How did you come out to your parents?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by kv222, Apr 29, 2009.

  1. kv222

    kv222 New Member

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    hey everyone, first time i've done this but I was wondering how you all came out to your parents.

    I'm 23 at uni to a very working class family. I have never told my parents I'm gay. Any suggestions?
     
  2. splitface

    splitface New Member

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    similar problem here. I am thinking about writing them a letter when I go back, as I will be far away enough to give them time an space to deal with it.
     
  3. CUBE

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    I introduced them to my boyfriend
     
  4. avg_joe

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    In my opinion, no one should feel obligated to talk about his or her sexual orientation to the parents.
     
  5. matt121matt121

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    When I came out I did the writing a letter aproach, which in one aspect is good because it gives them time, but it can also cause more problems because you never know when they've had enough time and when they are are ready to talk, and if you're not around much they start to think that your intentionally avoiding them, and that you don't want to be a part of the family anymore. In retrospect I might have tried a different approach such as just like leaving out a clue (a gay magazine or something and see if they say anything), or bringing a friend home (I wouldn't recommend that this necessarily be a boyfriend especially since this is sure to be very intense drama which could put a damper on the feelings involved in a real relationship.

    Just my two cents, any questions just ask.
     
  6. D_Jared Padalicki

    D_Jared Padalicki Account Disabled

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    It's up too you to decide what is best, you know your parents the best, you have to see if writing a letter is the best or confronting them
    Good luck :smile:
     
  7. SpeedoMike

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    and to change the door locks...
    don't laugh, it happens.
     
  8. B_Bonky

    B_Bonky New Member

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    I'd wait till they're not sending me money anymore, if you're not yet to that stage.
     
  9. widenine

    widenine New Member

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    How would you put it in words? Could it go like this....



    Dear Mom and Dad....

    I've wanted you connect more closely with you both since I was 17. And I'm sad that I have not. I've watched you track my life with anticipation, planning the family life for me that you have created for us. You were unaware that it's not a life that I can truthfully achieve.

    I fear that I will be your one lifetime disappointment. So I write with love and hope that you will understand my pain and desire to please you. I now need my family more than ever.. even as I unintentionally break your hearts.

    I've been silent... afraid to share the pain and guilt that I have felt for years. Just know that I cannot change who I know myself to be. I'm a son with unlimited love for both of his parents. I'm a son who used to shine when achieving your approval. And I've grown to become the loving son who feels romantically attracted (to both girls and to boys) or (only to boys).

    This is my lonely truth .... my secret... and the reason for the distance that you may have felt in our lives over the years. I don't want to lose your love.
     
    #9 widenine, Apr 30, 2009
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2009
  10. B_Bonky

    B_Bonky New Member

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    That's really nice..

    or, you could bring over a guy, say "Mom, Dad, this is Brian, my friend. And by friend, this is what I mean." And then grab him and start making out with him.
     
  11. flaman

    flaman New Member

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    I didn't have to tell them. My wife at that time did.
     
  12. D_Jerry_Atric

    D_Jerry_Atric Account Disabled

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    My mom always knew/suspected, and she did catch me with a guy when I was a lot younger and did not flip out or say it was bad.

    I came out to my dad when we were having a verbal argument and it was totally unrelated to what we were yelling at each other about.

    He's fine with me and supportive of who I am, but in general we do not talk about sex/sexuality at all and I'd suggest that you do not come out to anyone when you are having an argument but I did it this way.
     
  13. Mr Ed in Mass

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    My parents pulled up in front of my house,so I came out to them
     
  14. B_Nick4444

    B_Nick4444 New Member

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    not the sort of thing that was ever discussed (by me; anyway, bros may have made mention of it, at one time or another, behind my back)

    mum seemed to know

    kinda difficult to imagine she wouldn't have suspected -- would go out evenings to meet up with a guy, and would wake up the next morning with hickies all around my neck
     
  15. BBB2.5

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    Mine was an easy one. I was moving out for the first time at the age of 20. Told my mom I was moving in with a guy from work. Timothy was his name. Everyone knew he was gay. After I told her she asked " are you (she did the little limp wrist shake) too? I kind of laughed and told her
    " yeah and you know it too."
    There was never an issue. .....:biggrin1:
     
  16. CUBE

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    This should be a sticky for the young guys here. Well done sir!
     
  17. dicksplash

    dicksplash New Member

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    In my opinion, way too much importance is attached to coming out. It is like it became a rite of passage over the last twenty odd years. But that's only MY opinion.

    When I was young it was something that was just never discussed. People had their suspicions first and then every body eventually knew it once you moved in with a guy, but still no one ever mentioned it, and when it was mentioned it was hushed. I am 48, gay, and have never come out to anybody. Still everyone I know, knows I am gay and accepts it. My philosophy regarding it has always been that, if you are not part of my sexual life, then it should be of no concern to you.

    Through the years I have seen many guys come out and the reaction of their parents. I was fortunate in some cases to be witness to the situation from both points of view. I have seen the doubt and confusion of the gay person, and the pain and regret of the parents. Invariably, after the shock, comes acceptance.
     
  18. B_MUSCLE14

    B_MUSCLE14 New Member

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    My dad saw me fuckin the the ups guy that stopped by while i was home alone to deliver a package my dad had ordered my dad heard the ups guy moanin with my big dick inside of him i shot my load inside the guy and he left i later found out my dad saw me my parents were really cool with it was 15 when my dad saw me
     
  19. B_mitchymo

    B_mitchymo New Member

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    my dad does not know as he was disowned before i came out
    i told my mum when i was 20yrs randomly one day some months after leaving home in the presence of my younger sister who i told first....it was relaxed, my mum was washing dishes, it was a beautiful sunny day in summer, i felt good so just came out there and then....the response was typical of my mum, she was supportive but at the same time a little upset....no big deal, she is cool with it.
     
  20. arktrucker

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    I guess I was one of the lucky ones. I've never actually 'come out' or had to go through that process. I never saw the need. I've always lived either by myself or with my partner of 25 years. All of my family father, brothers, sisters aunts uncles cousins... everyone knows him and consider him a member of the family. It's been very comfortable. I know people who have had a hard time with it and I really feel for them.
     
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