Hit on by man in the gym locker room, in an acceptable manner

someperson

Legendary Member
Joined
Apr 26, 2011
Posts
4,091
Media
9
Likes
1,853
Points
198
Location
Los Angeles, California
Sexuality
90% Straight, 10% Gay
Gender
Male
I have to tell you that it is very rare that grown men are looking to make "friends" with other guys they don't know just to be friends..especially in a locker room. I just do think that is how most guys operate. he was either just being friendly or he was interested in him..but he was doing in a less invasive way.
sometimes just get along right away
 

colm84

Legendary Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Jul 19, 2010
Posts
340
Media
7
Likes
1,582
Points
523
Location
Dublin (Leinster, Ireland)
Verification
View
Sexuality
Unsure
Gender
Male
OP if you think he was barking up the wrong tree you could subtlety mention your GF or ex GF in the conversation and he most likely realise your not interested. BTW it comes across you were very impressed by his body and mIght have seen you looking at it which may be the reason for hexample thought you might be interested in him.
 

sangheili90

Superior Member
Joined
Mar 19, 2013
Posts
3,504
Media
9
Likes
3,887
Points
208
Location
Arizona (United States)
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
OP if you think he was barking up the wrong tree you could subtlety mention your GF or ex GF in the conversation and he most likely realise your not interested. BTW it comes across you were very impressed by his body and mIght have seen you looking at it which may be the reason for hexample thought you might be interested in him.

As I mentioned, I didn't really pick up on it until well after he started with the personal questions. I didn't feel uncomfortable at all but with the exception of not knowing what to say if he had made a move. If I run into him again I'll mention the girl I met at that gym and talk about her, should be a good means to prevent a potentially awkward situation. Since I'm aware of the fact he is interested in me, I think mentioning this to him is the considerate thing to do, I can imagine how he might feel if he makes a move and I have to tell him I'm straight.

I actually wasn't staring at his body, but I obviously noticed that he was in very good shape and had the look of a pro swimmer, as I mentioned. I've had guys make comments about how I'm very fit and athletically built and I don't assume it to be coming from a place of sexual interest, just making an observation and a compliment.
 
  • Like
Reactions: N68

colm84

Legendary Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Jul 19, 2010
Posts
340
Media
7
Likes
1,582
Points
523
Location
Dublin (Leinster, Ireland)
Verification
View
Sexuality
Unsure
Gender
Male
Yes just because you acknowledge another person's physique does not mean you are turned on etc by it. women get this. They always comment on other women's body's but a lot of guys think it is gay to say that guy has a great body etc even tho they probably think it.
 

FleshFan69

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Feb 13, 2006
Posts
995
Media
0
Likes
5,283
Points
618
Location
New York (United States)
Verification
View
Sexuality
90% Straight, 10% Gay
Gender
Male
This past Sunday I went to my gym with the intention of just hanging out in the spa, was pretty tired from going out the night prior and wasn't in the mood to workout. I hung out in the Jacuzzi for about an hour, alternating between that and the cooler pool, while talking to some of the people I know there. At some point I noticed this guy that was doing laps in the pool, was a pretty tall and built guy with the look of a professional swimmer, overall a physically impressive individual.

I eventually decide to call an end to my relaxation time and make my way back to the locker room to dry off and change back into my regular clothes. In the locker room, had my jeans and shoes on but no shirt and I noticed the swimmer guy come in, he was dressed and going through his locker. Guy was a bit taller than me, probably around 6'6", and a very attractive guy, definitely top tier genetics. Curious, I asked him if he swam in college, which he did, and we talked a bit about that, a totally normal conversation. We end up introducing ourselves but at some point in the conversation he starts asking me more personal questions, which I didn't think much of because we were getting to know each other. He ends up asking me how far away I live and then mentions that he lives across he street, at this point I still didn't really pick up on it but based on how he was looking at me it became more apparent that he was interested in me. I was putting my shirt on and he walks a bit closer to me and was taking out his phone while asking me more personal questions, like he wanted to get my number. At this point I did get a bit uncomfortable because I wasn't sure of how our interaction would change after I tell him I'm not attracted to men, as I actually did enjoy talking to him. He ended up putting his phone back in his pocket and we made a polite farewell and agreed we'd talk again next time we saw one another.

During this experience I was never once felt threatened or uncomfortable with the exception of the realization that I wouldn't really know how to tell him I wasn't attracted to men if he had made a move on me. I see a lot of this crazy talk from people on here about hooking up with dudes in the sauna or showers, but I saw this as totally normal and acceptable. It granted me a better understanding as to how difficult it can be for gay men to approach other men out of interest when they aren't aware of whether or not that individual shares the same sexuality.

Thanks for sharing this. So much is fascinating on a few fronts. First of all, I've always suspected that irregardless of sexuality, gay or straight, men make decisions of initiating platonic and non-platonic relationships based on physical attraction. Even if, ostensibly for the straight men, the physical component will never be acted upon. I think that instead of projecting a wish-fulillment of you being bi/curious/etc. which many seem to want to do because of your descriptive word choices about the other guy (which is by the way understandable) I prefer to think of you as an open person who experienced the dance of budding relationships.

Another thing I'll put out there is based upon the details you provided, consider the following:

1 - You were in a gym spa where men are typically nude or semi-nude for over an hour without working out, going from area to area.
2 - You noticed this guy swimming. Is the swimming pool in direct view from the spa? Your "noticing" could be interpreted as sexual interest by a gay/bi/curious, etc. guy since the visual (held) gaze is highly developed/cultivated/used to translate as interest. I'm betting the guy was aware of your "noticing" each time, the entire time.
3 - In the locker area you don't seem to be on his radar until you ("curious") initiate conversation. Your conversation and curiosity is essentially based on his physical beauty - that was your point of departure and I posit the only reason you had a desire to engage with him. Now from his standpoint there's this guy, you, who's hanging about the spa, chatting, not working out, frequently watching him and then chatting him up in the locker room.
4 - I'd be curious what these "personal questions" he was asking you were...and how you answered them or volleyed back to him...

I wouldn't really know how to tell him I wasn't attracted to men if he had made a move on me.
I don't quite understand this. By, making a move on you, do you mean if he grabbed your dick you aren't sure if you should let him or not?

You seem to turn this encounter into a demonstration of surprising civility by a gay man but I think it's more a revelation of your attraction.

I see a lot of this crazy talk from people on here about hooking up with dudes in the sauna or showers, but I saw this as totally normal and acceptable.

I don't think this is relevant with your experience even though you want to frame it that way. First of all, you were the initiator and secondly, the people that have sex in saunas/showers do so as two (or more) consenting parties regardless of their sexuality.
Actually, in my opinion, your encounter was not normal or acceptable. Because you initiated the dance without being forthcoming and luxuriated in the insinuations, the flirting and the thrill of the sexual possibilities fully aware that you were not prepared to go further.

Finally, I'd be very curious to know if the guy is actually gay (or any other of our current hipster labels which translates into having sex with another man). Wouldn't that be interesting if he is not?
 
  • Like
Reactions: 950483 and MisterB

sangheili90

Superior Member
Joined
Mar 19, 2013
Posts
3,504
Media
9
Likes
3,887
Points
208
Location
Arizona (United States)
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
Thanks for sharing this. So much is fascinating on a few fronts. First of all, I've always suspected that irregardless of sexuality, gay or straight, men make decisions of initiating platonic and non-platonic relationships based on physical attraction. Even if, ostensibly for the straight men, the physical component will never be acted upon. I think that instead of projecting a wish-fulillment of you being bi/curious/etc. which many seem to want to do because of your descriptive word choices about the other guy (which is by the way understandable) I prefer to think of you as an open person who experienced the dance of budding relationships.

Another thing I'll put out there is based upon the details you provided, consider the following:

1 - You were in a gym spa where men are typically nude or semi-nude for over an hour without working out, going from area to area.
2 - You noticed this guy swimming. Is the swimming pool in direct view from the spa? Your "noticing" could be interpreted as sexual interest by a gay/bi/curious, etc. guy since the visual (held) gaze is highly developed/cultivated/used to translate as interest. I'm betting the guy was aware of your "noticing" each time, the entire time.
3 - In the locker area you don't seem to be on his radar until you ("curious") initiate conversation. Your conversation and curiosity is essentially based on his physical beauty - that was your point of departure and I posit the only reason you had a desire to engage with him. Now from his standpoint there's this guy, you, who's hanging about the spa, chatting, not working out, frequently watching him and then chatting him up in the locker room.
4 - I'd be curious what these "personal questions" he was asking you were...and how you answered them or volleyed back to him...


I don't quite understand this. By, making a move on you, do you mean if he grabbed your dick you aren't sure if you should let him or not?

You seem to turn this encounter into a demonstration of surprising civility by a gay man but I think it's more a revelation of your attraction.



I don't think this is relevant with your experience even though you want to frame it that way. First of all, you were the initiator and secondly, the people that have sex in saunas/showers do so as two (or more) consenting parties regardless of their sexuality.
Actually, in my opinion, your encounter was not normal or acceptable. Because you initiated the dance without being forthcoming and luxuriated in the insinuations, the flirting and the thrill of the sexual possibilities fully aware that you were not prepared to go further.

Finally, I'd be very curious to know if the guy is actually gay (or any other of our current hipster labels which translates into having sex with another man). Wouldn't that be interesting if he is not?

-The hot tub that I was hanging out in, which was next to the pool, is accessible to both genders, so there is no nudity what so ever.
- I wasn't staring and watching the guy, hard to not notice someone doing laps in the pool when I'm sitting someplace literally right next to it. Dude never was aware of me until I spoke to him.
- I was genuinely interested to see if he actually swam at the competitive level, as he had the look of it. Very basic question that wasn't in any way a sign of flirtation, since I didn't make any comment about him being attractive or fit. We talked about fitness and sports, I mentioned to him how I thought I would have made a very good swimmer as well if I had been exposed to it when I was younger. Totally normal conversation to have with another dude.
- He randomly asked me how far away I lived and then mentioned that he lived across the street. He asked me what my last name was, asked me what I was up to later that evening. I didn't pick up on it initially so I probably answered in a harmless way that might have made him a bit comfortable with me.

It really isn't a big deal, seriously, but it was an interesting experience.

I'm not attracted to men at all, if I was at all I'd probably be pursuing relationships with other men because it'd be far easier for me to find something compared to finding a decent woman. I'm not physically attracted to most women, so I'm looking at probably the top 10% of the dating pool from that alone. Then when you factor in that a significant percentage of those within dating range for me, 21-32 as a 27 year old male, are either married or in a serious relationship the numbers decrease even more. Then out of what will be left after that many will be single mothers, have a drug or alcohol problem or behavior issues and then whether or not we might not be compatible on a personal level. I go out twice per week, Fridays and Saturdays, I cold approach women I see I'm attracted to.....so I'm basically doing everything right.
 

FleshFan69

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Feb 13, 2006
Posts
995
Media
0
Likes
5,283
Points
618
Location
New York (United States)
Verification
View
Sexuality
90% Straight, 10% Gay
Gender
Male
-The hot tub that I was hanging out in, which was next to the pool, is accessible to both genders, so there is no nudity what so ever.
- I wasn't staring and watching the guy, hard to not notice someone doing laps in the pool when I'm sitting someplace literally right next to it. Dude never was aware of me until I spoke to him.
- I was genuinely interested to see if he actually swam at the competitive level, as he had the look of it. Very basic question that wasn't in any way a sign of flirtation, since I didn't make any comment about him being attractive or fit. We talked about fitness and sports, I mentioned to him how I thought I would have made a very good swimmer as well if I had been exposed to it when I was younger. Totally normal conversation to have with another dude.
- He randomly asked me how far away I lived and then mentioned that he lived across the street. He asked me what my last name was, asked me what I was up to later that evening. I didn't pick up on it initially so I probably answered in a harmless way that might have made him a bit comfortable with me.

It really isn't a big deal, seriously, but it was an interesting experience.

I'm not attracted to men at all, if I was at all I'd probably be pursuing relationships with other men because it'd be far easier for me to find something compared to finding a decent woman. I'm not physically attracted to most women, so I'm looking at probably the top 10% of the dating pool from that alone. Then when you factor in that a significant percentage of those within dating range for me, 21-32 as a 27 year old male, are either married or in a serious relationship the numbers decrease even more. Then out of what will be left after that many will be single mothers, have a drug or alcohol problem or behavior issues and then whether or not we might not be compatible on a personal level. I go out twice per week, Fridays and Saturdays, I cold approach women I see I'm attracted to.....so I'm basically doing everything right.

Gotcha...so have you seen him since? Spoken with him?
 

sangheili90

Superior Member
Joined
Mar 19, 2013
Posts
3,504
Media
9
Likes
3,887
Points
208
Location
Arizona (United States)
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
Gotcha...so have you seen him since? Spoken with him?

No, I haven't seen him since and I'm not 100% sure if I've seen him there before or not. He mentioned he goes there often but if someone has a slightly different time they go you might never run into them at all.
 
  • Like
Reactions: FleshFan69
D

deleted924715

Guest
I'm not physically attracted to most women, so I'm looking at probably the top 10% of the dating pool from that alone. Then when you factor in that a significant percentage of those within dating range for me, 21-32 as a 27 year old male, are either married or in a serious relationship the numbers decrease even more. Then out of what will be left after that many will be single mothers, have a drug or alcohol problem or behavior issues and then whether or not we might not be compatible on a personal level. I go out twice per week, Fridays and Saturdays, I cold approach women I see I'm attracted to.....so I'm basically doing everything right.

Mhm
 

CUBE

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
May 28, 2005
Posts
8,548
Media
13
Likes
7,705
Points
433
Location
The OC
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
OP. If you think you'd like the guy as a friend you should ask him out for coffee or something and just be honest. As a gay guy, sometimes times it's hard to meet a guy and become friends because your not sure how to connect to the straight guy. For some people, the first hello is like, "Ok, straight or gay or friend or date material?" Then you get to know the person and it's like, "What was I thinking it's clearly friend level." Straight guys only meet each other as potential friends. Gay men have to navigate it. So help your potential gay buddy out and get your friendship path on. Friendship is everything.
 

ItsAll4Kim

Worshipped Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Jun 5, 2015
Posts
6,810
Media
0
Likes
13,789
Points
308
Location
USA
Verification
View
Gender
Male
These idiot posters are the ones who have been following me around on her for near a year, they look for any excuse to harass me and talk shit.

These posters know your game of talking as if you know something about people and relationships.

Because you have the wisdom gleaned from years of relationship experience with the opposite....and now the same....sex......
 

Hungmanparis

Superior Member
Joined
Jul 7, 2017
Posts
196
Media
91
Likes
5,565
Points
288
Location
Paris (Île-de-France, France)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
No, I haven't seen him since and I'm not 100% sure if I've seen him there before or not. He mentioned he goes there often but if someone has a slightly different time they go you might never run into them at all.
You should be thankful to him that he had a crush on you, maybe that's because you are too handsome :) in order to thank him you should bend over and give him your little butt, so he can show you his "top tier genetics" you mentionned
 
D

deleted1048037

Guest
In the past, I have been hit on many times. I enjoy the attention! Whether it's a man or woman, I enjoy the attention! :D

I am lucky though. I say i'm gay, but I am so open minded. Being hit on by either gender is never an issue for me. Why should it be an issue? Someone is taking an interest in you. They think you're attractive. They like your personality. They want to be around you. In every way, it's a compliment! Unless the person makes a move on you which is inappropriate.

What I think is ridiculous about some men and women, is that when they are complimented or hit on by someone of the same sex, they act weird, rude or say "I'm straight". It's even more ridiculous when that man or women, who doesn't get a lot of attention/compliments in their lives, are hit on or complimented and they throw it back in the persons face by acting weird, rude and saying "I'm straight". You don't get any attention and your not made to feel good about yourself, and when you are, by someone of the same sex, you decide to throw up the sexuality label because your scared of how society will judge you?! That's one of the reason's I can think of for not liking the attention. Just because someone is hitting on you or is complimenting you, doesn't mean you have to climb into bed with them! Appreciate how they think of you and let the encounter boost your confidence. ;)

We don't see ourselves the way others see us. If an other see's you as an attractive human being, then that's gotta be a good thing, surely! However, if no one approaches you, then that can't be good!

If I go up to a guy and hit on him and he acts weird, I just walk away. I can't be bothered wasting my time on someone who is either hiding in the closet or has self confidence issues. Life's too short for hiding behind your society created sexuality labels. Sexuality labels don't really exist you know. They weren't part of nature. They are man made. If you want someone of the same sex or someone you don't find attractive to back off, you should say something like "I'm sorry. I'm not Interested!".

When a straight guy says "I'm straight" to me, it reminds me of when your watching a horror film and you press pause. It's because your scared of where it will go. Sometimes the climax is bad, but sometimes, the climax is really REALLY good! You'll only find out if you press play. ;)
 

Galloper

Worshipped Member
Joined
Sep 30, 2015
Posts
2,218
Media
51
Likes
12,127
Points
308
Location
Montevideo (Uruguay)
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
Maybe you should talk more with this guy to see if he just wants to be a friend or something else. If it is the latter, just be honest and tell him that you aren`t interested. You won`t waste more time with him and he won`t have false hopes.
 
  • Like
Reactions: sangheili90

wnjcwjkk

Legendary Member
Joined
Nov 14, 2006
Posts
1,023
Media
1
Likes
1,385
Points
268
OP if you think he was barking up the wrong tree you could subtlety mention your GF or ex GF in the conversation and he most likely realise your not interested. BTW it comes across you were very impressed by his body and mIght have seen you looking at it which may be the reason for hexample thought you might be interested in him.



Haha yeah, several times I've initiated a conversation with a girl and had her subtly slip a fact about her boyfriend into the convo. Definitely an easy, polite way of letting someone know you're unavailable.

But a gay guy is not gonna have his feelings hurt you just casually let him know you're straight.

OP, sounds like you may have been sending some signals, even if unintentionally. May be a little vain, but who cares, I think it's natural if somebody knows they look good, male or female, if you happen to catch somebody checking you out, and then they initiate a conversation, PARTICULARLY if it's about your body ("Are you a swimmer" = "You look like a swimmer" = "I'm noticing your body"), you are going to think they are interested. It's just our brain's natural way of giving ourselves a little self esteem boost. I could be completely wrong in my assumption, but I love those little moments where I get to think "She's checking me out", so I'm going to be looking a little deeper into glances or signals such as starting a conversation.


But, it's no big deal. We've all been in situations where we might unintentionally hit on somebody and they reciprocate. I was at Target and the girl behind the counter, not my type at all, I noticed her name was Lyric, which I thought was cool, so I just said without thinking "Lyric, that's a pretty name." And she said thank you, then she started talking about what she was gonna do after work, dropping hints for me to ask her out, and then I realized how it had come off. When I got home, I realized she hadn't put one of my bags in my buggy and I wondered if it was because I got her all flustered by "hitting on her" haha.


But I don't think you need to worry about having to spurn his advances, it's a very simple and casual solution. And you never know, maybe he's got a bevy of hot single friends....
 
  • Like
Reactions: sangheili90

sangheili90

Superior Member
Joined
Mar 19, 2013
Posts
3,504
Media
9
Likes
3,887
Points
208
Location
Arizona (United States)
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
Haha yeah, several times I've initiated a conversation with a girl and had her subtly slip a fact about her boyfriend into the convo. Definitely an easy, polite way of letting someone know you're unavailable.

But a gay guy is not gonna have his feelings hurt you just casually let him know you're straight.

OP, sounds like you may have been sending some signals, even if unintentionally. May be a little vain, but who cares, I think it's natural if somebody knows they look good, male or female, if you happen to catch somebody checking you out, and then they initiate a conversation, PARTICULARLY if it's about your body ("Are you a swimmer" = "You look like a swimmer" = "I'm noticing your body"), you are going to think they are interested. It's just our brain's natural way of giving ourselves a little self esteem boost. I could be completely wrong in my assumption, but I love those little moments where I get to think "She's checking me out", so I'm going to be looking a little deeper into glances or signals such as starting a conversation.


But, it's no big deal. We've all been in situations where we might unintentionally hit on somebody and they reciprocate. I was at Target and the girl behind the counter, not my type at all, I noticed her name was Lyric, which I thought was cool, so I just said without thinking "Lyric, that's a pretty name." And she said thank you, then she started talking about what she was gonna do after work, dropping hints for me to ask her out, and then I realized how it had come off. When I got home, I realized she hadn't put one of my bags in my buggy and I wondered if it was because I got her all flustered by "hitting on her" haha.


But I don't think you need to worry about having to spurn his advances, it's a very simple and casual solution. And you never know, maybe he's got a bevy of hot single friends....

Well, if a man is initiating a conversation with a woman he doesn't know it is natural for her to assume that he is doing so out of interest, shouldn't have to explain why. I've met a few women recently and they flirt and want to spend time with me but don't aware me of the fact they have a boyfriend until much later, so I just tell them I'd be interested when they are single.

I asked the dude if he swam in college because he was doing laps in the pool and was very impressive with it, pointing out an observation is totally normal. It isn't a big deal, and if I see him again I'll continue chatting with him but be more mindful of how I speak with him, in case I did unintentionally encourage him last time.