HOMEWRECKERS!! come out, come out, wherever you are...

XSILVER

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I'v been "the other man" once in the past. It all started when a friend brought out some other friends and we all went out on the town. Two guys in our company were a couple and at the end of the night i was invited back to their place for a threesome. Needless to say i had the time of my life. about 2-3 weeks after, it happened again with the same couple. I tried and tried to stay emotionally detached from them but I started to fall for one of them and he was feeling the same for me. At that time their relationship was a bit rocky. We started to arange more "fun times" so we could be together (with his BF). We felt that if his BF was there it was't "what it really was". We ended up secretly meeting and going out and all the stuff until his BF (by going thru his txt msg's) found out and they broke up. The guy i was involved with started playing games with me and his then EX.... It came to the point where i had enough and left him and the "situation". They got back together and broke up and got back together and broke up so on and so forth. Did I have fun...ABSOLUTLY. Do i regret being "the other man"?, sometimes but as somone stated earlier, "it takes two"
 

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I met my husband when he was still married, I didn't wreck his home or marriage. He was in the process of moving out when we met. If I was or wasn't in the picture he would have ended his marriage anyway. I waited 2 years after his divorce before I committed myself, I had to make sure he left his wife at his own accord and no going back.
 

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One of my ex's left his wife for me. She had to leave the country and go back to S.A cause she didnt have British Citizenship and he did.

I was his first boyfriend, his first true love but he grew more and more interested in the scene and decided he wanted to try that out. I still miss him, and this is 2 years down the line. He will always be my first love.

A strange thing to happen to a 21yr old at the time. I thought it was great, but I also know how it destroyed the ex wifes life. And now I guess I know how it feels to a certain extent.
 

thestrangeness

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When I think homewrecker, i think of the hand that rocks the cradle or similar situations where a person outside a relationship intentionally destroys the relationship at all costs for their personal gain. What boggles me is how high and mighty and moral some people are when it comes to "extramarital sex" but then again marriage is a religous institution and ceremony ( in the eyes of government its a business partnership) so i suppose I shouldnt be too surprised the morality card keeps popping up.
 

curioustitan

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I think the term "Home Wrecker" evokes images of Joan Crawford in The Woman; in that the character was after a man for his money, social position etc and did whatever she needed to do to get her man and left a path of devastation and tears in her flurry.
With that said I have no experience in this other than being the other man in a married mans life for a few years. He wanted a sexual outlet with no strings and I wanted the same thing so it worked out nicely for the two of us. We were very discreet and went out of our way that no one would find out and be hurt by it.
I did not feel guilty about it then and have no feelings of regret about it now. We ended the affair on very good terms and have both moved on with our lives.
The scenarios for an extramarital affairs are many but having a successful one without drama and regret are simple; the two adulterous people have to be completely honest with each other and themselves with what they are doing and they have to know how to keep a secret.

This is interesting. I'm curious to know though, hypothetically speaking, were you to find out that your partner has been involved in "extramarital" activities, what would your reaction be? And would you be more affected if you found out that your partner had more of an emotional connection or a physical connection with their 'accomplice'?

i was the other man, it wasnt my intention. it was like caught in the moment kinda thing. i felt guilty, but that quickly blew over. yes, im bad. get over it.

LOL. No judgements here.
The fact that you felt guilty speaks volumes of your depth of character.
Right or wrong, you questioned your actions to the point of uncertainty and guilt thereafter.
We all have 'moments' and choices thereafter that affect us in varying degrees.
The truth is, you could have done nothing and been filled with regret years later. You chose and are living with the consequences of your decision whether positive or negative. This is all part of the journey really.
However, try to give yourself a break and don't beat yourself up too much.... after all, we're all only human.

I once wrote here that if I ever found out that I was a "piece on the side" for someone cheating (ie: not in a mutually-agreed upon open relationship), especially after weeks or months, there'd be hellish, unrelenting drama to pay.

I meant that then and I still do now.

Bbucko, you are easily one of my favorite posters, often for your honesty and poignant posts and also for your strength of conviction regardless of the opinion of others. I completely understand, identify and respect your position on the matter.
That said, my question to you now is, have you ever been the 'other' person in a relationship? And if so, did you know it at the time or only find out after the fact?

this is why i try to open with my sexuality
almost everybody cheats at some point

Almost....
Why do you think that is though?
Is it a genetic glitch, that we struggle so much with monogamy? Do you think that as people, often with short attention spans (emotionally, psychologically and physically) it's boredom with routine and the 'known' that drives us to seek the unknown and sometimes the socially taboo?


I don't like cheating. If I am involved with somebody that's not exclusive to me, they golly well better admit to me, not hide me. And if I find out they are hiding someone else from me, or me from someone else, it's a deal breaker.

The way around this for me is that the two men I currently see were friends, and one introduced me to the other. None of us are exclusive. And we are all divorced. The first one I believe was threatened by how much he liked me, so tried to wean me off himself, but I refuse to kick either of them away, and am not jealous of their other fun. They fill my dance card nicely.

Oh, i am soooo giving my dad your number....you two would get along like a house on fire.:wink:

I fuck married men.

A lot.

It matters not to me.

Their wives don't get the job done. Or won't.

Who cares?

This was a little more honest than i thought anyone would get, but i do appreciate it.....however....
I know personally of two situations wherein the wife wasn't performing her conjugal duties...out of no small fault of her own.
In the first instance, the wife in question had been diagnosed with cancer and consequently opted for chemotherapy as her treatment of choice. As i'm sure many of you here know - either from your own experiences of the experience of others - it was a difficult and harrowing experience going through all the chemo treatments, the pill popping, the physical and emotional highs and lows. Needless to say, it was a hefty toll paid by her.
Her hormones were completely out of wack and sexually speaking, she was 'unavailable', which is completely understandable.
Her husband was her rock through this process despite all her insecurities and emotional upheaval and i have the utmost respect for him.
He could have 'philandered' or gotten his sexual kinks on the side (after all, as stereotypes would have it, he was just a man after all....he had to get himself some...) but stood resolute on the side. she's since recovered and their relationship has been tempered to the point of 'nigh unbreakable' if i had to hazard a guess.
Oh....and their sex life has never been better.

The other tale is a little more woeful.
Another friend of mine didn't fare as well against cancer. It is in remission today, but like all victories, it came with a price...hers was a double mastectomy.
Very similarly, after her op, she felt self-conscious and insecure about her femininity and felt as is she was undesirable for her (then) husband.
Despite his protestations to the contrary, it did drive a wedge between them and he ended up looking for some 'fun' on the side....
And while the husband is hardly blameless in his decision, i wonder now after reading your post tigolbitties, if that other woman felt similarly to you...


YES, you are a home wrecker whether bieng caught or not. Carma baby, watch out....

As mentioned earlier, we all make choices.
Some of those choices offer up a smorgasbord of heartache, pain, regret and guilt... I think our own conscience often serves as a "special" brand of Karma.
As someone who lives with a lot of guilt, i wouldn't wish it on too many people....
But your choice of words begs the question: Have you been a 'victim' in a failed relationship as a result of some or other form of adultery?

I'v been "the other man" once in the past. It all started when a friend brought out some other friends and we all went out on the town. Two guys in our company were a couple and at the end of the night i was invited back to their place for a threesome. Needless to say i had the time of my life. about 2-3 weeks after, it happened again with the same couple. I tried and tried to stay emotionally detached from them but I started to fall for one of them and he was feeling the same for me. At that time their relationship was a bit rocky. We started to arange more "fun times" so we could be together (with his BF). We felt that if his BF was there it was't "what it really was". We ended up secretly meeting and going out and all the stuff until his BF (by going thru his txt msg's) found out and they broke up. The guy i was involved with started playing games with me and his then EX.... It came to the point where i had enough and left him and the "situation". They got back together and broke up and got back together and broke up so on and so forth. Did I have fun...ABSOLUTLY. Do i regret being "the other man"?, sometimes but as somone stated earlier, "it takes two"

True. It really does take two.
And yes, there is always that 'moment' where a great many outcomes are hinged on a simple decision or choice.
I've been tempted many times and i completely understand the difficulty in deciding with clarity when the heart is involved.... i don't envy you your past heartaches, but am glad you got out of something that (by your description) seemed too toxic for anyone to get out better for it on the other side.

I met my husband when he was still married, I didn't wreck his home or marriage. He was in the process of moving out when we met. If I was or wasn't in the picture he would have ended his marriage anyway. I waited 2 years after his divorce before I committed myself, I had to make sure he left his wife at his own accord and no going back.

Wow. Big ups and respect.
Again, it's so difficult to hold back when our hearts and emotions are involved and our feelings for someone are riding high.
What you did was difficult and took a lot of patience that i rarely find in people these days.
You seem to have a calm, 'maturity' about you and hopefully i can try to emulate even just a fraction of your resolve....however unlikely it seems.:biggrin1:

One of my ex's left his wife for me. She had to leave the country and go back to S.A cause she didnt have British Citizenship and he did.

I was his first boyfriend, his first true love but he grew more and more interested in the scene and decided he wanted to try that out. I still miss him, and this is 2 years down the line. He will always be my first love.

A strange thing to happen to a 21yr old at the time. I thought it was great, but I also know how it destroyed the ex wifes life. And now I guess I know how it feels to a certain extent.

Ouch. Yes, i agree. Strange, but i would've used the term 'difficult' especially being as young as you were to have to deal with such an emotionally complicated situation.
I'm sorry you had to suffer the same fate as his partner, but it's refreshing to hear at the end of the post that you gleaned something from the experience...perspective and empathy perhaps?
Although, yet again, i wouldn't wish heartache on anyone for a simple learning curve.....it sucks.

When I think homewrecker, i think of the hand that rocks the cradle or similar situations where a person outside a relationship intentionally (what about unintentionally?) destroys the relationship at all costs for their personal gain. What boggles me is how high and mighty and moral some people are (are you referring to anyone in this thread?) when it comes to "extramarital sex" but then again marriage is a religous institution (Not for everyone. Sometimes it's an honest act of sincerity and commitment between two people regardless of deities and religious figureheads) and ceremony ( in the eyes of government its a business partnership) (i think i can honestly agree with the 'business partnership' observation, in terms of governmental views) so i suppose I shouldnt be too surprised the morality card (what about the heartache/heartbreak card?) keeps popping up.

The only homewreckers are the married spouses. The people they cheat with are just used goods.

Are you referring to the married spouses that seek an extramarital affair?
And yes, sometimes the "other" man or woman has genuine emotional investment and does often feel like "used goods", but if they knowingly entered into a relationship with a married man or woman, then that was always the risk that they were taking...
 
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luka82

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Oh, baby, even though I might be the other one, trust me, they threat me like I`m their first one;)
LOL
 

curioustitan

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Oh, baby, even though I might be the other one, trust me, they threat me like I`m their first one;)
LOL

How many times do you think people out there engage in acts of bestiality????
Of course they'll treat you like the first one.......Panda fucking is a rarity!:eek::biggrin1:
 

D_Barry Balzitch

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How can you "wreck" something that is obviously already broken! My last long-term relationship was with a married man. He turned out to be the "love of my life." The only reason he got married is because his "ex" got pregnant (on purpose) so he would marry her! "Entrapment" He stayed married to her because he DID Love Her and also because he was in the closet. He admitted to me that right before he met me he was considering (seriously) suicide.

My point being, that a relationship CANNOT POSSIBLY sustain the needs of both individuals - NOR SHOULD IT. However, if the need is so great that either feels it necessary to get it met outside the relationship, than the problem is not the relationship, its the individual. S/he has to decide whether "a part" of the relationship that DOES NOT MEET the need is more IMPORTANT than the relationship AS A WHOLE. (IM NEEDY!!!!! - RELATIONSHIPS FIX ME!!!!)
 

Bbucko

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Bbucko, you are easily one of my favorite posters, often for your honesty and poignant posts and also for your strength of conviction regardless of the opinion of others. I completely understand, identify and respect your position on the matter.

That said, my question to you now is, have you ever been the 'other' person in a relationship? And if so, did you know it at the time or only find out after the fact?

I've been all about simplicity in my life ever since I ended a (very complicated) nine-year relationship in 2004; prior to that, there were some times when I was more interested in seeing how far I could take difficult (and occasionally impossible) situations.

There was a time in my life (early 20s) when I broke a mutually-agreed upon rule about the nature of how I'd conduct myself in an open relationship I was in. I fell in love, ended it and got badly burned; when I came clean to my then-partner, that relationship didn't last another six months. I was the one holding all the cards in that case, and I blew it. Call it a learning opportunity.

Much like another poster has responded, I met a committed MM couple at a party later, in my late 20s and we played together as a three-some a few times. They were both funny, cute and smart, but one was inevitably more to my liking than the other, and as the attraction was mutual, we made our own separate, private arrangements. I know that he did not inform his BF because he told me so, but it was difficult to find the time, and he felt very guilty over it, so we settled on being friends who'd be each other's "eventual plan B".

It was a period of transition in my life, and I was looking for some stability, which he absolutely represented to me. Frankly, his being involved enhanced that feeling of stability he projected; it's not that I was contemptuous of his BF as much as I simply didn't care and felt I represented more of what he wanted and needed sexually, intellectually and emotionally.

Evidently that was the general consensus, and the BF's suspicious jealousy eventually made it impossible for us to communicate (even as friends), so we drifted apart over a period of months. Mutual friends told me that they were in the midst of a break-up; I wanted to reach out but didn't really dare. Then one day the BF called me at work, asking me to meet him later for a beer. Curious, I agreed.

He came on really strong to me, and after a brief talk we went back to my place where I fucked the life outta him. It was one of the stranger grudge-fucks of my life, for sure.

Shortly after that, they both moved out of Boston, separately. I never heard from either of them again.
 

HorseHung40's

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I grew up in a home where my father ran around with one slut after another. The irony was that he wanted to come home to a "Father knows best" type of home after he f--ked these c-words. To add insult to injury, he would always introduce these women to our family as some "associate" or other. Although I urged her many times to leave him, my mother stayed.

Perhaps because my father thought that I believed that garbage about these women being his "associates", he never suspected me of breaking up several of the relationships.

In two instances, I told the whores that my father was having an affair and mentioned some other woman's name. Then I would say that their meetings always took place on a specific night, where my dad did not meet his slut-of-the-month. The tramps both had very hurt looks on the faces, when I told them of this "third woman". In each case, their relationships with my father ended very abruptly after my little visit.

In a third instance, he was seeing some high-placed woman in a large corporation. From observing their patterns, I realized that she was doing most of the paying this time. She had an expense account from the company. I contacted that company's internal auditor, and, told him what I knew of the affair as well as the suspicion that she was using her corporate expense account inappropriately.

The company's internal audit department investigated her, and, determined that she did use her corporate expense account inappropriately. I learned that she was fired "for cause", and, lost her pension. I guess that she will be spending her golden years working as a Walmart greeter. She should have kept her legs crossed.
 

ConstantComment

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I can't imagine knowingly dating a guy who was in some way taken. That would include an exclusive committed relationship, cohabitation and marriage.

Partly, it's for selfish reasons. I like planning my activities which most adulterers can't do or can't stick to. So my antenna is up when I keep getting only spontaneous offers or when planned dates get cancelled or shifted. But then, this would be unacceptable even dealing with someone who is truly single. Also after a while, I would want to visit his place.

I suppose even this isn't always foolproof. And sometimes we let our guard down. My ex FB only gave me a cellphone number. The first few times we got together they were planned in advance and went as planned. Then he stopped committing even one or two days out. It didn't matter whether he had a gf or a wife. I just don't operate that way and told him to get lost.

So maybe my requirements are good protection.
 

Pitbull

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I fuck married men.

Who cares?

Perhaps because my father thought that I believed that garbage about these women being his "associates", he never suspected me of breaking up several of the relationships.

Well one answer as to "Who Cares?" is the children.

A friend of mine in college found out that her dad was cheating on her mom.
How did she deal with it? She committed suicide.
 

EllieP

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Those of you who say it takes two is wrong.

Here's a story for the books:

I was single and living in Atlanta working for a large decorating firm. Unknown to me a co-worker developed his own secret love affair with me, and, of course, he kept it secret from me.

Unfortunately, he didn't keep it secret from his wife. He told her all about how he could no longer love her with me in the picture. The thing is, I wasn't in his picture. He just made up this fantasy.

They split up and got a divorce.

Here's the kicker: she and I became good friends. I'm dead serious. I still hear from her now and again and she's a Facebook friend. Until I moved from Atlanta she and I had lunch or coffee every couple of months. And I think we talked about him only during our first lunch, never again.

It's a weird, weird world.
 

curioustitan

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No one ever broke up a happy home.

You know, a little while ago, i used to think that too.
But in all honesty, even in the (genuinely) happiest of homes, a partner might have a moment of weakness in a situation rife with temptation and stray...but for only a moment.
That's not to say that s/he is unhappy, bored or discontent in their coupled lifestyle back at home, but rather that they're just human and sometimes curious, sometimes experimental or sometimes weak, depending on how you want to look at it.
Now let's say that the 'jilted' partner discovers this (for arguments sake) once off indiscretion and struggles to come to terms with it. This could very well result in a split or slow deterioration of the relationship, regardless of whether or not the 'guilty' party wants to make amends and forswears any further extra-marital relationships.
One could argue that they were honestly happy. But for some people, "cheating" is inexcusable or unforgiveable.
You may find partners will sometimes try very hard to forgive and forget and to just carry on trying to keep the relationship going....for a time, before the feelings of inadequacy starting eating away internally resulting in an inevitably slow and painful disintegration of a "once happy home".

I grew up in a home where my father ran around with one slut after another. The irony was that he wanted to come home to a "Father knows best" type of home after he f--ked these c-words. To add insult to injury, he would always introduce these women to our family as some "associate" or other. Although I urged her many times to leave him, my mother stayed.

Perhaps because my father thought that I believed that garbage about these women being his "associates", he never suspected me of breaking up several of the relationships.

In two instances, I told the whores that my father was having an affair and mentioned some other woman's name. Then I would say that their meetings always took place on a specific night, where my dad did not meet his slut-of-the-month. The tramps both had very hurt looks on the faces, when I told them of this "third woman". In each case, their relationships with my father ended very abruptly after my little visit.

In a third instance, he was seeing some high-placed woman in a large corporation. From observing their patterns, I realized that she was doing most of the paying this time. She had an expense account from the company. I contacted that company's internal auditor, and, told him what I knew of the affair as well as the suspicion that she was using her corporate expense account inappropriately.

The company's internal audit department investigated her, and, determined that she did use her corporate expense account inappropriately. I learned that she was fired "for cause", and, lost her pension. I guess that she will be spending her golden years working as a Walmart greeter. She should have kept her legs crossed.

Wow...and i thought I was exacting and/or vindictive.
I understand where you're coming from and the feelings that led up to your decisions though.
Is your dad still alive today? And if so, do you have a relationship with him despite his history?


Well one answer as to "Who Cares?" is the children.

A friend of mine in college found out that her dad was cheating on her mom.
How did she deal with it? She committed suicide.

As mentioned earlier, i too am the product of a broken home, as a result of my dad's philandering ways.
For many years, i acted out and rebelled in many ways as a result of his infidelity....according to a therapist anyway.
It took me many years to come to terms with things and to realize that there wasn't much i could have done in the situation and to learn not to take on any blame for things that my sister and i were obviously blameless for. But some kids don't handle certain stresses and shocks to the system as well. Case in point pitbull.
It's a sad, sad day to lose a young life to an act of frivolity.
None of the men or women in question would ever mean for something so tragic to take place and i imagine would gladly take back their choices if they could have predicted such a tragedy...but that's just the point when people's feelings are involved (and not just young children either), we simply don't know what ramifications certain of our more 'ignoble' actions will have on the lives of our loved ones.


Those of you who say it takes two is wrong.

Here's a story for the books:

I was single and living in Atlanta working for a large decorating firm. Unknown to me a co-worker developed his own secret love affair with me, and, of course, he kept it secret from me.

Unfortunately, he didn't keep it secret from his wife. He told her all about how he could no longer love her with me in the picture. The thing is, I wasn't in his picture. He just made up this fantasy.

They split up and got a divorce.

Here's the kicker: she and I became good friends. I'm dead serious. I still hear from her now and again and she's a Facebook friend. Until I moved from Atlanta she and I had lunch or coffee every couple of months. And I think we talked about him only during our first lunch, never again.

It's a weird, weird world.

A very interesting story.
And you're spot on....it is a weird, weird world.
And yes, people can develop attachments and infatuations for people....so much so, that they eventually build up full blown relationships in their own mind.
Whether or not that exists in the 'real' world is irrelevant to them. It exists in their mind and is therefore an inalienable truth.
And one that can cost them a perfectly normal and loving 'actual' relationship.
 
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Tasardur

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I've had sex with at least 6 married women and as I said in my introduction I do not feel guilty about any of them.

The reason they were 'available' was that they had all had several kids and with five of them childbirth had stretched them so much that they no longer 'felt anything' with their 'average' husbands (how they knew about my size and 'performance' is another story), nor apparently did their husbands with them. Over time their husbands had lost interest in them (maybe they were also playing away) and sex had become either virtually non-existent or 'routine' and unexciting - no 'romance', no foreplay. As one put it she "had become a 2 minute sh*g tool".

One did finish up getting divorced but not because she was found out. I know for a fact that for three of them their marriage, with their frustration removed and some secret 'romance' and attention in their lives, became bearable.