Homosexuality

Discussion in 'Show Off' started by minghei8, Feb 13, 2005.

  1. minghei8

    minghei8 New Member

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    At what age in your life did you deal with your own homosexuality?

    I have known for some time that I am one. However, I have yet to act upon. I suspect this is for three reasons: (1) I find the stereotypes that go along with the milieu are less than attractive; (2) the health risks associated with intercourse (protected or not), of any kind, are not negligible; and, (3) finding persons with that particular intrest, among those that I normally associate, is not somthing I wish to do at the risk of possible alienation. (Anathema is not one of my concerns.)

    Is this attitude/consternation normal in maturation, are these valid concerns, and is it outgrown? While, I do not see celibacy/virginity as a millstone, it is---hopefully---not a permanent condition.
     
  2. big_red737

    big_red737 Member

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    I began dealing with my homosexuality when I was 20, which was only two years ago. I always knew that I was gay, I didn't necessarily understand what it was, but it was always there. However, I was unable to deal with it because I lived in a small oppresive farm town. I was also surrounded by closed-minded, ignorant, racist jerks who made my high school experience a living hell, so I had to keep things inside and deny everything. Once I went to college, I was around people who were intelligent, open-minded and tolerant people. This is when I was able to begin to deal with things. Although many of the stereotypes are apparent and do exist, you won't be able to get away from them entirely. I find the easiest thing for me to do is surround myself with positive, open people who you can trust. In terms of the health risks, you can't get away from these either. However, even if you were heterosexual, there are still many health risks to worry about. Just teach yourself about safe sex and how to protect yourself, something everyone should do regardless of their orientation. Meeting people with similar interests and who are also gay will come to you eventually. Just remember that you can't meet anyone if you aren't around anyone. Go out , have fun and meet new people.

    Things will get easier as you mature and are able to better understand the feelings you are having. Generally, as you get older people are more intelligent and open minded and it will be easier to be yourself. All of these are valid concerns and many, if not all, young gay people go through these feelings. Find someone you can trust and confide in and things will be easier for you. Good Luck! :)
     
  3. dcwrestlefan

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    I knew I was gay when I was 13.

    This may or may not be your situ...

    Gay guys in oppressive rural communities should move to a large city as fast as they can. Sad to say, but in today's society, I think its best. Your sanity is at stake.

    There was a series of articles in the Washington Post not too long ago about this topic. They focused on a gay teen in Oklahoma; I wanted to cry and hug him when I finished reading it. He was totally surrounded by bible thumpers. There was no positive reinforcement at all that he was still a decent wonderful human being even though he was gay. His mom loved him, but still wanted him to change and could not accept who he was. You can't change. He came to DC at one point in time, and commented something like "I never knew it could be this way".

    There are all types of gay guys out there. Masculine. Effeminate. Furry. Smooth. Athletic. Couch Potato. Some nice. Some not. Young and old. Friendly and attitude filled. But you won't meet that variety living in a town of 200 people in Alabama or whatever. Get away from that and live your life.

    If you have protected sex, you are pretty covered. Is anything risk free in life? No, but its probably less dangerous than driving your car everyday.
     
  4. big_red737

    big_red737 Member

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    Not sure if you were specifically talking to me but I did move out of the rural town I lived in when I left for College and I haven't moved back and I don't plan on doing so. Like you said, my sanity was at stake and I chose not to sacrifice that. My family often wondered why I was so eager to move to the city but this is why, I couldn't take it much longer. Now I have people around me who are open and supportive and I am closer to the gay community, which is good since there are valuable sources or support if needed. To the guy who started this topic, if you live in a small town, you may want to consider moving to a bigger city, things will be easier and your sanity will thank you!
     
  5. surferboy

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    See, that's a bad tude to have. That's propganda. As far as I'm concerned, as long as you use protection, it's just as risky a straight sex. But, as with all my ex's, I've always gotten tested before I've had sex with them, and like, we'd get them regularly.
     
  6. Knight

    Knight New Member

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    Well I didn't have to deal with being gay however I have been asked if I was gay three times now. It was because I didn't have a girlfriend for a while and stopped going out with my friends. The latest news there is, my mate (who has a kid with his gf) cut off all her hair then was stabbed by his gf and she has psychological problems, basically isn't compus mentus. Plus they're all pot heads which I don't like. Basically when I go out it depresses me hehe.

    Anyway, about being gay...I wouldn't know but I guess its hard, I hate people just thinking I'm gay so it must be tough having to tell someone you really are gay. I don't think there'd be a right time or mean age, just when you're ready. I think mothers are usually understanding, fathers can get very upset (chuck in some expletives). My grandad was very angry when my uncle 'came out' especially since he was his only son...
     
  7. jonb

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    surferboy -- The risks for each individual act are the same, I think. As long as people know each other at least. There are differences in types of acts: A blowjob isn't as dangerous as standard coitus, but that in turn isn't as dangerous as anal. In turn, insertive partners aren't as at risk as receptive partners. Therefore, if AIDS is God's revenge against gay men, it's also God's revenge against heterosexual women.

    dcwrestlefan -- There are a few gay-positive rural communities. Usually they're Indian reservations. Most rural communities aren't, though.
     
  8. surferboy

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    That's what I said. It's not a "gay person's" STD. It does not discriminate. But I'm tired, and I'll eleaborate tomorrow. Stay stoked, and stay safe everyone!
     
  9. jonb

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    Yeah, the factors to explain disproportionate AIDS factors include the role as both insertive and receptive and more importantly the social pressure on gay couples to not commit. (It's pretty hard to be faithful when you're all secretive.)
     
  10. dcwrestlefan

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    one thing that is so cool about lpsg are the straights that are here. almost to a person from what i have seen, they are cool and they "get it". thanks guys/gals.

    someday, i hope when someone is called gay, even if they are not, its considered like saying your eyes are blue. its just another human trait. because it is. and sexuality is not a black and white issue either. i think its more on a scale of 1 to 10. if that makes sense. but at this point, its still considered a slam to be called gay, and will be for awhile.

    yes there are small rural communities that are not homophobic. largely in "blue states". can't think of one in the deep south or midwest though, although i heard a story once about a small town in missouri with a gay mayor. nobody gave a crap, and thats how it should be. several years ago, a gay man ran for mayor of galveston texas. population 90,000. he got 45 percent of the vote. so a part of me thinks that even in a place like texas, there still might be hope.

    use a condom, install it correctly, and youll be fine. if you blow your load at 600 mph and create gallons and gallons of goo, pull out first just to make sure, or ask your partner to do the same on the flip side. haha. if you are concerned about oral sex, you can wear one for that too. they make flavored ones.

    i think its more unhealthy to totally avoid sex than to take the .00005 percent risk associated with protected sex. people need physical love/interaction.
     
  11. jonb

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    I don't know; with 1.90% of live-in couples involving MOTSS, Shannon County seems pretty gay-positive. But I'd be playing a shell game if I didn't point out that Shannon County is home to the Pine Ridge reservation. Shannon County's also the poorest county in the U.S., and one of the bluest counties.

    You'll find similar patterns throughout the Great Plains and Southwest. Indian reservations end up being gay-positive and blue, the rest of the state being a bunch of red proles.
     
  12. B_HungSpermBoy

    B_HungSpermBoy New Member

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    I think Knight comes close to how I feel about this topic. I see it's hard for guys who act in some stereo-typical way. They seem to get the most negative reactions. But going to college in NYC makes a big difference. My friends are all pretty tolerant types & try to learn about other people by actually communicating with them. If someone is different in some way, it's interesting as hell to find out about them.
    The other thing I wanted to say to Knight is that he's a goodlooking guy in a kind of sensitive way & some people may think he's gay for that reason. Maybe that's a stereo-type too. Sorry about that. I've had one bi guy come on to me because he thought I looked kinda sensitive & therefore available.
     
  13. dcwrestlefan

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    I never heard Indian reservations were a gay positive place. Hmmm. Good news. Learn something new every day.
     
  14. jonb

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    Depends on the tribe. I mean, all the [LDN]akota rezzes are. (Different dialects involve an L, D, or N sound, among other differences.)

    One thing is, you've got to realize, traditional teachings say nothing against homosexuality itself; there are problems with particular types of homosexuality, of course. For example, the same incest taboos* apply, even though there's no risk of babies with extra fingers or anything like that. However, other things do not; menstrual and postpartum taboos don't apply to lesbian encounters and obviously don't apply to male homosexual encounters.

    *Lakota incest taboos basically involve any known relative other than spouses, whether they be related by birth, marriage, or adoption.
     
  15. Imported

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    RunnerSF: This thread has touched a soft spot in me. I grew up in the Midwest in a shitty farm town that was homophobic, racist, impoverished...yuck. I knew I was gay from a young age...my earliest real memory was 5th grade. Luckily for me, I had wonderful parents. I came out at 19 to them...and then at 21 to everyone else. Those were some tough years for me.

    I can understand your issues with stereotypes - they are ugly and mean - I didn't fit them either and the stereotypes made it harder for me to accept who I was ("I'm not a queeny guy", etc). Over time I realized it was normal to feel that way...its part of forming your identity...now I really appreciate the queeny gay guys, the jocky ones, etc they all add to the kick as wonder of our community.

    Send me an email if you ever need to vent. I have a soft spot in my heart for gay youth. Hang in there kiddo.
     
  16. woskxn

    woskxn New Member

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    I knew I was when I was about 6, 7 yrs old. I felt an attraction to guys but at that time I could not explain it, I was just very confused. I had my first sexual experience few years after that (3-4) So yes, it is definetley posible to feel an attraction that early.

    When did I deal with it? Well, only a couple of months ago I admitted to myself that I was. I feel good about it. I really do feel proud. I feel happy about who I am. However, I am still not at the stage where I am ready to let others know. The reasons why, well, there are many. I guess part of the fault has to go to me, part to others. The main problem is that I dont allow myself to get too close to many people and in turn I dont feel anybody really deserves to know. Others, I feel they would react badly.

    Really, for most of my life I felt me being gay has been a full time job, and a hard one at that. Thankfully at this point in my life, its only part-time. And in the future, I hope I can get rid of this as a job because I have a real job that I get paid for that is tiring in itself.
     
  17. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    All I can say is it seems like the hard part is over for you - I mean you pretty much have came out to your parents and friends...It should definitely get easier for you...And I do believe that having an attraction for men is something gay guys always know they feel but takes time to realize it...Good luck w/all your endeavers...
     
  18. zzorus

    zzorus New Member

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    Looking back, I'd have to say that I was in denial for a long time. But I also have to say that the denial also derived from ignorance. I remember vividly the fiirst time I knowingly met a " homosexual". I was 21.
    He was very witty, and great fun to be with. His boyfriend was a soldier, who seemed very macho, but he was also gentle and considerate at the same time.
    When I returned home from my holiday, I t told my mother that I had met some homosexuals, and that they had seemed like normal people, and that the first one in particular was just so funny.
    She said something like, " of course they're normal people!" In my closed , fairly religious world, I had never heard of anything like this ( it's difficult to imagine today, but back then, any mention of homosexuals was always in totally negative terms, being labelled deviant, unnnatural and so on.)

    Some years later, and after a really happy heterosexual relationship, I realised that I really was homosexual myself. I'd always loved men; putting the sex into the equation was the very difficult part for me...

    So Minghei8 I think you are trying to erect barriers like I had done: : I'd always fallen in love with straight men. Therefore there could be no sex. Therefore I was not homosexual.

    But later when I did have sex with a a homosexual man: wow! All the past baggage was thrown overboard. ( almost instantly I'd say)

    And then I met the man I fell in love with: wowie!

    So this is all years ago, but I hope this helps you out.

    Now for simple answer to your questions: YES! YES! YES!

    Your questions are very honest concerns, and the above is my honest response to them.

    Sincerly, I hope this helps you with your situation,

    zzorus
     
  19. tightfit

    tightfit New Member

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    I seem to remember an attraction to other males around the age of nine or ten.
    Never been a big deal with me.
    The thing I had to deal with was people assuming that I was heterosexual - really bl**dy annoying!
     
  20. surferboy

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    I've said itb efore, I don't believein labeling sexuality. Like, I don't believe in hetero- homo- or bisexuality. I believe all humans are the same - simply sexual. With that said, I do believe I'm more on the gay end of the spectrum. I'm finding I'm not as attracted to girls as I used to be (though some do still turn me on). With all that said, I'm lucky enough to have a totally open relationship with my mom, and both my parents are very accepting. Before my sexuality had awoken (everyone goes through it, it's call puberty :p ) my parents sat me down and said that like, now that I'm goin through puberty (this was at 13, btw) that I'm going to be awakening my sexuality and all. They said that should I like boys, that won't change a thing. So, I'm totally stoked that my parents are like that, and totally wish everyone could be as lucky as I am. As for my liking for boys, that itself has only just recently awakened (about a year).

    When I was in high school, I was a peer counselor. I had to comfort a lot of boys and girls who came out to their parents, who are supposed to love their kids unconditionally, and their parents flipped out, kicked them out, and disowned them. How totally heartless. Like, how can you just abandon yer child, especially for something they have no control over. So what if they like people of the same sex? I believe everyone's had fantasies atsome point or another. But even so, to kick out yer son or daughter, to abandon all love you had for them? I'm sorry, but to me that says you never loved yer child. And, quite frankly, you don't deserve to be a parent if you kick yer child out for their sexuality.
     
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