Hookup Apps (Grindr) and Bi guys into fem/sissy boys help needed

[deleted356166]

I'm gay and 100% non-judgemental of race, orientation, identity, and the sexual interests of other people. I'm a very laid back guy and tolerant of other's sexual choices in bed, and I used to DJ at gay clubs and private parties so nothing shocks me at all. In fact, I've probably seen it all, and my friends are usually appalled at stories of things I've seen and participated in. After 5 years of not dating and taking care of my elderly parents, I recently and reluctantly decided join Grindr and a few other apps I hadn't used in many years to find gay and bi guys to meet and explore friendship more than sexual encounters. I'm typically interested in average men in the average looks department that has similar social interests. I'm not a size queen and usually top if it comes to anal sex so I'm usually satisfied with average-sized dicks, but I sexually prefer a rugged man's man or someone who isn't obviously queer acting. Personality and the their ability to have long stamina means a great deal to me since I'm slightly hyper sexual and enjoy sex with a boyfriend or partner more than once a day. I'm well aware that most of the apps are going to be full of cum-hungry sluts, so I joined the apps anyway and started looking around. Of course, 99% of my taps, growls, and smiles are from Bi and married guys on the DL only looking for quickies and RIGHT THIS MINUTE because they don't have much time. What I didn't expect was to find so many fem/sissy boys and many, many bisexual and "straight" guys only interested in trans/fem/sissy hookups. In fact, Grindr in my area is at least 60% femme with guys of all types and shapes in panties, bras, skirts, and so on. While these guys do not interest me sexually, I feel my dating absence and lack of gay/bi/queer social interaction for the past few years have led me to miss some kind of sexual awakening.
As I said, I'm fine with other's sexual interests, but I'm very curious to know when being femme or sissy become the sexual norm on gay dating apps? Even today I've had two different chats and both wanted to know if I would wear their wife's/girlfriend's panties or they weren't interested in chatting further, and one of the guys was a buff gym rat and told me he wears a woman's girdle daily to feel sexy. Do Bi guys think if a guy wears women's clothing that they aren't having sex with men? I mean femmes and sissy's still have dicks, so I truly am confused and looking for honest, heartfelt conversation here.

 

[Vertigo1814]

I’ve been on these apps for years and this is the biggest change - masc presenting men (usually tops) exclusively seeking fem.

I’d say it’s about 65% of the tops in my area and a even larger % of muscled headless torso type.

I think there are a few reasons…

1) more straight and bi guys are using grindr. It’s not surprising that men that sleep with woman are more open to femininity in the biological males they sleep with. It may be a preference. Or for the DL guys, a “gateway” to gay sex that to them feels more acceptable (“he looks like a girl he acts like a girl, it’s basically the same, right?”)

2) culturally, femininity in males is losing its stigma. Let’s be real, masculine men have sort out sex with feminine men since the dawn of time. Nothing has changed in the biology of it. But even once homosexuality became more accepted, outward femininity (outside of a camp, desexualised sitcom character) did not. The message was “it’s fine to be gay, but don’t fuck with gender norms”. Trans and non-binary visibility has changed that. Masc men are feeling less shamed about their interest in femmes and so are expressing it more.

3) all of that said, hyper-masculinity is still valued in gay culture. And those that aim for that look (some, not all) feel that a smaller, more femme partner makes them look and feel more dominant, more “alpha” and they get off on that. Look at how size difference porn has exploded in recent years. That’s not just being watched by bottoms that imagine themselves being dominated, it’s being consumed by tops too. It’s contributing to the aesthetic notion that the sexiest pairing is the hyper masculine with the hyper feminine.

 

[deleted1000652]

My biggest issue lately with Grindr is that it's being flooded with women. Im not sure what's going on. They aren't lesbians, they aren't trans.

 

[steel33]

Private contractors?

 

[Thugnasty]

My biggest issue lately with Grindr is that it's being flooded with women. Im not sure what's going on. They aren't lesbians, they aren't trans.

fact bro i dont get it lmao

 

[deleted1000652]

fact bro i dont get it lmao

They're ruining it and idk what the issue is why they're even there.

 

[Trevor]

They're ruining it and idk what the issue is why they're even there.

I can't even get Grindr to work anymore. It is so painfully slow you can't even type in a message and it has made my iPhone lock up more than once.

 

[WebMale80]

My biggest issue lately with Grindr is that it's being flooded with women. Im not sure what's going on. They aren't lesbians, they aren't trans.

I actually love that. Some women just like to watch men fuck. That sounds really fun.

 

[Rmoscew]

I am fem too but I really hate those fem in on that app....

 

[AgHarley]

I do wish the trans folks would move to their own app. Is that just me tho?

 

[Vertigo1814]

Truth is, some of the gay and bi guys are looking for trans folks and the trans folks know this.

 

[Slutster]

I don't understand either, and I'm a somewhat feminine sissy boy myself. My problem is the overwhelming dominance of female influence in my life since birth and literally looking like a male Nicole Kidman. I've had those kind of guys chase me all my life, and while I've had fun with many, it makes me wonder if they secretly wish they could be gay or are just stuck in their hetero mindset. The typical football jock/fratboy/alpha guys are the ones who make an absolute fool of themselves chasing me, and lots are still married to women, which I don't get. To be clear, I don't and never have worn lingerie or any women's clothes, and have no desire to, but my mannerisms, attitude, and aura are typically more feminine. Maybe that's what these guys pick up on. A friend of mine who was a 'sex broker' a long time ago told me that literally nothing would surprise him regarding human sexuality. Human sexuality is complex and strange, but I have to admit myself that if these guys are hot enough (and they usually are), then I'll play with them .

 

[Junk_]

I don't understand either, and I'm a somewhat feminine sissy boy myself. My problem is the overwhelming dominance of female influence in my life since birth and literally looking like a male Nicole Kidman. I've had those kind of guys chase me all my life, and while I've had fun with many, it makes me wonder if they secretly wish they could be gay or are just stuck in their hetero mindset. The typical football jock/fratboy/alpha guys are the ones who make an absolute fool of themselves chasing me, and lots are still married to women, which I don't get. To be clear, I don't and never have worn lingerie or any women's clothes, and have no desire to, but my mannerisms, attitude, and aura are typically more feminine. Maybe that's what these guys pick up on. A friend of mine who was a 'sex broker' a long time ago told me that literally nothing would surprise him regarding human sexuality. Human sexuality is complex and strange, but I have to admit myself that if these guys are hot enough (and they usually are), then I'll play with them .

 

[Vertigo1814]

I don't understand either, and I'm a somewhat feminine sissy boy myself. My problem is the overwhelming dominance of female influence in my life since birth and literally looking like a male Nicole Kidman. I've had those kind of guys chase me all my life, and while I've had fun with many, it makes me wonder if they secretly wish they could be gay or are just stuck in their hetero mindset. The typical football jock/fratboy/alpha guys are the ones who make an absolute fool of themselves chasing me, and lots are still married to women, which I don't get. To be clear, I don't and never have worn lingerie or any women's clothes, and have no desire to, but my mannerisms, attitude, and aura are typically more feminine. Maybe that's what these guys pick up on. A friend of mine who was a 'sex broker' a long time ago told me that literally nothing would surprise him regarding human sexuality. Human sexuality is complex and strange, but I have to admit myself that if these guys are hot enough (and they usually are), then I'll play with them .

I have a friend who identifies as straight but has sex with bio women, trans women and fem twinks strictly as a top. We’ve spoken about it frankly and he says that his brain doesn’t really see a woman and a fem boy as that different. He says his concern about coming out as “officially” bi is that people would start expecting him to date masc presenting men and he says he never could or would. So I think there’s a societal label issue there. There probably needs to be a word for someone that is attracted to femininity in any biological package.

 

[WilliamG]

In my experience with online dating sites, there are more bottoms than tops overall. And I think many bottoms tend to like the fem genre as a way to embrace bottoming. Perhaps a way of projecting the idea of being receptive to a top? Plus many have come from straight relationships where they are always "the top". Being a bit fem is more taboo which enhances the relationship. I think one being 100% gay includes having sex with a man who looks and acts masculine to complete the picture. Just like a straight man wants the woman to be 100% woman (whatever that means to them).

 

[bi2]

In my experience with online dating sites, there are more bottoms than tops overall. And I think many bottoms tend to like the fem genre as a way to embrace bottoming. Perhaps a way of projecting the idea of being receptive to a top? Plus many have come from straight relationships where they are always "the top". Being a bit fem is more taboo which enhances the relationship. I think one being 100% gay includes having sex with a man who looks and acts masculine to complete the picture. Just like a straight man wants the woman to be 100% woman (whatever that means to them).

This is the perfect response at least from my point of view.

Although when I first my fuckbuddy a few years ago on a dating app, I never discussed being feminine and or sissy and embracing it, only because I wanted to keep the "field" open and see who I attracted and who I might end up with.

Aside from him ticking all the correct boxes of being older, larger and a Top, it was his need for privacy and discretion and not looking for a personal relationship but an ongoing physical one which is what convinced me we would make a great couple.