How are we suppose to know when to pay for what on a date?

[Guy-jin]

The person who asked should always assume they are paying the bill. then it is up to the person who got asked if they want to pay half or pay next time.

Regardless of whether it's a date, if he is asking her out he should pay. Period.

You guys live in a different world from me. Not only is this not how it ever works among my friends, but it's never even a question whether the bill will be split. Friends just assume the bill is going to be split.

 

[Poundera]

I think it depends on the person and what it is that they intend. When I take a girl that I'm interested in out on a date, I pay for it, regardless. But if I'm going with just friends and boozing, then everyone puts in there pennies. --I do agree with some one back there: the inviter should, if it's a date, pay; beyond that, you should work it out before hand.

 

[Guy-jin]

I think it depends on the person and what it is that they intend. When I take a girl that I'm interested in out on a date, I pay for it, regardless. But if I'm going with just friends and boozing, then everyone puts in there pennies. --I do agree with some one back there: the inviter should, if it's a date, pay; beyond that, you should work it out before hand.

That's exactly how I feel. :smile:

 

[Mattness]

How about breaking from the antiquated stereotypes and just paying for dinner if you want to or letting the other person pay for dinner if they want to.

Negotiating the check works as well, "So how do you want to work this..." or "Should we split this..." works too. Ordering from the menu as if you're going to pay for your own is a great concept too!

Just because one person has a penis doesn't mean they should pay for everything - that's so 1800's...we have a woman that just ran for President here in the United States for heaven's sake...women aren't possessions!

 

[SpeedoGuy]

Lotsa good comments here. Its kinda a bummer, though, that this topic seems to release so much underlying tension, confusion and unmet expectations.

 

[D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah]

You guys live in a different world from me. Not only is this not how it ever works among my friends, but it's never even a question whether the bill will be split. Friends just assume the bill is going to be split.

Of course amongst friends you pay your own share, unless someone is feeling somewhat generous but in a dating situation i do think it is the asker's job to pay and the askee's right to decide if they go half or not.

 

[rbkwp]

MAY be of assistance to this threads readers.>
enz
--Apologies if its been posted before as i have not read this entiire thread.

News - Front Page: Dating do's and don'ts for clueless guys


Dating do's and don'ts for clueless guys

April 14 2007 at 04:12PM

Felicity Huffman, star of TV series Desperate Housewives, has written a dating guide with a twist - it's a book for men who want to be better boyfriends.

A Practical Handbook For The Boyfriend outlines the many steps involved in becoming a good boyfriend. It advises men on how to look like they're listening, even when they're not - if caught not paying attention just say, "You're so pretty, I'm distracted".

Men should call when they say they will - because women have learned that men who don't call when they say they will are not into them. And because women like to talk, men should be prepared to listen.

"For years men have been scratching their heads wondering what exactly it is that women want, while we've looked on throwing our eyes up to heaven at their ineffectual methods to make us happy."

 

[RamIt]

QFT. I get so sick of hearing women say men are still supposed to pick up the tab because it's the gentlemanly thing to do. Bullshit. It's a sweet gesture if they offer but that's all it should be and never - EVER - expected.

Wanna show your independence to a potential suitor? Always make sure you have enough money to pay for your own dinner. Yes, i've graciously accepted it when my dates offered to pay but I always had enough money with me to cover my expenses and offered to split the bill or pay next time.

I love you. Why are normal, sensible women so rare these days?


Why are the maniacal, opinionated, egocentric women flooding this thread with their own greed and selfishness?

I always do my best to pay on a date, especially if it is my idea. If its her idea, or she wants to treat, I will let her. Some women like to pick up the tab every now and then, and I love it when they do. Its one of those little things women do that shows they care, and they arent taking a man for granted. Women who expect everything to be taken care of for them scream dependence and high maintenance.

 

[mizz(0)(0)stephie]

If someones asks you out, they should pay, I think. if you don't want to feel obligated or if your just buddies, pay your portion, or maybe once in while pick up the tab. But if somebody asked me out and then expected me to pay, I definitely wouldn't.

 

[bguy]

It sounds very reasonable that the person who asks is the one who should pay (and as to the OP, I agree he should've).

The problem with this rule is that men are supposed to do the asking. Women are advised to let guys do the pursuing and that they are not supposed to ask guys out on dates. Thus the guy ALWAYS ends up paying. This becomes very expensive after a month or so. So he either has to stop asking her out so often (and is labeled Just Not That Into You or Not Treating You Right) or he has to start asking her to pay (and is labeled Cheap or Not A Gentleman). To avoid any of those labels, a guy simply needs to make a lot of money.

 

[bguy]

It sounds very reasonable that the person who asks is the one who should pay (and as to the OP, I agree he should've).

The problem with this rule is that men are supposed to do the asking. Women are advised to let guys do the pursuing and that they are not supposed to ask guys out on dates. Thus the guy ALWAYS ends up paying. This becomes very expensive after a month or so. So he either has to stop asking her out so often (and is labeled Just Not That Into You or Not Treating You Right) or he has to start asking her to pay (and is labeled Cheap or Not A Gentleman). To avoid any of those labels, a guy simply needs to make a lot of money.

 

[deleted213967]

Wow! I thought going Dutch was the default method of the 21st century for straight and gay sets alike.

Unless of course the occasion lends itself to one party inviting (paying for) the other, to celebrate a special event or to apologize...how can we pretend to want an end to gender bias and still wallow in that ancient practice wherein one social group always pays for the other?

 

[Hellboy0]

If I ask you to join me for dinner, how the hell does that translate into me paying for it? I, for one, never assume that I don't have to pay for some portion of the meal unless the person says they are 'taking me to dinner'. In that case it's clear that they are treating me.

That way, I'm never disappointed or pissed off.

There definitely seems to be a gender-bias, at least after reading the comments on this thread. I don't think any of my male friends or previous partners ever assumed that I was treating unless I said so. Maybe that's a 'guy thing'.

 

[B_cigarbabe]

QFT. I get so sick of hearing women say men are still supposed to pick up the tab because it's the gentlemanly thing to do. Bullshit. It's a sweet gesture if they offer but that's all it should be and never - EVER - expected.

Wanna show your independence to a potential suitor? Always make sure you have enough money to pay for your own dinner. Yes, i've graciously accepted it when my dates offered to pay but I always had enough money with me to cover my expenses and offered to split the bill or pay next time.

Sorry Merc!
Gotta disagree with you here.
If a guy or a women asks me out on a date I certainly do expect them to take care of the bill.
Neither equality nor independence has shit to do with it IMO.
I have always paid when I do the asking unless the guy feels embarrassed by my paying. Some actually do too!
C.B.:saevil:

 

[Hellboy0]

Sorry Merc!
Gotta disagree with you here.
If a guy or a women asks me out on a date I certainly do expect them to take care of the bill.
Neither equality nor independence has shit to do with it IMO.
I have always paid when I do the asking unless the guy feels embarrassed by my paying. Some actually do too!
C.B.:saevil:

Wow....ask me on a date, cigarbabe. I never say no or feel embarassed about getting a freebie!

 

[D_Roland_D_Hay]

If I ask you to join me for dinner, how the hell does that translate into me paying for it? I, for one, never assume that I don't have to pay for some portion of the meal unless the person says they are 'taking me to dinner'. In that case it's clear that they are treating me.

That way, I'm never disappointed or pissed off.

There definitely seems to be a gender-bias, at least after reading the comments on this thread. I don't think any of my male friends or previous partners ever assumed that I was treating unless I said so. Maybe that's a 'guy thing'.

If you paid for my meal, I would treat you to dessert by getting naked :biggrin1:...isn't that why guys pay (just kidding!)

 

[got_lost]

eeewwwww this is a tricky subject!!!


If 'invited' to dinner it does, imho, infer a 'paid for dinner'.
But I wouldn't accept one as an independant woman, unless he specifically requested it, whoever he may be.

I would probably try to pay half the bill at the end.


I do not want to be 'in-debt' to anyone, thank you very much!

 

[SpeedoGuy]

"For years men have been scratching their heads wondering what exactly it is that women want, while we've looked on throwing our eyes up to heaven at their ineffectual methods to make us happy."

I've always been a little annoyed and disappointed when I hear that charge. I've been one of those guys scratching my head a number of times.

Did it ever occur to the complainant quoted above that failure to clearly communicate expectations contributes to disappointments and unrealistic assumptions in relationships? Making partners guess about needs and expectations is a sure-fire path to a lot of frustration on everyone's part.

Communication and miscommunication is a two way street. .

 

[deleted213967]

I've always been a little annoyed and disappointed when I hear that charge. I've been one of those guys scratching my head a number of times.

Did it ever occur to the complainant quoted above that failure to clearly communicate expectations contributes to disappointments and unrealistic assumptions in relationships? Making partners guess about needs and expectations is a sure-fire path to a lot of frustration on everyone's part.

Communication and miscommunication is a two way street. .

How insolent yet bold of you SpeedoGuy!

I agree with the substance of your post...

In fact it applies to any category of human relationship (e.g. Supervisor - Subordinate; Teacher - Student, ...).