How can you compliment someone, and have them believe it?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by No_Strings, Jun 9, 2007.

  1. No_Strings

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    It seems to me that in todays age, it's becoming harder and harder to actually give someone a compliment. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that not giving someone praise, has become equal to insulting someone. :frown1:

    Perhaps our society has become so complimentary, so flirtacious, so congratulating of the undeserving, that any impact flattery once had is now lost and is merely expected and mundane.

    Or maybe it's all down to chauvinistic assholes who are so eager to get their dick wet and gain the approval of their peers, that they churn out crap like this;

    -Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes!
    -If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
    -I know milk does a body good, but DAMN...How much have you been drinking?

    (All taken from a "love advice" website :rolleyes:)

    But how do you explain it to a person, that their eyes really are like diamonds, or that you really haven't seen someone so beautiful? (Be it only in your - the beholders - eyes, or a general consensus among many people)

    On a side note: I'm well aware that much of the gallery on this site is an orgy of boosting each others self-esteem(not that this is necessarily a bad thing), but I imagine a majority of LPSG users realise this. :tongue:

    Does it depend on the recipient? On how original the flattery is to them personally, or conversely how unoriginal it is to them, thinking it must be true if so many have said it before? Is it to do with their own self-confidence allowing them to accept the approval or not?


    So, returning to the topic title, "How can you compliment someone, and have them believe it?"
     
  2. hung

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    By stating your comments in an honest and sincere manner. Your voice tone and body actions all support being honest. Most important, looking directly at the person you are complimenting.
     
  3. Kassokilleri2ff

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    You cant. I completely agree with you. Assholes who know how to play the game, play it so much that when you throw out a compliment, girls (or guys) just think your trying to get in thier pants.
     
  4. Gillette

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    As backward as this will sound, have the compliment you give them relate back to you.

    Compare

    "Your smile lights up the room"
    vs.
    "Your smile just brightened my day"


    "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds"
    vs.
    "The sparkle in your eyes makes me feel like we're in on the same joke"


    "You smell wonderful"
    vs.
    "Please forgive me but I'm going to be inhaling your scent every chance I get"-ok, that's a bit over the top

    Many compliments are just an exchange of pleasantries, particularly if you aren't close to the other person. But if you are close to them and want to be closer, don't make the compliment about the feature itself, make it about how they affect you.

    edit* the person, not the feature.
     
  5. earllogjam

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    But I like compliments on my feature....

    Compliments are like kisses. They mean a lot more if you like the person giving them to you.:smile:
     
  6. Ethyl

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    You're right on all counts. I've complimented others and some of the reactions ranged from embarrassment to being viewed with suspicion. My grandmother taught me it's an insult to the giver of the compliment when you don't graciously accept it so I always try to follow her advice. But we live in a world of insincerity so we fear people don't really mean what they say or they have ulterior motives fueling their praise.

    No, you can't make a person believe anything but you can be yourself, regardless of what they do or how they react.
     
  7. SpoiledPrincess

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    The problem is that some people just compliment everyone, if a guy is complimenting every woman he sees his words are worthless. I accept a compliment as sincere if it's directed towards something that is quintessentially me.
     
  8. B_spiker067

    B_spiker067 New Member

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    Don't tell that to uncut. I rather like his complimentary diposition.

    Also, compliments are really often just harmless flirtation.
     
  9. biguy2738

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    I believe that a lot of it has to do with who you are - actions do speak louder than words after all. Your actions can more deeply express words that can so easily be deemed to be mere platitudes.

    I also think that the way that the compliment is received is dependent on the delivery of the compliment. Are you looking his/her in the eyes, as if you can see deep within his/her soul?... That time has stood still and all that exists is what's projected in his/her eyes? What is the tone of your voice like? What is your body language saying? What type of vibe are you sending? Do your words give a sense that it's a well rehearsed line, or that you have pondered over it, each word weighed upon that it may adequatedly and sincerely express what lies deep within your heart.
     
  10. viking1

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    Probably better off if I keep my mouth shut. That way nobody can take my comments the wrong way. That's just the way things are now. I agree with what others have said on this topic. You can't give compliments anymore.
     
  11. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    You know what, you make a VERY good point, Princess.

    For a compliment to be truly effective, it has to be from someone who doesn't compliment you 50 times a day.
     
  12. Principessa

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    So true! I have a few physical features which I know are superb. If someone compliments something else I am skeptical.


    Agreed


    That's so true!
     
  13. No_Strings

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    I see what you been, but I expect the 'good players' also know this, devaluing any form of the same compliment.
    As for an exchange of pleasantries, why so? Does there have to be some base of a relationship before praise becomes legitimate?


    Indeed. Maybe humans are getting too good at lying, and so people whose motives are seemingly transparent have no more credibility than those who can manipulate others into thinking what they want them to. :rolleyes:

    I somewhat disagree with this.
    It's in my nature to be complimentary, and I always try to focus on the good things in people, ignoring any imperfections until they become an issue - often the positive will completely erase the negatives to me, and so I won't even realise they're there to ignore.
    Above all, I enjoy making people feel good(be it mental, physical or any other tangible form), spreading happiness is such a rewarding thing to do. If I mention something positive about a majority of the women I meet, why should they hold any less weight?
    In fact, thinking about it more, perhaps I'm contributing to my own downfall, and shouldn't try to be so damn nice and limit the acclaim I dispense. (A genuine fixation with the female form doesn't help matters) :redface:

    Often maybe, but certainly not always. The problem is defining a difference between the flirtation and sincerity.

    That's how I feel and act around woman. When the individual possess' qualities I like, it elevates it to a point far higher than I can accurately describe. And when I genuinely love someone(which I have in my life, once), the emotion is so strong that I can't - and doubt I ever will - be able to withstand it.
    Maybe it is just me being far too appreciative without due cause. :tongue:
     
  14. Love-it

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    Short, direct and simple.

    I find that people like to hear good things about their children, especially if it reflects on their parenting skills.

    When a smile catches your eye and you tell them that they look like they are having a great day reflects on their positive outlook.

    And letting the person know that they made my day.
     
  15. bigtwin

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    Its important to deliver the compliment at the right time in the appropriate situation and setting. For instance, if you want to tell a woman that her eyes are like diamonds in the sky...well that's romantic and you'd want the right setting. Its not a thing you might say upon a first meeting, at the gym, in a crowed bar. The compliment might be best delivered after a quiet evening, over dinner with candle light, wine, music - or even at the end of the night when you kiss goodbye. Do you get my drift?
     
  16. D_N Flay Table

    D_N Flay Table New Member

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    don't compliment someone that has a vagina, and you will not have an issue..;)
    j/k.
     
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