Hi Ladies, need your help

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by SassySpy, Mar 24, 2007.

  1. SassySpy

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    Most of you know where i am right now- we are having issues.You know he is/was a virgin- one successful attempt :smile: but generally, he gets very hard , well mostly hard- and as soon a he begins to enter me, he softens, and we cannot complete the act,. last night he had to jack off just to relieve the pressure.

    What can I do?:confused: How can I help? Is it performance anxiety? he seems to be concentrating on getting his cock in the right place?

    Please help, we have only a few more days .

    Thanks

    sassy
     
  2. SassySpy

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    actually, clarification here is necessary. Men's viewpoint welcome too. I have never had this problem so i dont know if it is normal. This is a man who has wanked since he could wank- never been near a pussy. is pussy so different as to be unpleasant? or is it just mine? Most of you have seen mine , but not felt it. Oh gosh i dunno what to do. except cry, which I have been doing lots of, cos i think there is something wrong with me:confused:
     
  3. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    Sassy darlin there is nothing wrong with you.. I would say it is nerves on his behalf causing the trouble.

    I dont know what you have tried (obviously) but i assume you have already given him oral which i will also assume was sucesssful. Maybe you could try letting him mastrubate for you with a dildo, let him see how you will react physically so he knows what to expect.

    Also you could try riding him cowgirl, possibly the idea that you have the control and you arent relying on him will help his nerves.

    Thats all i can think of, unfortantly it may just be to much pressure for him and best left to the next visit...Sorry i couldnt be much help.:redface:

    He does want to have sex with you right? Has he said what might be the problem?
     
  4. ItsSubjective

    ItsSubjective New Member

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    The sensations when masturbating are generally very different from actual intercourse. It might also be performance anxiety. Here are a few things that might help if you haven't tried them yet.

    Try grabbing a hold of him and guiding him in you so he doesn't have to worry about his aim or angle. You can stroke him a bit while doing this to help. You may even want to take your time stroking him while he is just outside you and slowly slip him in inch by inch as time goes on.

    You could also take you hand and form a "v" with you index and middle fingers around the base of his shaft. Then squeeze your fingers together around him. This should add sensation closer to masturbation and might help if it is a sensation thing.

    Finally, you could try positions where you are in charge of the motion. Having to concentrate on moving the right way could be part of the issue. Perhaps he normally tenses other body muscles when he is masturbating that he can't tense and move (like his thighs). This lack of muscle tensing may be a big change in sensation. You could probably watch him masturbate and rub his body at the same time to determine if this is the case.


     
  5. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    Also you could try running down to the local adult shop and grabbing him a fleshlight..even though still not a real pussy it will give him a closer sensation to you than what his hand will.. Try quickly going from the fleshlight straight into you as he is about to cum
     
  6. LongTimeComing

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    OK, one man's perspective. I have suffered with very similar things myself over time. I would say that it is performance anxiety.

    First of all, Sassy, there is nothing wrong with you. Don't think that for a minute. And if it isn't too late for this, try not to let him know that you are wondering if you are somehow inadequate. Here's why...

    He was a virgin for a long time (as was I, until I was about 22). He has been thinking about his first time with a woman for the last 10 years or so. He has all kinds of hopes and expectations about what it will be like. He doesn't realize the enormous pressure he has put on himself for sex to be magically wonderful. As good as it can be, it is surely different (and probably not as good) as what he has imagined.

    So, he penetrates you, and there is suddenly a disconnect between what he has believed sex would be like for 10 years, and what it is really like. He almost certainly believes you to be normal (maybe even perfect!) so the problem must be with him. Self-doubt rears its horrible ugly head. He starts to worry that he is doing it "wrong," that he is not pleasing you, not pleasing himself. He feels like maybe his erection isn't as hard as it was at first... and once he worries that he is losing his erection, it is as good as gone. Now he feels even WORSE... he is with a beautiful woman, and he can't even get it up. "What the fuck is WRONG with me..." He is probably close to tears inside. He feels like a miserable failure. He has let you down. He has let himself down. He has been waiting and wanting this day for 10 years, and it just sucks. It just fucking sucks.

    That is what performance anxiety is.

    My advice to you... be confident in yourself. Don't display your disappointment. Assure him that everything is OK. Assure him that you love being with him, that it is good now and will only get better as you become accustomed to each other. I would recommend that you NOT make a positive comment if and when he is successful, because that will only put the pressure on him for a repeat performance. Let the success just be one of any variety of good pleasures that come from being together.

    This is all about gently building his confidence, letting him feel secure enough to accept that sometimes he'll be great and sometimes he'll be crap, but that it is entirely OK.

    I hope this makes sense, and I hope it helps...
     
  7. Kat

    Kat Member

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    Sassy,

    First, there is nothing wrong with you...your beautiful. This has happend to us on occasion over the past number of years together. And for us it seems to be related to stress or difficulties in our relationship. And it does tend to "feed" on itself since the attention starts to focus on the problem, which seems to make it worse. All I can say is that in our case the issue resolved...I really made a point not to make a big deal of it at the time and focused on all the other great things during sex.

    kat
     
  8. kcee

    kcee New Member

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    There is DEFINITELY NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. I'm not sure what the problem is, because for me, the feel of a woman is incredibly more satisfying than my hand! LOL!
    But, seriously, it sounds like he may have performance anxiety. And now that it has happened once, it becomes a sort of "self fullfilling prophecy". Because it has happened before, he fears that it will inevitably happen again.
    I would bet that if he can ever "get it right" once, then the problem may forever go away. If it persists (assuming you each care for one other) I would say to go to a qualified therapist. I'm sure that it can be worked out. But again, I want to reiterate this; there is NOTHING in the world that is better and more satisfying than a real, live female!
    Good luck.
     
  9. giantsfrey

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    yeah, when i first started being an actual woman the first times, there was a lot of performance anxiety. and it was SOOO frustrating, becuase i knew i wanted it, and i was extremely turned on by her..... it just some time and attempts for me to get comfortable with it. i'm sure you're not doing anything wrong, just do your best to help him along. all of a sudden it will just click :)
     
  10. Love-it

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    Hello Sassy.

    Your enthusiasm, interest and desire are foreign to his experiences and he has to learn to be comfortable with you and himself all at the same time. Throw in different sensations, vaginal textures, heat, slipperiness and muscle pressures, and his expectations of what you and he need and wanting to please you there is a lot happening. It is hard to do but you both need to relax and hold each other and let desire build slowly. You might ask him if you could hold his hand while he is masturbating himself and if wants a little lick now and then if he wants, that way he can be in control which is what he is used to.

    He will learn to enjoy his body and yours, it is just a bit confusing now.

    I know it is hard but don't stress, holding hands right now is way more important than you know.

    Love-it
     
  11. SassySpy

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    First of all, I love you all. never have I seen such an outpouring of kindness along with very good advice. :kiss:
    We have stopped 'focusing' on THAT- and he is hard every time he is near me, we just let him stay hard. I talk to him, his penis jumps as a mind of its own. I touch his lips I feel a sword poking my belly, all outside our clothes.
    I leave wednesday. We are no longer focusing on if it happens or not. we have brought each other immense satisfaction in other ways. And also although only once, and i think purely by accident almost, he feels proud to say he is no longer a virgin.

    Again, thank you. as does he- he understands now why I belong to this group, he didn't at first, though he would never judge me or be angry at me- he now at least understands there is so much more to this group than big cocks- there are also big hearts- and beautiful souls.
    and I am crying now so will crawl back into bed with him and let him dry my tears.
    Thank you. :kiss:
     
  12. B_cigarbabe

    B_cigarbabe New Member

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    Hey Sass Spyy,
    I had posted earlier but I see now that it didn't "print" for some reason!
    Anyway my advice was to try one of the desensitizing lubes to perhaps give him a little less feeling, but I see, that you've worked it out on your own!
    I am happy that it's no longer a problem at the moment.
    I am thrilled that everything went well for you,{mostly} and that the both of you have found a way to be together despite the small annoyances! I am very happy that you sound like it's been a good trip and you two are together and happy! I know this sounds corny, but I am thrilled, you found someone who will make you as happy, as Eddy makes me!:naughty: Hurry back, to give us{me!}all the juicy details!:joke:
    :flowers1: All my Love to the both of you,:kiss:
    cigarbabe:saevil:
     
  13. LongTimeComing

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    Excellent advice.
     
  14. AAALady

    AAALady New Member

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    This thread shows shows one of the reasons this place is so special.

    What a group of great people!
     
  15. Love-it

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    We should all be so lucky to have someone to dry our tears.

    Love-it
     
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