Hiding ur interest in other men

[GabStone]

nobody know or need to know

 

[wappingite]

I play in a regular sex club where I'd say at least half the men live a conventionally 'straight' life with wives, girlfriends, families, grandchildren, etc. Most don't bother removing their wedding bands. I don't pass any judgement upon it because everyone is in a different place in life and their decisions are theirs. It's not just older guys either, there seem to be just as many younger guys out there living a 'straight' life with some gay sex on the side, even in a place as cosmopolitan as London. I chat with some whilst relaxing, and it really runs the continuum. Some are truly bi and love fucking women too, and some are truly only sexually attracted to men and on the DL. Of the ones over 40, some say they would live differently (as gay) if they were young again now because it's different, but it's just too late because they have families and loved ones. Some have become divorced later in life once the kids are grown. Some (suprisingly common) have arrangements with their wives, and the women know Others do it completely without their spouse's knowledge. Younger guys in this situation on average don't seem as much at ease with it from my anecdotal observation, and you can sometimes sense their turmoil. I've been with a few over the years that have had the post-coital reqrets including one who had a mini breakdown and cried.

Honestly, I think men like to fuck and have a different outlook on sex. Sexuality is fluid, and it's entirely possible to have multiple planes including a conventional relationship (whether straight or gay) and other sexual contacts on the side. There are all kinds of combinations that can occur. I don't think it's a gay/bi/straight thing as much as I think it's a male thing. I could never be monogamous, full stop. I have to keep exploring sexually. I always hope that other peoples' partners 'in the dark' don't get hurt, but everyone who plays in these kinds of situations are adults and responsible for his own actions. I won't be a moral arbiter other than to caution people not to be reckless and naive.

 

[223790]

I play in a regular sex club where I'd say at least half the men live a conventionally 'straight' life with wives, girlfriends, families, grandchildren, etc. Most don't bother removing their wedding bands. I don't pass any judgement upon it because everyone is in a different place in life and their decisions are theirs. It's not just older guys either, there seem to be just as many younger guys out there living a 'straight' life with some gay sex on the side, even in a place as cosmopolitan as London. I chat with some whilst relaxing, and it really runs the continuum. Some are truly bi and love fucking women too, and some are truly only sexually attracted to men and on the DL. Of the ones over 40, some say they would live differently (as gay) if they were young again now because it's different, but it's just too late because they have families and loved ones. Some have become divorced later in life once the kids are grown. Some (suprisingly common) have arrangements with their wives, and the women know Others do it completely without their spouse's knowledge. Younger guys in this situation on average don't seem as much at ease with it from my anecdotal observation, and you can sometimes sense their turmoil. I've been with a few over the years that have had the post-coital reqrets including one who had a mini breakdown and cried.

Honestly, I think men like to fuck and have a different outlook on sex. Sexuality is fluid, and it's entirely possible to have multiple planes including a conventional relationship (whether straight or gay) and other sexual contacts on the side. There are all kinds of combinations that can occur. I don't think it's a gay/bi/straight thing as much as I think it's a male thing. I could never be monogamous, full stop. I have to keep exploring sexually. I always hope that other peoples' partners 'in the dark' don't get hurt, but everyone who plays in these kinds of situations are adults and responsible for his own actions. I won't be a moral arbiter other than to caution people not to be reckless and naive.

Very well said wappingite!:clap:

 

[champrider]

OK, I'm going to resurrect this dead thread because this is a topic that has been on my mind for awhile now. I agree so much with what the poster above has said. From what I have been reading on this thread and other threads about this topic, it seems that people are saying if you're on the DL or considering it, you should just throw away your marriage, ruin your kids life, and cause financial devestation for yourself and your family (which divorce always results in and women usually get the short end of the stick - my mother included). I was a child of divorce (father cheating with other women), and I can tell you that their divorce fucked up me when I was younger, and even more so my brother and sister to the point that they still have dysfunctional lives to this very day from it. My sister ended up getting divorced later in life and it fucked up her 2 sons good and plenty. Anyone who says divorce doesn't impact the kids, or that the kids will support their parents decision to divorce so their parent can be their true selves doesn't really have a clue.

What if you try the DL lifestyle for awhile only to discover that it's not what you imagined it to be? Taking drastic action such as ending your marriage, hurting the ones you love and devestating your finances only to find out that you preferred what you had before is IMO irresponsible, selfish, reckless, and would be impossible to recover from. It is possible to be in love with your wife (like I am), but still feel a physical need to be with other men. There really are some itches that a woman cannot scratch. Does this mean that I am gay and should just throw away what has taken us 16 years to build up simply because I want to explore another aspect of my sexuality? Of course not! We do not have kids (by choice), but maybe the other guy does. Would I expect him to end his marriage, destroy his kids, ruin his finances and move into an apartment in the gay village with me simply because he had some urges that his wife couldn't satisfy? Of course not! We all have responsibilities from choices that we made earlier in life that we can't just walk away from because we want to explore a different aspect of our sexuality. Things in life change.

I haven't actually done anything on the DL yet, but if I did, I would be safe. I would never hook up with some random guy over the internet. It would have to be with someone I am attracted to, know, trust to be discreet, and someone I know is disease free. In other words, not just any cock would do. For all I know, I might try it once and find out that it's not for me. Just imagine if I trashed my marriage first to find this out.

This is not an uncommon feeling to have. There are lots of guys who love their straight life, but feel the sexual urge to be with men from time to time.

Ashley Madison - We Know Down Low Male Discreet Affair Partners

I don't think they should be judged so harshly for it. Just because they want to explore another aspect of their sexuality by experimenting or having occassional sex with men doesn't make them gay. Isn't that what all of this percentage stuff is about on this website? I do remember studying sexuality in physchology class when in university. There are very few people who are 100% straight or 100% gay whether they want to admit it or not. Live the lifestyle that you identify with the most. No one has to be exclusively straight or gay as far as I'm concerned, just happy and doing what suits them. Being that I identify mostly as straight, that is the lifestyle I live. This doesn't mean though that I am actually 100% straight. If I was, then the thought of sex with another man wouldn't even cross my mind, but it does, and that's all there is to it. As much as I wish it didn't even enter my head, there is nothing I can do about it, so it is what it is.

Thanks for this, I go through this situation, glad to hear it from another!