How can I get her to hang out without thinking we're going to hook up?

[LemacST]

Alright, so there's this girl that I was kind of seeing a few weeks back. We've known each other for a long time but (more on her behalf) we decided to try dating. After a couple of dates I realized she was not the girl for me, she was extremely clingy, a bitch (not infront of me though in hopes of not scaring me off) among other things...I decided that I didn't want to keep seeing her but apparently the feeling wasn't mutual. She's very overconfident (another factor in why I stopped liking her) so she kept trying to go on more dates, almost inviting herself over my place at times, etc. After a few failed attempts and realizing I was avoiding her often, she finally got the point. After this, the only contact she made me with (like once or twice on AIM) she gave me a big attitude and was obviously not so fond of me anymore. Maybe a couple of weeks after that, she found out I was moving back home (I forgot to mention I was going to college about two hours away from my hometown) and said that while I was down to feel free to give her a call and hang out if I wanted to. The way she said it seemed like it was a very friendly, "just friends" kind of way, so I said alright. About a week later I find out that she talked to my friend and the conversation went like this:
Her: "Hey, you know (me) is moving down for the summer?
Friend: "Yeah"
Her: "Yeah, well we'll see what happens :wink:"

So yeah, basically I think she thinks I'm going to try to get with her again while I'm down here. I don't want this to happen so I've been avoiding her, but I don't want to burn bridges, you know? How can I get her to hang out without her having the impression that we're going to hang out to "get together"? Is this even possible? Also her and I don't have any mutual friends living down here anymore so it can't be done as like a group thing. How can I get her to hang out with me without thinking I'm going to get with her? It'd be EXTREMELY awkward if I hung out with her and had to deny her of the kissing and spooning she might expect.

 

[sdg475]

Invite a friend or one of her friends along, there is safety in numbers.

 

[BIG_DAVE]

i would just invite her out and as soon as she starts getting clingy or full on just say quite clearly but not in a rude way what the deal is you just wanna be friends or wahtever and if she cant accept that then it's her problem not yours so dont stress about it too much. As for burning bridges it looks like if anyones gonna burn them it's her not you so i'd look at it as it's a problem out of your hands. Hope that helps.

 

[snoozan]

It's not as complicated as you think it is. The more you make it so, the less clear you'll be with her, and the more you'll drag this out. Tell her the truth and stay consistent with it-- i.e. don't fuck her because you're bored or drunk or whatever.

 

[Gillette]

Umm, unless she's got some redeeming qualities to counterbalance the nasty stuff you're probably better off burning that bridge.

How much time do you really want to spend second guessing how you should respond to someone you don't sound like you want to be around anyway?

 

[snoozan]

Umm, unless she's got some redeeming qualities to counterbalance the nasty stuff you're probably better off burning that bridge.

How much time do you really want to spend second guessing how you should respond to someone you don't sound like you want to be around anyway?

I like your advice much better than mine.

 

[Ed69]

Umm, unless she's got some redeeming qualities to counterbalance the nasty stuff you're probably better off burning that bridge.

How much time do you really want to spend second guessing how you should respond to someone you don't sound like you want to be around anyway?

I agree burn it and run as fast as you can!I've been there,and trying to be friends with a klingon does not work.:redface:

 

[LemacST]

Umm, unless she's got some redeeming qualities to counterbalance the nasty stuff you're probably better off burning that bridge.

How much time do you really want to spend second guessing how you should respond to someone you don't sound like you want to be around anyway?

Well
To be brutally honest...
She's a good friend to have. She's pretty funny and I can relate to her. Once we started dating though she became very, very clingly (including physically) and she turned up being a horrible kisser. I've never been with such a bad kisser, honestly. She couldn't even kiss me on the cheek without having to wipe it off. Thinking about her sloppy, bad-breathed kissing makes my stomach turn a bit.
Ontop of that, she's a huge kiss and tell. Not good. She's very sexually inexperienced though, she's only had sex with three guys yet loves to gush to everyone about her experiences, good and bad. She also claimed to our group of friends that she loves "big ones" multiple occasions literally out of nowhere (while we were on our date(s) too), but it's not really that she's a size queen, she's just trying to sound experienced and 'cool'. Eitherway this isn't good news to me because I'm average. She also claims she had a religious epiphany so she wont have sex till she's married (which is why her supposed "love for big ones" doesn't make sense, what's the need for if you refuse to have sex with it?) yet after spending the night with me she told her friends she was seriously reconsidering that choice. The most we ever did was her jerking me off (but not to orgasm, it actually hurt she was doing such a horrible job) and that she basically raped me, LOL. I didn't want to do anything with her because I know once you cross that line, those kind of girls officially become off-the-wall stalker, obsessive psychos.
About her being a bitch, if I did something that annoyed her (like, refuse to hang out with her all 24 hours of the day) she would freak out and bitch to my friends but never infront of me because she knew I'd be like "k bye".

So yeah, THAT'S why I can't be with her. Despite everything I said though, she is a very entertaining girl to have as a friend. I don't want to kill that off. I also fear that if I do end things sourly, she will blackball me with the rest of the girls I could potentially get with. She did it to her ex boyfriend that she lost her virginity to two years ago, after they broke up she said he had a small dick. Guess what she says about him now? That it "didn't work" the first few times they tried having sex because of how big he was. I'm afraid she's going to try to pull this same bullshit on me too.

Erm, okay maybe you guys are right and I shouldn't even associate myself at all with this girl anymore.

 

[snoozan]

Erm, okay maybe you guys are right and I shouldn't even associate myself at all with this girl anymore.

Yep.

 

[Gillette]

Yeah....psycho bitch.

Very special. She's going to fuck with your head no matter which path you choose. I'd advise you take the path that minimizes your exposure to her. Let her find a new victim.

Run far, run fast.

 

[B_Think_Kink]

Toxic is what she is... run away fast!

 

[B_big dirigible]

Count yourself lucky so far. Consider moving and changing your name.

 

[kalipygian]

Come out to her:wink:.

Actually, I agree with the advice others have given, that behavior is way too much to put up with.

 

[madame_zora]

Come out to her:wink:.

As a Satanist.

 

[D_alex8]

As a Satanist.

Tsk, if you need new members for the coven, then I'm still available.

 

[monstro]

Seriously, just cut out all the bullshit and be honest with her. You don't have to be mean or hurt her feelings, but just tell her you only want to be friends. If she's fine with that, then continue to hang out with her. If she's not, move on.

 

[naughty]

Hi,

I it sounds like your friend has had a thing for you for a while and thought she would take the chance to make her move. You also both sound rather young. I know it is difficult to manage a disparity in feelings at any age but particularly at that one. We have been witnesses to a number of meltdowns here on the board. It also seems as though the idea of having a boyfriend may be a point of validation for her. That being said, it is not your responsibility to bolster up her insecurities. I do think you should try to be honest with her. IT is clear from your flinching accounts that she almost makes your skin crawl, so why delay the inevitable if you are moving home. DO not allow yourself to be stiffled by potential emotional blackmail. Anyone who believes her story sight unseen (no joke intended ) is probably not worthy.

 

[LemacST]

UPDATE: Girl is a psycho bitch and I never want to deal with her again.

I just heard something she did that I never found out about till recently. One of the times she visited me, her and our friends were supposed to go out to eat. We were back from the beach and I didn't sleep the entire night before. I was completely fucking exhausted and everyone knew it. I crashed out on my friend's couch. Girl kept asking me to go out and eat with her and everyone but I refused. Finally she was like "okay, well we're going now, bye" and went out the door, acting completely normal. Apparently while she was out she was being the biggest psychobitch ever to everyone and everything, even to the waiter. During this fury she had my keys in her bag from earlier and she actually told my friends that after they all ate she was going to drive to my house and sleep in my bed by herself while I slept on my friends couch so I could "sleep there all night". She was being totally serious. Whether or not it was just a "heat of the moment" rant she made while furious, this crazy fucking whorebag actually said that she was going to lock me out of my own home and sleep on my bed without me while I stayed at someone else's house because I was too tired to fucking go out and eat with her for literally AN HOUR. While the rest of the fucking hellhole experience, she was clung onto me like a fuckign leech. She's fucking disgusting and I hate her. I am not a woman beater by any means but I wish I could slap the fucking taste out of her mouth. After they all came back from eating, she came back acting completely normal and unbothered, slept over my house and clung onto me like a fucking leech. I had no idea that whole thing happened until recently and she visited like over a month ago. She's a gross fucking person.