See, this is why I'm an advocate of getting this thing figured out before going out on a date. Always bring enough money and cash with you so that you're prepared for anything. And I'm not accusing anyone of doing this, but even if you think you're getting treated out, that doesn't exactly give you licenses to demand the finest appetizers, a premium bottle of wine, insisting on dessert, etc. My rule of thumb is that if I wouldn't order it for myself anyway, then I wouldn't slam it on someone treating me unless they gave full explicit insistence to get whatever you want.
Maybe I just have some luck about this, but going dutch on standard usually has worked in my favor. This is especially helpful because I don't carry cash and usually have a credit card on me, so I will offer to take the tab and just get some cash to cover what the other person ate. This works well one-on-one or with a group of friends. (Believe me. I kiss the customers who just offered to put it all on one check and have the friends figure it out for themselves later on.)
I also think that if someone picks up the tab for you, that you do your best to try to even the score. She might pick up the food and I'll pay for drinks at the next stop. Or if I get treated out, we set up plans for the next date and I'll offer to pay for it. Somehow, if you don't freak out about it or get upset too badly, then it all seems to work out one way or another.
I may not be a classic gentleman and offer to pay for everything, but I'm okay with that. I prefer being egalitarian; that attitude suits me better. And I think the few people that might get upset at me for not honoring a traditional agreement may pale to the others that think, well, at least he's honest about what he's doing.
And I'm no cheapskate. Hell, if I get a windfall of money, I don't mind treating people without obligation. I just don't offer things I can't provide. It's probably worse to reneg on someone.