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erpap

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I will try and make this short…
My partner and I did not have sex for a very long time. Then I found out he was on a hookup site, and I addressed it and we had major talks. He also has other issues. I asked he if cheated or wanted to and he said no. I think to myself who doesn’t want to have sex with other people. So I say do you want an open relationship and this answer is no. We started to work on our issues and started having sex. But… wait for it then we stopped again. Now I find out he is back on this site. Not sure if it’s just an outlet to find release since we are not having sex and or if he desires someone else. I’m too old for this shit.
 

winesthel945

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Sorry that you are having communication issues.

First, it is entirely possible -- indeed, it more likely than you think -- that people can be on apps and hookup site for the thrill of flirting or seeing dick pics, etc., without actually ever intending to hookup. It's basically like porn with a bit more interactivity. So don't discount that he may simply be enjoying that vibe.

Second, it's also possible that he DOES want an open relationship, but can't bring himself to say it. I was in a relationship for seven years before we decided to open it up, and then after everything was going great he admitted that he'd wanted an open relationship from the beginning but was afraid to say it, which I admitted to feeling myself... and basically we both at that point regretted that we'd wasted 7 years of what could have been hot 3-ways and satisfying the urges that we each knew the other couldn't provided but wanted them to experience. The relationship lasted 7 years more after that and was a lot more fun and fulfilling for us both once we finally got over our fears.

Third, there's the question, separate from hookup sites or open relationships... and it's the question of why you're not having sex. Is there a desire issue? Is there just a mismatch in libidos? That itself is worth exploring and talking through. Is one of you a strict top or bottom and the other wants to try flipping? Is he curious about some kink that you're not into? Maybe he just has a libido that is tanking right now due to stress or depression or hormonal changes, and a trip to the doctor is in order? Maybe there is a waning level of attraction sexually, but he still loves you and wants to be with you -- maybe an open relationship is really what will keep you together so that you can each get what you need sexually but still get the emotional support from each other? It could be a lot of things. And you may need to unpack this all with a sex-positive marriage counselor. Perhaps try https://aasect.org to locate a counselor in your area.

Good luck!