Homage to superstar of LPSG

Discussion in 'Sex With a Large Penis' started by nickdeerhunter, Jan 12, 2010.

  1. nickdeerhunter

    nickdeerhunter New Member

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    This set poems was originally submitted to fiction forum but it is most assuredly not fiction. There are some absurd last lines for some of the limmericks as as usual in that poem genre, but the essential "sex with a huge dick" fractualisms are not to be denied. How do I know all these stories are true. Because in each of our chat e
    1. Sal was dick jerking--daily when twas not even--quite seven
    And with full fledged copulation--on his birthday--of eleven.
    All girls did love--his hairless dong
    Which was already--9 inches long
    And without seed--there followed no little Sue--or little Kevin

    2. In Rio sex clubs--Sal’s performance’s--become a legend
    His ginormous penis--places first in every competition.
    In cevix bumping--preceding seismic clamping
    Or d.t. thrusting--without gagging
    His cocks unrivaled--AND his tongue--is always second
    *deep throat

    3. The need for Sal to cum--at quarter hour is odd--does confess he
    ‘n Shots beyond Pete North’s--result of course--from ultra active testes
    To his super--man physique
    Add chrisma--with brainy mystique
    With porn comic prick--he’s worthy of four forums--at LPSG

    4. Frau Muller was Nobel--Prize’s 09 Lit--selection
    Blending poetry’s brevity--and prose’s power--in sheer perfection
    To this pairing--Sal adds one better
    Word picture sex--this future Nobel man of letters
    So reading pleasure--is strongly upgraded--with Nobel class erections.

    5. To screw--so many gals--should be an encumbrance
    To fill a cock--of 11 inch length--and 8 inch circumference
    Yes blood drain--makes him light headed
    But so many nymphs--need to be bedded
    So risking faints--he fucks to please--with 24/7 tumescence.

    6. On Cerne Abbas Giant’spenis--barren lasses--oft are lying
    To become fertile--on 30 foot prick--mentally trying
    Better to hire Sal--for a fuck
    If there’s still--no good luck
    Gals get five--epic orgasms--for the trying
    *180 foot chalk reclining figure from British ancient times lain upon by couples and women hoping to get pregnant (with 30 foot erect penis translating to 10.5 for real size man)

    7. When workout’s finished--Sal hits showers--and always full
    All guys wanna admire--and question reality--of his thick tool
    Rich wrinkled Kielbasa--if it’s soft
    Or thumping his sternum--when flung aloft
    Claims “God given”--(true, but twas first given--to a bull).

    8. To Niagara Falls--Sal took his girlfriend--her sheath to vet
    But aft one bedding--a super cold--she was to get
    Too bad they struck off--their must do list
    A soggy ride--on Maid of the Mist
    But he in their room--for three days kept--her dripping wet.

    9. I love Sal--with all my heart--and all my life
    Not events or distance--can cleave this friendship--like a knife
    Beware the curse of--Appaloosa* soul mates
    Who allow jealousy--through the toll gates
    In form of wiles--and divisive maneuvers--of a wife
    *Gun slingers in the movie played by Ed Harris and Viggo Mortenson have a chaste straight back mountain love affair that is destroyed by a jealous wife grabbing Ed away from Viggo.

    10. Full of spirits--Sal calls me Donkey--Dong the Lesser
    And the “Greater”--we both know--is a no guesser
    For him--my favorite sobriquet
    Is a well deserved--MTTK*
    But we both know--for wise cracking wit,--I am the bester
    *meat to the knees

    11. Sal’s favorite lay--from Thailand made--request from he
    A flood cum--rare from female honey pot--by his salami
    He briskly stroked--her clit and g-spot
    Sh’burst her dam--enough t’fill a p.m. teapot
    And Ocean Center--that very moment--detected a mild tsunamai

    12. 11 inches we do share--with penises laid--side by side
    “No problem” brag chicks--to take most of that--deep inside
    But Sal’s great thickness--can be alarming
    So it comes with--a stern dental warning
    For best results--throughout procedure-- ”Open wide!”

    13. Like Hugh Jackman--both men and gals--are drawn to Sal’s bait
    With black hole attraction--he’ll pull you in--and seal your fate.
    Teammate and foe--him cannot resist
    In contact sports--where he’s specialist
    Each one is beguiled--to wish aloud--that neither of them was straight.
    xchanges over 5 years I found him to be the best erotic writer ever I met when it was based upon actual experiences but when he strayed into fiction there were glaring inconsistencies and clumminess of narrative construction missing in the true ones. He is a lousy liar about his fanciful sexual adventures and a most engaging and dick stiffening one about his actual ones. So enjoy the snippets of some of my favorite adventures who was the sexiest dude I ever got to know on LPSG.
     
    #1 nickdeerhunter, Jan 12, 2010
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2010
  2. nickdeerhunter

    nickdeerhunter New Member

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    Of course to protect the anonymity of a best friend of mine the name of this guy has been changed. He is no longer a member of LPSG -- a great loss to all of us!
     
  3. MaxHungSkotBraun

    MaxHungSkotBraun New Member

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    I still yearn for the day that this guy returns to active participation at LPSG. As I said in my comments about this list of limmericks, all are absolutely true except for the absurd endings of each so enjoy them and think of the guy that actually accomplished all this (excuse me -- there is one story that is true only in a generality -- the bank heist is fiction but since this guy can shoot (have seen it) 6-7 feet on a good day, it is plausible I suppose)
     
  4. MaxHungSkotBraun

    MaxHungSkotBraun New Member

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    14. Sal and I--matched in endowment--and things intellectual
    Though 7” shorter--he calls me Little man--”so are we equal?”
    New HW* boxing champ--was 7” shorter
    Than opponent--but whipped his asser
    Pugilist lessons--I am taking--so Sal be mindful!
    “New heavy weight world champion was not expected to overcome the much taller and bulkier foe but he did.

    15. Holland’s known--for Dutch Masters--and tulip flowers
    And their orgies--where Sal gained fame--for his sexual powers
    Once he fucked 20 gals--with iron member
    And still twas not--the least bit limber
    So then plugged 3 inch dike hole--held back flood waters-- for o’er 2 hours.

    16. Hit TV’s “Hung”--has Tom Jane--with matchless body
    His 40ish gigolo--e’ev without cock shots--is still a hottie
    But in ’10--I’ll star in the sequel
    And in ’11--Sal in the prequel
    With rawer sex--as we’ll often have--wide screen full monties

    17. Sal’s woman--must be sexy, model legs--and super busty
    And be able--to enclose his cock fully--must she
    One day fiancée--took him aside
    And to him--did gladly confide
    That now at last--she had a G-22*..size pussy
    *largest size condom available in world.

    18. Sexiest man--with 5 lb meat--is my friend Salem
    Though most time nude--and steely erect--poses a conundrum
    How does he stand up--so very straight
    With all that way out--front weight
    He’s counterbalanced--with a sandbag size--bum

    19. Sal at bank--was behind man and girl--each with a gun
    They laughed to see--that beat his meat--he’d begun
    But with one jet squirt--Sal did blind him
    And disabling cunt shot--to gal aside him
    Got big reward--and in 9 months--also a new son.

    20. Sal had prepped fondue party--Swiss friends--to please
    Forgot the bread--with which to use--to eat with ease
    So offered cock--for the dipping
    With sweet nectar--from his dripping
    And now sold--in posh markets--as Sal’s cream cheese

    21. Billiard factory--found its gold standard--to be flawed
    So emergency re-tooling--was required--with a recall
    Sal offered them--one of his testosteroidals
    Was proper size--’n perfectly spheroidal
    Got Rolls Royce--and thank God--he was triple balled.

    22. Sal was watching--very last episode of Lost--in a bar
    Then a nympho--dragged him out--to her car
    He had her cumming--for over an hour
    Then for another--washed her with his cum shower
    And was most glad--that he had preprogrammed..his DVR

    23. As Phelpsian--is to sports--absolute tops in prowess
    Salemian is--for Male perfection--and sexual excess
    For me--he’s a God send
    The very best--and trusted friend
    And I wish for him--all the best--and success in erotic lit where he’s peerless
     
  5. avg_joe

    Gold Member

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    NSA or FBI ?
     
  6. avg_joe

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    I like the story. Carry on. I have been doing an IC research in this forum.
     
  7. avg_joe

    Gold Member

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    One guy with two accounts. Violation of the forum rule. FBI or NSA ?
     
  8. avg_joe

    Gold Member

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    Your sarcasm reveals your true identity. Next time, use something intelligent.
     
  9. avg_joe

    Gold Member

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    FBI or NSA ?
     
  10. avg_joe

    Gold Member

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    I will report this incident to your bosses through the phone conversations. Sit tight !!!
     
  11. nickdeerhunter

    nickdeerhunter New Member

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    The guy who was inspiration for this assemblage of rhymes is not active on lpsg anymore. As will happen with all good male male friendships, a woman is the death of the friendship whether serious girl friend or wife. They just cannot stand sharing their man with another man even if there is no sex involved. Hopefully someday I will be able to rekindle that great friendship again. I miss him terribly. Enjoy the poems, each one is a heartbreaker for me and without the humor added I would be very distressed in reading them.
     
  12. nickdeerhunter

    nickdeerhunter New Member

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    Just enjoy revisiting my past friendship with the guy that inspired all these limmericks by rereading them. All the parts that could be true are in first 3-4 lines then I have taken poetic license with the last couple lines though certain truths about this great love in my life make a little bit of truth beneath the surface of the punch line. Enjoy as I have.
     
  13. nickdeerhunter

    nickdeerhunter New Member

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    Check out the second batch of poems a few replies below the top entry on this posting.
     
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