HighSchool.

Discussion in 'Fictitious Stories' started by dutch-erik, Jun 16, 2005.

  1. dutch-erik

    dutch-erik New Member

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    hey Ryan,

    Well done and a nice story you wrote!!
    Keep on writing and in my opinion ít's good to give some background
    information, that makes it a real story.
    At least I enjoyed it and I think others will do as well.
    One remark; now and then it was hard to read for me....probably cause
    you typed in "small" if you know what I mean......
    Go on writing and feel free to answer me!!

    bye bye, take care man!! Erik
     
  2. mdvc149

    mdvc149 New Member

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    Ryan, Nice story. I would continue giving a background. It does add a lot to and allows for the imagination to think of what can happen in the rest of the story.

    And of course, adding personal experiences or fantasies is great too!

    nice job!
     
  3. Squirtgun

    Squirtgun New Member

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    A larger font would be nice. Perhaps there is a little too much background and details. Leave some to the imagination of the reader. Other than that, I think your off to a great start! Can't wait to read more...
     
  4. britlover

    britlover New Member

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    Great story! :)
     
  5. Oscar The Grouch

    Oscar The Grouch New Member

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    Ahh... That was quite hot, I was growing as I read it lol. I just love how some people can express themeselves so explicitly with words. Well, you're a good writer and a pretty erotic person lol. Keep it up. Great story!
     
  6. britlover

    britlover New Member

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    I like that the story doesn't lead to obvious set-ups. Keep it up (so to speak!!).
     
  7. PonyPete

    PonyPete New Member

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    Good story and well-written. There is one thing that you might want to edit for the sake of continuity though. You wrote about Tom:
    But later you wrote:
    If his hair was jet black, why was his pubic hair blonde? I would consider changing one sentence or the other just to keep the image consistent.

    Hope I don't sound too critical.
     
  8. nineboxer

    nineboxer Member

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    Got me hard dude
    Nineboxer
     
  9. Imported

    Gold Member

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    sony2005: Wow, this is a great story, this actually kinda describes my life, except for the bit with dream onwards.. :p

    I can't wait to read the rest, it certaintly got me hard!
     
  10. txquis

    Gold Member

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    cool story...make that HOT story.
     
  11. AmericanWoman

    AmericanWoman New Member

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    Well, I'm a straight chick, so if I liked it, it must be well-written (I liked it).
     
  12. Likesembig

    Likesembig Member

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    Keep "up" the good work. Can't wait to read the rest.
     
  13. rob57

    rob57 New Member

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    Loved the story. Keep it coming! Take one in the ass for us....
     
  14. B_RoysToy

    B_RoysToy New Member

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    Chapter 3 did it for me, Ryan. You're gifted, buddy.

    Luke
     
  15. Pontiac_G6_GTP

    Pontiac_G6_GTP New Member

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    So when are you going to finish this story??? :wow:
     
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