Hetro Platonic Relationship

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by dr_pepper, Feb 11, 2010.

  1. dr_pepper

    dr_pepper New Member

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    I recently moved in with my first wife after being apart for 30 years. I had remarried several times and she had once. He died 9 years ago and she has been by herself ever since. This has worked out very good for both of us. We have a son and for the most part have remained friends during this time. The fly in the ointment is that it is a very platonic relationship at this point. While we are getting along better than in earlier days. It would be nice to be a little more intimate too. Even just being naked around each other would be fun.

    My ex-wife has never had a very high sex drive, and has been without any stimulation for a long time. I know from things she has said that sex was lacking even before the early death of her husband, due to abuse issues.

    I would like to get her revved up a little if I could. It would probably make her feel better. We didn't really have any sex issues in earlier years. But, now I am not really sure what, if anything, to do. I certainly don't want to cause any problems here, but would like to still function as a sexual human being.

    Any thoughts?
     
  2. helgaleena

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    I think you should 'be yourself' around her. You know her history and her little signals, so if she wants some of what she sees, I am certain you'll pick up on it.

    If you want to go naked, do it, at least in the privacy of your own spaces...

    And congratulations on such an amicable situation between you!
     
  3. nicenycdick

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    This could be a dangerous road to go down. Right now, the obligations between you seem easy...but tenuous. Circumstances may have brought you back together, but you appear to lead completely separate lives. If your relationship should advance to one that includes sex, the issues would certainly get a little more complicated. Will you got out on dates together? Will you be exclusive? Do other personal issues begin to entangle? Because of this, it is important to avoid manipulating her into any act that may not be completely thought out. My suggestion would be to have an evening where the two of you are having dinner together...have a drink, not enough to get drunk but enough to loosen both of you up. Then raise the issue. Tell her you have enjoyed that she is back in your life and you really value your friendship. Mention that you have been wondering if she remembers the sexual relationship the two of you shared in your younger days. Admit that it has crossed your mind again...but that you are wary of initiating something that might end with more problems than the relationship can handle. See where is goes. Accept a rejection well. Embrace a postive response...but not too quickly or with an overabundance of emotion. Keep it simple.

    Good luck.
     
  4. dr_pepper

    dr_pepper New Member

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    Actually, my ex and I have pretty much taken up where we left off years ago. Our finances are split of course, but we work together on everything around the home. We go places together, including date like activities, such as dinner. Really the only area that we are not sharing is sexual intimacy. Whether any romance will develop again, is probably the big question and may be the core issue. I guess that in the past I have known several women who would not be concerned about romance happening. They would so tuned in sexually that would come up on its own.

    I would like to see us back like we were and I realize that very well might not happen or be possible. Truthfully, what we share now is much better than what I lived the last 8 or 9 years.
     
  5. B_talltpaguy

    B_talltpaguy New Member

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    I would ask for sexual ground rules, so to speak.
     
  6. D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov

    D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov Account Disabled

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    You must wondering if the same thoughts and feelings are on her mind. Has she got a best friend? Perhaps you could talk to her best friend and with some tact and luck you would find some relevant information about ex-wife's current line of thought. Then it would be easier to try something, to approach her, if applicable.
     
  7. shoxx

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    If you want to rev her up, create a strong sense of attraction, try sending, meaning the facial expression on your face can cause women to do strange things. Start with a kiss and go from there, make her feel like your the man and she is comfortable. self explanitory from there, hope that helps bud good luck. dont become a whodini, the master of escaping getting laid.
     
  8. nicenycdick

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    Hell...just talk to her! You've known each other for so many years and shared so many things (good and bad!) I am sure the thought has crossed her mind. Pick a loose moment, tell her your thoughts...and ask. Just be prepared to accept her answer, whatever it may be.
     
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