Horney &wife Says No , What Do You Do?

LB69

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Sometimes I am really need to fuck and my wife just want relieve me. Before we had kids, we both slept naked and I could go under the covers snd after a few licks she was onboard, now with kids we both sleep with clothes on so I cannot turn her on quick enough before she refuses my advances. So I go take a cold shower and sometimes that helps. Otherwise its a hot shower with Nivea shower and bath lotion. Does anyone else have this problem?
 

Motion-of-the-Ocean

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While it's normal for a lot of couples' sex lives to slow down after having kids (or just the longer they've been together), I think the important factor is how they deal with it together. Which really only leaves one with three choices:

1. Continue to ignore the problem (and likely grow more resentful) and just deal with it by sexually satisfying yourself, either with thoughts of her or porn.

2. Discuss the issue of differing sexual needs, either together or if not possible, through professional counseling. This IMO is the best option.

3. If this issue is causing undue burden on the relationship due to irreconcilable differences, then maybe it's time to reevaluate it. This is obviously the most drastic solution, but unfortunately one a great many couples who likely should have never started a relationship to begin with chose.

I've been fortunate that I've been able to share life with a woman whose libido and interest in sex has more or less matched mine throughout our time together. Even then there was a period when our kids were younger when one of us might not have gotten as much sex as we could have or wanted. This was especially pronounced with the oldest when the issue of first-time parenting had the added burden of me being deployed overseas for several months and working 60 hours or more a week when I was home. Still the desire for us both was always there and even then we found time, however limited, to carve out for both our needs. It also has helped that I've had a wife that has always been sexually adventurous to try new things to keep the spark alive, which eventually came to include incorporating others into our sex life.

So I really think the best course of action is to be open (always) with your partner and discuss problems like these, least it only adds to the resentment and eventually causes fights when one person feels either deprived or unappreciated. While I of course don't know the details of your responsibilities, but if applicable you might offer to help her out, either with the kids or housework if she is feeling overburdened as that could go a long way to making a woman more receptive to wanting sex. Above all remember marriage is a commitment and a two-way street and it's how we deal with the bad as well as the good that sustains it or not.
 

Obelisk8

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Let's also consider turning this question around. What if she is up for it and -- for whatever reason -- you're not? What would you want for her? I'd be happy if she would take care of herself. Or maybe there's something else I could do for her.
 

shaved and trimmed

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I simply jerk off a load without hesitation. She doesn't mind and often turns her on and we end up having sex anyways.
As for the other way around I've woken up to find her fingering herself or using a toy. No big deal, but as I've told her if she needs it just grab a hold and start stroking. I'll wake up give her what she wants.
 
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deleted5199391

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Depends how often that happens. My GF offers to relieve me anyway, as I do when she needs
 
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Sagittarius84

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Sometimes I am really need to fuck and my wife just want relieve me. Before we had kids, we both slept naked and I could go under the covers snd after a few licks she was onboard, now with kids we both sleep with clothes on so I cannot turn her on quick enough before she refuses my advances. So I go take a cold shower and sometimes that helps. Otherwise its a hot shower with Nivea shower and bath lotion. Does anyone else have this problem?
Join the club, lol.
Maybe for some context though, is your wife aware that your needs are not being met, if so, what does she feel her onus in the situation is. Is she supportive of your mastubatory life, has she encouraged you to perhaps get some toys so that your need are not incumbent upon her actions?
I get all the advice about helping around the house and all, but let's be brutally honest; you could be the primary domestically inclined partner, as far as housework and child rearing, but society and some aspects of biology will forever be scapegoats for her tiredness and lack of sexual motivation anyways. So in light of all that, is she even aware or cognizant of the effect of her reduced libido upon you, the one I presume she expects to be the sole facilitator of sexual intimacy for?
Obviously this deserves some communication, but I think it's a red flag that you haven't mentioned anything about her being apologetic or even acknowledging the situation as an issue without you having to bring your grievances to her.
 

paget54

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Welcome to married life with kids! We still sleep nude but sex has slowed down drastically. Just get used to getting it when you can and take care of it yourself when you can’t.
Excellent advice.
 
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Magnum10x2

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She may have a hormone imbalance, it's worth a blood test and a Dr. visit.

Sex is good for her (and yours too) health. Heart, skin, sleep, & happiness - all improve.

Even when we're really tired, all one of us has to say is - "I'm really tired but I'm horny" and we lie on our backs and she strokes me and I rub her clit and g-spot until we both cum.

Sometimes, she'll even flip around, I'll lick her, and she'll suck and stroke me.

Every once in a while, when we start like this, we end up fucking each other like wild animals.
 

paget54

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Been married for 45 years. It's been a good life but the last 10 or so years have been pretty low frequency on the sex (fucking) front. Wife long ago went through menopause and while she takes some hormone supplements, she takes only one-half of what the Dr prescribed for her. Her libido just seems to be really low. And, I can't say (I sure hope) it is me because I'm in shape, keep myself clean, do most of the shopping (groceries, home needs), am a partner in caring for the home and grandkids.

We sleep together nude every night and have since we got married. I never fail to snuggle her when she climbs into bed and, truth be told, I know we're not going to have sex but I do enjoy pressing my cock against her ass. I've tracked our sexual activity for about five years, recording on a calendar when we have sex. I think we're averaging about 30 times annually (PIV) which is about 1/10 the amount of sex I'd like. I do get oral and handjob a couple times a month, about half of those without asking.

I do masturbate regularly and have developed a habit of edging daily. I'll usually cum twice weekly through solo play - it helps keep me sane and keeps me in a better mood overall.

We've had "the talk" many times over the last 10 years. Each time ends with her saying, "I need to do better". No disagreement here. Those words, however, have never turned into sustained action. Oh, for the next week or so we might actually have sex or she might give me a couple of handjobs, but this has never become a regular thing.

It's a damn shame. I'm healthy, she's healthy, I still find her very attractive and very desireable.

My advice for others in the same boat - have "the talk" to make yourself feel better and to ensure that your partner understands how important partnered sex is to you. And, be prepared to step-up your own efforts to pleasure yourself. That is the MOST certain way of ensuring some sort of sexual satisfaction, as unsatisfying as it may be.
 
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deleted817718

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Been married for 45 years. It's been a good life but the last 10 or so years have been pretty low frequency on the sex (fucking) front. Wife long ago went through menopause and while she takes some hormone supplements, she takes only one-half of what the Dr prescribed for her. Her libido just seems to be really low. And, I can't say (I sure hope) it is me because I'm in shape, keep myself clean, do most of the shopping (groceries, home needs), am a partner in caring for the home and grandkids.

We sleep together nude every night and have since we got married. I never fail to snuggle her when she climbs into bed and, truth be told, I know we're not going to have sex but I do enjoy pressing my cock against her ass. I've tracked our sexual activity for about five years, recording on a calendar when we have sex. I think we're averaging about 30 times annually (PIV) which is about 1/10 the amount of sex I'd like. I do get oral and handjob a couple times a month, about half of those without asking.

I do masturbate regularly and have developed a habit of edging daily. I'll usually cum twice weekly through solo play - it helps keep me sane and keeps me in a better mood overall.

We've had "the talk" many times over the last 10 years. Each time ends with her saying, "I need to do better". No disagreement here. Those words, however, have never turned into sustained action. Oh, for the next week or so we might actually have sex or she might give me a couple of handjobs, but this has never become a regular thing.

It's a damn shame. I'm healthy, she's healthy, I still find her very attractive and very desireable.

My advice for others in the same boat - have "the talk" to make yourself feel better and to ensure that your partner understands how important partnered sex is to you. And, be prepared to step-up your own efforts to pleasure yourself. That is the MOST certain way of ensuring some sort of sexual satisfaction, as unsatisfying as it may be.
Your marriage sex life sounds quite similar to mine, except it’s depression and antidepressant meds that have slowed the sex down for us, and we are quite a bit younger. We have found that talking. And keeping things honest and open are the best thing we can do. We share love in other ways and make sure we have a close relationship. Sex just isn’t a big part of us as a couple anymore and I think that may never change now.

The solution for us and my way of coping, plain and simple masturbating. If she says no, it means no and I can take care of my urges myself.
Unlike you though my wife stopped giving oral before we tied the knot, so I don’t have that luxury like you do.
 

bigbucky

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wife always took care of me and in the process sometimes changed her mind and decided she wanted to fuck after all. but now that we are older, and she with health issues, I find myself jacking off like I did before we met. I mean I got used to banging pussy 2-3 times a day (at least) . my wife was a needy woman. thoroughly enjoyed sex. soon as I got home from work, we fucked. she was in bed, waiting for me.
 

paget54

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wife always took care of me and in the process sometimes changed her mind and decided she wanted to fuck after all. but now that we are older, and she with health issues, I find myself jacking off like I did before we met. I mean I got used to banging pussy 2-3 times a day (at least) . my wife was a needy woman. thoroughly enjoyed sex. soon as I got home from work, we fucked. she was in bed, waiting for me.
"2-3 times a day (at least)". Ah, those were the days.
 
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