Hey, what's with that 1% gay???

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by B_NineInchCock_160IQ, Oct 3, 2007.

  1. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    Inspired by dcwrestlefan's recent thread "why are you straight?", an interesting twist on the ubiquitous "why are you gay?" and "why are you x%/y%?" threads, I found myself reflecting upon this question that is posed to me all the damn time.

    In general I hate repeating myself, so I try to come up with a fresh answer each and every time someone asks me this: "so.... what's up with that 1% gay in your profile???"

    I actually revealed the real reason for this a long time ago, shortly after I changed my status from 100% straight to 99%. If someone is willing to do the digging they might be able to find that. I've since referenced this post or made other reasonable explanations in similar threads a few times.

    But that's not as much fun as the answers I tend to give people in the chat room or who pm me with the above hopelessly unoriginal question. I get asked this probably twice a week on average so I'm sure I've forgotten many of my responses, but here are some of my favorites that I could recall:

    Why am I 1% gay? (most of these are even true)

    - I own a Versace shirt
    - I can sing from memory more than one showtune
    - I'm feeling fabulous
    - I once lived within the greater metropolitan area of San Francisco
    - I've been to Europe
    - when I was a child I thought about being an interior decorator
    - I like fucking dudes in the ass
    - my favorite shirt is purple
    - I own an iPod
    - I'm a reasonably good dancer
    - I don't watch sports
    - I don't drink beer
    - I throw tupperware parties
    - when I was four I used to cross-dress in my big sister's clothes
    - I've thought about working as a flight attendant
    - I've cut my own hair
    - I own every animated Disney movie on DVD, and the Wizard of Oz
    - I saw Titanic in movie theaters 8 times
    - the first concert I attended was Debbie Gibson
    - I used to sleep in a Strawberry Shortcake nightgown
    - I Tivo'd a show on Logo once

    Anybody else have any humorous answers to this asinine question?
     
  2. nudeyorker

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    Ok...you cleared it all up for me now...but anyone who had thought and done all this ( with the exception of item seven)...is gayer than I am!
     
  3. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    So I'm 101% gay and 99% straight?
     
  4. agnslz

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    Because you're always pouting.:tongue:
     
  5. earllogjam

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    Why am I 1% gay?

    How about these:

    * I've never been to the Olive Garden.

    * I played hopscotch as a kid ...once.

    * I have a pink Lacoste shirt in my closet.

    * The smell of Aqua Velva makes me hurl.

    * I've had dirty thoughts while using Neosporin.

    * I wipe my butt and it feels good sometimes.
     
  6. Wrey

    Wrey New Member

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    NIC, I love you man! (In a purely platonic, 1% gay kinda' way)
     
  7. bigboy9239

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    I guess I'm NOT 1% gay then..cause I havent done or had half of that shit.

     
  8. B_Hung Muscle

    B_Hung Muscle New Member

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    Which showtunes can you sing, NIC?
     
  9. Beef Stroganoff

    Beef Stroganoff New Member

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    You are 1% gay, at the very least, because you are posting on a site dedicated to cocks and every time you congratulate someone here for posting their pix or for having a big wang, you show that you have an appreciation for a nice cock. I think most gay guys can empathise with that.

    Why am I 10% straight? Because I'd dump any man in a heartbeat and live the "normal" straight life if I had a shot at any of these three women: Lauren Graham, Charlize Theron, and Jenny McCarthy.

    Also 80's era Molly Ringwald and Mary Stuart Masterson (sigh).
     
  10. yngjock20

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    Ha! See, that's why I don't post my percentage...complete anonymity and the ability to freely shift from completely straight to completely gay without anyone knowing the wiser.
     
  11. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    Most of Les Miserables, The Lion King, and Beauty & the Beast
     
  12. Quite Irate

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    We simply must record a duet album sometime.
     
  13. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    fo sho. I get to be Simba and you can do my makeup.
     
  14. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    earl, agnslz, thanks for playing =) You're the only ones who submitted alternate responses. got a good laugh out of them...
     
  15. jakeatolla

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    After reading your first post, are you sure its only 1 % :confused::wink:
     
  16. gjorg

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    * I've never been to the Olive Garden

    * I burp,fart,pick my teeth with a match book,but only drink beer in a glass.

    * I wipe my butt and it feels good,but only with a wet wipe
     
  17. D_Martin van Burden

    D_Martin van Burden Account Disabled

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    I kissed one of my guy friends.
    On the mouth.
    With a little bit of tongue.
    And we were naked.
    As a dare.
    And I had to have two shots of vodka first...
    ...and then I told him to fuck off because his stubble scratched my face.

    I entertain hypotheticals.
    Like, wondering if Johnny Depp or Jared Leto would be a better lay.
    And not picking Jared.
    Because that eyeliner makes him look strange.
    And I don't like his band either.
    Plus, Johnny would appreciate you more in the morning.

    Because, in the locker room shower.
    I was minding my own business.
    I caught a dude taking a glance.
    I didn't slug him.
    I look at his back, then washed my face.
    Then he looked at mine again,
    and then I looked at his again and nodded,
    and then I finished up and walked out.
     
  18. classyron

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    My answers:

    I drove in a Jetta once.
    I know the names of several fashion designers.
    I own Prince "Purple Rain"... soundtrack.
    I have, on occasion, extended pinky finger while drinking tea.
    I shave my balls regularly.
    I told my friend that Coors Light was "refreshing".
    I used to play squash at lunch.
    I have ordered a Daquiri at a country bar.
     
  19. lorne

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    -own more than 2 types/colors of belts
    -played contact sports where people push they're asses into groins
    -watched the OC
    -think brad pitt in fight club is hot
    -like watching fashion/design tv
    -dont understand stevan segal
    -prefer the company of girls to guys
    -cant watch football on tv
    -dont understand how gay people exist if god never created them(didn't he create everything?
    -enjoy jewlery and accessories
    -Despise the term metrosexual
    *am a member of web communities that show off their penises to generally other men and view them my self.
     
  20. Guy-jin

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    I think that makes him 99% emo, not 99% straight! :biggrin1:
     
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