Horrible Bastards

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by BigPoppaFury, Nov 13, 2006.

  1. BigPoppaFury

    BigPoppaFury Member

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    I'm someone who looks forward to being cold called by people selling me things. It gives the hidden actor in me a chance to come out and play and I love to see just how far I can push these people before they realise they're wasting their time.

    Today I was a confused and somewhat senile man who got a call from Vincent from Toucan Telecom. He wanted me to know I could save money on my monthly bill. I was unsure about how much my bill came to usually but I told him I went to the bank and paid it. I had a two minute "yes it is/no it isn't" argument about whether Midlands had changed it's name to HSBC (for those outside the UK, this happened at least five years ago) and then switched sides and acted like I'd been arguing for it all along. Yet still Vincent persued his aims, despite me being either mentally unstable or having him on. I assumed that he thought I was the former, my speech was confused and slow and I took way beyond the normal amount of time to answer his questions but still he pressed on.

    He asked me "is this a residential line?" and I told him he shouldn't be calling me from home because it must be costing him a lot of money. A full five minutes passed before I accepted that he was calling from an office and the question was regarding my own line. Even still, he continued asking for my name and address (even though it later became apparent that he already had these on record) and my all important bank details. He asked for the sort code of my bank and when I told him I didn't know what a sort code was he told me in the same way you might tell a child, or a senile old man.

    After quarter of an hour I got bored and decided to bring a new character into the conversation; my carer. I mentioned that my carer might have my bank details because "they don't let me do that". He made one last attempt before conceding that he might have to talk to my carer instead. So I put my phone on mute while I rehearsed voices and the best one sounded a lot like Graham Chapman as King Arthur, so I used that.

    Fair dues to Vincent, he put up with my new guise for a further ten minutes or so. He began by explaining what had taken place so far and then asked for my clients bank details. He argued his case, he told me he wasn't selling anything, he denied any knowledge that my client was mentally unstable or even confused. He even had the audacity to offer to play the conversation he'd had with my client back to me.

    Then came the crunch; I asked him his name. No longer was he Vincent, he was 'dead line'.

    Fuck you, Vincent from Toucan Telecom, you callous, cynical cunt. And fuck Toucan Telecom for employing you.
     
  2. dong20

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    My sentiments exactly. I hate TT, the first time they called I was polite, the second I was blunt. The following dozen times they got a tirade of abuse and expletive. Eventually they quit calling.:smile:
     
  3. jakeatolla

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    Reminds me of a skit I heard on a radio station of a man who
    when receives a telemarketing call plays pranks on them.
    This one skit, he pretended to be a Homicide Detective,
    and the person being called was murdered. He really gave the gears
    to the telemarketer to the point he was almost in tears.
    Brilliant stuff.
     
  4. dcwrestlefan

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    I remember a great telemarketer incident back when I was "married".

    A lady called selling something. My lover answered. She asked to speak to Mister (my last name). He responded "he is not here". She asked "well is Mrs (my last name) at home?" He said in a loud bass voice "speaking!"

    She didn't know whether to shit or wind her watch at that point. Haha.

    Telemarketers need to go away.
     
  5. bluekarma

    bluekarma Well-Known Member

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    ROFL!!!!!!!!! Don't you just love this guy!! :18:

     
  6. DaveyR

    DaveyR Retired Moderator
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    Nice one Poppa. I like playing games with them too but no longer get any of those calls since I moved to Tenerife.

    When I lived in the wilds about 50 miles North West of Aberdeen in Scotland I got regular calls from a double glazing company. One time he made a fatal mistake - he asked to come and talk to me about double glazing.

    I duly made the appointment for the Saturday afternoon. He turned up on time after travelling about 50 miles. He got out of his car ( I was in the garden) and said to me in an exasperated voice " you already have new double glazing". I could not help smiling as I replied " yes I have and you have come to talk about it haven't you"

    Never bothered me again.
     
  7. Shelby

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    probably this one. great stuff!
     
  8. bree

    bree New Member

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    LMAO -- oh man would i have loved to be a fly on the wall for that one.. Seeing you trying to keep a straight face as you messed with the guy.. That would have been great.. As always you are a funny guy... Thanks for the laugh sweets i needed it...
     
  9. Ethyl

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    I do this at work every now and then when I have the time and patience. I get such a kick from listening to the recorded conversations played back. You're supposed to feel trapped into thinking you've agreed to buy whatever they're selling...I always laugh, which infuriates them. :tongue:
     
  10. DaveyR

    DaveyR Retired Moderator
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    I do not believe this!

    Literally 1/2 an hour after making my earlier post in this thread I got a call from a Consultancy wanting to advise me on inheritance tax in Spain.

    My first call in 14 months here and half an hour after posting that I have had none. Spooky or what.
     
  11. DC_DEEP

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    BigPoppa, I love you all over again!!!

    I haven't had any telemarketers since my partner and I moved - we kept our cell phones, but did not get a land line in our new place. By the way, those in the USA, the federal "Do Not Call List" will help, but only very minimally. There are so many loopholes that virtually any telemarketer can manage to get through the legalities.

    For those of you who get those types of calls, have you ever tried turning it into a phone sex call?

    "Oooh, oh, yeah, tell me more about your calling plans, that's so hot..."

    "Vinyl siding really turns me on, oh yes, tell me more... do your installers all have big cocks?"

    Add the appropriate moans and squishy sounds during the conversation. See how fast they hang up.
     
  12. BigPoppaFury

    BigPoppaFury Member

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  13. dreamer20

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    It was very funny. Thanks Shelby.:smile:
     
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