how a woman choose bf.

Love-it

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stud_hunter said:
I would have had a happier marriage if my husband had been more involved in it! :wink: . I think this is connected to what you said. Towards the end of my marriage the only thing we did together was have sex. And of course the sex stopped being as good because there wasn't as much energy there. My thought when I read your post was it's a shame how much men are taught it's their main job to be the breadwinner. It seems like lots of men value working and making money over the quality of their relationships. This is not a criticism of men, because I think they're socialized into those roles from a young age.

It is a hard place, for men and women, when feelings aren't or can't be expressed. I am the odd one in my family, I am more emotional than any male relative that I have met and I don't know why, not that it matters.

The disconnection that you describe is not uncommon. There are times when I get tired of hearing about the emotional turmoil that embroils my wife in her day to day life, things that affect her are not things that affect me or men in general and we, as men, fail to understand why this or that could be an issue. And if it really is an issue, why does it takes so long to process?

I do not belittle my wifes feelings, obviously they exist and I try to listen and understand. Often she has trouble expressing herself, sometimes because she is too emotional and/or her ability to communicate, or choice of words, has different connotations that don't resonate within my life experiences. So it takes me longer to sort out what she is saying. Complicate that with the fact that sometimes she wants me to say something and other times she just wants me to listen.

I lost a close friend and father figure some years back and my reaction was too want/need sexual contact with my wife/lover as a reaffirmation of life. This is not a reaction I would expect from my wife if the circumstances were reversed.

Your ex's inability to communicate, is a many faceted problem, a male's approach to life will almost certainly be different than yours, vive la diference! What men and women expect and need are different than what the man or woman may get, and each may be able to find better, or not. To often we settle and try to work it out when it would be better to move on. Of course a thump or a bump may be in order. No, have never hit my wife, well except the one time she came up behind me and tickled me, I hate that, I swung around to get away from her tickling and accidentally hit her with my elbow, but I have been mentally slammed and it hurt, it was her issues coming to the fore, but we both suffered through it.

But there are ways to involve a man in your life that won't scare him stiff, or flaccid as the case may be. But if a man, or a woman, is selfish there is no hope. The best test that I can think of is he or she willing to "share", when sex is not an issue.

One more thought: women can be equally selfish in how their life/relationships work out. Some women are so caught up in their family, or their children, or worse their clubs, sports, etc. to the detriment and/or exclusion of the man in their life.