he's gone

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by madman411, Jan 23, 2011.

  1. madman411

    madman411 Member

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2006
    Messages:
    127
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    so a few months back i met a guy and i feel that we hit it off almost instantly. he told me he'd be moving in a few months, but at the time it seemed ages away and it didn't even bother me. over the past couple of months we've been "seeing" one another we have had our ups and downs, but in the end i feel we still really liked one another. it was great to finally be with someone who i genuinely liked, and from what i could tell he genuinely liked me too. he said from day one he didn't want a serious relationship to develop between us because we would get too attached and it would be heartbreaking when he had to leave. the past couple of weeks it feels like he has tried to keep me an arms length away to stop the relationship from developing too far.

    not too long ago we had a talk and we both admitted that we were feeling attached. a couple of days ago was the last day i got to see him. that night he was texting me saying he already misses me. i was at work and found it very hard to hold back the tears. he told me we had to meet the morning of his departure, however we did not. he left this weekend. no text, no phone call, no nothing. i haven't heard from him in two days. i know this is probably his way of dealing with things, and to be honest i do feel heart broken. i'm trying so hard to not contact him for once and let him contact me. i'm so tempted to send him a message and ask "what the fuck??!" - but i don't want to come across too strong. he's all i've been able to think of and it's making me very sad.

    i know what most of you are going to say - "get over it already!" well i'm sorry, but it's not that easy. i'm going to leave it another day and if he hasn't contacted me i want to send him a message. i'm so unsure about what to say though. i'm pissed that he hasn't said anything to me, but i don't want that to show. i know i will have to either get over him or make the decision to go out to where he went. i can't just go meet another guy to get over him, not when he's on my mind like this. how should i deal with this? i've had my heart broken one too many times, i don't know how much more of this i can take. any advice at all?
     
  2. MarkLondon

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2008
    Messages:
    1,986
    Albums:
    4
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    London, UK
    Don't, whatever you do, send anything bitchy or vindictive in a message to him. Maintain your dignity, then you'll have a choice of moving on with your own life or maybe moving out to him later on. He's obviously very busy right now, adjusting to a new location. Just ask how he's doing in a day or two.
     
  3. nudeyorker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2006
    Messages:
    42,918
    Likes Received:
    38
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    NYC/Honolulu
    He left in the last 48 hours and you are upset that you have not heard from him? He just relocated his life... He's busy and freaked out. Send him an e-mail saying you hope the move met smoothly and that you miss him and will be in touch when he has had a chance to get more settled.
    Meanwhile get in touch with your feelings, do you just miss him or do you feel like you are missing the chance of a lifetime by not being with him for the rest of your life?
    Give yourselves some time and distance and communicate with him honestly. Maybe after he is settled you could suggest visiting him; if he is responsive to the idea then visit and then see where it could possibly lead.
     
  4. D_Gunther Snotpole

    D_Gunther Snotpole Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2005
    Messages:
    14,610
    Likes Received:
    5
    QFT.
     
  5. rayray

    rayray Active Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2006
    Messages:
    849
    Likes Received:
    126
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Daytona Beach ,Florida
    I feel for you Madman..I agree with the other posters..wait a few days,let him settle in. How far away was his move ? At least you were able to be better prepared since he let you know up front about his move.That at least tells me he was already thinking about your feelings from the start.Hang in there.
     
  6. Sharpone

    Sharpone New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2008
    Messages:
    38
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    East Coast USA
    Great advice everyone!

    Did he go to the moon? Long distance relationships are not the best and are challenging, but you have skype and other means to connect often while he is away.

    If it really isn't possible to ever get together again, then give yourself plenty of time. As each week passes you will begin to feel better and better. Make sure you so some really nice things for yourself and indulge in what makes you happy.
     
  7. killerb

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2007
    Messages:
    2,102
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    47
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    USA
    Verified:
    Photo
    hey i know it hurts, but give it some time before you contact him...
    just keep in mind that he's likely to be hurting as well...
    the last thing you want to do is anything that will make things worse.
     
  8. madman411

    madman411 Member

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2006
    Messages:
    127
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    he has moved to the other coast. he said he wasn't going to stay there long and he would end up back on the east coast, just not in the same state.

    I understand he's probably trying to settle in and get used to things. I was just surprised at how he never got back to me regarding our final meeting, nor have I heard from him at all since. it takes two seconds to send a text message. perhaps I would have just handled things differently if it was me.
     
  9. killerb

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2007
    Messages:
    2,102
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    47
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    USA
    Verified:
    Photo

    understood - but he is not you...he's gotta handle things his way...
     
  10. nudeyorker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2006
    Messages:
    42,918
    Likes Received:
    38
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    NYC/Honolulu
    Put yourself in his shoes and think about all the details involved with relocating across the country. Sometimes 30 seconds are not available when you are dealing with movers, leaving your apartment, getting to the airport etc... etc... etc... (also he may have been trying to avoid a scene) (Sorry you sound like a bit of a drama queen) I learned a long time ago that there is no such thing as perfect and you have to deal with the cards that you have in your hand and hope the next deal will give you something better to work with. I spend about six months apart from my partner due to work etc.. etc.. etc... but it's actually better than when we were living together but I was gone 80% of the time. Try not to limit yourself so much. As someone else said he did not move to the moon. Many people have long distance relationships but they are not for the faint of heart or the insecure; if you want something badly enough and are willing to compromise and do what you need to do to have the life you want almost anything is possible.
    If everybody handled themselves the way I would the world would have fewer problems... or at least that's what most of us tell ourselves in the cold gray light of dawn. But excellent advice.
     
  11. B_florr

    B_florr New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2011
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Newyork,NY,USA
    text him,and tell what you think about,if no feedback,just let it go
     
  12. madman411

    madman411 Member

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2006
    Messages:
    127
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    nudeyorker, how am I a drama queen? just because I miss this guy and I expected at least a text message I'm now a drama queen? you don't even know the details of what's going on. all he did was fly out there and stay with a friend. no moving van, no apartment to himself, etc. he just went to live there for a while. I come on here to ask for advice on dealing with this, not to be ridiculed for the emotions I'm feeling. if you knew me you'd realize I'm a good person. please dont judge me.
     
  13. nudeyorker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2006
    Messages:
    42,918
    Likes Received:
    38
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    NYC/Honolulu
    I'm not judging you I promise. I only judge myself now. You are entitled to feel your emotions. The only reason I responded to this thread is because it brought up something from my past that I thought could help you. I promise I won't post to this thread again. Best of luck you you. I'm sure there will be a happy ending if you make the choice that you are not a victim and are a hero.
    Me ke aloha!
     
  14. rayray

    rayray Active Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2006
    Messages:
    849
    Likes Received:
    126
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Daytona Beach ,Florida
    If you try a text and he doesnt text you back or call you,well i'd say it is probably over..You have not mentioned your age, and it seems like you are on the younger side..I have had time to re-read the post and the comments so far and i started to think that if your communication at this point into your relationship with him is that limited makes me wonder if it was more of a one sided relationship.it just seem that he is the one calling the shots. I dont know i might be all wrong.A little more background information might help..
     
  15. sexplease

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2006
    Messages:
    1,724
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    87
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Santa Monica CA
    No doubt you two became friends...and them some. Remember how well and sweet you treat your other friends? He deserves no less.
    There are lots of sayings that kind of go along with what you're experiencing, but none were penned for you two exactly. Take some time to experience and live in your present - get a pen and paper and write, or draw.
    You need not send it to him, but having your feeling and thoughts on paper in front of you helps you share with yourself.
    Remember the good and great times you two spent together and keep your dreams and hopes alive.
    And give not just time to your friend, but also to yourself.
     
  16. B_RedDude

    B_RedDude New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2007
    Messages:
    2,031
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    California
    You seem like a very sensitive guy. You'll get over when you're ready and when you want to, and it's way too soon.

    And f_ck those who would say, "Get over it, already", although I'm not sure anyone would say it this early on. My (former) best bud once said to me about a guy, "Isn't it time to move on?" Showed just how much of a shallow son-of-a-bitch he was. I think he was jealous because a really hot guy was paying serious attention to me.

    Love, a sense of potential, or whatever it is, lasts as long as it lasts.
     
    #16 B_RedDude, Jan 24, 2011
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2011
Draft saved Draft deleted