1. shyguymich

    shyguymich New Member

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    I am seeing this girl and she has performed oral sex on me, I havent yet performed on her. I have manually stimulated her vagina and we have had some nude genital touching. After all this, she then tells me she has genital herpes. Am I wrong to get upset that she didnt tell me before we had any sexual contact? If it was the reverse, I would have told her before we had any sexual contact. She claims she would have told me before actual sex, but I dont know if I believe that. Thanks for any input.
     
  2. canuck_pa

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    She should have told you prior to any sexual contact. Even if she wasn't experiencing an outbreak you could become infested.
     
  3. Honey123

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    Yes, she should have told you before any sexual contact, when your clothes were still. Some people forget that oral sex is a form of sexual contact (duh). Also, these days many people have genital herpes in their mouth and it can be spread through oral sex that way. (If the person only has it genitally they cannot spread it through oral sex, so you may not have been put at risk.)

    If you are afraid that you have been exposed, you can get a blood test for STD's and make sure they run the full spectrum and check for herpes as well. It can take from 1 to 2 weeks from the first exposure until the first outbreak, so I would wait until it has been at least 2 weeks from your initial exposure before having the blood test done.

    If you decide to keep seeing her, just make sure you wear a condom every time and if you wish, take a quick 2 minute shower after sex to wash her fluids off of you. I hear it reduces the risk of exposure, although I'm not sure how much. It is a virus and like washing your hands, washing your body reduces the chance of spread. There are also prescription medications that can suppress the virus in her body and reduce the chance of her passing it on.

    I don't think her having herpes should be enough for you to not want to see her anymore, however.... not telling you that she has it before sexual conduct does give me a cause for concern.
     
  4. bravestarr

    bravestarr New Member

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    Three words: Get tested ASAP ... wait that was SiEX :)
     
  5. shyguymich

    shyguymich New Member

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    Exactly, her having herpes is not enough for me to stop seeing her, there are ways to prevent me from getting it. My main concern is that she didnt tell me and still thinks that its no big deal, that she didnt do anything to put me at risk. She only told me after I expressed to her that its a fear of mine to get a disease that I cant get rid of. On top of all that, she prefers to have condomless sex. Which I would have had a hard time doing even if she was 100% clean.

    Thank you all for your responses. I do plan on getting tested and looking for other symptoms. However, I have heard conflicting stories on how long I should wait before I get tested. Ive heard 3 months and two weeks. I more than likely will wait 2 weeks and get tested and then get tested again at the three month mark.
     
  6. Honey123

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    If the two of you were living together, then I would think unprotected sex would be a natural part of your relationship, but not at this point. No way at this point, even without the herpes. Sure it FEELS better, but it's been 30 years since people could have unprotected sex and not worry about dying from it. What kind of bubble is she living in? She needs to come to grips with the severity of her actions.

    The thing that bothers me most is that she seems to think it is no big deal. What else is she going to think is no big deal? It sounds like she is trying to justify her behavior without taking into concern your feelings and refusing to admit that she was wrong, flat out wrong, to let you get that physically close without saying something first. That she likes sex best without a condom is understandable, that she is taking her disease so lightly is not. I would have serious issues with trust in a relationship with someone like that. I'd always wonder who else is she having unprotected sex with this week and if she thinks it's no big deal.

    How long has it been since you had oral sex? Herpes is not like HIV, it doesn't take months to build up in your system. It's more like chicken pox, within a few days to a week your body would show signs of the virus. At least herpes isn't deadly, I hear it's a pain in the ass, but it won't make you sick or kill you.
     
  7. D_Jared Padalicki

    D_Jared Padalicki Account Disabled

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    She should have told you.
     
  8. cbrmale

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    Herpes makes you feel-off colour during the first attack which happens within a few days of infection, and after that it's no big deal. In Australia, 80% of adults carry one or both Herpes viruses, which shows how common it is.

    I caught HSV-1 on my genitals from my wife, who'd never had any sexual contact with any person prior to our marriage. HSV-1 is known as cold sores, but can be transmitted to genitals through oral sex. I had one attack two years ago and nothing since. HSV-2 is known as genital herpes, and it can be transmitted to mouth through oral sex as well.

    I agree with said girl: it's really no big deal.
     
  9. lookingforhung

    lookingforhung New Member

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    Where do you get your facts, cbr? 80%? No way. It's common because of peoples stupidity but its not THAT common.
     
  10. Honey123

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    In the USA, it is estimated that about 20% of adults carry one or both forms of the HSV virus. That means, about 1 in 5 people. A lot more than any of us are comfortable with.
     
  11. cbrmale

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    Herpes Simplex Virus 1 is mostly transmitted during kissing, and the more reliable statistic is 78% have the antibodies to HSV-1 or the lesser common HSV-2. About half of those have it active. Kissing can be with a partner, a distant relative (which is how my wife caught it), or anybody really.

    The 20% above is actually exposure to HSV-2, which is still not insignificant.

    HSV-1 if passed to genitals is less serious than if passed orally, and often people have one attack only. HSV-2 if passed orally is less serious than if passed genitally, and again many have one attack only. There's a lot more I can tell you about both strains of Herpes, but that will do for now.
     
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