and is pretty happy now. I, on the other hand, am having the best sex of my life with my (3rd) wife!

    This will end happily, the only question is when.
     
  19. episcalo

    episcalo Member

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    Well thank you for the numerous responses.
    A few things: dumping her is out of the question for now.
    You don't dump someone you love and i love her very much so. I'd be here for her boobs, ass and sex, then yes, but no.

    Second: Yes she had a very bad trauma - well 2. (although she tells me she had a low sex drive anyway with her ex'es too and she wasn't on the pill with them)
    1) she had a major crisis of rheumatoid arthritis when she was 15. and i mean major: she couldn't move at all for 3 months. extremely painful etc...
    2) she lost her best friend (friend since the cradle, doing everything together etc.) from a leukemia at 20. she had 2 years of antidepressant with counseling etc.

    And yes it was noticeable at the anniversary of her death or her birthday, she was down...and i totally understood and respected that. so now I'm thinking it might no be totally over yet. I noticed too that she tends to be much much hornier when a bit drunk, which maybe makes her forget a part of her that died with her friend.

    It might be a phase, like Mlle Rouge was saying too, since sex was good at the beginning. I was her first big dick, there was the attraction of novelty i guess.

    Anyway she's gonna see her doc soon for the pill renewal, we might switch again. thanks for all the inputs, i really appreciate :)
     
  20. Nekoman

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    If she's taking antidepressants like Prozac, Paxil or Lexapro the odds are very large that she could be experiencing a side effect of the medication. She may need to switch drugs.
    I once went 3 months without needing sex. These drugs can wipe out the libido entirely.
     
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