Hollywood Squares

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by windtalkerways, Mar 31, 2006.

  1. windtalkerways

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    If you enjoyed the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, you might remember some of these. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions...


    Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
    A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.



    Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
    A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.



    Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
    A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.



    Q. According to Cosmopolitain, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive,
    is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
    A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.



    Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
    A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.



    Q. Do female frogs croak?
    A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

    Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
    A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.



    Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
    A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.



    Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
    A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.



    Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
    A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.



    Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
    A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.



    Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
    A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.



    Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
    A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

    Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
    A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.



    Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
    A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.



    Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
    A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?



    Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
    A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.



    Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
    A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.



    Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
    A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.



    Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
    A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.



    Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
    A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

    Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
    A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.



    Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
    A. Charley Weaver: His feet.



    Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
    A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh
     
  2. rob_just_rob

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    I laughed out loud at some of these, even though I only remember the Squares from the Jim J. Bullock era. Thanks!
     
  3. rawbone8

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    they had pretty good writers and performers who had perfect delivery
     
  4. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    One I've never forgotten:

    Is there a trap door in the Statue of Liberty's nose?

    George Goble: They thought it was a trap door but it's snot.
     
  5. novice_btm

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    *grabs his wallet and a fruit bowl, and searches for Sorcerer. :wink: *
     
  6. Webster

    Webster New Member

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    Great classic stuff.
    Wonderful original cast of show business veterans.

    Do you all know that Charlie Weaver is the grandfather of the Arquette family of actors?
     
  7. windtalkerways

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    I love that kind of triv, Web! :smile:
     
  8. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    Cliff Arquette (Charlie Weaver) used to write a newspaper column called "Letters from Mamma," in which he'd tell the latest news from "Mount Idy" in his mama's words.

    One of the stories I remember was about a poor uncle who'd broken his leg. It seems he'd climbed up on the roof to paint his chimney and forgot where he was when he stepped back to admire his work.

    "Stringbean" Akeman told that one years later on Hee Haw!.
     
  9. D_Elijah_MorganWood

    D_Elijah_MorganWood New Member

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    Aloha wau iâ `oe.

    (A-lo-ha vow ee-a oeh)
     
  10. windtalkerways

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    Oh, now see...I didn't know him before
    Hollywood Squares, though I'd seen
    a battery operated toy...hahahaha...
    (not that kind of toy ;) that a friend
    had, when I was little...Charlie was
    standing behind a bar and when you
    turned the thing on, he mixed up a
    drink in martini shaker.
     
  11. windtalkerways

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    Sorc is telling you he has your
    pineapple right here, Nov! :tongue:
     
  12. jakeatolla

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    Ya gotta love a game show where the celebrity guests get sloshed while
    filming the episodes.
     
  13. novice_btm

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    Don't i WISH! :tongue:
     
  14. Webster

    Webster New Member

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    __________________________
    Ukulele lady like-a you.

    I wouldn't mind seeing Sorcerer in nothing but a grass skirt!
     
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