Hooking Up With A Married Man?

Dantdanielson

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A married man hit me up on Reddit after I posted something on the Ask Gay Bros subreddit. We sent a few chats there now we're talking on Kik. He says he is bi-curious and just looking for sex, nothing more. I'm a virgin and he's never done anything with a man before. I'm 18, he's 36. His wife doesn't no and he doesn't plan on telling her. Should I sleep with him? I've only seen a picture of his face and he's pretty attractive, and honestly the thought of someone local being interested in me really turns me on.


What do you guys think?
 
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Don't enable/participate in home wrecking. Cheating is a scumbag thing to do, so is knowingly helping someone cheat. By being willing to cheat, he's already showing he's a liar/oath breaker. Can't trust anything he says about what he is or isn't already getting at home (or elsewhere). Yeah, he might find someone else to cheat with, but it doesn't have to be you. You can be better than that.

Now if he were poly, swinger, whatever informed and consensual/agreed to thing with his spouse? I would say game on, nothing wrong with relationships that aren't monogamous, as long as everyone knows what is going on and agrees to it. That isn't this scenario though. You can find someone better to be intimate with.
 

englad

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No. He's sleazy, steer clear. He'd likely push you into an uncomfortable situation like meeting somewhere you don't want to meet. The married part though has been covered.

Now, let me cover the bicurious part. Curious men often have a lot of hang ups regarding sex and intimacy that would probably make the sex pretty shit. Like no kissing and a more limited sexual repertoire. Sex without kissing is mechanical and dull, nowhere near as fun. My advice is just let things happen naturally and find an openly gay/bi single guy you feel comfortable with. The sex will be a lot better and there's no chance of a guilty conscience.
 

Dantdanielson

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No. He's sleazy, steer clear. He'd likely push you into an uncomfortable situation like meeting somewhere you don't want to meet. The married part though has been covered.

Now, let me cover the bicurious part. Curious men often have a lot of hang ups regarding sex and intimacy that would probably make the sex pretty shit. Like no kissing and a more limited sexual repertoire. Sex without kissing is mechanical and dull, nowhere near as fun. My advice is just let things happen naturally and find an openly gay/bi single guy you feel comfortable with. The sex will be a lot better and there's no chance of a guilty conscience.
This is pretty much what I was thinking tbh
 

Dantdanielson

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Don't enable/participate in home wrecking. Cheating is a scumbag thing to do, so is knowingly helping someone cheat. By being willing to cheat, he's already showing he's a liar/oath breaker. Can't trust anything he says about what he is or isn't already getting at home (or elsewhere). Yeah, he might find someone else to cheat with, but it doesn't have to be you. You can be better than that.

Now if he were poly, swinger, whatever informed and consensual/agreed to thing with his spouse? I would say game on, nothing wrong with relationships that aren't monogamous, as long as everyone knows what is going on and agrees to it. That isn't this scenario though. You can find someone better to be intimate with.
Good points being made
 
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Don't enable/participate in home wrecking. Cheating is a scumbag thing to do, so is knowingly helping someone cheat. By being willing to cheat, he's already showing he's a liar/oath breaker. Can't trust anything he says about what he is or isn't already getting at home (or elsewhere). Yeah, he might find someone else to cheat with, but it doesn't have to be you. You can be better than that.

Now if he were poly, swinger, whatever informed and consensual/agreed to thing with his spouse? I would say game on, nothing wrong with relationships that aren't monogamous, as long as everyone knows what is going on and agrees to it. That isn't this scenario though. You can find someone better to be intimate with.
THIS on so many levels. If you're looking for a quality person, you won't find it as someone else's option #2. And you don't want to be the contributor to someone else's failing marriage. I think you can do better.
 

cherryboom66

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I wish I had this forum when I was 18! My youth was all about married men. Being 18 and sleeping with married men in their 30s. Annnnd look where it’s got me.

My advise, tell him to fuck off.

I will say though, I have never and would never see what I did in my youth as contributing to anything outside of what I was doing. I was single, exploring, finding myself.
 

MisterB

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A married man hit me up on Reddit after I posted something on the Ask Gay Bros subreddit. We sent a few chats there now we're talking on Kik. He says he is bi-curious and just looking for sex, nothing more. I'm a virgin and he's never done anything with a man before. I'm 18, he's 36. His wife doesn't no and he doesn't plan on telling her. Should I sleep with him? I've only seen a picture of his face and he's pretty attractive, and honestly the thought of someone local being interested in me really turns me on.


What do you guys think?

Here's my 2 cents for what it's worth.

Disclaimer: I don't claim to have the answers. I do have a wealth of life experience. And my thoughts are offered with you, first and foremost, in mind.

Losing ones virginity should/will be memorable. And I'd hope that such memory would be as positive as possible. But that's up to you. You need to decide if this is what you want your first time to be.

You say he's "pretty attractive". What happens if he lied? You do meet and he's not the person he represented online; he doesn't look like his picture? Like he's not 36 but 50 something. And/or he weighs 50 pounds more than the picture. Cuz that happens everyday on dating sites. Sadly, some people are not always who they represent themselves to be. And not just on dating sites!

Whatever you ultimately choose to do, I do hope you've given serious thought and consideration to protecting yourself. Can't be too safe these days, especially meeting up with someone anonymous.

Like first meet in a public place. Gives you the chance to politely decline should you choose. And if that's what you decide, stick to that decision. IF the guy is sincere, he should not only understand that, but respect it. Not everyone who meets on-line will necessarily "click" in person.

Make sure someone you know knows where and with whom you will be. Make sure you are fully educated about safe sex. Make sure you have condoms. And insist on their use. Have you looked into Prep? If you can't answer affirmative to all these, then I'd suggest you need to do more research and learning before you decide to have sex.

While the idea of your first time may be grounded in some fantasy, I'm not sure this is the person to whom you want to "give up" your virginity. Maybe look for someone closer to you in age and get to know them in person?

You have many years ahead of you. You are 1/2 the age of your potential paramour. That just gives me cause for pause. Perhaps meeting someone in person and developing an attraction that could lead you to enjoying your first gay sex? I'd hate for you to "settle" for your first time.

I'd like to leave you with this one last thought: Perhaps you might want to really think through and consider if this 36-year old curious married guy is indeed the right person at the right time for your first time. Because honestly, I don't.

Regardless, I wish you the best. Be smart. And safe!:)
 

rtg

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englad

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halcyondays

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On the other hand you might be missing out on an awesome experience with an attractive man. Next time meet the man in public for coffee or lunch and get to know him before you decide. Remember he's evaluating you as well.
 

Guy-jin

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I’m 37. Anyone my age cruising for sex by looking for naive 18 year olds who don’t even recognize participating in home wrecking is wrong is gross.

You dodged a bullet. Look for dudes in their 20s at the oldest if you don’t want the creeper factor to be through the roof.
 

cherryboom66

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I’m 37. Anyone my age cruising for sex by looking for naive 18 year olds who don’t even recognize participating in home wrecking is wrong is gross.

You dodged a bullet. Look for dudes in their 20s at the oldest if you don’t want the creeper factor to be through the roof.

Love most of this. I think because I’ve been there and experienced it, I will never agree with the part about participating in home wrecking.

The only person participating in the wrecking or said marriage is the person who said their vows and is cheating on their partner. That was their life, not mine. And there’s the even seedier side of things which include coercion and grooming.

I was single and I was used, over and over. Throughout history, the other person gets so much hate, sometimes even more than the cheating spouse and it really irks me.

Obviously I’m the only one that has this opinion, all I ask is that I’m not crucified for this post! I’m sick... *cough* x
 

Guy-jin

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That’s exactly why I said “doesn’t even recognize”. These old cheating dirtbags specifically seek out people that are young and naive with the hope they won’t fully think through what they’re participating in and how their actions might hurt themselves or others.
 

halcyondays

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There's a lot of moralizing going on here from people whose social moral basis is a book that says you and any man with whom you have sex should be killed for such behavior. A married man won't be committing adultery with you because the book in question defines it as heteronormative which also requires a death penalty.

You have no idea whether hooking up with a married man will "wreck his home." Most married men won't leave their wives for other women let alone other men.

The other main objection you are hearing is ageist. You may not know this yet but "old" people are just young people who've been around for a long time. You, your personality and your likes and dislikes won't change much during your life. When I was 36 I felt little different than I did at 18. Nor do I now. In the last year of his life my almost 80 yo father--his teeth long gone and his body failing fast--said he still felt like he was 18 in his mind.

I'm 57 and I've been banging an 18 y.o. college freshman I met online. He is cute as fuck and we have a lot of fun together. He's gay but not out. I respect his privacy and he mine. I am single and bi but I see others.

IMO your sole criterion should whether you want to have sex with this guy. Meet him, talk and find out if he's hot. If you like him go for it. Don't let the moral and ageist bias of this thread dissuade you. What consenting adults get up to is their private business.

Another thing you probably haven't experienced yet is that age isn't sleaze. Some guys your own age are much sleazier than older men.

The advantages of an older lover I will leave for another day. :cool:
 

AlteredEgo

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Don't fuck cheaters. If they will lie to someone else about the sex they are having, they will lie to you. That, plus the potential for drama, is something you can skip. There are plenty of aboveboard, available candidates to choose from. Why expose yourself to known risks?