Heterosexual Fending Off

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by NOINRI, Feb 13, 2011.

  1. NOINRI

    Verified Gold Member

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    I have this coworker. We had seen each other in passing, but never spoke or worked together with each other......until yesterday.

    From afar I thought he might be attractive. Hadn't made my mind up. After working with him, my suspicions have been confirmed: I like him.

    Now understand that I've never been with a boy in any capacity, never asked anyone, never discussed my sexual preference with anybody.

    I give people no reason to feel uncomfortable or anything like that.

    So we're working and talking, getting to know each other, asking and answering questions.

    Then he brings up how hard it is to find a girlfriend where we live and we make light of it and joke.

    First thing that pops into my mind is that that is his indirect way of letting me know he's heterosexual in case I have any intentions.

    I didn't do anything to warrant him to think I was coming on to him though. I don't do that. I have never asked out, dated, had sex, etc. with anyone I've been attracted to. I just don't.

    So I feel while his action is appropriate when it is called for, I felt rather offended considering it wasn't warranted. That's if I'm even correct in my own assumption that I'm making, because I realize I'm doing the same thing I'm accusing him of doing: Assuming.

    The irrational side of me, entertained the thought that that was just him informing me that he's single and available.

    Either way, this was yesterday, I'm over it, we both worked 6 hours together and are cool, spoke and joke around throughout the rest of our work schedule and ended on a good note.

    It's just that one moment that.......I've never been met with that before. Seen it on televison, but that doesn't happen to me. I felt like such a creeper. Causes me to question my entire identity (too dramatic? okay perhaps not ENTIRE identity, but rather how I come across to people). Perhaps I'm not as self aware and as comfortable with my demeanor, manneurisms and self as I thought if this is the reaction they spur forth unbridely from people.
     
  2. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    I think it was just guy talk. Guys talk about picking up chicks and getting girlfriends.

    If he was just letting you know he was heterosexual, I think he did it in an entirely polite and appropriate manner.
     
  3. Countryguy63

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    Yep, I think you're being too hard on yourself. From what you told us, you didn't say anything that would give him the impression that he needed to put up any type of precurser about him being straight.

    It's completely normal for guys to say that. I imagine because you are questioning your entire sexuality right now, you are probably very tuned in to anything that seems sexually motivated.

    Be cool and don't let something like being over sensitive ruin a good working relationship
     
  4. D_Principle Pumped

    D_Principle Pumped New Member

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    Does he know your sexuality? He may of just assumed that your are straight and because he may have not seen you with anyone just assumed that you eere having the same problem. I don't think it was meant in a nasty way. Straight guys talk about girls and pulling as a general chatter.
     
  5. jonahwill

    jonahwill Active Member

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    maybe he's gay and was seeing if you agreed with the girlfriends thing to see if you were straight?
     
  6. Pecker Check

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    Could be he's just not too confident making small talk when meeting people. I know that when I meet new people I sometimes find it hard to think about what to talk about and find myself saying something that I think was dumb or even inappropriate later. Try again.
     
  7. B_Marius567

    B_Marius567 New Member

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    there will be less people on earth if everyone was gay.
     
  8. Gamm

    Gamm New Member

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    You should have said "I don't worry about chicks... Know what I mean?"
     
  9. Gamm

    Gamm New Member

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    Yeah true... But there would also be less people if shy. self-centered people existed. Just a bunch of big dicks.
     
  10. D_Martin van Burden

    D_Martin van Burden Account Disabled

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    Honestly? It could have gone either way. There are some guys out there that are indeed homophobic, so any sign whatsoever -- no matter how subtle it is -- will make them work extra hard to state/convince/prove that they're straight. And there are others that really don't give a damn or need to prove anything. It takes all kinds, and all that.

    The truth is, no matter what YOU do, you can't take responsibility for how other people react. I've met and have been friends with both kinds of dudes outlined above. But ultimately it's the homophobic guys that try way too hard and end up getting obnoxious because they can't just relax and chill. Gay or straight, uptight doesn't work well with my personality.

    Anyway, like others have already said, you didn't do anything according to your story and you reacted just fine. Hopefully you and your co-worker can be buds.
     
  11. NOINRI

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    Appreciate the insight guys. I'm rather looking forward to working with him again. It's a shame we don't get shifted up together often.

    Lulz. I wouldn't WANT him to know what I mean.

    *Trembles*
    *Collapses To Floor*
    *Dies*
     
  12. B_theaussieone

    B_theaussieone New Member

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    People who arent direct in what they want usually dont get it. If you want something you should always be direct.
     
  13. onewatcher

    onewatcher Active Member

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    You could always say " I've got a huge dick, wanna see it " ? just kidding..
    Don't worry about it. Work together and become friends, go from there !
     
  14. b1gm3

    b1gm3 Member

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    At the risk of sounding insensitive but chill, buddy. It sounds like normal guy talk to me. Don't overanalyze. I talk about stuff like that with a lot of my buddies, it's normal!

    Seems like he's a cool guy so just become his friend and be glad you have someone new to talk to.
     
  15. SpeedoMike

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    subtly slip the name of a gay bar into the conversation and see if he picks up on it.
     
  16. Gillette

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    He may have hoped you could introduce him to someone or could suggest places to meet girls.

    You have a gorgeous face and stunning eyes, NOINRI. I'll bet you have quite a few female friends who adore you. Maybe he's noticed this and is looking for tips.
     
  17. luchoarg

    luchoarg Member

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    Hey dude. I think you are rushing things too much. Play it cool, wait to work with him again, go out for some beers one night, get together a weekend. Once you get to know him better, I ´m sure you´ll have a better image of his situation.
    Hugs.
     
  18. D_Harry Erik Shun

    D_Harry Erik Shun New Member

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    Sounds to me like normal guy talk. You seem to be very sensitive towards others. Just relax and get to him a little better before you make assumptions. During a chat at work invite him to join you for a drink after the shift. If he agrees let him choose the bar. This will put you in a more relaxed atmosphere with him and helps break the ice. I'm sure by the end of the evening you will know his sexuality and where you stand with. Regardless you can kindle a lasting friendship with him. Good Luck.
     
  19. LittleDicky

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    With all due respect, NOINRI, you sound like you're trying so hard to be non-threatening and non-sexual (so far back in the closet), that YOU are projecting the sexual tension YOU feel onto this other guy and assuming he meant something that may never have crossed his mind. Don't do that to yourself.

    He made an innocent statement about not finding girls, so you leap to the conclusion that he's letting you know he's straight. Your reaction: "Oh God, I must be giving off a gay vibe!"

    That's not necessarily true. Chill.

    Perhaps HE is the curious one and is subtly letting you know he's available. And, perhaps not.

    We all over-analyze things (as I've done here). Most likely, it was just guy talk.


     
  20. mattsrod7

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    Maye he was looking for a place to meet some girls and was wondering if you knew of any, he figured you might have someone or you could be his wingman or something.
     
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