How are we suppose to know when to pay for what on a date?

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by jawjagal, Aug 1, 2008.

  1. jawjagal

    jawjagal New Member

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    A certain gentleman friend, will ask me out, suggest an restaurant, when the check arrives he will say, "You want to get that?" I seem to pay at least 50% of the time. Money isn't the problem. I just don't know what is expected. Enlighten me.
     
  2. D_Bob_Crotchitch

    D_Bob_Crotchitch New Member

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    If someone invites you out on a date, and it's not discussed before hand as to who will pay, it's generally assumed that the inviter does the paying.
     
  3. Principessa

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    Your gentleman friend is no gentleman, he's a cheapskate. I'd drop him like a hot potato. It's one thing if it's agreed to be dutch treat prior to leaving your home. But the surprise of, "hey babe, how 'bout picking up the whole tab" is unconscionable to me.
     
  4. jawjagal

    jawjagal New Member

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    Kinda felt he was cheap but didn't want to appear greedy. Thanks!
     
  5. D_Thoraxis_Biggulp

    D_Thoraxis_Biggulp New Member

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    It is pretty fuckin' weak, especially since he did the inviting. But then again, as the breadwinner, I've gotten used to paying 99% of the time.
     
  6. marleyisalegend

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    I ALWAYS bring a bit extra cuz sometimes they'll drop a bomb on you and tell you that they don't have enough, or anything.

    Personally, I feel like the first date the check should be split 50/50.
     
  7. leonceswim

    leonceswim Active Member

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    i never make a girl pay for me! ever! lol. guys (friends) [just a hang out], ill make them pay cuz i drove them. lol. but dates, girls, if i dont pay [which is more than half of the time] then its they pay for theirs, i pay or mine...and yes, what he did was messed up!
     
  8. marleyisalegend

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    You just made me realize that I save a bit of money being gay LOL. As far as straight couples, I think the guy should pay, but 50/50 is fair as well if suggested/requested/etc.. Some guys don't mind paying 100%, some girls INSIST on paying half, and some guys don't believe they should pay for the date just cuz they have testicles and not ovaries. All of the above are correct, the key is communication, people never talk about this that's why there's always discordance. I've never gone on a date without first discussing who's paying for what. You're less likely to get stuck with a bill if you talk this out before you even accept the date.
     
    #8 marleyisalegend, Aug 2, 2008
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2008
  9. LACJohn

    LACJohn New Member

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    Im just going to go ahead and say it...

    This would be brought up anyways...

    Since the advent of feminism, men shouldn't be expected to pay for the girl, at all.


    I go dutch on all my dates (50/50), if the girl is strapped for cash, of course I will pay, but most girls have stacks so I've never had it happen to me.

    None of the girls I've gone on dates with have had problems with it.
     
  10. Principessa

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    #10 Principessa, Aug 2, 2008
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2008
  11. Ethyl

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    QFT. I get so sick of hearing women say men are still supposed to pick up the tab because it's the gentlemanly thing to do. Bullshit. It's a sweet gesture if they offer but that's all it should be and never - EVER - expected.

    Wanna show your independence to a potential suitor? Always make sure you have enough money to pay for your own dinner. Yes, i've graciously accepted it when my dates offered to pay but I always had enough money with me to cover my expenses and offered to split the bill or pay next time.
     
  12. D_Bob_Crotchitch

    D_Bob_Crotchitch New Member

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    I've had woman take me out for dinner and pay. They insisted on it. I'd rather just go as friends, and go dutch. I just want company not romance. So naughty bring your own money when we go on the restaurant tour in Houston.
     
  13. LACJohn

    LACJohn New Member

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    Whats the big deal? No need to rant here, how is it wrong to go 50/50 on a date?

    Why do you even bring up how much money a woman makes to a man?

    Is it relevant?


    Don't alot of these girls have daddies who can pay for them? They are, of course, males.

    Most of these girls have more money than me anyways. The last girl I dated had to lawyer parents she easily had four times as much money.

    Theres a big double standard here. Independence vs. having us pay for dates.

    From as neutral standpoint as possible, paying for a girl is seen as "desperate" by most unless you are already in a legitimate relationship with the girl. Its like the stereotype of the guy who buys the drink for the girl in the club. She thanks him, and goes on to pay attention to other guys.

    And besides, often times when I do offer to pay, it just makes the whole situation VERY awkward because either the girls want to pay for themselves or they don't want that pressure on me.

    This was even more dramatic in high school.


    And thank you for calling all the girls I have ever dated stupid. It really does bring that nice touch to your arguement :biggrin1:
     
    #13 LACJohn, Aug 2, 2008
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2008
  14. B_spotted_duck

    B_spotted_duck New Member

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    Shoot him. Or at least dump him. If he at least said "You want me to get that?" and then let you insist on sharing or picking it up, that would be one thing, but pushing you to buy him dinner? to hell with it. And I say that as a man.
     
  15. Darpon

    Darpon New Member

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    Yeesh. I always thought of paying on a date to be just an old tradition and a nice gesture. I don't think there's a need to get so hostile over it.
     
  16. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    I don't think she's hostile - the font is. :tongue:

    More than an antiquated tradition, paying for a date is something you should do if asking someone out - unless there is an agreement to go dutch.

    If I ask someone for a date, I pay, without even a hint of hesitation. When someone asks me out, they pay. Although, I may pick up the tip. But I see it is as my responsibility to pay for the date, and vice versa, when asking someone out.

    What the op, jawjagal, is experiencing is wrong. The guy is asking her out, choosing the restaurant and then expects her to pay? No. If that were me, the first time I would have walked out, left him with the check and that would have been the last time he saw my ass. At some point, you have to demand and command a certain amount of respect, and unfortunately, the guy is not being respectful because she is allowing him to line-step.

    She has to speak up and say, "This is not appropriate. When I ask you out I'll pay, you ask me out and you'll pay." "That's the way it is. Take it or leave it". If he decides that's not the situation he prefers, date someone else.
     
  17. Not_Punny

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    Paying the dinner bill is a case by case proposition. (I pay it or at least half most of the time)

    But paying the HOTEL bill....

    Well, who do you think should pay for THAT?! :biggrin:
     
  18. wonderland

    wonderland Member

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    If he asked her out and suggested the restaurant than he should have paid. I would never do what this cheapskate does. If I ask the guy out I will pay unless he insists on paying for the meal. I tend to make more than many of the men I have dated so I do offer to pay at least 50% of the time.
     
  19. B_josh762

    B_josh762 New Member

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    You are being taken advantage of. This guy is a jerk. When someone asks someone else out for a date, the person doing the asking is expected to pay. I am sure there are many that say lets go out and pay for our own but it must be agreed upon at the time of the asking. To drop that on you all of a sudden without agreeing before hand then this is not good. There are tons of gentlemen out there. They may not be as exciting as some of the jerks out there but they won't do that to you.

     
  20. D_Martin van Burden

    D_Martin van Burden Account Disabled

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    See, this is why I'm an advocate of getting this thing figured out before going out on a date. Always bring enough money and cash with you so that you're prepared for anything. And I'm not accusing anyone of doing this, but even if you think you're getting treated out, that doesn't exactly give you licenses to demand the finest appetizers, a premium bottle of wine, insisting on dessert, etc. My rule of thumb is that if I wouldn't order it for myself anyway, then I wouldn't slam it on someone treating me unless they gave full explicit insistence to get whatever you want.

    Maybe I just have some luck about this, but going dutch on standard usually has worked in my favor. This is especially helpful because I don't carry cash and usually have a credit card on me, so I will offer to take the tab and just get some cash to cover what the other person ate. This works well one-on-one or with a group of friends. (Believe me. I kiss the customers who just offered to put it all on one check and have the friends figure it out for themselves later on.)

    I also think that if someone picks up the tab for you, that you do your best to try to even the score. She might pick up the food and I'll pay for drinks at the next stop. Or if I get treated out, we set up plans for the next date and I'll offer to pay for it. Somehow, if you don't freak out about it or get upset too badly, then it all seems to work out one way or another.

    I may not be a classic gentleman and offer to pay for everything, but I'm okay with that. I prefer being egalitarian; that attitude suits me better. And I think the few people that might get upset at me for not honoring a traditional agreement may pale to the others that think, well, at least he's honest about what he's doing.

    And I'm no cheapskate. Hell, if I get a windfall of money, I don't mind treating people without obligation. I just don't offer things I can't provide. It's probably worse to reneg on someone.
     
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