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deleted1151896

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Hi guys

Looking for some advice

I met a guy for a NSA hookup a few weeks back. It was really hot and we both wanted to meet again which we did. There was no awkwardness, we arranged the time, met and had fun. And we both wanted to meet again which we did about a week later.

These were the hottest hookups ive had with a guy. We both seemed really into it and after the 3rd meeting we were arranging to meet again but i was away for a bit. But we still messaged arranging the next meeting.

On the day we were supposed to meet i messaged but it never delivered - that was 4 or 5 days ago.

I have no idea what happened. I know its NSA but it seemed to be going really well and was nice and easy, no pressure at all. Am i expecting too much after 3 meetings to not be ghosted?

The guy was perfect and now I'm quite sad about it!

Any thoughts or opinions? Thanks
 

Andrue

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I gather this was set up on an online app (Grindr or the like).

Make a point of specifying in your profiles that you are seeking an NSA one-time encounter and/or a potential FWB (Friend With Benefits) or FB (Fuck Buddy). Putting these options clearly right up front will allow you to discuss that subject since the respondent will have - hopefully! - read that and know the connection can fall into those categories. He can then let you know which he’d prefer to take without getting confusing signals.

As to your recent NSA dude, give it a few days so it doesn’t feel like he’s being pressured and send him another email/text saying you would love to have another encounter, is he up for it? And then leave it at that.

If he replies, cool, you’ll know yes or no if it will reoccur, possibly hear why he didn’t respond the first time (busy at school or work, family stuff over the holidays, wife/boyfriend issues, three NSA meetups got too close to dating, etc.) and take it from there. Accept whatever reason he gives as accurate; this is a casual relationship, after all. Then see if he’s up to more.

If you don’t hear back, then follow jayson’s good advice, file it as a nice experience and move on to a new fuck buddy or one-off NSA encounter.

Doesn’t sound from your description that you did anything unusual or off here. So carry on.
 
D

deleted1151896

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I gather this was set up on an online app (Grindr or the like).

Make a point of specifying in your profiles that you are seeking an NSA one-time encounter and/or a potential FWB (Friend With Benefits) or FB (Fuck Buddy). Putting these options clearly right up front will allow you to discuss that subject since the respondent will have - hopefully! - read that and know the connection can fall into those categories. He can then let you know which he’d prefer to take without getting confusing signals.

As to your recent NSA dude, give it a few days so it doesn’t feel like he’s being pressured and send him another email/text saying you would love to have another encounter, is he up for it? And then leave it at that.

If he replies, cool, you’ll know yes or no if it will reoccur, possibly hear why he didn’t respond the first time (busy at school or work, family stuff over the holidays, wife/boyfriend issues, three NSA meetups got too close to dating, etc.) and take it from there. Accept whatever reason he gives as accurate; this is a casual relationship, after all. Then see if he’s up to more.

If you don’t hear back, then follow jayson’s good advice, file it as a nice experience and move on to a new fuck buddy or one-off NSA encounter.

Doesn’t sound from your description that you did anything unusual or off here. So carry on.


Yeah it was originally setup online. You might be right about it getting too close to dating. Although it remained casual so quite confusing

Thanks for your reply and advice man
 
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englad

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Drop one more message after new year's out the way. As it is a super busy period. If you don't hear anything, save it to the memory wank bank and move on.

From what I can see, you're in great shape and in a large city (plenty of options), so no issues in finding an even better experience with another guy afterwards.
 

BussyPhilipps

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I have a bad habit of ghosting guys. I know it’s a dick move. I’m sure Karma is going to pay me back one of these days. Sometimes no response is the response. I’m sure it must be frustrating for the other guy thiguh, when everything seems to be going well.
Ghosting is really rude and inconsiderate of the other person’s emotions/feelings. Not only should you treat others how you would want to be treated, but you should treat people how you would if you were talking to them in person. If you wouldn’t do it to them in person, then you shouldn’t do it to them online or via text/app.
 
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1287630

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Ghosting is really rude and inconsiderate of the other person’s emotions/feelings. Not only should you treat others how you would want to be treated, but you should treat people how you would if you were talking to them in person. If you wouldn’t do it to them in person, then you shouldn’t do it to them online or via text/app.
What feelings, it was nsa. Leave your feelings at the door
 
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deleted1338241

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I’d not text him again. He still got the first message and if he was actually just busy, well he can still text you later, then it’s still up to you to respond. Also if you text him again you look rather desperate. And you don’t have to stand for that because let’s face it: you got a great body and dick, you can easily get dozens of other guys to replace him. I know it’s harsh but just forget about him, some people are just dicks.

What feelings, it was nsa. Leave your feelings at the door

All human behavior is at least partially emotionally influenced – emotions are more than just romantic love. Even on a NSA there are feelings involved, attraction causes euphoria for example or like you wouldn’t sleep with someone you strongly dislike/hate.

A brief "sorry [insert reason why i dont wanna meet again]" is still better than just ghost someone, especially if you apparently enjoyed the time spent. This way the dumped one knows how he stands with him.
 
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1287630

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I’d not text him again. He still got the first message and if he was actually just busy, well he can still text you later, then it’s still up to you to respond. Also if you text him again you look rather desperate. And you don’t have to stand for that because let’s face it: you got a great body and dick, you can easily get dozens of other guys to replace him. I know it’s harsh but just forget about him, some people are just dicks.



All human behavior is at least partially emotionally influenced – emotions are more than just romantic love. Even on a NSA there are feelings involved, attraction causes euphoria for example or like you wouldn’t sleep with someone you strongly dislike/hate.

A brief "sorry [insert reason why i dont wanna meet again]" is still better than just ghost someone, especially if you apparently enjoyed the time spent. This way the dumped one knows how he stands with him.
I would disagree, had plenty or nsa sex with no feelings attached. Mutual attraction has nothing to do with an emotional connection. Its pure lust for sex. Nothing more. Terms agreed, is nsa. No strings attached which is to include, hurt feelings involving a lack of explanation and a goodbye.
 

BussyPhilipps

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I would disagree, had plenty or nsa sex with no feelings attached. Mutual attraction has nothing to do with an emotional connection. Its pure lust for sex. Nothing more. Terms agreed, is nsa. No strings attached which is to include, hurt feelings involving a lack of explanation and a goodbye.
You just lack manners and respect for others then. Ghosting is plain rude. There are no ifs, ands or buts about it. There’s a difference between having feelings for someone and having general human feelings that everyone has. If you have ever been ghosted, you would know that it makes you wonder what happened. You start to wonder if you said or did something wrong. That does not mean you have feelings for the other person. It just means you have feelings of “WTF?” and wondering what went wrong. The person has stopped talking to you with no conclusion or resolution. As the person you were responding to said, if they would just tell you they’re no longer interested in hooking up for whatever reason, you would at least know where things stand. Ghosting just leaves the other person wondering what happened and if they said or did something wrong. There is no clear-cut termination to the dalliance. It is only polite to give the other person some form of resolution. I’m sorry your parents didn’t raise you with proper manners and teach you how to treat others respectfully.
 
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deleted1338241

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I would disagree, had plenty or nsa sex with no feelings attached. Mutual attraction has nothing to do with an emotional connection. Its pure lust for sex. Nothing more. Terms agreed, is nsa. No strings attached which is to include, hurt feelings involving a lack of explanation and a goodbye.

Don't get me wrong, I agree with you. nsa is just sex, not romance, no drama, and I said he should let it go. However even physical attraction interacts with your feelings. You can still be disappointed with your nsa, cause say it was not as you expected it to be. In the case of the thread opener: he was disappointed because they were arranging something he was looking forward to because he enjoyed it and that dude was just ghosting him for no reason given. And I do think it's rude because he doesn't know if he did something wrong or not. I think TE's lover just lacked balls to tell him straight facts, because it would've been a different story if they had that settled previously or heck even after their meetings, but the lover suggested more interest. The TE could've coped better with that negative feelings if the lines had been drawn and it would probably not have been an issue.
 
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1287630

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You just lack manners and respect for others then. Ghosting is plain rude. There are no ifs, ands or buts about it. There’s a difference between having feelings for someone and having general human feelings that everyone has. If you have ever been ghosted, you would know that it makes you wonder what happened. You start to wonder if you said or did something wrong. That does not mean you have feelings for the other person. It just means you have feelings of “WTF?” and wondering what went wrong. The person has stopped talking to you with no conclusion or resolution. As the person you were responding to said, if they would just tell you they’re no longer interested in hooking up for whatever reason, you would at least know where things stand. Ghosting just leaves the other person wondering what happened and if they said or did something wrong. There is no clear-cut termination to the dalliance. It is only polite to give the other person some form of resolution. I’m sorry your parents didn’t raise you with proper manners and teach you how to treat others respectfully.
Dude your missing the whole respect for the nsa guidelines. Dude doesnt owe u anything. Once he busts a nut and walks out your deal is done. Thats the manners. Respect his personal privacy.thats it. If your left wondering what happened, thats the risk you take for having nsa sex. Next time go on a date if you want an explanation. Sluts dont have feelings bud. It is what it is.