HighSchool.

[dutch-erik]

hey Ryan,

Well done and a nice story you wrote!!
Keep on writing and in my opinion ít's good to give some background
information, that makes it a real story.
At least I enjoyed it and I think others will do as well.
One remark; now and then it was hard to read for me....probably cause
you typed in "small" if you know what I mean......
Go on writing and feel free to answer me!!

bye bye, take care man!! Erik

 

[mdvc149]

Ryan, Nice story. I would continue giving a background. It does add a lot to and allows for the imagination to think of what can happen in the rest of the story.

And of course, adding personal experiences or fantasies is great too!

nice job!

 

[Squirtgun]

A larger font would be nice. Perhaps there is a little too much background and details. Leave some to the imagination of the reader. Other than that, I think your off to a great start! Can't wait to read more...

 

[britlover]

Great story!

 

[Oscar The Grouch]

Ahh... That was quite hot, I was growing as I read it lol. I just love how some people can express themeselves so explicitly with words. Well, you're a good writer and a pretty erotic person lol. Keep it up. Great story!

 

[britlover]

I like that the story doesn't lead to obvious set-ups. Keep it up (so to speak!&#33.

 

[PonyPete]

Good story and well-written. There is one thing that you might want to edit for the sake of continuity though. You wrote about Tom:

Originally posted by rainonurparade16@Jun 16 2005, 03:34 AM
But besides Tom's legendary "package" his face was gorgeous. Ice blue eyes, jet black hair, high cheek bones, a nose that fit perfectly, and two plump red lips waiting to be kissed.

But later you wrote:

I saw the side of his leg, and looked up a bit to see a huge forest of blonde pubes sticking out from the side, and then there it was.

If his hair was jet black, why was his pubic hair blonde? I would consider changing one sentence or the other just to keep the image consistent.

Hope I don't sound too critical.

 

[nineboxer]

Got me hard dude
Nineboxer

 

[13788]

sony2005: Wow, this is a great story, this actually kinda describes my life, except for the bit with dream onwards..

I can't wait to read the rest, it certaintly got me hard!

 

[txquis]

cool story...make that HOT story.

 

[AmericanWoman]

Well, I'm a straight chick, so if I liked it, it must be well-written (I liked it).

 

[Likesembig]

Originally posted by AmericanWoman@Jul 29 2005, 05:27 PM
Well, I'm a straight chick, so if I liked it, it must be well-written (I liked it).

[post=332990]Quoted post[/post]​

Keep "up" the good work. Can't wait to read the rest.

 

[rob57]

Loved the story. Keep it coming! Take one in the ass for us....

 

[B_RoysToy]

Chapter 3 did it for me, Ryan. You're gifted, buddy.

Luke

 

[Pontiac_G6_GTP]

So when are you going to finish this story??? :wow: