Hey! Question for the girls

[petite]

That was a very thoughtful post, WriterGirl.

I've been in the same situation with you as far as lovers who did not appreciate my input, who reacted very badly and taught me not to say any more, and who then made me more reticent to say anything to my next lover! However, the negative lessons I've learned from a bad previous experience isn't the fault of my current lover.

In my opinion, those experiences should have shown me earlier in the relationship that we weren't sexually compatible. As I grew older, that's the conclusion I came to earlier in my relationships and I ended them.

My perspective isn't that the onus of communication is entirely upon the woman, but that as one of two people in bed, if I want any of my needs met or if they currently aren't being met, then I need to speak up. If I don't, then I can't just complain that he failed to read me. If he feels that any of his needs aren't being met, he needs to speak up, too. You cannot blame your lover for not satisfying you if you've never said anything to him.

 

[dolfette]

i can't recall what i've already posted...

but, in hindsight, all the times i've had to tell a guy what i want, the sexual side of the relationship has been doomed from the start. those were the guys that couldn't read me as well as the others.

 

[HiddenLacey]

And what about when your with someone and you ask them to do something a certain way because it feels more pleasurable and they take offense, because they already "know" how to do it? Anyone had this issue? It gives me a fear that anything I say is going to be taken out of context and turned into something I didn't mean at all.

 

[dolfette]

And what about when your with someone and you ask them to do something a certain way because it feels more pleasurable and they take offense, because they already "know" how to do it?

i think you must be shagging tossers, doll.

 

[petite]

And what about when your with someone and you ask them to do something a certain way because it feels more pleasurable and they take offense, because they already "know" how to do it? Anyone had this issue? It gives me a fear that anything I say is going to be taken out of context and turned into something I didn't mean at all.

Those are the guys I end it with! A guy like that has his priorities out of place and doesn't care enough about pleasing you in bed, if he's so busy soothing an imaginary wound instead of listening to you so that he can give you the best orgasm you've ever had in your entire life so that you will think that he's a sex god.

I mean, six months ago we were having sex and TheBF did this one thing he had never done before, sort of a combo move that was just genius and I stopped him and said, "Can you do that again?" and he didn't know what I was talking about. After a minute or two he replicated it again and WOW!!!!!!!!!! Seriously, we're talking Olympic level sexual skills! Attaining sex god status! If he was one of those guys who can't take any direction, I wouldn't be enjoying that move all the time.

 

[WriterGirl]

I agree with you 100% everyone should communicate with each other but sometimes it's hard. It works really well I think if one person in the relantionship is the aggressor and asks the other partner. Sometimes you have two people that are uncomfortable with asking and sometimes you have someone who just doesn't care. Maybe we should have lists made up and trade when we meet people (just kidding):biggrin1: That would be rather mortifing I think!!!

(Snicker) It conjures up a funny image - each person with a sexual preferences label on the forehead! :tongue:

 

[HiddenLacey]

(Snicker) It conjures up a funny image - each person with a sexual preferences label on the forehead! :tongue:

hahahhahaha!!!!!!!!! Yes but it would take out the guess work and you could immediately meet someone and read their label and know WILL THIS GUY WORK FOR ME :tongue:

 

[HiddenLacey]

i think you must be shagging tossers, doll.

lovely just my luck

Those are the guys I end it with! A guy like that has his priorities out of place and doesn't care enough about pleasing you in bed, if he's so busy soothing an imaginary wound instead of listening to you so that he can give you the best orgasm you've ever had in your entire life so that you will think that he's a sex god.

What they are supposed to listen to you??? Here I thought I was just supposed to be the barbiedoll in his fanstasy

 

[petite]

Oh, I added more to my post up there!

 

[dolfette]

What they are supposed to listen to you??? Here I thought I was just supposed to be the barbiedoll in his fantasy

when guys do that just do your best impersonation of a blow up doll.
hold your arms & legs out at that odd angle, remain completely motionless and, most importantly, pull the face!

see how long it takes them to notice.

you'd be amazed how many guys don't find it funny!

 

[WriterGirl]

That was a very thoughtful post, WriterGirl.

I've been in the same situation with you as far as lovers who did not appreciate my input, who reacted very badly and taught me not to say any more, and who then made me more reticent to say anything to my next lover! However, the negative lessons I've learned from a bad previous experience isn't the fault of my current lover.

In my opinion, those experiences should have shown me earlier in the relationship that we weren't sexually compatible. As I grew older, that's the conclusion I came to earlier in my relationships and I ended them.

My perspective isn't that the onus of communication is entirely upon the woman, but that as one of two people in bed, if I want any of my needs met or if they currently aren't being met, then I need to speak up. If I don't, then I can't just complain that he failed to read me. If he feels that any of his needs aren't being met, he needs to speak up, too. You cannot blame your lover for not satisfying you if you've never said anything to him.

My intent wasn't to put the onus of responsibility on anyone, but I got caught up in a tinge of irritation when I perceived some posts expressing the POV women should be responsible because we are better at communicating. As I've demonstrated now, this is clearly not true. I completely agree with your point.

 

[WriterGirl]

when guys do that just do your best impersonation of a blow up doll.
hold your arms & legs out at that odd angle, remain completely motionless and, most importantly, pull the face!

see how long it takes them to notice.

you'd be amazed how many guys don't find it funny!

ROFL! :biggrin1: I'd wonder how many don't notice or prefer that impersonation.... someone must like those blowup dolls since there is a business for them!

 

[HiddenLacey]

when guys do that just do your best impersonation of a blow up doll.
hold your arms & legs out at that odd angle, remain completely motionless and, most importantly, pull the face!

see how long it takes them to notice.

you'd be amazed how many guys don't find it funny!

LMAO you just get more amusing everyday:biggrin1:

 

[HiddenLacey]

Those are the guys I end it with! A guy like that has his priorities out of place and doesn't care enough about pleasing you in bed, if he's so busy soothing an imaginary wound instead of listening to you so that he can give you the best orgasm you've ever had in your entire life so that you will think that he's a sex god.

I mean, six months ago we were having sex and TheBF did this one thing he had never done before, sort of a combo move that was just genius and I stopped him and said, "Can you do that again?" and he didn't know what I was talking about. After a minute or two he replicated it again and WOW!!!!!!!!!! Seriously, we're talking Olympic level sexual skills! Attaining sex god status! If he was one of those guys who can't take any direction, I wouldn't be enjoying that move all the time.

<<<<<<<<<< goes away to cry.... stupid Olympic sexual skills, stupid men blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

[petite]

My intent wasn't to put the onus of responsibility on anyone, but I got caught up in a tinge of irritation when I perceived some posts expressing the POV women should be responsible because we are better at communicating. As I've demonstrated now, this is clearly not true. I completely agree with your point.

You expressed yourself very well! I think you were very clear! :smile:

It would be a lot easier for women to talk about sex if every man reacted well to it. The ones who react badly tend to react very very badly! :frown1:

Most men I've been with haven't been the greatest communicators even though men are supposed to be more direct, but most men are actually easy about talking about sex. It usually just takes one little nudge to open the floodgates. The number of men I've been with who have reacted badly is very small compared to the number of men who loved talking about sex with me. I think there's concern from men that we'll react badly, too.

 

[Drifterwood]

when guys do that just do your best impersonation of a blow up doll.
hold your arms & legs out at that odd angle, remain completely motionless and, most importantly, pull the face!

So that's what they have been doing.

Thanks Dolfie. :wink:

 

[HiddenLacey]

So that's what they have been doing.

Thanks Dolfie. :wink: