How Did You Come Out?

Maksim

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This is a few questions rolled into one, isn't it...

When did you know it was the right time?
Were you forced into it/caught?
Who did you tell first?
Where were you, and how did you prepare?
What was the reaction?

I'm just wondering how other people did it.

_______________________

Here's mine.

I'd acknowledged to myself I was bisexual for about three years, but was in denial about it many years before that... since I was maybe eleven years old. In 2017 Australia held a nation-wide referendum on marriage equality, and I was shit scared that we wouldn't get gay marriage. I believed strongly in LGBT+ rights but I had never done anything to help. Before posting to Facebook, I told my parents in person. They didn't say much... and I knew they were thinking hard. The awkwardness was too much to handle so I walked away. When I posted on Facebook, I accompanied it with an image in support of the marriage equality bill so people knew it wasn't a prank. I urged my friends, for my sake as well as everyone else's, to vote yes to same sex marriage. It turned out I didn't have to do that, because the referendum result yielded a resounding victory for same sex marriage, but I'm glad I did.
 

englad

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Hmmm, my story is pretty unique . So here goes. Before that point, I think it would have been really hard to come out as Section 28 was still on the books in the UK. I was in the complete self denial until I was 19, despite the direction of my fantasies. There were some friends who picked up a different vibe from me, and did ask. But at that point I wasn't really ready to come out, though I know I would have got support off them. I started to tell a handful of people I was "bi", in my case it wasn't true, I think it was just the hardest part was to admit was the same sex attraction. Over a couple years I told a handful of other people I was attracted to men. Then I spent a year in Austria, frankly encountered more homophobic views, attitudes and direct homophobia than I had done beforehand (at least in a more concentrated amount). And the more homophobia I encountered, the less I gave a fuck about what homophobes think. This ironically boosted my confidence in myself and my sexuality. So I admitted to myself around that time (just turning 22) that I was gay.

I told a couple more friends about it. Then one evening we were experimenting with MDMA, and I was in a group of 20 of my friends and under the influence (as it's very good at opening you up emotionally) I admitted I was gay in front of the entire group. That was the plunge and that's when I was properly out as gay. I then told my mother and brother (my mother said good for you, as did my brother, but he then started talking about the latest scientific theories behind homosexuality, which was positive but a little unusual lol) in the following weeks, never mentioned it to my father, but that's mainly because he and my brother don't speak at all, so there's no way I'd entertain having both at my future wedding (if I decide to get married).

Pretty much all of the reactions were positive, apart from one stupid "let's go shopping" suggestion from one of my female friends, and one male friend stopped talking to me and gave me shit for it. A few months later, he profusely apologised for that.
 
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I think I was always 'out' really. Had a tight-knit clan of gay school friends (we're still close) and we camped around a lot. We called ourselves Sisters Under the Veil but nothing much was veiled! There was little overt homophobia and no bullying that I can remember. I was a bit of a sports jock and didn’t mind a punch up so that probably helped. I came out to my older sister around 19 when I left home, knowing that she would tell everyone else so I wouldn’t have to. Her reaction was funny. “You're sure? Oh so what. I look at nice tits in the showers'. My brother (a policeman at the time) was supportive too and said that he'd had some experiences with men which had confirmed to him that he was straight and he was only interested in women now. For some reason I found it difficult to be fully open with my father and it was never discussed, although not a secret. All my family really like my partner and accept him totally. So it's been fine really. I've encountered violent homophobia from strangers in the outside world and that came as quite a shock as I hadn’t experienced anything like it close to home.
 

TnZ1990

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When did you know it was the right time?
I started dating my boyfriend at the time (18yrs old) and he gave me the confidence along with having a couple of gay colleagues at my workplace.
Were you forced into it/caught?
Nope
Who did you tell first?
Mum - everyone else just assumed or mum told them.
Where were you, and how did you prepare?
At home (was still living at home with mum). I didn't really prepare, I just told my boyfriend I was gonna do it that particular day.
What was the reaction?
Boring! No tears or emotions. Later in the day a phone call to mum proved she wasn't quite ok with it, but a month or so after things were back to normal.
 

Infernal

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When did you know it was the right time?
Were you forced into it/caught?
Who did you tell first?
Where were you, and how did you prepare?
What was the reaction?

1. I was planning on it anyway.
2. I was outed by some crazy bitch.
3. I preemptively starting telling people to head her off.
4. I was living at home. I told friends first and then over a period of a few weeks I told family.
5. Most didn't care. I was asked not to tell a younger family member, but found out he already knew and didn't care.

I had this core group of gay friends and I kept them separate from other friends. A lesbian in the group, brought her straight friend into the group and she decided that all of us young guys needed to come out. One by one she started to find our friends and family and out us to them. A friend called me and told me that this was going on, so I told him the whole story. When she called him, he gave her an earful about what a horrible person she was. This was pre-internet and all we had was BBS systems. Bad things started to happen to her. Someone got her electricity shut off. Someone else created a fake persona and talked shit about her on other systems. It caused issues between her and her husband. I was openly hostile to her any time I saw her. Decades later I found out she had passed away and I realized that I didn't care.
 

Maksim

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1. I was planning on it anyway.
2. I was outed by some crazy bitch.
3. I preemptively starting telling people to head her off.
4. I was living at home. I told friends first and then over a period of a few weeks I told family.
5. Most didn't care. I was asked not to tell a younger family member, but found out he already knew and didn't care.

I had this core group of gay friends and I kept them separate from other friends. A lesbian in the group, brought her straight friend into the group and she decided that all of us young guys needed to come out. One by one she started to find our friends and family and out us to them. A friend called me and told me that this was going on, so I told him the whole story. When she called him, he gave her an earful about what a horrible person she was. This was pre-internet and all we had was BBS systems. Bad things started to happen to her. Someone got her electricity shut off. Someone else created a fake persona and talked shit about her on other systems. It caused issues between her and her husband. I was openly hostile to her any time I saw her. Decades later I found out she had passed away and I realized that I didn't care.

What a fucking bitch. Nobody should ever get to rob you of that important moment of healing and self discovery. I'm also glad bad things happened to her.
 
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Infernal

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What a fucking bitch. Nobody should ever get to rob you of that important moment of healing and self discovery. I'm also glad bad things happened to her.

All things considered, I had it better than most. Some guys got kicked out of their homes. One had a grandparent commit suicide. I was never sure how they were related, but his mother blamed it on him being gay. I had no sympathy towards her for the bad things that happened. Karma's a bitch.