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Heterohobia,biphobia And My Thought On Bisexuality

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by harrycane744, Apr 25, 2020.

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Which type of bisexuality are you?

  1. A type

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  2. B type

    1 vote(s)
    33.3%
  3. C type

    2 vote(s)
    66.7%
  1. harrycane744

    harrycane744 New Member

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    First of all,I mean no offense to bi people but it can’t be denied that I’m somewhat a biphobe.I have those weird feelings towards straight or bi men,like when I see a hot guy,the very first thing I want to know is his sexual orientation and if it’s str8 or bi,it immediately turns me off.I know some gays have huge obsession with str8 or bi men,for me,it’s quite the contrary.

    So how does my whole heterophobia started?

    Gays often criticize on the toxic masculinity of gay community but,from my perspective,str8 men have even worse and even more toxic masculinity targeting at women and weird bro cultures against gays.They often have their stupid confidence like they are superior to women and gay men with no self-awareness.

    people make jokes on how white gays tends to find their identical twin boyfriend,just wait till you see how str8 men objectified women and intrude their standards on women which is no different from the toxic gay culture we currently have.

    I have not yet met a str8 man in my country that doesn’t make harsh remark on girls’ appearance.However it’s not what causes my disgust because gay men do that as well.

    The difference of toxicity between str8 men and gay men is that str8 men never reflect on their own deeds.they just take whatever they have now for granted and anyone who dares to defy them are threats to morality and society like str8 men are the principles of the world.This is what grosses me out.Their carelessness and no intention to reflect on their bad deeds.

    Maybe,there are few good str8 men out there,but not in my country.

    the reason behind it is because str8 men have ruled the upper class for thousands of years while the gays lived in harsh and cruel environment so we tend to make reverse thinking in a vulnerable position while str8 men never bother to do that for they consider themselves as hard-working worth the privileges.

    in my country,if there’s one who dares to point it out and question their privileges,str8 men would label her or him as crazy “feminist” ,“leftist ”and make horrible insults.

    The other thing that repulses me is that they like to pretend to be the victims of lgbt rights and women rights,accusing us of harming the peace of society and their basic rights(more like privileges lmao)

    For example,if a gay man asks for equality ,they would immediately distort the meaning of equality and make fabricated charge that gay men are trying to gain privileges over str8 men and take over the world and make every one gay!

    One more thing they often do against gays is generalization.

    When a str8 man accuses of harassing women and women criticize men for their bad behavior,they say “it’s wrong to generalize about men”.

    When a gay man did something bad,they say“the gays are all fucked up and twisted.They are all awful people who make propaganda trying to brainwash people with so-called equality".

    In my country,anti-lgbt and anti-feminism is the political correctness which just greatly boosts str8 men’s ego and they have that awful solidarity when it comes to gays and women,which makes them a united front against the lgbt community and women rights.

    Oh,I almost forgot to talk about their double standard!

    When gay men get bullied,killed,no media would report that.

    When gay men fight against discrimination ,even just a small thing like an argument on Twitter,they soon report it accusing us of harming their basic rights(more like privileges) with “politic correctness”.

    When a man and a woman simply just make an eye contact in a tv show,they say”awww,they about to fall in love”

    When a man and a man get really intimate having some people fantasizing their gay relationship,they bark “fuck off gayz,it’s just friendship,stop being stupid and fantasizing anything gay!There’are already too many gays in tv shows!”

    Oh god there are so many other things that I hate about str8 men!

    If they can generalize about gay men with stupid statistics on hiv or whatever,why can’t I do that to them ?

    100% wars were started by str8 men!Str8 men are all war manias!

    So,with these thoughts,I gradually become heterophobe.When I saw a str8 man,I tend to think of him as ignorant narcissist and in fact,I did not met any good str8 man irl yet.And I don’t have a thing for jerk ass even if he is way too hot.

    Okay enough about str8 men.

    Next,I want to talk about bisexuality.

    As you could probably tell,I live in a homophobic country.Though gay sex is not illegal here,the environment is harsh and cruel so bisexualy won’t work out here,you either gay or “str8” eventually which caused my insecurity about bisexual people.

    I had a relationship with a bi guy before,he is nice but when it comes to sex,I become very jealous and frustrated.No,he didn’t cheat,but he is more like a “sometimes prefer men over women,sometimes just in mood for women” that kinda sexual fluid guy.

    I know my jealousy is stupid,but I can’t just stand the idea that when I was not around,or even we were having sex he’s thinking about women.

    Sure,I’m not handsome yet even if he was fantasying about hot men,it’s better than fancying women to me because at least I could alway assure myself I would do better to satisfy his needs as a man,but women?I would feel totally useless and unable to compete.How could I be a woman to meet his needs for women?I sensed a huge gap that I would never cross to be the one he wanted me to be.Besides,it’s always sad for me to see him hold back his natural urge,so I let him watch str8 porn,but my jealousy still got me and we broke up.I thought it’s for the best of us.

    This relationship leads to my deep thought about bisexuality.

    So,I consider there’re 3 main types of bisexual people.

    A.people who don’t mind hetero/homo sex if being asked for by a beautiful gurl /cute guy yet would not be the active one to make a move for it.

    B.people who have both sexual attraction towards men and women.However,they are more focused on their sexual despite sex,hence the attraction for both sex could replace one another.

    C.people who have demand for having sex with both sex,which means one could not be replaced by the other and must be met individually depending on their mood.(I don’t mean they are likely to cheat,they could always use porn to scratch an itch)

    I personally okay with A and B,but my ex happened to be the C type and he once confessed that he sometimes really wish he could have real sex with women and the urge added up each day like when you taste only salty every day,it’s common to wish for something sweet.

    I know a lot of “gay”guys who suddenly claimed they are bi-curious or bi like it would somehow make them superior(sorry no offense) and it really caused my weird feelings for them.

    But hey,I guess my feelings don’t matter at all.I’m just here to express myself.

    Anyway,what do you think of bisexuality?do you agree with my 3 types of bi people?do you have anything to add up or want to argue about?Which type of bi do you think you are?

    Plz let me know.I’m curious!And plz be kind,thx.
     
  2. Sagittarius84

    Sagittarius84 Active Member

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    How open are you to the possibility of a lot of the overt malevolent deeds "straight" men commit, either against the world, against women or men, are due to closeted and self hating feelings, because in decent straight man world we see the behavior you've outlined and tend to suspect self hatred of homoerotic feelings to be the culprit.
    As for your "bi" dive...I think you summed it up correctly yourself, your jealousies, not his actions or thoughts are at fault. I dont think a, b, or c are inherently bad partners assuming they're honest and open but a lot of the fears you bring up are really no different than a lot of relationship insecurities that exist in hetero world, especially when matters of sex are brought up. I think Ive read at least three posts in past couple of days from straight/bi women that fear their bf must be gay or bi because he may have jerked off to transwoman porn, or enjoys some measure of stimulation in or around their ass.
     
  3. harrycane744

    harrycane744 New Member

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    Thank you for your reply.Unfortunately,tho I do believe there’s a decent str8 man world,yet it’s unlikely to be in my country where anti-gay is the mainstream and the majority of people are very conservative about equality.I don’t know how the str8 world works in the western countries,but I can assure you that str8 men in my country are mostly ignorant homophobic bastards.And yes,my insecurities are fundamentally the same as those girls being suspicious and insecure about their bf being gay or bi still there’s one critical factor that makes great difference.
    Heterosexual relationship would never come across the pressure,discrimination and criticism coming from society and morality despite their bfs’ bisexuality while gay men in my country having relationships with bi guys would always face an inevitable bad end.Truth be told,I have not yet witnessed a relationship between gay man and bi man lasting over 3years in my country no matter how they were committed to one another.Not even once.Bi guys in my country,they all end up with girls because their parents want off-springs ,their colleges,str8 friends always question why they don’t have gfs and if they find out they “gay”,they are likely to lose jobs and normal relationship with others so that they eventually all date gfs, get married and have kids since they always have a “backup” choice as bi.what makes me feel even worse is that I can’t blame them because love could not anything and what’s the use for love when u lose everything else?the vulnerability that relationship crumbles not because of fadeing instead it’s crushed and torn apart from outside like a heart pulled out by a beast while still beating and you could do nothing about it is what those girls would never experience and what makes me feel so much more insecure that even affects my sexual preference.I wish one day my country would eventually accept us and treat us equally but I’m afraid I would never see that day coming while I’m alive.
     
  4. Sagittarius84

    Sagittarius84 Active Member

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    That's interesting...Ive always taken Japan as a really conservative place...but always thought that was oddly juxtaposed to the bi and homoerotic and androgynous air that comes off of a lot of media that makes it way to our shores...Is it maybe a generational thing, where maybe younger people are more ok but have to live under the expectation of their conservative elders? Or is it simply just a ongoing feature of japanese culture?
     
  5. Sagittarius84

    Sagittarius84 Active Member

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    Also Im curious, do you think your guy's "herbivore man" problem is maybe somewhat related to your bi and homophobic problems...that between women they dont want and men they cant have many men are just opting for veritable abstinence? And do you know if Japanese lesbians and bisexual women are held to the same scrutiny as the men, like this could be more of a masculinity problem than a sexuality problem?
     
  6. harrycane744

    harrycane744 New Member

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    No
    Nope!It’snot
    My country is not Japan XD I dare not to expose my true information on the Internet.Sorry for the misleading profile.I just randomly picked japan.I don’t know much about Japanese culture.But I think most of Asian countries share quite a lot similar heritage of morality and traditions.I think giving offspring,adhering to traditions and respecting elders are the most expected things to do for young generation by elders and since currently elders occupy the government and they have great power and force over education and morality molding on youngsters.as for lesbians or bi women,they all carry the same burden as gay men’s,they are expected to get married and give birth then be housewives but their situation is milder than gay men’s.Not that str8 men suddenly have sympathy.I think it’s because ...You know str8 men tend to have that weird control streak,right?When man compete with him for girls,they think their domination gets threatened and challenged,but when a woman claims steal their girls they would just laugh about it and fantasize having way with her(but not all str8 men are like that,still mostly are)I guess you could just say they just don’t consider lesbians a threat,an equal worth competing.It doesn’t trigger their control streak.They think they could easily conquer them ,correct them so they kinda just ignore lesbians?This sounds weird but the idea is there.even if they dare not to admit it verbally,they nevertheless think women are their accessories unconsciously
    I once had this weird idea that the toxicity comes from men,males,not from women,not from sexuality.Everything that involves men has soured and has extreme toxicity.I guess one could say men are just awful creatures.Maybe that’s why Y Gene is disappearing Lul.Anyway just a joke,but women surely tend to be better than men on being nice persons from statistics’s perspectives.
     
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  7. harrycane744

    harrycane744 New Member

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    Sorry,something wrong with my network.My replies got sent out unfinished
     
  8. 5307911

    5307911 Guest

    I used to have an account here a couple of years ago, but had it deleted as I wasn't spending time on these forums any longer.

    At any rate, I do remember the OP. There were 2 short-lived accounts that he made, all about the same topic. The gist of it ended up being more about attention seeking, with a self-created contentious issue being the candy coating as the delivery method. Before it gets dragged into an 8 page eye-bleeder, I'll just leave a tidbit here:

    • Therapy can help if you are receptive to it
    • No, these forums aren't a personal playground for the attention seeking
    Honestly, I mean that sincerely. See, the first account that was made, and the seemingly sincere conversation that rolled out, drew me in as I felt I was genuinely dealing with a damaged individual. Although convoluted, there was a seed that could be reasoned with. Except, after a few pages of conversation and pointed questioning, it was made painfully clear that although there clearly are some personal issues to drive someone to keep making accounts and talking about the same exact thing, it isn't the topic that is the focus: it's simply the vehicle to get attention.

    So, I'll just draw the OP's eyes back to my bulleted points, and wish him well.
     
  9. harrycane744

    harrycane744 New Member

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    I honestly don’t understand what you’re trying to say?My post has nothing to do with attention seeking.Why would I bother to do that when I clearly don’t even want anyone to know my information? What do I want your attention for?obviously my post would never earn myself praises and I’m not some kinda masochist who loves being spitted on.I just simply want a place to express my true feelings,hoping to find someone who may share the same.Besides,even if it’s attention seeking then what?I didnt roast anyone except for str8 men in my country and I’m doing best to maintain polite and objective.Maybe I‘m sarcastic some time but that’s about it.As long as there’s no bad language used against me,I’m all fine.

    If this is what you consider attention seeking and annoying,then it’s your own problem.
    Clearly there are way more attention seeking guys on instagram,and I could alrdy picture how you roast each of them for attention seeking.Arent you tired?
     
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  10. Daemon85

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    I've read all but I don't really know what to say. Looks more like a rant than the start of a discussion.
    If straight and bi guys turn you off don't date them. But please don't generalize people from anedoctical experiences.
     
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  11. 4388301

    4388301 Guest

    ..not to say there aren't shitty people out there n that some cultures don't have fucked up attitudes toward LGBT+ ppl because there sure are, but damn OP. Ya have a fucked up view on bi people, heterosexual men, and women. Am gonna echo the other person who responded that therapy might be helpful.
     
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  12. HorseHung40's

    HorseHung40's Loved Member

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    I have always made it my approach to get to know people, and, not pre-assign them a dismissive label. Others should try that; they would go further in life.
     
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  13. harrycane744

    harrycane744 New Member

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    but you are also generalizing me.I have already stated that it’s in my country not from a global level.your culture is not mine.You said it like you take your current lgbt-friendly environment for granted not knowing others struggle in a lot of other places. My personal situation is quite the norm in my country and you guys all keep forgetting that.Sigh.And no!therapy was over priced yet useless here,there are few qualified psychologists here.Most of them are just frauds.Could you guys plz stop to think from your privileged gay life perspectives?I’m so tired of getting the same attitude from the same taking “straight people being nice and therapy being easy and helpful for granted”people.Btw,I didn’t mean I don’t love my country.It’s just the part about their repression on lgbt that disappoints me,other than that i think it’s a much more pleasant country for straight people.
     
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  14. 4388301

    4388301 Guest

    How is it generalize, if my opinion was formed from your exact words? :neutral:

    "First of all,I mean no offense to bi people but it can’t be denied that I’m somewhat a biphobe"

    "how does my whole heterophobia started?"

    Ya think I take shit for granted? Ya don't know me or what I've survived/endured. If I was to hate or be phobic of people who have done me wrong, would end up hating the entire planet. Sexual assault, ongoing/years long oppression an manipulation, etc. Don't think deal with bias, discrimination, slurs, mainstream/majority of culture having issue with who I am? Ya make more even more assumptions. I based my original post, which I stand by off what you said.

    As for your love o country or not, didn't make any comment about that.

    I know a fair few people suck. I know a lot of cultures have major issues with LGBT+ folk. I know a fair few governments have issues with LGBT+ folk. Am queer, non-binary, person of color much less all other quirks 'bout me. Still, no gonna run around and be phobic, or hate men, women, cis-gender, heterosexual, lesbian, bisexual, gay, white, black, and could go on an on an name every major demographic out there.
     
  15. bigbull29

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    @OP: I'm taking you seriously, and I understand where you're coming from 100%. I've read a few of your posts. They are legit.

    We're all the same. Perhaps you can work on being less phobic about bisexuality, male heterosexuality, etc. Learn to see all men as the same. Did you ever watch a straight man jack off on a porn site? He jacks his dick just like a bi or gay dude. He has a dick and a nutsack ,and all his other body parts are all the same as yours. It's all an illusion to think that any man is different from you. Maybe you can start there in helping yourself become less phobic.

    I wish you the best and hope things get much better for you in your country. And don't let a few people on here discourage you. If you know your intentions are good, then just ignore everyone who is impolite and cruel towards you.

    All the best,
    BigBull
     
  16. Daemon85

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    My situation is not the situation of all my country and neither is your. And the straight or bigbi you know are not representative of "straight guys" and "bi guys" in general. Imagine to tell the same about gay or black people.
     
  17. harrycane744

    harrycane744 New Member

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    Well about the generalizing issue ,it’s not directing at you,I was replying to another guy .sorry that I have not yet figured out how the forum works.However,is the whole “there are people suffering more than you” thing what your therapist tell you about?
    Then your statement could be used in way more situations and we don’t need therapists any more because you could just tell almost every depressed person that “there are many people out there suffering more than you yet they are happy and mentally healthy”then suddenly the patients would get cured from their depression.
    you sound like my parents every time I was depressed,they would just criticize me with their “disabled people do better than me” ideology to encourage me.
    The thing is that I’m fully aware of what you guys want to say however it’s easier said than done.
    Truth be told,I never let my emotions show in real life,letting alone being phobic because I fear lots of things.
    Maybe you have a worse childhood than me,but i currently still have not seen any hope to climb out of the mire.
    I hard tried to make immigration yet i feel that the western culture collide with my own belief .Plus my life in my own country could still be counted as comfortable at least financially despite my sexuality.so I eventually give up that idea.
    I’m now trapped in the dilemma and probably would never get to see a day when I could be truly happy.
    I’m not like you who can sort things out on your own.And I did try therapy.Unfortunately,therapists only speak those meaningless pretty words that would not help at all.
    My intention to post this thread was actually driven by my depression coming from both my real life and the Internet and to relive my stress.So yeah,maybe it’s just ranting I don’t know.But I do want to find someone who totally understands my ranting and frustration.
    Ironically,I guess it’s a bigger mistake that leads to my further depression.
     
  18. harrycane744

    harrycane744 New Member

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    T
    Thank you a lot!Finally someone would could really get me to listening.I don’t care how righteous people’s speeches are,it’s knowing someone does try to understand me that warms my heart,thank you
     
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  19. harrycane744

    harrycane744 New Member

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    I didn’t know that someone saying “I fully understand you” is all I need ,you really made my day!☀️
     
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  20. bigbull29

    Gold Member

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    That really puts a smile on my face.

    I wish you much peace and love, friend.
     
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