HIV, I am- and my soultmate+ what should i do

[brokenmen]

Hello to all of you. I have to tell my story to someone...I am 29 years old and i have never had a relationship before. never met that special someone I wanted to have this. And it happened. We are together for almoust a year. I love him with all my hearth and he is really my soulmate. all this time we had sex without condom, doing together all possible things in sex.. he got sick went to doctor, and he is hiv positive.:frown1: He has hiv for some time, before me..but he didn't know it. I was sure i was to infected, it's not possible to fuck and... al this time and not to get infected, but yes i was tested now second time and I am hiv negative. Miracle! still dont understand this. O god.. my life turned around, i am broken. The only men i love and want in my life is positive.

We are fighting with this for over a month, he wanted to split.. he loves me so much, and won't allow for me to get in such a risk and get infected. Fear of loosing him and this pressure is killing us both. we tried, just a couple of days we were apart, got sick both of us ooo what a happines when we got together again, crying like a litle children. I can not imagine being without him. he has my soul everything.. we couldnt stand this anymore, so much passion between us and we had sex couple of times.. safe sex..trying to forget for a sec. like it's everything ok.. but it's not,again and again he fears by this and shuting down..

even before, when we didnt know this,we have a big big problem with trust, He has.. he can not believe he found me finaly love me so much, and that i dont want any other men. we are both very jelaus men, even that we dont have anything to be jelaus about, crazy i know. I really wasnt like this before, but with him yes. he is 10+ fantastic body, beautiful sexy men.. I think i don't know any men who doesn't want him.. every fucking day he gets guys offering him.. flirting with him.. it's hard watching that.. and I, i am just an avarage guy, nobody offers me anything hehe.. and irony is, he fears I will go with another men so much, ti was many situations when I said this is not normal, when fear gets over him and not believing the thrue.. point is we love eachother so much, as we are almoust obsessed by eachother. we both have such a strong fears loosing one another.and now his fear loosing me is even biger, he thinks i would go with "healthy" men living him behid.. and other side of him wants for me to be happy and healthy.. but I don't want anyone but him.

I love him so much... , I am not interested in any other guy, I just want him my love. And deep inside he knows that, he is just afraid and don't know what to do.. I told him I want to stay with him and have save sex even I am afraid to get hiv. Sometimes I think I love him more then myself, crazy.. he is that kind of a guy, keeping everything to himself, "everything is ok until... " and then brak down.. i am telling myself over and over.. what kind of person would I be, if I would leave my love in need because of sickness..then I see in my had the worst scenario.. i culd get hiv and even lose him over this- not trusting in me..

Thank you all for reading this.. if there is any psychiatrist, doctor on this site helping me by his opinion or anyone else.. thank you and sorry for my english

 

[Realslik]

I am not a psychiatrist so i can't help you much, but i can tell you this, avoid having sex, you can be together but just avoid sex, condoms are not 100percent safe and once you get infected you will feel very horrible, you guys can mastrubate over a porn movie or kissing but not intercourse i think its better to be safe than sorry, seems you love this guy very much, you should not leave him, as you would not want him to leave you if it was you who was sick, just be with each other, love each other but do not have sex, am sorry but thats how i feel, hiv is a serious illness.. And i think its also good if you go seek real help from a psychiatrist..

 

[brokenmen]

thank you.. hm.. no that's not for us, wathcing movies.. we are both the same, can not live without sex. that's not life.. that is torture for both of us.. he will not allowed me to have that kind of life, not having sex.. and i would do same for him. :-(

 

[B_Jennuine73]

I am so sorry for this to have happened to you and your partner.

I agree with Realslik. Somehow you have to find a way to be intimate without sexual intercourse or coming into contact with his semen and blood. I am not a psychiatrist either.

 

[brokenmen]

we dont have oral sex, and we fuck with condom. that's Safe! there is no contact with blood and semen. i read even rimming is safe, there is no case someone got hiv by rimming

 

[slurper_la]

have you considered his test may have resulted in a false positive?

the HIV test is notoriously undependable and often inaccurate. I would suggest further testing to be certain of the results.

Alive & Well

 

[D_Myer_Dogasflees]

That is sad, for the both of you, especially your soul mate.

I think that both your sex lives can still be kept, if you only done some critical thinking, perhaps, what I would do, is to organise with my spouse to have sex in front of her, with somebody else of my or her choosing. She could direct, anything. your sex lives would be saved, at least somewhat.

And as slurper_la said, make sure about everything, and I would still always use protection with everyone.

You could still be completely loyal(as you always should be) and have the happiness that keeps you together, only takes a few arrangements. Live life!

 

[2322]

The choice is yours. You can either get infected OR you can break-up OR you can stay together and practice safe sex.

If I were you, I would go with the third option. HIV may be curable soon and when that happens, it will be a happy day. Until then I urge you both to get HIV counseling as a couple. Many gay health centers have HIV counselors available who will teach you how to have a great time together while practicing safe sex. They will also teach you how HIV is transmitted and what the risk factors are. If you decide to stay together, you need to learn everything about this disease because you will be responsible to help him stay healthy.

You may also want to get genetic testing to see if you have the CCR-5 gene or not. Given the amount of time you've had unprotected sex without becoming infected, it's entirely possible you do not have it. If you do not have this gene, you're immune to HIV and so there's no problem.

Right now you're both going through a tough time. Given the feelings you have for each other, I think you have to step back and look at all your options. Knowledge is power and right now you both need to talk to expert HIV counselors about what can be done for you to share your lives and physical affection safely and satisfyingly.

 

[Cuban]

condoms.. hmmmm Don't have sex dude, you will run out of luck...

 

[B_Jennuine73]

The choice is yours. You can either get infected OR you can break-up OR you can stay together and practice safe sex.

If I were you, I would go with the third option. HIV may be curable soon and when that happens, it will be a happy day. Until then I urge you both to get HIV counseling as a couple. Many gay health centers have HIV counselors available who will teach you how to have a great time together while practicing safe sex. They will also teach you how HIV is transmitted and what the risk factors are. If you decide to stay together, you need to learn everything about this disease because you will be responsible to help him stay healthy.

You may also want to get genetic testing to see if you have the CCR-5 gene or not. Given the amount of time you've had unprotected sex without becoming infected, it's entirely possible you do not have it. If you do not have this gene, you're immune to HIV and so there's no problem.

Right now you're both going through a tough time. Given the feelings you have for each other, I think you have to step back and look at all your options. Knowledge is power and right now you both need to talk to expert HIV counselors about what can be done for you to share your lives and physical affection safely and satisfyingly.

You always write such great posts. We are lucky to have you on this board. :smile:

 

[2322]

See, this is why HIV counseling is necessary. Here and on any internet forum, you're going to get a whole bunch of people telling you conflicting things. It's really important that you get your information from a professional source.

Many serodiscordant partners have relied on condoms and safe practices for a very long time and they enjoy sex. Learning what you can do to mitigate the potential for infection is important.

I still, however, urge genetic testing because again, you may be immune to HIV. If you're one of the lucky ones then thank providence.

And I also agree that your partner should get another test despite the fact that HIV tests have become more reliable than in the past. You should get two tests, three months apart, to be absolutely certain what your status is.

 

[2322]

You always write such great posts. We are lucky to have you on this board. :smile:

Thank you Jenn. At your service :notworthy:.

 

[brokenmen]

jason THANK YOU .. CCR-5 gene?? i never heard for it. i read many literature, and it says everywhere it doesn't exist thing such as beeing imun from hiv. if I understand corectly, if I dont have this geene then i can not get hiv (there is a lot of different types of hiv...)

my boyfriend tested, they made every possible test.. and he is positive 100%

 

[MarkLondon]

Although it is not common, I have come across positive and negative partners in long-term relationships. Some have been together for over 10 years without the negative partner becoming positive.

I only know of one couple where the negative one did get infected. I am pretty sure that was (even if only subconsciously) a sort of deliberate decision. He was a christian and talked of sharing the burden. This was before treatment was available and they both died.

I don't know where you live and what support is available to you, but you need professional counselling. Your b/f will be advised when to commence anti-viral therapy. In the UK this is free, I don't know the situation in other countries. Provided he complies with the treatment and has good medical management he can expect to live long enough to die of something else eventually. Though there will be side-effects to the medication.

If you use condoms and he has treatment you should be pretty safe. His viral load will eventually be lowered by the drugs anyway. Certainly safer than having unprotected sex with someone you assume to be negative.

You've either been lucky or have the genetic variation that makes you immune to most (not necessarily all) strains of hiv.

Of course, apart from the practicalities you'll need some emotional support as well. You need to explore what your health system offers and what charity organisations can help you both.

 

[2322]

jason THANK YOU .. CCR-5 gene?? i never heard for it. i read many literature, and it says everywhere it doesn't exist thing such as beeing imun from hiv. if I understand corectly, if I dont have this geene then i can not get hiv (there is a lot of different types of hiv...)

my boyfriend tested, they made every possible test.. and he is positive 100%

Here's a story, in layman's terms, of what the CCR-5 gene mutation is about and how it blocks entry of the HIV virus and others.

I misspoke to a degree when I said not having the CCR-5 gene will prevent HIV. What I should have said is that a mutation of the CCR-5 gene will prevent HIV. What you want to have is CCR-5 Delta-32. Be aware that some people with the CCR-5-Delta-32 mutation do test positive for HIV but likely because they were infected by late-stage HIV carriers via blood transfusion.

It's important to note that while CCR-5-Delta-32 may protect you from infection by HIV, not a single disease center or medical organization says you are safe from HIV by having this gene. It is not used as a basis for measuring risk of infection yet. You can carry HIV and have the CCR-5-Delta-32 gene but your viral load will remain low and the disease will not progress. This is rather the situation with Typhoid Mary. She carried typhus but was immune to the effects of the disease. So while CCR-5-Delta-32 makes you immue to the effects of HIV and makes your resistant to infection, there are some cases (about 1%) where CCR-5-Delta-32 individuals did contract HIV even though they show low viral loads.

So like I said, please consult an HIV specialist who can tell you about the latest therapies, risk factors, and treatment options.

Another story.

 

[brokenmen]

searching for more info, reading and reading but it's small chance that I have this geene.. and even if I have there is no sureness I am imun.. hiv can use the receptor CXCR 4 :-( and where do this tests, have can I know if I have this geene, is it free in your country[FONT=verdana,arial,helvetica,sans serif][/FONT]

 

[Smallbutbig]

I am sadden by this story. But speaking as someone who came from a bad relationship though I did not know how bad till later...I was infected by my partner whom I trusted and found out in the worst possible way. That ended our relationship. At the end of the day it appears that you both have been honest, and should be able to continue on that basis but you both have to accept risks in the same way as I have done with my ex.

My view is that if you guys have this barrier forever it is not the future. So you need to decide what is important to you both before committing. Sex is not the means to the end but honesty and trust is....think on that basis.

Good luck.

 

[voyeuristic]

I think you may need to make your concept of sex more inclusive. Sex can be very much mental and masturbation-focused - holding your partner, jacking him off, describing your fantasies - that can be just as erotic as getting ass-fucked or swallowing his cum. You said that you can't live without sex, and that you're also committed to exclusivity - I would encourage you both to consider if you might consider continuing to be emotionally primary with each other but open your relationship sexually to people who share your HIV status - you getting together with negative guys; your boyfriend with positive guys. In terms of the latter, does anyone have more information on the concept of superinfection? Some evidence suggests that if an HIV positive has sex with another HIV positive person, the virus can be strengthened by exposure to a different strain.

Whatever you decide, leaving your true love isn't the answer. Find a way to be together AND meet your sexual needs AND stay safe. It's gonna be rough, but it is possible.

 

[UpwardCurve]

If you want to die, then go right ahead and have sex with him.

 

[HyperHulk]

Brokenmen--I'm glad to read that you tested negative, although I'm sorry to hear about your partner's diagnosis. I have to admit though, after reading your post, I'm not quite sure what the problem is if you love him and you want to be with him and you are fine with his HIV status. There are thousands of positive/negative couples. There are treatments to deal with his HIV. You two love each other. You are now practicing safe sex so you most likely will never become HIV positive.

So what's the problem? Get some counseling as was suggested, talk with couples who are in your situation and educate yourself. There is no reason why you can't live a long and happy life together. Right now, the biggest challenge I can see is your partner dealing with this new information--he might need even more counseling and support.

Discovering that a partner is HIV positive does not need to be any more different than discovering your partner has cancer. It's unfortunate but can be treatable and does not need to be the end of the relationship.

Good luck.