How can I find out?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by SumOtherDude, Apr 27, 2008.

  1. SumOtherDude

    SumOtherDude New Member

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    Hey guys...I'm in a bit of a weird situation here and I need some advice. First off I need to point out that I am a really shy person (but I'm trying to work on that)

    Now on to my dilema... I'm in my 4th year at University and there is a guy that I met last year that I thought was really hot. But we never really talked until we had another class together this semester (which is pretty much over now I only have one more exam to go and then I am completely done school... but that's another story lol). So I was stalking his facebook profile about a month ago (when I am bored I become a facebook stalker) and saw that it said he is interested in both guys and girls. Ever since I saw that I have been trying to build up the courage to ask him about it... not because I would treat him any differently, it's just because I curious... but the thing is that I was stalking his profile again the other day and now it says that he is only interested in girls.

    So my problem is that I don't know how to approach the subject with him... it was awkward when I though he was interested in guys.. but now I'm not sure anymore. He doesn't know that I am interested in guys and girls because it's not something that I have admitted to many people... not that I am ashamed, I just don't go out of my way to tell it to people.

    So does anyone have any advice about how I can find out whether or not he is into guys?.. (keeping in mind that I am really shy and want something more or less subtle)

    P.S. One of the reasons I find it hard to bring up the subject is that whenever we are only the two of us, it is usually because we are studying or doing something related to school... it would be a little weird for me to start talking about sex in that context.

    P.P.S. I'm sorry about rambling on so much... but I really need advice, I've though about talking to him about it on MSN or something... but I think it would be better to do it in person because that way it is more personal and I can read his body language as well.

    P.P.P.S. Ok now I'm done lol
     
  2. crescendo69

    Gold Member

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    Invite him somewhere, like a movie or show or whatever you both like. Get to know eachother a little. Things will progress more naturally that way.
     
  3. theguy87

    theguy87 Member

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    Yeah man, I would just ask him to hang out. But be careful, sometimes those "interested in" statuses could be misleading, I have goof ball friends who try to be dicks and change the status of one another to say interested in men, or both. Hopefully that's not the case for you. What kind of vibes do you get from him?
     
  4. B_The Greek Dude

    B_The Greek Dude New Member

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    When I marked my profile as "bisexual," I was asked about it by a couple of friends. I told them "yeah, I guess I am," and the subject never came up again. If I can be asked about it, so can he. If all else fails and he gets offended, cover up your interest by teasing him:

    Guys make jokes like these all the time, and sharing a laugh about it COULD break the ice while letting him know that there's some degree of interest. It's becoming increasingly common for guys to have bisexual tendencies, so there's a very good chance that he actually IS bi, but afraid to admit it. If you like him, offer to hang out outside of the school environment and strike up a conversation or two.

    If you wind up actually fucking, PM me a copy of the tape.

    - kthnxbai
     
  5. SumOtherDude

    SumOtherDude New Member

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    Yeah well we did get to know each other well enough over the course of the semester... we did go out to bars and stuff. But we were never just the two of us so I didn't want to get into that awkward conversation when other friends were there.

    I'm not sure what kind of vibes I get from him... the first time I saw him my first impressions of him were that he was probably gay... just from the way he dressed... he wears tight pants and almost always has a scarf, but I know not to go just by the way a person dresses.

    As I got to know him this semester I started to think "ok... no this guy is straight"... but then I saw his facebook profile which said he's bi. So I started to look for signs like him checking out other guys and stuff... but never noticed anything. And then he changed his facebook profile to say he's straight.

    Even though his profile now says he's straight I kept on looking for signs. We were talking the other day about I'm not sure what anymore but eventually the we started to talk about medical exams (and this may not mean anything) we were talking about how sometimes they stick a camera down your throat. He said that he would not like that because of the gag reflex and that he would rather get a colonoscopy. I know that's a weird conversation (especially over lunch) but should I be taking this as a hint?

    So all that to say that he is still a question mark to me.

    That's good idea to think of something to say in the event that he gets offended or something. But when you were asked about it... did your friends just blurt it out like "Hey man... your bi?!?" or did they sort of build up to the question?.. If they did how?.. I'm trying to think of subtle ways of building up to the question so that he knows that no matter what his answer is it won't matter... but at the same time I don't want to make him nervous about the upcoming question.

    Thanks for the replies
     
  6. SumOtherDude

    SumOtherDude New Member

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    Ok so I went out for dinner with a few of my friends tonight (the one guy in question was among them) and I found out that he is leaving tomorrow to go back home and I won't see him all summer. Now I'm not like heart broken about that but I really wanted to ask him about his sexual orientation before long... it's already been a month since I've been trying to build up the courage to ask him.

    So I guess what I'm asking now is would it be acceptable to ask him about it in an e-mail or on MSN or something? How would you react? Because now that I know I won't see him until next September I don't really want to wait... I think it would be weird if I went up to him in September and said something like "I noticed last March..." that's why I'm thinking about an e-mail or something. If you think that an e-mail is inappropriate than do you have any suggestions?

    Thanks
     
  7. dreamer20

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    This is no dilemma. If you had wanted to have sex with him this would have been a dilemma, but you state you are just trying to satisfy your curiosity. I advise you to leave him alone unless you want to make love to him.
     
  8. SumOtherDude

    SumOtherDude New Member

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    Ok... I probably didn't use the best wording on that. What I should have said is that I want to know whether or not he is bi before I start thinking about him being anything more than just a friend... I just don't want to set myself up for a disappointment. (But I will agree that maybe dilemma is a bit of a strong word)
     
  9. B_The Greek Dude

    B_The Greek Dude New Member

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    lol No, I was just asked out-of-the-blue. They were like "uhm. . .it's okay if you are, but are you?"
     
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