How can you improve your confidence?

Ethyl

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Bronx, I lived that motto for many years.

I once read an interview from Alice Hoffman, the author. She had an older brother who was the teacher's pet and could do no wrong. Curiously when Alice swiped his papers, switched names, and turned them in as her own, the A paper became C papers. That's when she knew it didn't matter what anyone else thought about her or her work. She had to believe in herself. Experience taught me that, when you believe in yourself, everything else begins to fall into place naturally. You'll begin to meet the people you want to meet, too.
 

rawbone8

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Yep. I've heard they can be used as babe magnets.

I used to walk a friend's dog and had a riot. Highly recommended. (Not to meet people, for the childlike fun the dog offers)

Interesting: at the local dog park everyone knew each other primarily by the dog's name. Same as in daycare. "Oh, you belong to Porter." :biggrin1:
 

novice_btm

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rawbone8 said:
Interesting: at the local dog park everyone knew each other primarily by the dog's name. Same as in daycare. "Oh, you belong to Porter." :biggrin1:
That happens to me all the time. I really frequently take care of a friend's dog. I was walking in the park, and this woman is calling over and over to the dog. I walk over to her, she starts petting the dog. I introduce myself and say how I know Jenny (the dog's owner), and she looks up at me confused, and says, "Who?" :wink:
 

visceraltuning

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Matthew said:
We often give people advice here that some of their problems, especially in meeting partners, could be alleviated or solved if they would just increase their confidence. But if you're a person who lacks confidence, the way to do that doesn't always seem very clear. I'm kind of at a loss myself to explain how I think that could best be accomplished.

So what are your ideas? How does someone who lacks confidence improve in that area so that they can better meet a good partner for them (among other things)?

High self-confidence and self-esteem are usually the result of feeling a sense of competence in ones own ability to cope with life situations.

My suggestion is that you do two things:

1) Look at areas that that are basic and important to life, such as eating, sleeping, finances, home environment, and work. In these basic areas:

- Make a conscious decision to improve these areas

- Research how to improve these areas
(Note: Most people know they should make improvements but do not actually know how to make improvements. For example, most people know they should eat better but they do not actually know what foods are actually good for them or where to get these food, or people know they should exercise but they do not know the practical skills of actually exercising like proper technique etc.)

- Gradually, with no sense of self-condemnation for shifts in intensity (ie don't feel guilty for skipping a day), incorporate these changes into your lifestyle.

- Feel good when these changes feel good. For example, if you eat a healthy meal that makes you feel very satisfied then enjoy that satisfaction, or if you discover a rebate form, fill it out, and receive $200 back from a manufacturer then feel proud that you improved your finacial well being.

You would be amazed at how much better you feel about yourself when you cleaning your apartment, eat better, exercise, and organize your finances. Yet, these things seems so basic, but that is exactly why improving them is so effective. The human body is not actually satisfied with material possessions like sports cars, large houses, or expensive jewelery. What actually satisfies the body is nutrient dense whole foods (not microwave mac and cheese) , exercise (because our body is adapted for a physically active rural existence, not a seditary urban existence), and clean warm uncluttered shelter.

2) Try new things that you always wanted to do. This serves two purposes, 1) develops a sense of competes in a new area and 2) transforms your real life into something similar to your ideal life. How do you do this?

- Make a decision to try something new.

- Research that activity

- Gradually, with no sense of self-condemnation shifts in intensity (ie don't feel guilty for skipping a day), incorporate this activity into your lifestyle.

- Feel good when you make an accomplishment. Remember that just trying something you always wanted to do is an accomplishment.

----------------------------------------------------------

:wink: I hope the best for you :wink:

If you sacrifice everything you have in order to gain everything you ever wanted then it is a good sacrifice.
 

tallguypns

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As a converse to what Matthew just said, people suffering from depression tend to avoid doing these things by nature of the disease. Depression is often found in people with low self-esteem, so a depressed person may be one that doesn't eat right, exercise or take care of the basics of one's life.
Making changes can be incredibly difficult for people in these situations and sometimes medical attention can be required to at least get the ball rolling on getting out of a situation like that.
 

Matthew

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tallguypns said:
As a converse to what Matthew just said

I very much agree with you, tallguy. What seem like simple steps to some can be overwhelming to others. I think visceraltuning was actually responding to my original question.
 

tallguypns

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Matthew said:
I very much agree with you, tallguy. What seem like simple steps to some can be overwhelming to others. I think visceraltuning was actually responding to my original question.

Gosh you're right. I am too tired to realize I wasn't reading your post but visceraltuning's post. Sorry. But what he said and I said then you said was all right.
 

visceraltuning

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tallguypns said:
As a converse to what Matthew just said, people suffering from depression tend to avoid doing these things by nature of the disease. Depression is often found in people with low self-esteem, so a depressed person may be one that doesn't eat right, exercise or take care of the basics of one's life.
Making changes can be incredibly difficult for people in these situations and sometimes medical attention can be required to at least get the ball rolling on getting out of a situation like that.

I was, in fact, responding to the original question.

However, I would agree that if a person is clinically depressed then making life changes is very difficult and maybe more of a physiological issue than just an issue of low self-esteem.

For depression there are forms of psychotherapy and medication that are effective, and, when used in tadem, can be very effective. Of course the depressed individual with a licensed clinician are the only ones that can decide what configuration of treatment is right for the individual.

For depression, seek help because there is hope.