Hey all.. /sadmode

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Sheeg, Sep 21, 2010.

  1. Sheeg

    Sheeg New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2009
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Netherlands
    Hey all,

    I dont know if i'm in the right place to sob about my problems and all, but since this site has a close community i thought this would be the right place to tell my "story".
    so this is whats keeping me busy day in day out:

    So.. my ex girlfriend broke up with me in june, we had a relationship for about 1.5 years and she broke up with me via an email..
    When i was at a friends party i recieved a text that said "you should read your email" but i wasnt home and i couldnt check my email that evening.
    the next day i read the email and i cried for a long time.
    She told me she wasnt happy anymore and we had a fight a week earlier about our relationship and if i didnt do something she'd leave me.
    During the month june we were in this "not together but also no breakup" situation, she said she still loved me and missed me, we even had sex a couple of times.
    Then the worst thing happened.. i caught her on having sexual chat on some forum she visits now and then with some random guy.. it wasnt my intention to see it but she never logged out on that site on my iTouch, so when i opened my browser it was on the mainpage..
    When i told her i knew about her secret she went all like "its all fake i'm so sorry please forgive me" and in my fury i said that i didnt want her anymore because i was so hurt.
    Then 2 days later i skipped the night because i couldnt sleep, i went to her house at 9:30 am and she litterally told me to go home.. she had a date with some other guy that same day!!!! even though she told me 1 day before i caught her that she still loved me and still liked me.
    After that day she went all non-caring and was like "yea i dont know if we're gonna be together i dont wanna make fake promisses".
    she had some dates but i still wanted her back.. everytime it looked like she wanted to be together again she bashed me and said hurtfull things, she was acting like a slut when she was going out with friends while i was crying over our breakup.
    I'll save you the details on that afwull time she was "single" and all.. but now something worse happened.
    She has a new boyfriend.. and its actually some friend she knows for about 6 years..
    I feel so betrayed and hurt, like she never loved me or something..
    We had sex like 3 times a week, i can count the days that we didnt have sex.
    Maybe thats the reason she went on a dating streak(?) because she loves sex and she even asked me to be fuckbuddies.. yeah like i'm gonna do that while i still love her...
    anyways.. it keeps me busy all day long, just for the fact that all of this doesnt make sense.. she told me she loved me n all and after i caught her she went like this.. she made me lost faith in relationships and girls in general.
    Even though i'm only 20 years old, all this really made me doubt if relations are real and if people really love their partner like they say they do..
    She was my 1st real love and that is making things even more hurtfull ;<.

    Sorry for this massive text, but i'm hoping you guys dont think "TLDR!" but give me your opinion about it or give me some advice how to move on.. because i still love her after all the things she did.. even though i know i gotta let go of the idea that we could still be together some day ( anyone who says men dont have feelings should think again ).

    thanks for reading!

    Joost
     
  2. Rammajamma771

    Rammajamma771 New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2009
    Messages:
    77
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Dixie
    Go to the bathroom. Run some cold water into the palms of your hand and splash the cold water into your face. Use a towel to dry your face. Take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Look into the mirror. Is there anything wrong with you? Do you have a handicap? Are you well fed and healthy? Unless there is something wrong with you, you are one luckly son-of-a-gun. Don't worry about all this petty stuff. Walk away and find another girl. Life is too short to worry about this type crap. When you get older you will look back at this and wonder why you allowed it to bother you.
     
  3. rob_

    rob_ Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2009
    Messages:
    549
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    39
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Ontario, Canada
    That's life. That's all I have to say.
    I've been broken up with my ex (first boyfriend) for a year now. I've even had a second boyfriend since then. I'm still hung up over him and I don't think those feelings are ever going to fade.

    But you have to keep telling yourself that it's over. And even if there was a possiblity that you could get back together, things would be different and awkward.

    I know you probably want people to tell you that "there might still be a chance", or that "things can go back the way they used to be". But unfortunatly you just have to move on.

    Life sucks, eh? :(

    <3
     
  4. DiscoBoy

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2009
    Messages:
    2,706
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    She sounds like a regal bitch. Good riddance to bad rubbish, I says.

    What you need to do is constantly occupy your mind with other stuff so as to avoid thinking about her. Get a hobby or two, and that'll help immensely-- draw, play music, wank off, play video games, whatever takes your mind off stuff.

    When you do think about her, just remind yourself that you're better off without her, and that you, as a person, have a lot more value than she's acknowledged.

    Lastly, and probably most importantly, disconnect yourself completely from her. Avoid mutual friends, and if that isn't possible, request that they not speak about her. Just keep yourself away from things that'll tell you how she's doing. Remember, you don't give a fuck (you do, but that's what we want to get past).

    Best of luck to ya.
     
  5. coachreffn

    coachreffn Active Member

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2009
    Messages:
    127
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    69
    Location:
    California
    All great advice from the above posts. What really struck me is that you get a text to read an email and she broke up with you without ever facing you. A year and a half relationship should not be broken up through email or text. That shows the type of person she is.

    It is not enough just to say she is a bitch and move on. You love her. You still have feelings for her. You want what you had together to have meaning. This shows what type of person YOU are. Allow the feelings to flow but don't obsess over them. Get busy with your life and move ahead....in your school, work, friends, famliy....And, in time, she will lose center place in your life and heart and finally move to the outer circles of it.

    Be at peace. This will pass.
     
  6. helgaleena

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2006
    Messages:
    5,663
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Wisconsin USA
    I am so sorry that your first love was such a bitch drama queen. Face it, she was! But she is only your first, not your last.

    Everyone has to start their love life somewhere, and happily ever after with your first love is definitely not how it goes most of the time. You can honor that she was your first, and nothing will ever change that. But you deserve much better than her.

    Just like we can't choose our relatives, we can't choose who turns out to be our first love. But we don't have to make that one the most important thing. Focus on being objective about her. Make lists of all the good things and the bad things about her and make her just one more learning experience. Move on.

    Such bad manners to break up by email. But you did tell her to her face you didn't want her. Don't say things you don't mean, next time around.
     
  7. Sheeg

    Sheeg New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2009
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Netherlands
    Thanks all for your support, really appreciate !
    I know she went all bitchmode n all after i caught her.. but that doesnt change the fact that all the time i was with her i never had any suspicious thoughts on her cheating on me or even talk to other guys in that way.
    Even though i have to let her go.. its still hard and deep down i still wish it could all be again as it was.. but thats life i guess.

    @ Helgaleena:
    When i told her i didnt "want" her anymore i was talking to her on MSN, i was so hurt and upset that i said something like "well you wanted attention from someone else.. now you can because i'm done with you", i know i shouldnt have said that and thats the reason i went to her house at 9:30 AM two days later to talk.. but she almost slammed the door in my face.

    thing is.. she was the last person i expected this behaviour from, she isnt the easiest type of girl, she went trough alot the last few years.
    Also her ex boyfriend ( which was her 1st love, i was her 2nd) died may 10th, because she always trashtalked him i didnt get why she was so upset (ofcourse if your 1st love dies your world falls to pieces and i understand it!).
    but she told me he hit her a couple of times so i was everything but "sad" about his death ( he commited suicide btw) and was like "how can you mourn over someone who actually used to beat you up? even though its your ex" .
    I know she still isnt the happy girl she was when i met her, i know she still mourns his death and maybe is still sad it had to be like this with me and her..
    But i guess she didnt want me to be the one anymore that she could run into his arms and cry with... a shame because i really really cared about her.
    Someone else has the 'duty" to take care of her now .. and it still tears me apart.

    Thanks you guys, it means alot!
     
    #7 Sheeg, Sep 22, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2010
  8. helgaleena

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2006
    Messages:
    5,663
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Wisconsin USA
    Sounds like that gal's 'first' was much less than she deserved, too. She honored the experience and moved on-- and so can you.
     
  9. big_tits4big_dicks

    big_tits4big_dicks New Member

    Joined:
    May 28, 2010
    Messages:
    466
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    L.A, city of madness,
    babe, sounds like she has some issues to work out, and you don't need to be her chew toy. Don't have sex with her anymore. She has others to go feel better with if she feels guilty or bad about it, you just feel like holding on to her more because you love her. Break ups suck, and they take a little time to get over. You can be friends with her still, but not for a while. I say take a break from her for a year or two. Good luck, you are only 20, so don't worry if you don't find your life partner tomorrow, she will come along :D
     
Draft saved Draft deleted