Homoaffectionality?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by B_Hung Jon, Apr 23, 2011.

  1. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    I've seen this word in some descriptive texts of gender identity and it interests me a lot. I take it to mean how so many 100% straight guys really prefer being with other men in their social lives: playing and watching sports, group activities like poker/card games, guys' night out, collecting and working on cars, other all male activities. With most of the guys I know who identify as straight, they really spend most of their time with other guys rather than women. I wonder if this is because straight guys mainly see women as sexual objects and not really a part of their tribe? Are women not cool to be around in certain ways, including social activities? Do you think this activity is more a middle class or a working class thing? I'd be interested in how the 100% straight men on this site feel about women as friends. Thanks.
     
    #1 B_Hung Jon, Apr 23, 2011
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2011
  2. D_Ben Twilly

    D_Ben Twilly New Member

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    I think it's more about most men and women having limited interest in many of each other's typical leisure activities. There are plenty of overlap that both sexes find common ground in, but you just won't find many women who want to work on cars with their men or men who want to go shopping with their women. So we watch football with our buddies, and they get pedicures with their girlfriends. Then we come home and have sex together.
     
  3. B_Bjen2848

    B_Bjen2848 New Member

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    while i do hang out with women and consider many friends, i definitly see guys as more "friend potential" than girls, based simply on the fact on how i see women treat their friends, even their best friends (in general, of course)

    i noticed that women tend to talk behind their friends back more, gossip and feed into drama etc. (men do this too of course, but it seems to me that women are more willing to do this and with people they consider "friends")

    now before i get flamed for being a sexist, i know that everybody is different and not all women act this way, its just an observation i have made and i know plenty of girls who have said "i have more guy friends because women cause too much drama" or something similar, so i can't be the only person who thinks this way lol
     
  4. B_Bjen2848

    B_Bjen2848 New Member

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    true
     
  5. sykray

    sykray Active Member

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    I like your questions and think there is some truth in them for some men. I used the concept in my doctoral thesis 30 years ago. At that time I was meaning that some men like other men but tend not to like women. They are sexually attracted to women but are emotionally attracted to men. Love, like, sexual attraction and emotional attachment are relatively independent variables. You can love someone that you don't like or be sexually interested in them. You can like and love someone without any sexual attraction.
     
  6. D_Martin van Burden

    D_Martin van Burden Account Disabled

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    This just sounds like homosocial association behavior, which has nothing to do with sexual orientation and everything to do with fraternizing and interacting with people of the same or similar class, education level, religious affiliation, and so on. With respect to gender, it's part of the normal course of child development to prefer same-sex playmates in young childhood. It is especially compelling given how, in this stage of development, there is pretty tight constraint on appropriate gender-normative behavior -- both from kids themselves and their parents.

    (Note the delightful exceptions of the rule being talked about here and here... and psychoanalyzed crudely here.)

    I think what Jon is getting at is talked about in more detail on this page. It's the story about a guy who has an ambiguous sexual identity lying somewhere between heterosexual and bisexual. Encouraged and open to exploring sexual relationships with women, the subject concedes a sustained interest in men -- a desire to pursue any number of combinations of sexual attraction, interaction, crushes, and affection. Empirical data show an increase in admission of same-sex crushes and attractions by a sample of young male college students.

    If this is due to seeing women strictly as sexual objects, I'm not quite sure if that holds. Children develop a capacity for opposite-sex friendships in later childhood. Some men reserve friendships by gender lines; others don't, and this doesn't map very well onto sexual orientation. Count me in the latter camp.

    I have men and women as friends. I think what makes it a little complicated, at least in the beginning, is that straight men and women have to figure if their relationship hinges on physical attraction. Like a dick gets in the way, or something. Once the bounds are established as "safe," you can move on. In my own case, I have quite a few attractive female friends, but I'm just as set as they are on not ruining friendship on the off-chance of wanting to fuck around. More often than not, though, I don't have physical attraction to my friends -- girls, or guys for that matter.

    Still, I'll leave on this note. One of my friends who is straight, has some mannerisms that could go either way, said that a number of people he has met confuse him for being gay. It used to offend him at first, but then he realized that gay men are often credited for stylish, fun, interesting, and exciting people to be around. He also mentioned the ease at which he develops "bromances." He told me that he has close friendships that are usually rooted around hobbies; the kicker, though, is that when they talk, they're very emotionally intimate. They're both really interested in the conversation, love to share their craft, and can go for hours on end about it.

    For the short while I've known him, we tend to grab beers or a bite to eat when we hang out. At the same time, he's very, very engaged, at ease, comfortable, easy to talk to, and always seems just as interested in knowing how you're doing, what's going on in your world.

    That's pretty potent, I think, and it has nothing to do with getting my dick sucked.
     
  7. D_Harry_Crax

    D_Harry_Crax Account Disabled

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    Really, most straight men (and, I think, most gay men, too) are homosocial. Just count up how many hours men spend socializing with other men who aren't relatives, versus how much time they spend socializing with women who aren't GFs, spouse, or relatives. Quite simple.
     
  8. Silvertip

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    I'd have to agree with Vance88 on this one. I really enjoy hunting, fishing and the shooting sports and the few women I've known who are really into those "manly" activities I've enjoyed socially every bit as much as my male friends. Those women, however, are few and far between so I find myself socializing more with men.
     
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